Your Early Game Slate Open Thread

Eleven freaking games now and only two at the late afternoon spot? [sighs]

Buf @ Phi: The Bills have played five games this year in which they’ve not turned the ball over. Guess what their record is in those games? If you said 5-0 I’d have to ask you why you’re talking to yourself. But anyway-QB Taylor has done his part and taken great care of the ball, throwing only 4 intercepts and fumbling but once. Can you believe that he was in a QB competition with EJ Manuel? Can you believe that Coach Ryan gave the starting job to the more competent QB? The word ’round philly is that RB Murray will be 4th on the old depth chart today, behind some guy by the name of Barner (who?). He just doesn’t look good does he? The Chipper stunned the Pats and the Eagles fan base last week. The calls for his head are now at low-grumble levels.

SF @ Cle: MANZIEL! GABBERT! That’s about it for this game-moving on…

Det @ StL: Last week the Lions three game win streak was rudely interrupted by a cold, unfeeling universe. St. Louis-in the midst of a five-game skid-knows all about that. HC Fisher was generous enough to let OC Frank Cignetti (who?) take the fall for the unrelenting lousiness of QB’s Keenum and Foles. It was…time to move in another direction Fisher said, completely oblivious to his own career circling the drain.

NO @ TB: The Saints can score with the best of them but they’re getting scored on at an historic rate. CB Browner and company have given up 35..THIRTY-FIVE TD’s through the air this year. Opposing teams QBR rating is 347.6! I didn’t actually look that up but that number sure feels right. Speaking of made-up advanced statistics, the Bucs are sporting a lugubrious -2.7 BTAR (Banana Temperatures Above Replacement) which makes it crystal clear why they are 3-1 in their last 4.

Ten @ NYJ: The Jets are looking to solidify their gelatinous wild card chances against the Titans. The Titans last two wins have been high-scoring squeakers versus the Eagles and Jags. Which QB gets sacked the least in the NFL percentage-wise? If you answered “Haaaaavaaaad” you’d be lucky, right and just plain silly. Look for Fitz to be passing a bit more than usual because Tennessee gives up just over 8 yards per pass play. WR’s DECKER AND MARSHAL SHALL FEAST!

Pit @ Cin: “Gentlemen, start your Steelers…and Bengals!” We may be looking at a high-scoring affair here. Over the last 4 games each of these teams have scored 30 or more 7 out of 8 times. With a win the Steelers chances of getting a Bowl game increase to 77%. Everybody yaks about the Cincy O but the Ben better beware of DE’s Dunlap and Atkins. This duo is the only one in the league that has 8 or more sacks. As well, S Reggie Nelson leads all players with 7 intercepts.

Ind @ Jax: The Pats are given crap about the patsies in their division but what about the Colts? They’ve won 16 in a row in their division which is a record. For now they hold the tie-breaker with the surging Texans (who?) against whom they’ll play in Wk. 15. Gore should have himself a day what with LB Posluszny out and his replacement Jordan Tripp making his very first start. Bortles’ improvement means that the Jags can now compete in shootouts which comes in handy because the D gives away points like candy at Halloween.

SD @ KC: This tilt should be a foregone conclusion. In the last six games the Chiefs have the fifth-best O and the #1 D. Perhaps Rivers will go nuts but he’ll more than likely have an ugly, turnover-heavy day.

Was @ Chi: Against his better judgement RB Pierre Thomas signed with Washington recently. These are two 5-7 teams that don’t know what to do with themselves. The Slurs are winless on the road and Chicago has one lousy win at home. I’m guessing both teams wander aimlessly around the field all game long, a field goal near the end is missed, hands are shaken after the clock has run out and no one ever speaks of this again.

Atl @ Car: This was a fantastic game around wk. 5 or 6 of the season but for Atlanta the L’s have been coming fast and furious since then. Why? Perhaps it has something to do with leading the league in drives ending with a TO-16.5% of the time Ryan finds a defender with a throw or he and his cohorts fumble it away. I’m not sure if you’ve been made aware of this but the Panthers are undefeated at home! CB Norman recently said that WR Who-who-Julio “completes me”. Whaaa?

Sea @ Bal: What does ignoring new plaything TE Graham for most of the year (until he went on IR) get you? For QB Wilson, according to Pro Football Focus, the second-highest QB ranking of 98.98. Somebody has done a half-decent job for the Seahawks given the loss of Graham and Lynch and the late arrival of S Chancellor. Perhaps it’s time we gave that swaggering, gum-chewing ex-college coach a bit of credit.

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fleshwound_NPG

Bears playing like shit, but not the Soldier Field DJ. Rocking Cowboys From Hell on the PA.

Horatio Cornblower

A friend just called and asked if I wanted to come over and help him break in his new smoker with ribs, pizza and beer, while watching football. This is a trick right?

