Sweet Sixteen Thursday Preview/Game Thread

Sweet madre de Christ, did anyone else have these donuts in the local grocery store growing up? What a cherished, delicious binge and shame trip down memory lane this picture takes me down.

3S Miami vs. 2S Villanova (7:10, CBS)

A highly intriguing game, by my standards. Two methodical coaches, two sides that kind of get overlooked, for different reasons. I think Da U’s da toughness inside will be the difference, though if Nova shoots from outside like it did the first weekend, they are pretty much unbeatable.

3W Texas A&M vs. 2W Oklahoma (7:37, TBS)

Damn it, why did they have to schedule the TWO GAMES I AM MOST INTERESTED IN for the same fucking window? Team Bonfire Cult is living on borrowed time, after their bananas comeback, 2OT win over the Fightin’ Kurt Warners. Oklahoma has the lethal look a potential national champion to me (spoiler alert, if’n I had the slightest bit of prognostication ability), but this could be a tough game for them.

5S Maryland vs. 1S Kansas (9:40, CBS)

Maryland is REALLY lucky that Hawaii shot like total ass in the 2nd half. Because the Turtles otherwise played like, really fucking terrible. Hopefully, they bring the other half of their schizo selves, or the Hippo TV gets turned of super early. Kansas bores me to death.

4W Duke vs. 1W Oregon (10:07, TBS)

It’s nauseating that anyone has to win this game, though it’s of some comfort that Boomer Sooner should wipe their asses with either. I ain’t staying up to reluctantly cheer for a bunch of rape enablers, or possibly see fucking Ted Cruz, Jr. prevail. Huzzah for the Ducks cheerleading squadron, though.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Horatio Cornblower

I just realized I picked Duke to win this game.

I’d be totally OK being wrong on this one.

Senor Weaselo

I picked Baylor, so whoops.

Horatio Cornblower

I have West Virginia playing in the title game.

Awesome.

Beerguyrob
herodotus450

Double Dukes!

Sill Bimmons

ANUTHER CUNTRY MUSIC CURCLE JURK JAMBUROO

Did they mention that ACM stands for Academy of Country Music?

Academy. Of country music.

http://www.stagsevenoaks.co.uk/files/events/102/medium/hells-bells.jpg

Gratliff

Fuck country. It is an awful parody of itself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPVWNJFu47M

Gratliff

AUTOMATIC GOAL! SURE I GUESS! YO, THE FLYERS!

Sill Bimmons
Senor Weaselo

I still have to wonder, why did they never teach us about metallic bonds in regular high school chemistry?

Doktor Zymm

Dammit! I missed out on the US nickel containing 6.5 cents worth of nickel!

Doktor Zymm

It’s not really that late, but I wake up at stupid o’ clock, and my bed is high tech and temperature controlled, sooo….unless someone tempts me into further historical exposition or double entendres, Imma go relax and fall asleep in my excellent bed.

Doktor Zymm

They’ll still be sad in the morning. Haha, Fuck Duke.

G’night.

herodotus450

Oh crap, pressure’s on, uh, oh pressure: Why did James Watt invent the steam engine? Because he couldn’t learn Java!
No no, that’s terrible. /puts scarlet letter H on chest for Hack

Gratliff

And Giroux! Good guys back on top!
http://i.imgur.com/OVykt6b.gif

Unsurprised

Huh. You never see bad guys using Uzis anymore. Daredevil’s going for the old school 80s feel.

Horatio Cornblower

I’d just like to take a moment to brag that I am in first place in the DFO bracket challenge.

With Maryland down by 7, eliminating my 3rd of 4 Final Four picks I’d say that’s gonna last about another 7 minutes.

Gratliff

Radko Gudas scores! What the fuck?

Sill Bimmons

RHNB vs. Plant Foam:

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WCS

MELTING MELTING OH WHAT A WORLD

herodotus450

Kansas’ Perry Ellis looks old enough to shop at Perry Ellis.

WCS

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Doktor Zymm

For a small state, MD has a lot of different regions. There be wetlands, and duck hunting rednecks, mountains and mountain rednecks, Baltimore, and heroin addicted rednecks with gonorrhea, and DC suburbs, with people who moved to MD because there are fewer rednecks than in VA.

