Oh yeah, it’s March 1st! Super Tuesday!! Time to rock out with your caucus out!!!
Eleven states with 25% of the available delegates are choosing their party’s nominee tonight. If you live in one of those states, you might as well give up on network television, because that shit’s getting preempted. That means unless you DVR’d “The Walking Dead“, or the return of Spike’s “Tattoo Tuesday” inks your sleeve, sports will be the only escape from tonight’s non-stop onslaught of farts, facts & factoids sure to hit the broadcast airwaves starting aboot 8:00 EST. If Peter King was a political reporter, or even just a competent journalist, you know he’d be camped out in Wichita Falls hunting for nuggets.
Escape with me into the world of sports. The games of note: (all times Eastern)
NHL:
– Penguins at Capitals – 7:30
– Stars at Predators – 8:00
– Islanders at Canucks – 10:00
NBA:
– Bulls vs Heat – 7:30
– Hawks vs Warriors – 10:30
NCAA:
– #4 Virginia at Clemson – 7:00
– #19 Baylor at #6 Oklahoma – 8:00
– #12 Indiana at #16 Iowa – 9:00
– Fuck Duke
Your project for this evening, should you choose to accept it, is to post your favourite political rants & comedy bits below, along with a brief explanation about why they are such. The jukebox open threads have shown the DFO Commentists to be nicely varied in terms of musical tastes, so we should also figure out what else warps shapes our perspectives.
When I was a kid, in the 1970s, I’d sign Bill Cosby records out of the library and listen to them at home on repeat. Growing up Bible-camp Christian, it was what I was allowed because he was considered a “good man”, and Richard Pryor & Steve Martin were “drug fiends”. Oops. In my teenaged years, it was Dennis Miller (on “Weekend Update”) and Sam Kinison, because they told the same joke from different extremes. Today, I quite enjoy Lewis Black, because – like Dennis Miller – his jokes are well-crafted treatises, and – like Sam Kinison – his energy gives them an immediacy. Plus, like me, he’s full of self-loathing and hates almost everything.
Oh, and Ron Funches just makes me giggle.
You have your assignment. WORK FOR MY LOVE!
“We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers… and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls.
Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.”
“We are turning into a nation of whimpering slaves to Fear — fear of war, fear of poverty, fear of random terrorism, fear of getting down-sized or fired because of the plunging economy, fear of getting evicted for bad debts, or suddenly getting locked up in a military detention camp on vague charges of being a Terrorist sympathizer.”
There was madness in any direction, at any hour. If not across the Bay, then up the Golden Gate or down 101 to Los Altos or La Honda. . . . You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. . . .
And that, I think, was the handle—that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting—on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. . . .
So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark—that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.”
My absolute favorite part of the book.
A reporter asked if Clinton could carry Arkansas in the general election. I LOL’d.
They can never explain how Hillary rocking the vote in states that will mostly be red come November helps her or makes her more electable.
It’s the blue/purple states people should care about. In those states she’s having issues.
The interesting thing about these results is how well Rubio is going in those purplish areas in states such as Virginia. Trump winning amongst the slack-jawed yokels means little in November.
Yeah, WI is purple I guess, blue the last few presidential elections but Walker is our governor. Every democrat I talk to hates her or is meh
I don’t like Trump, but I want him to win Texas just because of how much I hate Cruz
I can support this.
The silver lining on this is the public humiliation of Ted Cruz and that’s a good thing.
The only good news I saw today:
Idris Elba will be playing Roland the Gunslinger, and Matthew McConaughey the Man in Black. I will at least be excited for the glorius failure that will be The Dark Tower movie series.
Who the fuck is still voting for Ben Carson?
I have lunch occasionally with a guy who’s going to vote for him. He’s an 82 year old redneck gun nut. He had a massive heart attack about four or five years ago that wound up requiring a quintuple bypass while he was putting gas in his Cadillac. Pimpin’ finished filling up his tank and drove himself to the hospital because fuck pain… and apparently blood flow.
