Eleven freaking games now and only two at the late afternoon spot? [sighs]
Buf @ Phi: The Bills have played five games this year in which they’ve not turned the ball over. Guess what their record is in those games? If you said 5-0 I’d have to ask you why you’re talking to yourself. But anyway-QB Taylor has done his part and taken great care of the ball, throwing only 4 intercepts and fumbling but once. Can you believe that he was in a QB competition with EJ Manuel? Can you believe that Coach Ryan gave the starting job to the more competent QB? The word ’round philly is that RB Murray will be 4th on the old depth chart today, behind some guy by the name of Barner (who?). He just doesn’t look good does he? The Chipper stunned the Pats and the Eagles fan base last week. The calls for his head are now at low-grumble levels.
SF @ Cle: MANZIEL! GABBERT! That’s about it for this game-moving on…
Det @ StL: Last week the Lions three game win streak was rudely interrupted by a cold, unfeeling universe. St. Louis-in the midst of a five-game skid-knows all about that. HC Fisher was generous enough to let OC Frank Cignetti (who?) take the fall for the unrelenting lousiness of QB’s Keenum and Foles. It was…time to move in another direction Fisher said, completely oblivious to his own career circling the drain.
NO @ TB: The Saints can score with the best of them but they’re getting scored on at an historic rate. CB Browner and company have given up 35..THIRTY-FIVE TD’s through the air this year. Opposing teams QBR rating is 347.6! I didn’t actually look that up but that number sure feels right. Speaking of made-up advanced statistics, the Bucs are sporting a lugubrious -2.7 BTAR (Banana Temperatures Above Replacement) which makes it crystal clear why they are 3-1 in their last 4.
Ten @ NYJ: The Jets are looking to solidify their gelatinous wild card chances against the Titans. The Titans last two wins have been high-scoring squeakers versus the Eagles and Jags. Which QB gets sacked the least in the NFL percentage-wise? If you answered “Haaaaavaaaad” you’d be lucky, right and just plain silly. Look for Fitz to be passing a bit more than usual because Tennessee gives up just over 8 yards per pass play. WR’s DECKER AND MARSHAL SHALL FEAST!
Pit @ Cin: “Gentlemen, start your Steelers…and Bengals!” We may be looking at a high-scoring affair here. Over the last 4 games each of these teams have scored 30 or more 7 out of 8 times. With a win the Steelers chances of getting a Bowl game increase to 77%. Everybody yaks about the Cincy O but the Ben better beware of DE’s Dunlap and Atkins. This duo is the only one in the league that has 8 or more sacks. As well, S Reggie Nelson leads all players with 7 intercepts.
Ind @ Jax: The Pats are given crap about the patsies in their division but what about the Colts? They’ve won 16 in a row in their division which is a record. For now they hold the tie-breaker with the surging Texans (who?) against whom they’ll play in Wk. 15. Gore should have himself a day what with LB Posluszny out and his replacement Jordan Tripp making his very first start. Bortles’ improvement means that the Jags can now compete in shootouts which comes in handy because the D gives away points like candy at Halloween.
SD @ KC: This tilt should be a foregone conclusion. In the last six games the Chiefs have the fifth-best O and the #1 D. Perhaps Rivers will go nuts but he’ll more than likely have an ugly, turnover-heavy day.
Was @ Chi: Against his better judgement RB Pierre Thomas signed with Washington recently. These are two 5-7 teams that don’t know what to do with themselves. The Slurs are winless on the road and Chicago has one lousy win at home. I’m guessing both teams wander aimlessly around the field all game long, a field goal near the end is missed, hands are shaken after the clock has run out and no one ever speaks of this again.
Atl @ Car: This was a fantastic game around wk. 5 or 6 of the season but for Atlanta the L’s have been coming fast and furious since then. Why? Perhaps it has something to do with leading the league in drives ending with a TO-16.5% of the time Ryan finds a defender with a throw or he and his cohorts fumble it away. I’m not sure if you’ve been made aware of this but the Panthers are undefeated at home! CB Norman recently said that WR Who-who-Julio “completes me”. Whaaa?
Sea @ Bal: What does ignoring new plaything TE Graham for most of the year (until he went on IR) get you? For QB Wilson, according to Pro Football Focus, the second-highest QB ranking of 98.98. Somebody has done a half-decent job for the Seahawks given the loss of Graham and Lynch and the late arrival of S Chancellor. Perhaps it’s time we gave that swaggering, gum-chewing ex-college coach a bit of credit.
There is apparently some sort of dogfight going on in the alleyway behind my house.
tell Ookie we said HAI
Put money on the one owned by the Mexican
FORTEDOWN
Mccarron wants another pick six apparently
Another Bengals just went into the Locker Room. What happens if a team can’t field 11 players?
The Houston Texans
Volunteers from the audience?
Assistant Coaches suit up
Someone calls Rudy.
HIGHTOWERDOWN!
Wtf is this nonsense. Bears D got a turnover?
The [*Redacted] s always seem to allow their opponents to do new and amazing things week after week
Charlie Whitehurst looks like one of those guys that “walks across the land” with a cross with a wheel on the bottom of it.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m81f7gockp1qg996lo1_500.png
Hey! That’s my line!