It’s the North to people from the South, and the South to people from the North. We say y’all, but have better income equality cross-race than any other place in the nation. Also, the worst traffic in the country, cause of VA drivers.

Doktor Zymm

Also, the Mason-Dixon line is the border between MD and PA, so MD is below. They were North in the Civil War, despite being a slave state initially, because stuff having to do with where DC is.

Doktor Zymm

Well, NYC rioted more about what side to fight on. Though that was more about the idea that rich people could pay someone to replace them in the draft, but when they rioted they attacked people on a racial basis, so really, everywhere in the US was super-racist in the 1800s. Basically, IMO, they were where Europe is now, with immigrants and violence, and we’ve just gotten slightly better at dealing with it.

Doktor Zymm

I have an unreasoning hatred of sweet beverages (this includes mixed drinks) so I’m pretty damn happy about the sweet tea line status. Y’all are like the Turks, boiling the sugar in with the good stuff, and you give me some sticky sweet thing and I feel like I have to drink it cause manners.

Doktor Zymm

Try clove, it’s what they do in Malta and it’s delicious as things you think are delicious. Also, they couldn’t break those things up with waves for ya?

Doktor Zymm

MD had a mixed economy, and didn’t have large plantations like most real Southern states, so it also didn’t have the same stakes in the Civil War as far as slavery went. There were plantations in MD, but few and small, it was mainly urban, and had manufacturing facilities.

WCS

Never trust a border state.

Senor Weaselo

I thought Diamond Stone was the main character in Space Mutiny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFHlJ2voJHY

WCS

Doktor Zymm

Short version of “The WIzard of Oz” :
“I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore!”
“Thank God, let’s grab a cocktail….or some cock and tail….”

WCS

Why not both?

Doktor Zymm

I didn’t say exclusive or….

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

That’s some intelligent design, Dok!

Doktor Zymm

This is less flammable brandy than I’m used to. It actually has taste that isn’t burning.

Sill Bimmons

SHAVED SASQUATCH SIGHTING

Senor Weaselo

I think I forgot to tell you guys, I found the cat on Monday. She was in the next door neighbor’s garage.

herodotus450

JUST AS THE PROPHECY FORETOLD!

Sill Bimmons

You told us.

Still great news.

Doktor Zymm

Just like the old gypsy woman said!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I found my pussy in my neighbor’s garage once!

We were divorced six months later.

Gratliff

Hm. Terps are threatening to shut me completely out of the final four. Fuck you, Maryland.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve actually watched a lot of helmet tests, which are pretty fun. But…who doesn’t enjoy gratuitous crushing?

Senor Weaselo

The ladies I become interested in?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I like my women the way I like my coffee… ground up and in the freezer.

Doktor Zymm

I hear Tinder is good for that.

Doktor Zymm

To be seasonal, do they have a video of crushing Peeps?

Sill Bimmons

No but here’s one with a red hot nickel ball:

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Doktor Zymm

Molten metal vs. various food items is disturbingly unpredictable.

Sill Bimmons
Doktor Zymm

Yay! That brings back fond memories of writing things on marshmallows and then microwaving them.

Sill Bimmons

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Unsurprised

Spreading her legs to the very end.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Haven’t seen a black thing pound a blonde like that since RuPaul and I went on a poppers binge oin Scarborough!

Sill Bimmons

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Unsurprised

I thought golf ball cores were nuclear materials.

Sill Bimmons
WCS

O NO MR. BILL

Doktor Zymm

I think it’s time for medicinal Korean brandy!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You omaerak wench

Doktor Zymm

Woohoo, I’m cross-cultural terms!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I say the same thing when I have a Cinco de Mayo gangbang

Doktor Zymm

I prefer Cinco de Aioli gangbangs.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You zesty skank!

Sill Bimmons

Olive, canola, sesame, vegetable, and Mobil 1.

Doktor Zymm

Though I was referring to Leegangju I bought at the airport, cause I don’t check baggage, which makes importing liquor somewhat difficult.

herodotus450

They were just afraid it would try to run for president

Beerguyrob

I’ve just run the full relative gamut, and had to now explain to my mother-in-law why there’s no Big Bang Theory tonight.