I think he’s voting for Carson because they both came up hard and made something of themselves. He’d shoot Ted Cruz in the face without a first thought.
This might be happening tonight. I came to terms with how the night was gonna go awhile ago so I don’t really care, just want to relax like Charlie except I will probably bug you
i love how the Times and WaPo both called Alabama for Trump. With 1 out of 2300+ precincts reporting. Trump had 70 votes, and they called the entire fucking state for him. Ditto with Tennessee, except 2 of 1998 precincts had reported in.
What the fuck is the rush to call primary races so fucking early?
Mainly because its pretty predictable. I mean…other than some pretty unique situation, the exit polling data is almost always dead on.
Oh, I know about exit polling. But to me, it’s stupid to call races so early. What advantage does it give you to be the first to call a primary?
And if exit polling is so fucking awesome, why bother reporting the actual votes? Declare a winner and be done with it.
Oh, and it’s stupid, too. Because in states that don’t have a “winner take all” system (which is most of ’em anymore) in the primary, it doesn’t matter who the winner is. What matters is the final percentages of the vote.
Trump likely dominated overwhelmingly in exit polls.
Exit polls are notoriously unreliable when there’s a large gap between leader and pack. People lie; others decline to participate because they don’t want to skew things. Still others misrepresent their vote (or even a party affiliation) if they are asked early enough in the day.
Because JustStopDude got me on this kick, there will be HST:
“Politics is the art of controlling your environment. That is one of the key things I learned in these years, and I learned it the hard way. Anybody who thinks that ‘it doesn’t matter who’s President’ has never been Drafted and sent off to fight and die in a vicious, stupid War on the other side of the World — or been beaten and gassed by Police for trespassing on public property — or been hounded by the IRS for purely political reasons — or locked up in the Cook County Jail with a broken nose and no phone access and twelve perverts wanting to stomp your ass in the shower. That is when it matters who is President or Governor or Police Chief. That is when you will wish you had voted.”
Sooo I should be pleased that my cable package doesn’t get FoxNews, or MSNBC ?
Actual comment from /r/SandersforPresident
“What is going on with Black people in this country? It’s time to decide if this voting system is even viable anymore.”
Reminder #1,000,000,000 that liberals can be racist too.
See: my old man
I cannot tell you the number of times I have talked down to by a white liberal. Fucking irritates the flying fuck out of me.
I especially like being taken to task for living in the South. Last I checked, Detroit is in the North. The fucking Great Lakes area is the most entrenched racist shithole I have ever had to work at.
To augment Scotchy’s comment about Fox News justifying the shit out of this GOP mess, this is how a ll of the old-guard, conservative Republicans watching what is currently unfolding feel at the moment:
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/2970098/spud-shits-the-sheets-o.gif
So comics is the theme. This should count.
http://i.imgur.com/h67HxaM.jpg
Did we not fix imgur?
It’s like video embedding; works for some, others are left to roam the wastelands.
http://images.nymag.com/arts/books/features/bloomcountrystrip091019_560.jpg
Watching Marc Maron fuck a bored lesbian who’s trying to get knocked up seems like the proper activity for Super Tuesday this year
This guy could take on Trump
http://33.media.tumblr.com/2917c31c40a72c47f6c2719c8defafc6/tumblr_mqn6hpag7N1rvri6go1_500.gif
http://cdn1.theodysseyonline.com/files/2015/10/11/635801733691173176959153455_tumblr_m38o4aRVfn1qezigeo1_r1_500.gif
http://robot6.comicbookresources.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/opus-bill.png
Fox News commenters are trying desperately to make sense of the bed that they made.
“I swear, this shit was in this bed before I slept in it.”
-Rupert Murdoch.
I was looking for the poop image, I liked this one better so I stopped looking
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz1oujv9ir1qc8qobo1_1280.jpg
I am fucking dumbfounded. I man from “Jew” York City took Tennessee by 29%…
I really wish Hunter S Thompson was alive because I doubt even he could have predicted and explained this shit.
