Your “One Of These Teams Has To Not-Win? NUTCAKES!” NFC Championship Open Thread

I like both these teams. Both will perform very well in the last game of the year against either AFC champion. (What? Did you think that as of [checks pocket watch] 3:32 EST I know who won the AFC thingy?) Rivera and Arians both deserve all the kudos for taking formerly moribund programs to the top. And it just seems like it’s the NFC’s year this year, doesn’t it?

Stats Time: Them Panthers led the league in scoring and the Cards were second. If the Cards depend on the blitz to bring pressure they are fooked. QB Newton completes 59% of his passes, has an 80.4 QBR and has a ridiculous 80.4 QBR when the other team brings the house. As far as rushing is concerned, the Panthers attack as a team averages 4.1 yards per carry. GOSTKOWSKI SUCKS! (just saw the missed extra point)

Okay down to brass tacks (whatever that means) I sorta lucked out last week by identifying DT Short as a difference-maker. This reminds me-GM of the Panthers Gettleman drafted two DT’s back to back in the ’13 draft. Lotulelei went in the first and Short went in the second. BAM! INTERIOR D IS TAKEN CARE OF FOR A HALF-DOZEN YEARS. As far as feel-good stories are concerned the weakest narrative going is QB Palmer’s quest for a Super Bowl ring. He wasn’t that  great a story in Cincy so why all the lovin’ now? Now, WR Fitz is legitimate. THIS GUY-copyright Jon Gruden-is a tried and true big game performer with stats up the whatzizz. On t’udder side of the ball I would love to see a nation of older, pale sports writers back pedal en masse  from their “here comes Vince Young 2.0” interior monologues if QB Cam wins. It’s okay fellas, you’ll always have JaMarcus Russell. What say you persons? Let me know who you like below. TYPE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE, WASTRELS!

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WCS

Still up, still drankin’. Day off tomorrow. Still have reservations about where we’re going…
http://www.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2014013/rs_500x284-140113145622-archer-dangerzone4.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Karma’s a bitch.

Porky Prime

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Beerguyrob
Porky Prime

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Welp, I need to stop drinking and go to bed. Not necessarily in that order.
Night folks…
http://www.vodkacranberryclooney.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/walks-out-o.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

How great are wireless controllers?
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit….now I want a burrito.
/my own worst enemy

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

The pattern on that bikini is really lovely.

WCS

First time in seven years I don’t care who wins the Super Bowl. That was New Orleans-Indy. For that one, whatever, good vibes, regardless. No offense to yinz Donks fans, but this WVU grad wanted Bruce Irvin to get a ring.

Cam can #MURDERDEATHKILL limpdicks like PK, Florio, Nawrocki, and Cowherd with a win. Battleship Manning can go off to producing legions of terrible commercials for even terribler companies, and tie Elisha for Super Bowl wins, despite the former would win with an amazing defense. A fair amount of the Commentist Party would be pleased, regardless.

One way or the other, it’s a happy day when the Patriots, Ravens, and Cowboys aren’t in the Super Bowl.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m in full agreement.
Wait…RAVENS?????
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WCS

Fucking 49ers. Even when they do good, they can’t do it right.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Oh, Valerie…

Porky Prime
theeWeeBabySeamus

Your nipple is showing.
No….the other one.

Porky Prime
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

How the candy sees life from the inside of the vending machine in Indiana.

http://57.media.tumblr.com/93dcf793b1e063a500d1bdb1272b1424/tumblr_o0jzie3AIY1qat5pio1_500.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m Seamus, and I’m an Amyholic.

Porky Prime

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theeWeeBabySeamus

JSD having pachinko flashbacks right about now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evil lost and I’m tired. Good work everyone, I’m off to bed. Pro Bowl rivebrog?

Porky Prime

Strong stance on the Cardinals.

WCS

Ugh. That’s what we’re reduced to?

Porky Prime

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theeWeeBabySeamus

As a middle aged white male, I’m loathe to admit that I love the Minions.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are man enough to admit it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I took my niece to see that movie last summer. Was only an excuse to go see it without feeling like a douche. 😀

Porky Prime

I have two small children, and I’d rather watch the Three Stooges recast as Twinkies with goggles than, say, sex toys controlled by a drug addict.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well….let’s not rule anything out.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m suddenly feeling hypnotized by feminine beauty. Moose must be near.
Now food pics, then I can masturbate.
/not serious
//yes I am

Col. Duke LaCross

If Carolina finishes off Denver, top 5 team of all time?