Senor Weaselo

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

So how many clicks does that give us?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Ugh, I’m done flirting with tipsy half-Ukranians, good night all.

Beerguyrob

No chance of moving on to Estonians?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’ve left enough semen in Tallinn to keep that place floating for 100 years!

Doktor Zymm

Shit, was that what was in that ‘historic wine” I had?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

If it was aged over 30 years, probably Paul Lynde

Doktor Zymm

I don’t think so, but I drank way more in Lithuania than any other Baltic state. Estonia has great post offices though.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Your OKCupid profile must be something else:

I live in Chicago, hate most people, and love arguing with Kids in the Hall pseudonyms on the internet. <3

Doktor Zymm

Headline : “I’m crushing your profile headshot”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“I’m like your dog, except I only like strangers faces when I am fucking them.”

WCS

I vote for Uzbeks.

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Sill Bimmons

Seconded.

Unsurprised

Referral Denied!?

Beerguyrob
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

I have someone I would LOVE to show that to, but that would be a bad decision on my part.

Sill Bimmons

That would not go over well with anyone who isn’t self-aware enough to already know that about themselves.

Unsurprised

It me

Doktor Zymm

I kind of wish ‘decisions’ was misspelled, or just replaced with an obscene picture.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NEW RICHMOND, Wis. (KMSP) – A 65-year-old Wisconsin man is facing charges after firing bowling balls and bowling pins from a cannon. One of the balls went through a neighbor’s barn, and the owner found her 10-month-old horse dead.

Lisa Kroll felt her house shake on the 4th of July, but she thought it was one of her neighbors lighting off fireworks. It turns out, they were shooting bowling balls out of a homemade cannon and several of them landed on her property.

Doktor Zymm

What, a blunderbuss ain’t good enough for em?

Sill Bimmons

I thought the trebuchet was the weapon favored by siege engine types these days:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qC6RJxFEMfY

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

That ironic Jezebel tampon campaign really backfired, eh?

Unsurprised

Babies need the most d

Doktor Zymm

Especially stupid babies

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh come on, did you see that Children’s Place outfit she was wearing?

She wanted it!

Doktor Zymm

I’m not going to make a “Children’s Gap” joke. I’m not.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

She was on the Gerber calendar! Give me a break!

Doktor Zymm

I’ll break you off a piece of that Kit Kat bar (miniature)

Unsurprised

Only because the correct joke is about Baby Gap

Doktor Zymm

Dammit, you’re right.

Sill Bimmons

INORITE

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ladyfriend wants to watch that celebrity lip syncing show to have some mindless unwinding after a stressful day. Better or worse than the rapey basketball game?

ballsofsteelandfury

Will she reward you with nooky?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Will she lip sync like Lisa Ann afterward?

Sill Bimmons

Wait, how do YOU know about Lisa Ann?

http://cdn.meme.am/instances/55849799.jpg

ballsofsteelandfury

To learn technique?

Sill Bimmons

If that’s god’s best I’d hate to see what mediocre looks like.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is awesome.

Doktor Zymm

There’s a reasonable chance that no one would notice if I didn’t show up for work tomorrow. I think I’m inherently honest enough that I’ll show up, but I might just be around for 3-4 hours. Also, I noticed a neat thing in the data today and I want to ask my West Coast colleague about it tomorrow. Santa Monica office, goddamn you and your better weather and quality of life!

ballsofsteelandfury

You have a Santa Monica office and you haven’t asked for a transfer yet?

I know you just started, but still…

Doktor Zymm

It’s smaller, you don’t transfer there. Sigh.

ballsofsteelandfury

Bummer. It was 80 degrees and sunny today.

Doktor Zymm

You lucky bastard. It was a different company that got bought out. They do hire people there, but it’s more a place that you’re allowed to remain, rather than a place you get to go to. My workmate there flies to Chicago a few times a year, and occasionally has to wake up for 9 am Midwest meetings.

ballsofsteelandfury

That sucks. I’d still try to get here though. Those Chicago winters do not sound fun.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I hear ya babe, once you go large, ain’t no one got time for downgrading!

