Operation Stop the Asshole Cheaters (Final Four Preview/Game Thread)

Well folks, here we are. Down to four, only one #1 seed, but it’s the most evil one of all. Blatant bunch of academic fraudsters, complete with asshole coach who not even veiled subtly threatens minor reporters who dare call out his program and “university” on their bullshit. We need Karma to wake the fuck up, post-haste.

#2S Villanova vs. #2W Oklahoma (6:09, TBS)

Last season, when my alma mater made a surprising run to the Sweet Sixteen, Boomer Sooner was in our bracket. I was also in the habit of speaking solely in Soviet propaganda, as it had been good juju (along with our official talisman, Lenin Cat). As such, we found solidarity with Oklahoma as fellow Reds, and I also learned there are few phrases more fun to type than “Oklahoma Oblast:”

LINK

As Buddy Hield and the incredibly well-coached Sooners are the best bet to derail smug-mageddon Monday night, I am strongly urging Red Solidary again. Forward! For Glorious Workers’ Revolution!!

#10MW Syracuse vs. #1E U*NC (8:49, TBS)

Some have noted that Syracuse is also a “cheater” but that would be like equating jaywalking with triple homicide. Tonight, we are all scotchnauts. But I will probably be one from slumber, as I would rather get up early for the Leicester match than get pissed off watching the Holes win.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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theeWeeBabySeamus
theeWeeBabySeamus
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yoooooooooo

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hoooooooo

herodotus450

Put some goddamn socks on!

Sill Bimmons

But then she’ll slip off the leather…

Sill Bimmons

At least India sent that poofter Shane Watson home a loser.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s fucking awesome.

Unsurprised

This would be an acceptable conclusion.

WCS

That might be the best Travolta .gif ever, even better than the Alien one.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pulls down pants while booze shopping.
I LIKE IT!!!!!!!

JerBear50

I think I figured out how she’s going to shoplift that bottle.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Clerk watches, says nothing.

JerBear50

Clerk is usually happy just to not be robbed. This is like finding a winning 10K scratchoff on the floor.

Senor Weaselo

The clerk wants her to find a winning 10K scratch-off on the floor.

Sill Bimmons

Excuse me miss, but you’re in front of the Smirnoff Bubble Gum…

JerBear50

Is anyone else disturbed by the number of flavored vodkas there are now? I mean, I get citrus, strawberry, that kind of stuff, but what the fuck are you drinking that you need cotton candy and bubblegum flavored vodka for? Does that kind of shit come with a NAMBLA membership?

Unsurprised

A sorority membership.

JerBear50

I actually saw that one today and did a double take. Just in case the booze alone doesn’t give you diabetes fast enough.

Unsurprised

I assumed that would’ve been the video for Bitch Better Have My Money.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Enjoy the dickens out of it and…..SHUT YOUR FUCKING PIEHOLE ROY!!!!!!
Gawd I hate those facking facks.

Horatio Cornblower

Roy Williams insists that his players attend church services for at least their first year at UNC.

Apparently he’s far more flexible about them attending actual classes.

Horatio Cornblower

Wife just woke up to realize we’ve been watching MMA for the last five minutes.

“Oh, I fall asleep and you put your gay porn on?”

Unsurprised

YEAH SO SHUT THE FUCK UP WOMAN

Sill Bimmons

Not only do I understand the words your wife used, I understand the order she put them in.

You not so much.

WCS

Main Line pocket-squares vs. the Shitheels

http://media.giphy.com/media/5iVP2xmU0hmBW/giphy.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

The game of the century.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

That would actually be a great title for a “The Gang Vs. Merion Douchebags In Something Humorous” episode.

Sill Bimmons

So I do a GIS for “dumpster fire .gif” because I’m looking for a common, humorous visual metaphor to describe the quality of this evening’s basketingballing.

Up pop a bunch of dumpsters on fire, along with the occasional port-a-potty.

Then, amidst the carnage, is this–by far the most dumpster fire-y thing on a page full of dumpster fires:

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WCS

All this is missing is Nacho.

Unsurprised

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Sill Bimmons

I dunno, man.

That might even be worse than the Buttfumble:

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Brocky

So I know memes are the cancer of the internet, but I found this hilarious:

http://i.imgur.com/NX3YMsj.png

Senor Weaselo

That’s brilliant.

Sill Bimmons

Someone should post this.

It’s an ode to boobs made by boob-havers, for boob-havers:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZx5zfkG6oU

WCS

It’s all jiggly!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damned nipple censors.

Unsurprised

Don’t blame me. I voted for Nipples.

theeWeeBabySeamus

At least we did better than Oklahoma.
-Syracuse

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh yay. That’s just all kinds of goodness.

Horatio Cornblower

“Cool tiger!”

Aaron Rodgers

Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower

Also this, which is probably air-brushed but I do not care…

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Sill Bimmons

There’s never been anything wrong with the way she looks.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Brocky

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Possibly my favorite gif for panicking

Senor Weaselo

Please scream and run around in circles. Thanks for coming.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxMr8RO5BAg

Horatio Cornblower

Sweet Jesus my wife just started watching a Hugh Grant/Drew Barrymore movie.