Col. Duke LaCross

18-1 with a ring would be tough to top.

theeWeeBabySeamus

While such perspective is difficult in the moment, It’s hard to argue against. No doubt.

WCS

What Seamus said. Need a little more time to assess, but, certainly in the discussion. Unless you’re Peter King and/or Nolan Nawrocki.

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

Fuck, wrong copy/paste. Forget it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Russell Wilson, what did you think of the Cards’ performance in the 1st half tonight?
http://www.eurweb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Russell-Wilson–e1412339206679.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus

Whose Superb Owl is this, Russell?
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Porky Prime

Owl B Sure?

WCS

Speak Cleateman is the ref for Super Bowl L!

Porky Prime
WCS

Cam will be the first Heisman-winning QB to start a Super Bowl since Plunkett in 1984.

WHY CANT A GOOD CHRISTIAN MAN LIEK TEBOW GET A BRAKE????!!1

WCS
theeWeeBabySeamus

Alien sex contained therein?

WCS

I’d be pretty damn upset if it wasn’t!

Porky Prime

I want to believe so.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice….ummmm….bag.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Corbin Dallas vs John McClane, who ya got?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can I just take Milla Jovovovovovich?

Porky Prime

Ruby Rod vs. Al Powell?

theeWeeBabySeamus
WCS

Any of you dickslaps still around?

The Maestro

drunk but yes

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought we said something earlier about clit slapping

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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theeWeeBabySeamus

/tries to slap dick
//misses….hits balls
uuunnnnhhhhhh huh….here.

Porky Prime

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Heard from my Homer, AK people earlier today. Apparently the earthquake knocked a bottle of red wine out of their win rack and it busted on the white carpet. They’ve been working for hours to get the stain minimized.
/white people problems
//yes I’m serious….they were very distraught about the “aftermath”

WCS

Recalls the horrific damage I experienced during the 2011 earthquake in central Virginia…

http://joedonatelli.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/virginia_earthquake_2011.jpg

Porky Prime

Gillian Anderson is an attractive woman and possibly a Highlander.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Someone has to stop these sons of bitches.
But first, a nice bubblebath.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m22g6fCPOQ1qmzi0bo1_500.png

theeWeeBabySeamus

Those look like ‘splodey boxes.
Yep….they done went all ‘splodey.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

/very surprised Moose isn’t here for this
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Seth McFarlane is not amused…
http://memecrunch.com/meme/1S1BR/mindquad/image.png

theeWeeBabySeamus

/expecting agent Beeman to walk in and get in a yuuuuugge fight with Mulder.
//ok…hoping is more accurate

Porky Prime

She isn’t telling me any jokes, no matter how much I poke the touchscreen with my…uh, finger.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, those bastard aliens got Nora pregnant. Several times.
Oh, my darling….
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Porky Prime

Like they did anything you wouldn’t have.

theeWeeBabySeamus

They could have used a condom at least.

Porky Prime

I repeat…

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

Porky Prime

Do I need to go back and watch the entire series or can I just roll with having watched the two theatrical movies?

theeWeeBabySeamus

My guess is you’re good.
Though the Eugene Tooms episode is worth the price of admission by itself.

Porky Prime

Stolen Laptop Jokes vs. Shitty Pizza Jokes WHO YA GOT?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

HGH you taste so good

Porky Prime

Let’s see how the narrative deftly dances around those accusations as they rev up the farewell game for Fetushead.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wooo Hooo…KGB double agent Nora in the XFiles reboot!!!!!
This…just….got….interesting.
/and also joel mchale

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeff Gordon debuts as NASCAR analyst.
Yeah, they’re all driving pretty fast…some not as fast. LEFT TURN
And now they’re still driving pretty fast. LEFT TURN
Ooooh, that guy is trying to drive faster. CRASH. LEFT TURN

Porky Prime

Wiiiiiiilld doggies!

KidFlash

Tonight the role of Shang Tsung was played by Cam Newton.

Senor Weaselo

And now, a less gory video than this game

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghH_NG-lac8

theeWeeBabySeamus

So glad Chris Carter decided to continue the Millennium saga. I’ve been worried about Frank Black for 20 years. And Little Jordan will be all grown up by now. Oh….I can’t wait….
What?
Oh GODDAMMIT!!!!!!