Sill Bimmons

Now Alison Brie is hawking AppleTV.

Remember when established actors had dignity and left commercial advertising to the young people trying to break into the industry?

You know, like many of them did?

Unsurprised

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well it’s not like Jennifer Lawrence is going to be promoting the cloud…

Senor Weaselo

Yes, but a boatload or at least a metric shit-ton of money can get anyone to say yes.

Doktor Zymm

How I know that I’m getting a bit drunk : I read Knicks as K-nicks instead of Nicks, because I’m a linguistic smartass. Also, when I look at that last sentence, I mentally pronounce ‘read’ in the past tense for no reason, despite the context and the fact that I know it’s present tense.

Whether I’m drinking or not, I stand by the use of y’all, because while English has a plethora of lovely words with all sorts of shades of meanings, the lack of a unique 2nd person plural is a real lack. Y’all > Youse Guys > You People > You

ballsofsteelandfury

If WCS was here, he would say, “What about yinz?!?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

Yinz is not bad, but it’s a less accepted regionalism. Accept or no, everyone know’s y’all. People get yinz in context, and it can certainly still stick around, but it’s a longer distance to national acceptance.

Sill Bimmons

#YinzersWhoHateTheWordYinz

Unsurprised

I would prefer yinz since y’all is inexorably tied to those mouth-breathing sister fuckers south of the Mason-Dixon Line.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Actually cousin marriage is legal in all NE states except New Hampshire.

Unsurprised

So much for Live Free Or Die. Next you’ll tell me that I can’t legally hunt men for sport in the Granite State.

Doktor Zymm

Comment taken on board, and both are equal as far as me being lazy at pronouncing shit. But, maybe due to history or whatever, y’all also has traction in African-American slang all over the country. I’ve used the term, cause I do, and on one occasion a large black woman heard me say y’all and immediately asked me where I was from. I said ‘Maryland’ and she sort of reluctantly said ‘Okay’
That was one of my odder language encounters. I’ve gotten sort of used to people trying to convince me I’m not from the US, because I apparently have some sort of foreign accent. I think it’s because I don’t yell constantly.

Doktor Zymm

I should mention, this contributed to my notion of Chicago being way more racist than anywhere else I’ve ever lived, and also to my notion that Midwesterners are weird as all fuck. (No offense Midwestern people, different != bad)

ballsofsteelandfury

FWIW, I think you’re from Ukraine.

Doktor Zymm

Well, lineage, about half! Never been there, can’t speak Ukrainian, but well done!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

We all Lviv you here at DFO.

Doktor Zymm

Hah! I see what you did there.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’m Donetsk with puns, I swear!

Doktor Zymm

I don’t Barlieve you

Sill Bimmons

Lviv might be the most different-looking word in Cyrillic to a Romance speaker–Львів

Unsurprised

White people

Sill Bimmons

FUCKIN’ HIGH FIVES, HOW DO THEY WORK

Unsurprised

It is highly probable that their aim sucks because they’re drunk.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You’re an eloquent lush.

Sill Bimmons

A cunning linguist, even.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh now you’ve done it Sill!

Sill Bimmons

CAT’S OUT OF THE BAG SO TO SPEAK

Doktor Zymm

When I drink I use longer words, because my dumbing shit down filter cuts out. I’m optimistic, and assume that people are curious and capable of learning even if they don’t have the educational background. This has proved to be a poor dating strategy.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Date me! It could be a DFO mini-series.

Sill Bimmons

Bill O’Reilly’s anal prolapse “Killing Jesus” has been made into some sort of TV show AND IS AIRING ON THE FUCKING NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC CHANNEL WHAT THE FUCK DOES JEEBUS’ CRUCIFIXION HAVE TO DO WITH GEOGRAPHY AT ALL LET ALONE BILL O’REILLY’S AHISTORICAL FUCKTWADDLE VERSION OF IT

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He wants to show you that Obama betrayed Jesus right there in Kenya

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“KUNTA KINTE WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED ME?”

