To share a story my mother likes to tell about my weirdo childhood, she asked then 6-ish year old me “Why did Jesus die?” to which I flatly responded “Because He let them put all those nails in Him!” I was born to go to engineering school. Also:
GREAT fucking live show (saw ’em at teh Cat’s Cradle twice). On to the fixtures:
4MW Iowa State vs. 1MW Virginia (7:10, CBS)
I really like the way the Cyclones play, though this is likely the last hurrah for the peak edition (from The Mayor’s recruiting classes). New coach Steve Prohm creeps me the fuck out, and I has no idea how he will successfully bring blue chip talent to the middle of nowhere. So…enjoy the ride. Maybe the last real chance for some non-chalk damage.
7E Wisconsin vs. 6E Notre Dame (7:27, TBS)
There’s not enough oxy in the world to make this one interesting, but if’n you want to bring some over and TRY, PDJ me and I will send you my address!!
11MW Gonzaga vs. 10MW Syracuse (9:40, CBS)
Sorry, Scotchy, but methinks the matchup zone runs into…matchup problems tonight. And Iowa State/Gonzaga Regional Final would be funner than hayellll, too (h/t Early Cuyler). Definitely watching this one start to finish, but keeping my Iowa State red on for IU.
5E Indiana vs. 1E U*NC (9:57, CBS)
It is a strange and fucked up kinda world when I am cheering for fucking Notre Dame AND Indiana on the same fucking night. But…here we are. Note that the staggered times are 10 minutes less so than last night, which is due to Ol’ Roy being a whiny fucking gash who deserves the Karmic assfucking that is hopefully coming his way tonight. Psssst, Ol’ Toy. You know that $7M or so you make a year? You make it because of the goddamned TV money. You don’t get to cash the checks and then bitch about late start times. Stick your fucking old man penis in a blender, get MRSA and die already.
Indiana band for extra mojo:
I <3 me some Katie. BUHLEE DAT!
I love it when it sort of accidentally on purpose goes in.
Didn’t you complain about that happening with a guy before?
Are we still doing phrasing?
… ……… …Phrasing?
Ummmmmm…..me too….?
–Bill Cosby
Worst case Ontario, we get get refuckulated, and have to land on Juniper.
Additional stupid question : I know there is a certain distance you have to kick for it to be a mark…does direction matter? Does it have to be forward?
It has to be 15 meters for it to be a mark, but it doesn’t matter in which direction. You can kick backwards and it is still a mark.
BTW, Jesse Hogan has a really weird run-up when kicking for goal.
There is an active Chicago Aussie Football team. I learned about it while trying to find a bar to watch AFL stuff at. They play at the same park that is 2 blocks from me where I tennis. I gotta get in on this, yes?
If you have to ask, you’re doing it wrong.
And you thought about getting back into online dating….
Sometimes the answers are right in front of you.
Dear Abby,
I’ve met a man, and we’ve gone more than 15 meters together. Should I be upset if he doesn’t kick to my heart?
Sincerely,
Aussie Stricken
Dear Stricken,
Did he get a behind?
Abby
Oh yes.
Re-reading the post all I can think of is “If only Jesus had an AR-15 to defend himself.”
The bunny is my favorite part.
The bunny definitely carries.
Tomlinson…YOU SUCK!!!!!
I suggest more bike.
And now Melbourne is ahead. Nice job pulling a Northern Iowa, GWS!
Yeah, that’s a pretty sweet kick.
ISH
Fucking Melbourne comeback. SMFH.
Feer the…Demon thingy…
Oh shit…they took the goddamned lead.
That happened quickly.
That picture is just begging to be turned into a meme.
http://lizzyofarabia.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Schneider1-240×300.jpg
I like that they put color coded numbers in the graphics for us dum-dums.
Im not sure if I told this story here before but if I did forgive me, just popped into my head again.
So while my wife was in the hospital, the in-laws would bring the kids when there was no baby sitter. They didnt go into the room, they hung out in the waiting area with the adults. While someone else was in the room, I walked my 3 year old around the whole floor. Every time we passed security doors, he would look at himself on the security cam screen and goof off.