He kind of did, actually. He was spot on with how the country was headed before his suicide, and his columns (on Page fucking 2 of all places) accurately predicted Endless War and a succession of banal and evil men running the country forever because no one could be fucked to make it stop. When I heard about his suicide I was depressed as hell, and when I think about it now, I’m glad he was spared all the nonsense.
HST would have shot himself again at the prospect of a Trump nomination.
NBCSN just called the North London derby (Arsenal v. Spurs) the fiercest rivalry in London.
They clearly haven’t heard of West Ham or Millwall v. Humans.
http://www.louielouie.net/pix-2008/bloom-county-president-LOUIE-large.jpg
That “Must mean something!” line was used by young entropy rather a lot, and no one ever understood where it came from even after explanation.
Bill Hicks on the President-Elect:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ytv15ono5J0
“This screen comes down and on it is a video of the Kennedy assassination, from an angle you’ve never seen before…”
Bloom County election coverage from the first run was absolutely fantastic.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_z2rVf3BQz0/Top4yXJ9FLI/AAAAAAAAEIs/0MK92ZBSIwc/s1600/funny-gifs-crazy-cat.gif
It’s as if someone managed to communicate the madness of the GOP primary to a feline.
I know it is somehow sexist to say something about someones hair only if it is directed at a woman. Megyn Kelly’s short hair looks terrible. I still respect her more than pretty much everyone on the channel. I haven’t been watching her nightly show or I would say it is her for sure.
genoooooooooooooooo
“I good skate. Make puck. Goal do.”
http://blogimages.thescore.com/nhl/files/2012/06/Au5Q1AYCMAI3MU_-590×885.jpg
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/1430111/charlie-going-crazy-o.gif
It’s in times like these I wish that doing anal shots wasn’t still technically drinking.
This is my first dry election.
Trump has 10 American flags in the background for his speech he will give tonight. So you know he loves America. And because it is Trump they are the greatest and most luxurious flags around too.
One really random thing about the flags. There are an even number so there wouldn’t be one right right behind him naturally, instead of going with nine they rearranged them so one is behind him and the right side has them closer, with the last one pushed against the closest other one.
Made in Honduras.
From the outside looking in, Sanders is the cranky old man that desperately writes to his local paper on an on-going basis hoping to be featured on the op-ed page.
He is probably the most ethical (tall man on Pygmy island) and fairly intelligent. Lacks definition in policies and some are unrealistic in this climate. But nobody has very defined policies. He does celebrate his victories kinda weird.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/1226881/crazy-guy-o.gif
Deadwood is paused, for election coverage should I go insane right wing channel, less insane but equally as biased left wing channel or the shitty one that I assume is just going to twitter for commentary every 5 minutes?
I go full bore ALL THE FUCKING TIME BABY!
So I got Fox News on the big screen and surround sound, MSNBC on the computer blasting, airplane glue, and some fucking tequila! FUCK YEAH!!!
Just drink some goddamn gasoline and wash it down with lit matches. Seems like it would be easier.
I prefer CNN, because when I want to watch DERP in realtime, they do it better than Browns playing the Titans.
There are a shit ton of political junkies, campaign managers, volunteers, etc…all getting drunk and fucking like its the end of the world…because for a lot of these campaigns, it effectively is.
If you can seriously handle incredibly vapid, hollow people, getting laid at a campaign celebration/shit we lost fest is incredibly easy.
http://media.giphy.com/media/b8EqUlAFhdy1O/giphy.gif
Wow. A commercial for Koch Industries, and how they really are doing the best things for the country, the environment, and the American people.
It’s times like that when I would want to take a shit on my TV.
Really enjoyed when one of the Kochs said he wanted to get money out of politics. I guess he forgot the words “everybody else’s.”
I know they gerrymandered districts so they can always run the house and got 5 supreme court justices to allow them to buy even more elections, so the government will never stop them. Why does the general public not care they are basically committing treason?
I’ve had to work in Koch company towns out west.