Senor Weaselo

“HIS NAME IS TOBY.”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I DO NOT KNOW THIS TOBY, I WILL SAY IT THREE TIMES!

ballsofsteelandfury

And then a cock…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well that’s every Friday for me….

Sill Bimmons

…crew.

/Buddy’s favorite crew

WCS

Ahhh, sweet, unhinged Sill hate. It’s like the first snort of coke of the day.

Sill Bimmons

I HATE BECAUSE I CARE

Senor Weaselo

Holy shit, can the Knicks play the Bulls every night?

Doktor Zymm

So, by my calculation, the first St Kilda match starts Saturday night when bars are still open. I’ve identified two possible bars that might show the AFL, but further research is required, and I might have to go to one of these bars, with a tablet in tow to watch if they ain’t showing shit cause it’s Saturday night and there’s more money to be made by normal drunks.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Buddy’s shows the AFL! You might want to leave at halftime, that’s when everyone cranks one out to relieve to the sexual tension.

Doktor Zymm

I’m not open to anything outside of 5 miles of where I live. Also, I own an apron. It’s not rubber, but it’s probably good enough.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So do I, but it’s called a “Home Depot jizzrag” in my bar.

ballsofsteelandfury

Buddy, we need to get you a team. You need to get on this bandwagon…

ballsofsteelandfury

Yup! Game starts at 11:20 PM DFO time! Let us know if you find a place. We’ll be here open-threading it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

I’m contemplating doing a thing I’ve never done before, and calling a bar for information. I kinda do like the idea of a Saturday night livebrog at home too, I’ve been contemplating rejoining the internet dating world, and if I’m doing that I’ll have no energy for extraneous social interactions.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Uh, wasn’t like, the AFL with Joe Namath or something?”

Unsurprised
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’d fuck him to get to the doll….

Sill Bimmons

When your 45-year-old wife still looks like that you don’t need Viagra.

Unsurprised

But that person was Charlie Sheen, and he’s a certifiable human shitstain.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Why’s that woman drinking with Abe Vigoda?

Doktor Zymm

Gingham and Plaid. You can’t get those sorts of patterns anymore.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well you’ve never been to my closet… after I shoplift at H&M.

Doktor Zymm

Do you have a drink-in closet?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well my closet is also the Port Authority Bus Terminal bathroom, so yes.

Doktor Zymm

So…you drinking all that Old E High Grav, or FUCKING PASS IT?!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Old E is for deranged meth-heads who got lost on their way to Des Moines, honey!

Ir’s Popov or nothing with me! :*

Doktor Zymm

Oh, Popov. Also known as mdrermsfhsoobov. Memories. Gin is better, it ends up being cheaper cause less people want to share.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You’re a classy lady. Drinks on me if you’re in NYC.

Doktor Zymm

My favorite frite place blew up, and my friend I stayed with got married and moved to the burbs, so if I do visit NYC, I’ll be staying in Queens and yelling about Mango Chutney Mayo.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Sound the Buddy alarm and I’ll make bawdy jokes until someone pukes.

Senor Weaselo

Well Queens is my neck of the woods… what we’re saying is you’ll have people to bother you no matter where you go.

Doktor Zymm

WooHoo! I’ve stayed in Flushing before, one of my other good college friends lives there.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

And actually in the mid-90s Bingham and hand were a common occurance.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Man, I did a Saturday night Easter Vigil Mass once and to be fair, you feel like you’ve been resurrected when it’s over.

Gratliff

I don’t miss being Catholic and/or Orthodox, depending on which side of the family we were pandering to.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

It’s already long and then… oh wait, adult speed sacrament time.

I go on Saturdays so I can avoid this shit!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Communion cones

Sill Bimmons

File this piece of shit effort under “Circular.”

Gratliff

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JustStopDude

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

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Senor Weaselo

“Easy? Challenge accepted.” -Senor

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t care how good the instructions are; I’d torpedo the effort.

herodotus450

Something off about the hair on her right side, very distracting.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

INACCURATE COSTUME! WOULD NOT BANG!!

herodotus450

Maybe it’s an artifact of the eyepatch, but it kinda makes it look like a wig. WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE IS FAKEN? That’s not good hustle.