Titans did a good?
http://45.media.tumblr.com/d9fd280cc01e294cece3c7292596f650/tumblr_na349eJBNr1r3qv9to2_r1_400.gif
i suddenly want a miniature pony
By law you have to name it Lil’ Sebastian.
But of course
Wow, that’s one of the cleanest sacks I’ve ever seen on Ben. Very rare.
Charlie Whitehurst manbun time!
You mean Clipboard Jesus
Oh god noooooooo
Clipboard Jesus does not strike your fancy? HE DERPS FOAR OUR SINS!
True story: I had no idea Clipboard Jesus was the third string until like two weeks ago
The stadium sports store was different back then.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/d6c57e8bb216fdeeb45ea491a6778953/tumblr_mvw8llAfUe1rze0r3o1_500.jpg
…go on.
Titans O Line: while it is tempting, it is illegal to simply tackle oncoming rushers. Yours, the NFL.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/ba1860e142dc7998ff1572c9b2ac398e/tumblr_mugj0oIRqg1s1qwdeo1_250.gif
Why is Cam still in this game?
So what you’re saying is …
http://40.media.tumblr.com/fd7c09b803e664146beff915fed64915/tumblr_nyfy9h3YwB1syvjuco1_500.jpg
This pic will never get old
Unless Anderson gets traded … but then I’ll get to MAKE A NEW ONE!!!!11!!
I mean, I understand the MVP campaign value…BUT THIS 110%
Me-first gloryboy nonsense.
Todd Gurley, not dead. WHO KNEW?
Bears TD!
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y108/jkendrix/ritter-bra.gif
The [*Redacted] s looks like a playoff team. Specifically, the playoff team that makes it an easy argument to change the division champs host games playoff structure.
Dear Range Rover:
Your vehicles cannot actually transverse bodies of water.
See attached:
My rage knows no bounds.
Yours,
Dennis Reynolds
CATLERDOWN 2: The Indifferencing
“easy release to the inside” … heh heh heh
Dok needs to get down to field level and fix that defense’s shit.
If the Eagles hold on today, they’ll have beaten every AFC East team except Miami. What the fuck is that?
Jets offense is clicking, D is playing well, AND their first penalty comes almost halfway through the 3rd quarter?
Bullshit. This isn’t reality. This is the goddamn Matrix.
Clots Special Teams: evergreen shit
McAfee is the only saving grace tbh
Both kickers the only highlights, making them basically the Tecmo Super Bowl Clots
Jeeeeeeeeeeezus, Clots.
Oh for fuck’s sake
I sorry, Pie. It came on the RedZone and I was like, she gon be upset…
That was two in a row!!!!
AJ is going to get AJ killed
How is that any different with Dalton trying to get AJ killed?
You tend to like people you share a first name with
Slightly more soul.
Revised Bengals Game Plan: Throw it to AJ, AJ!
The Steelers can’t possibly keep track of 2 AJs!
Really, Redslurs? Idiotic penalty.
Fallout 4: A Boy and His Dog
I have the most beautiful opiate buzz right now. PLEAZ don;t ruin it, Donks.
Also, PLEAZ win tonight LUNCHPAIL JJ WATTS so we’uns can lose in Yinzburgh next week and still be the #1 seed.
Yours in Christ,
Hippo
http://49.media.tumblr.com/b42e41adadf5b770fda958906c6ebe81/tumblr_nxrkfvpOAp1tdhimpo1_1280.gif
#nightmarefuel
For the Raiders?
I am going to giggle at this for at least 10 minutes.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/285f91c2072f1e5dce792f1c75107b27/tumblr_ns0jgz9AdS1s9c6nao4_1280.jpg
Thank God! Fox is bailing on CAR/ATL to the CHI/SLURS game.
Commenting in the “older comments” section works well for me; no controversy.
Dead Steelers litter the field
Stillers are just out there havin’ fun, murdering each other like deer in a pond.
Charmdown to ADB.
Being a Jets fan, I’m usually on the opposite side of this, but I love it when the commentators are stuck in a blowout and have to start finding ways to keep themselves from saying the losing team sucks. They use phrases like, “This is a young team,” “they’re playing well together,” all kinds of shit, usually culminating in “they just can’t get anything going.”
In short, they SUCK.
You mean like this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgsqFcfEo4A
Pretty much exactly like that, yeah.
Stiller on Stiller violence!
Hey, Steelers can get hurt too?
Stillers getting McCarried straight into the playoffs right now…. Yinzer fans being regaled by joyous Christmas McCarols right now…. Steeler D just straight feasting on delicious AJ Macaroons right now
Roll towel?
*goes back into too lazy to even comment hibernation*
AJ threw 2 touchdowns on 3 passes. Not bad
That’s the Matt Schaub model of quarterbacking
“A completion is a completion.”
–Johnny Fucking Football.
REEDDOWN!
Geez [*Redacted] s
I think I heard Dok’s shriek both times (agony and joy).
Jordan Reed with the redemption.
reedemption*
/ Ill show myself out
That was so very [*Redacted] s of the [*Redacted] s
FoxSportsGo keeps showing the same Jack In The Box Buttery Burger commercial… sometimes 3 times in a row. I’m either going to go crazy (don’t mind if I do!) from hunger, or I’m gonna ignore the rest of football and eat burgers.