The Maestro

Hopefully when you wake up in a bathtub full of ice tomorrow, they’ve only taken one of your two kidneys.

Gratliff

It’s not gay if he cooks for you first.

Sill Bimmons

The cops get medals now?

Has that always been a thing?

entropy

Yup.

King Hippo

Does one need their right thumb for quartered backing?

entropy

Usually, yes. Unless you’re some kind of devilspawned lefty.

Sill Bimmons

Dependeds on their handededness.

The Maestro

PAWWWWL THEY NEED TUH BRING IN AJ MCCARRON TUH WIN THIS ONE ROLL DAMN TIDE

Sill Bimmons

SCOTT HANSEN LEAPING TO CONCLUSIONS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WTF

ThursdaySkyGoddess

I made gingersnaps this morning, could I have jinxed Dalton?

DOOOOOOOOOOOON’T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE

John Difool

Carrier, Ded in the water….

Romonobyl

For anyone who’s ever driven in Chicago traffic, going 24 yards can take a very long time.

Spur

Oh shit, Dalton and Eifert are hurt?

King Hippo

Cincy should just forfeit all home games against the Stillers.

Sill Bimmons

Nothing good has ever happened to them there since they found that Tiki Doll…

The Maestro

Said it once, will say it again: the Atlanta Falcons don’t have a fucking clue what they’re doing out there.

Gratliff

Ted Ginn getting away with a monster pushoff. Is still awful.

Sharkbait

WE HAVE A GINGER DOWN! REPEAT WE HAVE A GINGER DOWN

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Ted Ginn did something not bad-down!

King Hippo

He’s as surprised as you and me

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Ted Ginn: Surprisingly useful???

King Hippo

The Falcons really goddamned suck

entropy

This is not news, but their fans may be shocked to hear it.

Gingeriferic

Romonobyl

A screen on 3rd and Wrigley Field? What could go wrong?

Sill Bimmons

huh

Spur

Give Dalton credit: that was a great tackle.

Sill Bimmons

At least he didn’t spike himself.

Sharkbait

About that…

Shogun Marcus

Bleergh gonna be all Caligula today.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

GINGERCEPTION!

Spur

FAT BOY PICK!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Eifert is not fast

King Hippo

FUMBRE?

King Hippo

nein, shovel-ception confused me

Sharkbait

GINGERCEPTION!

John Difool

Terrance Kingston’s plumbers crack goes up almost to his neck…. I’ll bet he has Charmin trucked to his house in shipping containers.

John Difool

err, Knighton

Shogun Marcus

Yup. Been doing it all quarter for whatever reason.

fleshwound_NPG

3rd and 24

NFL BLITZ

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

OH MY WHAT A DISATEBACLE!!!!

Sill Bimmons

Last team that has the ball wins in Queen City.

Sharkbait

Watkinsdown?

bourb0nblues

YESSSSSSSS!

Bortleback

Third rushing touchdown of the season for the browns? Did they go on strike for 12 games or something?

King Hippo

they refuse to give carries to their only good RB, must be a union thing

Romonobyl

You pull this off Catler and we’ll sew your balls back on.

Spur

and some Cali Catnip?

Sill Bimmons

The Browns had another FG blocked.

Romonobyl

The Factory is in overtime.

King Hippo

ah see the Ratbirds didn’t score after all

/going full Foghorn Leghorn today, this weather makes me feel totes Southern

Spur

Mike Mitchell is such a bitch

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Watching this NFC East clusterfuck sort itself out:

http://www.drodd.com/images13/laughing-gif11.gif

Romonobyl

IT’S BEARNADO TIME!!!

Spur

Cincy getting cute with their formations.

King Hippo

Hope Scott Hansen brought some extra blow for the 11-game early slate.

/like he’d ever be short on blow

Also, it was nice of the Chefs to let SD wear the dark pants to cover up Laserface’s Hershey squirts.

Sharkbait

Someone in this Cincy-Stillers game is going to die.

Spur

Is that Colts/Jags game for 1st place in their division?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Gratliff

Murray reduced to holding his water bottle.

King Hippo

As a guy who flexed him into his preliminary round Toilet Bowl matchup, ah say WOO!!!!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

TINYDOWN!

entropy

Yo.

I managed to find a decent stream of the Jets game in time to see the Deckerdown, and now somehow my stream has commercials. WTF, illegal stream?!

Shogun Marcus

Yoink go the points!

Shogun Marcus

Or DO THEY?

Gratliff

Sam Bradford is delaying his derping so he can derp harder later.

Sill Bimmons

It’s Cam Newton’s world and we’re all just living in it.

Sill Bimmons

As if you wouldn’t have bought a cheap laptop you knew was stolen when you were in college.