*Forward only, at a preset rate
**Via her hands, usually
***When the water is contained in a glass
We’ve all heard about the possibility of a 6-10 division winner, or the high likelihood of a 3-way tie in the NFC East. However, with 3 weeks to go, and discounting game ties, there are actually 512 combinations of game wins and losses between the four teams concerned. Here are some of the lesser talked about scenarios.
- The league gives the NFC East special dispensation to pick the best players from all four teams to make one decent playoff team
- The NFC East splits off and forms a new league, the NEL, or National Evil League, where all the owners are required to dress as comic book super villains at the games
- The NFC East collectively sets their alarm clocks wrong and no one shows up for the Week 17 games. The division is disqualified and their spot in the playoffs given to the Seahawks.
- Instead of breaking the tie for the division winner, the league decrees that each quarter of the wild card game be played in a different NFC East stadium.
- Eli Manning’s inconsistent play is revealed to be the result of a mob led gambling ring where he gets access to exclusive new juice box flavors in exchange for interceptions. As a result the Giants become the surprise team to move to LA, while the Raiders move to NYC and win the NFC East by default.
- Despite losing all their remaining games, Jerry Jones bribes the Commish. Cowboys advance.
- The turf at Fedex field eats the Bills alive. Fedex field declared the winner of the NFC East, gets sponsorship from Subway.
- The Eagles win the division, and win the Super Bowl. It is revealed that someone released a hallucinogenic cloud over Philadelphia and the entire rest of the country has no idea what they’re talking about. This occurs in April.
- When the game schedule is released for next year, the wild card game is inexplicably listed as a Thursday night game in Week 2.
- The ex-players in the commentating booth play a pre-game scrimmage with the NFC East champion. They win and become NFC East champions in their place.