Jesus Christ those two are fucking evil. The inbred Walmart clan think those two are excessively evil and wealthy…
http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/koch-sanders-system-rigged/2016/02/20/id/715292/
http://www.thespreadit.com/charles-koch-bernie-sanders-70006/
Holy shit…only the state of Texas shows Trump not in the lead of the exit polling…and even then, Cruz 36% and Trump 30%…
Is this fucking internet meme ever going to stop?!?!?
My company is headquartered in TX, and a lot of employees were sending e-mails saying things like “taking a long lunch to vote” – that means getting drunk and/or high, right?
Texans aren’t that clever.
Yes, or doing other shit, primaries are fucking quick to vote in.
Just adding time in case they get lost on the way back is my guess.
Seriously…who the fuck, a year ago, could have predicted Donald Fucking Trump taking Georgia?
The Bill Elliott endorsement yesterday made the difference!
God damn it, Bill, I always liked you as a NASCAR driver. God damn it.
Just like General Sherman, but more destructive.
One can only hope. Fuck the South.
This guy:
These Jeopardy! contestants should not be eligible to breed.
No spoilers for us left coasters please. Now that I know they’re uncool, I may not watch.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/saints-release-marques-colston/ar-BBqaCfl?ocid=ansmsnsports11
Combined w/$78M rookie contract, Bradford will have made $114M through 9 seasons after new 2-yr @Eagles deal.25-37-1 as starter. No playoffs
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2555610-sam-bradford-eagles-agree-on-new-contract-latest-details-comments-reaction
http://www.cnn.com/videos/us/2016/02/29/erin-andrews-civil-trial-sot.cnn
Fuck ESPN.
FUCK ESPN.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/news/trial-between-hulk-hogan-gawker-over-sex-tape-set-to-begin/ar-BBqbRHb?ocid=ansmsnent11
Rooting for the enemy-crushing meteor on this one.
Trump has Georgia…same with Clinton.
With a shocking upset, Sanders takes Vermont.
And Kasich is showing strong in Vermont!
I like how Fox News (I like my 24 hour news networks like my ex-wives…bitter, paranoid, and crazy) describing Trump’s performance in the same manner that one would describe the Syrian War.
“And the state of Georgia has fallen to Trump!”
Georgia?? WTF? This from a renowned bastion of intellectualism??
Being out of work is both the best time and worst time to be feeling under the weather.
Also fun times running into your boss at a breakfast diner after voting.
My return flight from Chicago, I shit you not, the head of our HR department was sitting next to me.
“JSD…were you visiting family?”
“No. I had to go to Detroit for a metals job”
“Oh? We are allowing you to travel again? I guess you are doing better now. No freak outs?”
“I cannot believe you think this is the appropriate time, place, or even conversation to be having with me”
Rest of the flight…lovely silence…
I admire your restraint.
I bought used Bill Cosby records when I was a kid. Usually 25 or 50 cents. Same thing – was not allowed to listen to Steve Martin (did anyway, thankfully). Anyway, where was I going…ah yes. Ted Cruz is a blobfish.
http://www.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2015230/rs_600x317-150330152052-mypiece2.jpg
Sometimes he’s difficult to listen to but other times…I laugh my ass off every time he says “any questions?”
https://youtu.be/ydIjNImwx40
“rock out with your caucus out” is the democratic process in a scrotumshell..
I finished my rewatch of Archer and have nothing to do for a couple hours. My initial thought is to finally watch Deadwood. I started it once or twice and only watched a couple eps. I didn’t hate it, just watched it after it aired and never got in to it. Is it as good as people say?
Yes. Yes it is that good. Now, got to Horatio’s locker and think about what you did.
Timothy Olyphant already being a badass in the first scene. It must have been a few years ago I last tried to watch it because I forgot Timothy Olyphant was in it. Like 2009 because it had to be before Justified.
I was so pissed off at work, that around lunch time, I went and voted for Ted Cruz…
Oh so you hate ‘Merica so much you go out and vote for a Canadian. Real anger votes Trump.
#KKKApproved #LetsPretendThe”Great”AmericaWasn’tRacistandSexist