Well, all these screens were in color except for one in black and white. We walked up to it. He looks up, his eyes go wide, and he yells at the top of his lungs:
“DADDY! I’M BLACK!!!”
Holy shit, that’s hilarious!
Hahaha…that’s a very wonderful memory to be plucked from a bad situation.
Hold onto that.
Too funny.
At first I thought it was funny because he’s a white. Then I realized it’s even funnier if he’s actually black (no offecne).
It’s kinda weird that a 21 point lead doesn’t feel safe, isn’t it?
Man, GWS should be blowing these idiots out.
I’m more wondering why they’re filling perfectly good ad time with highlights of pre-season games.
Dumb Australians. I want my Aussie commercials!!!!!!
I like the unis and there’s some nice, nice shoulders going on, but I think the large field and all the running makes for slightly skinnier men than I would prefer. Not complaining by any means, but I bet they hit their peak hotness about 2 years after they retire.
So, what you are really saying is 2/10 would not bang?
I use a different scale. They’re probably two martini bangs, but lower is better on my scale. The high end involves me dying of alcohol poisoning and being unable to consent. Two is actually pretty good for people I assume have little conversational skill.
I’m assuming the accent would make up for content.
Eh, there’s a percentage on that. And if it’s something awful, that percentage can be negative. Even in the best case, they would have to be tolerant of me making convict jokes.
If they’re from South Australia, they would make them right along with you.
I feel like if they’re into necrophilia, that’s a pretty good reason why their martini number’s that high.
That’s a sort of accidental confluence I guess
Huh…how ’bout that.
And I thought she was just saying she liked guys who were….how shall we say??? Slightly “husky”.
/not that there’s anything wrong with that
Always gotta go case by case basis. Some men can carry it, some can’t.
But he’s jolly!
All the passing is great, but I can’t help but think they’re just doing it so they don’t have to dribble the footy, and I like watching them dribble the footy.
I’ll probably be dribbling later.
Oh shit, already am…somebody hand me a napkin plz.
Captain Rex?
Hijinks ensue when you dribble the footy.
I’m incapable of thinking the name ‘Smith’ it’s always ‘Smiff’
What was the name of his other leg?
Smiff and Fessin?
Geez Melbourne. That was like a safely. Only it cost you six pts.
You guys really suck.
To be fair, it seems the Demons are confused by the color schemes today. All of their kicks seem to be going to Giants.
GWS just playing keep away now.
Melbourne in dire need of Benny Hill theme…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK6TXMsvgQg
So tonight grandma makes burgers. 3 yr old boy hates burgers. But grandma and I conspire to roll a burger in tube form because he will eat hot dogs and breakfast sausage.
He takes a tiny bite, gets mad, refuses, demands the sausage he was tricked out of. So grandma makes some sausage while 19 mo old baby girl, appetite returneth, grabs the burger roll and starts gnawing. Then she smells what the grandma is cookin’, tossed the roll and cries in her raspy, ravaged little voice: “SAUUUUUUSAAAAAGE!!!”
I love my kids.
Awesome!
Dude, I gotta tell ya…this not only made me laugh, but it is great to hear overall as well.
KIDS!!!!! DON’T TRY TO FUCK US OVER WITH YOAR FOOD TRICKS ASSHOLES!!!!!!
Hey, Porky, did you know sausage is (at least supposedly) composed of…. Pork?
http://i.imgur.com/9tmXHQK.png
Under most circumstances my little girl tis no baby, but a remorseless eating machine. This baby, swallow ya whole. Little shakin’, little tenderizin’…down ya go.
’tis no man. ’tis a a remorseless, eatin’ machine.
They be meat savvy!
You fucked up because that burger lacked green chile.
Wow….Melbourne really does suck all teh ass, don’t they?
They’re the Chicago Bears of the AFL.
I enjoy equating NFL and AFL teams. I was spot on with the Jets, at least if we consider Balls to be a good verification source.
WhyEaglesWhy is probably a better source since he lives in Adelaide but I think you’re pretty right on.
I liked to do the same thing with NHL teams and their spiritual rather than geographical nfl counterparts–hey where’re you guys going I was talking still about hockey
I like hockey, though I’ll admit it’s been awhile since I watched more than just the playoffs. Too many games makes me give less of a shit, though I enjoy it if it’s on.
Yup. Which is why it bothered me greatly that Geelong lost to them last year.
I think my first real concert was K’s Choice playing with Tonic at the new 9:30 Club. I was super young. It was probably a good thing there was no way for me to get tickets to Smashing Pumpkins playing at the new 9:30 Club opening. I’ll be damned if I can even remember a song Tonic played. A fine combination of one semi-hit wonders.
My first real concert was The Cure at Dodger Stadium. I took home a piece of the seat. I still have it.
Damn, that’s pretty sweet. I still have some gravel that ended up in my shoes after my first HFStival. I kept it at the time cause I was 14, and now I keep it cause I don’t have anything else to put in that particular tiny box and I think 14 year old me was adorable for keeping it.
That IS pretty cool! Hey, if it meant something to you, it’s important.
I’ve still got the program somewhere as well. It’s actually a pretty impressive line up, even if my parents made me leave before the end. Also, did Jimmy’s Chicken Shack ever become a nationwide thing, or was that always just regional?
Jimmy What Now?
Yeah, I’m thinking that was regional. Do you remember Mary’s Danish?
Internet has provided an answer. Holy shit this is some horrible 90’s music. Tonic, the bridge between good music and the horrible whiny offshoots that resulted. It’s less annoying if you don’t listen to the lyrics.
There was some good 90s music and there was some HORRIBLE 90s music.
My first concert was Neil Diamond at the Fabulous Great Western Forum.
My second concert was Warrant with Firehouse and Trixter at Universal Ampitheater, emceed by Pauly Shore. So I do run the gamut. Sorry.
That is a hell of a gamut. Damn!
Mine was Foghat at the same Forum.
Eddie Money opened.
1978.
What?
My new job is really social, and some of my coworkers are pretty awesome. One of my favorite new coworkers so far does random shit like be Vegan for a month just because and, in a conversation about having a 90s T-shirt day admitted that she probably couldn’t wear her first concert T-shirt to work because it was a Butthole Surfers shirt and had a cartoon butthole on the back.
http://laurenoutloud.com/main/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/butthole.jpg
Too bad 50% of the song is censored in that video. They even cut out the word rapist. Rape by any other name is just as shameful, MTV2! Also, the rapist was a football player.
It was alright on mine, do you have a V-chip in your computer?
I mean, 50% was certainly some exaggeration for comedic effect, but rapist and bullet and shot were definitely censored. Not as bad as Everlast’s “What It’s Like.”
Also, some music videos are so bad I forgot to laugh. Also, why dont youtube videos just have lyrics in the descriptions? Come on! And they could just use some voice to speech algorithm to do it automatically with closed captioning? /Rant Mode is Powered up now
/checks schedule
SERIOUSLY? North Melbourne not on until facking 4:25am EDT?????
COME ON AUSTRALIA!!!!!!!!
I would recommend taking a nap/blackout and waking up for the game in a few hours.
It’s still weird to me that it’s midnight right now for you guys on the East Coast. It seems like the evening just started here.
Yeah, it’s one of the things I do still miss about living out west.
Nothing good happens in the morning anyway.
Seriously, can Gonzaga stop making the tournament? Could someone else from the WCC get in over those perennial chokers?
Unpossible. This dimension is Mark Few’s hell.
The worst part of their “run” this season is how the narrative will be be how they beat the odds to not only make the Tournament, but, reach the Sweet 16. Guh.
One of my favorite things about the AFL is Female Goal Ref. This year, they added another one so now there are two in the league.
I like her “behind”.
/had to make the joke, don’t even know what her behind looks like
Here she is. Actually, I stand corrected. There are THREE female goal umpires in the league. That’s pretty damn good!
http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Chelsea+Roffey+AFL+Rd+17+Richmond+v+Port+nHWtpj0ueWnl.jpg
I do, in fact, like her behind.
I tended to genre cross, I’m not really sure what half the stuff I listened to was. In retrospect, there’s a pretty large contrast between how well balanced I was and what I was interested in.
Indiana, I always knew you couldn’t be trusted.
/simmering hatred rising
Hey, YOU’RE the one who left that gravy unguarded, what happened is on you.
There is a place where gravy wrestling is a thing, and I was sad to discover it is not in the horribler bits of the Midwest. Probably because they would eat the gravy before wrestling in it.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/170168/bobby-knight-chair-o.gif
Benny Hill Theme would fit that perfectly.
http://i121.photobucket.com/albums/o203/dtrip01/parks%20and%20rec/dtrip01charitoss.gif
GONZAGA TEARS
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/4595008/adam-morrison-crying-o.gif
It’s a good thing he has that shaggy hair to absorb his tears. It’s always annoying when you forget a headband.
OK, I guess I will watch the Oklahoma game tomorrow. Fuck the rest of this tournament.
http://www.sfgate.com/blogs/images/sfgate/cwnevius/2006/03/26/morrison-400.jpg
‘Cuse one of the last four in, is in the Elite Eight. The universe is a cold, uncaring place.
That said, Gonzaga can eat butt.
That UVA/Cuse game on Sunday will be a real treat for the eyeballs, I’m sure…
Howdy everyone.
Oy! Vat a week!
Are you ready to drink away this shitty work week tonight and tomorrow day?
OH FUCK YES!!!!
DRANKS
HOLY SHIT FUCKING BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.dearsportsfan.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/ball-dont-lie.png
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5L_QkUZ-3s
Wow…not only did he not have the angle, they had indisputable replay, and the call should have been a Zags foul.
‘Cuse getting pegged three times on one play.
TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS
And they don’t even get a shot to the rim. Chucklefucks.
Play is under review, for minutes: announcer, “Now, this is a play that CAN be reviewed.”
And it turned out that the play couldn’t be reviewed!
THAT WAS A GLORIOUS MISS FROM A YARD AWAY! Didn’t even get a behind.
POST-CAM!!!
They not only finished the choke, they choked TO GODDAMNED COONEY.
He’s in-bounds?
Very.
The ref can’t see it from that angle.
Yup…they don’t fix this then they is crooked.
Gonzaga runs it across half-court, tosses up a three, bench calls timeout, shot goes in, doesn’t count. Just splendid.
Yeah, I saw that even with my divided attention span.
WCC baby.
How are these GW Sydney fucks up 10? They seriously look like they rode the short bus to the match.
Melbourne sucks donkey dong.
Looks like GWS is playing a little better now.
Balls is calming down…
Please tell me Adam Morrison is in the building.
He may have paid a designated weeper.
So can video reviews, in any sport, be based on flimsy, circumstantial, disputable evidence? I wish an announcer would clarify just what SORT of evidence is required, for once.
Even with video, it still comes down to a human decision. I’m in favor of automating pretty much everything, but not really since I know the people who would probably implement those sorts of things.
Cuse found a press late in the season.
Christ, would it kill Gonzaga to grab a defensive rebound?
Cuse now getting 6 shots per possesion
http://40.media.tumblr.com/b9f6b100b99dfd10ad50897db4377e43/tumblr_o3bmfpq33i1qcfkwoo1_1280.jpg
http://static3.therichestimages.com/cdn/1280/1285/90/cw/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/chicagoreader.com_.jpg
She wore blue velvet
But in my heart there’ll always be
Precious and warm a memory through the years
And I still can see blue velvet through my tears
I don’t know why, but seeing people with ‘physio’ on their vests entertains me. I’m easily entertained by novelty.
http://www.fiveminute.net/tr/im/_o.gif
And they’re PINK and that has nothing to do with breast cancer!
Right!?
Though it’s possible they’re qualified to give breast exams, or at least lie about it in pubs.
I am qualified to give a breast exam. The results I’m not qualified to give.
As I understand it, it’s not that hard. From my pov, if something is really different, I should be alarmed. From your pov, if something feels like a marble of any size, point it out.
Yeah, any abnormality, I would absolutely say something. Luckily, I’ve never run across any.
It’s pretty unlikely that you would. But you can always point out the value of yourself as a second opinion that all is well.
I always offer a taste test. You know, just to be sure all is well.
A) That’s probably not a boob thing and
B) The best data you could give via taste would be a rough PH