Someone save me 3 seconds and call 911.

Senor Weaselo

PRAY FOR HORATIO

theeWeeBabySeamus

Go Meteor!!!!

montythisseemsstrangetome

“Hello, 911? Yeah, I have this imaginary friend on the internet… no, I mean he’s a real person… probably. Come to think of it… anyway, his wife is watching a movie… what? what’s the emergency? Well, did I tell you who’s in the movie?”

JerBear50

It’s times like these when blanket statements like “you should never hit a woman for any reason” seem a little overreaching.

Sill Bimmons

Did somebody say BUFFALO WINGS WOO

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montythisseemsstrangetome

GET THAT CELERY OUT OF THERE

Senor Weaselo

GET THAT RANCH AND/OR BLUE CHEESE OUT OF HERE TOO!

Sill Bimmons

You’re still hungry for wings?

BUFFALO wings???

http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/1/17470/05_2009/ed187167a32f382d_2915211.xlarger.jpg

I’m having a milkshake and it is DELICIOUS. Frosty chocolate, don’t you know. Gotta appreciate the jimmies on the rim

http://www.agirlinparadise.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Chocolate-Milkshake.jpg

Senor Weaselo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xrw0gbnNuU

Also, they’re sprinkles, goddammit.

Sill Bimmons

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I agree, gotta appreciate a Jimmy on the rim.”

– Aaron Rodgers

Horatio Cornblower

I am finishing a salad to assuage my guilt but after that it’s three LARGE scoops of banana chocolate chip ice cream and I REGRET NOTHING!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus
JerBear50

Just found out a new-ish place down the street from me has duck wings on the menu. Needless to say, I will be patronizing them soon.

Sill Bimmons

Duck is highly underrated.

Best duck place in Paris, nothing else on the menu.

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JerBear50

Duck is awesome. There’s a nice wine bar/bistro in my town that has confit leg quarters on the special board fairly often. It makes it hard to try anything else when that’s available.

Horatio Cornblower

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JerBear50

Mmmmmmm… duck-fat fried potatoes…

Horatio Cornblower

I have to believe that there’s a bigger joke than the Rock and/or Roll Hall of Fame; I’m just not sure what it is.

WCS

Country “Music” Hall of Fame

Sill Bimmons

FOR BLEERGH’S SAKE

Senor Weaselo
Sill Bimmons

The Country Music Hall Of Fame?

Horatio Cornblower

I stand corrected good sirs.

Senor Weaselo

The fact that it’s in Cleveland? Some of the bands included and others that aren’t?

/Bitter that ELP’s not in yet

Sill Bimmons
Brocky

Completely unrelated: few things in life are more amusing than watching a parent try to figure out a fire stick

Brocky

So I’m pretty out of the loop on ncaa stuff. What’s the dirt on north Carolina? They’re not even the most hstable team in their own state.

theeWeeBabySeamus

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!!!

Brocky

I’d love to hear a counter argument

theeWeeBabySeamus

Carolina fucking sucks ass. Arrogant bastards who instituted systematic grade fixing to keep athletes eligible. They should be suffering thru the goddamned death penalty right goddamned now. Instead they’ve deflected and denied just long enough such that THIS despicable team could stay eligible and of course, as always, their goddamned cheating asses have a horseshoe stuck up it bcuz they’ll be playing for another ill gotten Nat’l Championship on Monday.

Did I mention they fucking suck ASS!!??!!!????!!!??

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow….I might need to call my therapist.

Brocky

Shows you how out of the loop I am, I completely forgot that scandal. I’m not defending anyone.

I probably still hate duke more. They’re like notre dame, i have never met a single person with any plausible connection to they school but inexplicably have a lot of fans it seems. And I live nowhere near carolina

theeWeeBabySeamus

The local media regularly fellates both. Neither is a bad pick for white hot hatred.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Looks like Barkley eating that ice cream.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow…that sucks.
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Horatio Cornblower

“Try not to suck any dicks on your way to the parking lot”

Love that scene.

JerBear50

Hey, hey you! Get back here!

montythisseemsstrangetome

Gotta say the Cookie Monster Siri commercial is pretty good.

Horatio Cornblower

So my son’s watching “Hateful 8” in one room, but way too far into the movie to just jump in, and in the other room my wife’s watching “San Andreas”, which is fucking terrible.

My options are (a) unheated basement TV or (b) go back to the bar and walk home

Senor Weaselo

Bar. Not even close.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Put on a coat and get your ass to the basement. AFL kickoff is upcoming.

Unsurprised

San Andreas has Daddario jiggle

laserguru

Wait for your son to finish Hateful 8 and then rewatch it with him.

Your choice on whether to share a beer with him.

Brocky

I can think of one or two reasons for San andreas

http://i.imgur.com/EXCxcyz.gif

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve already seen it.

For both of those reasons.

theeWeeBabySeamus
JustStopDude

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I drink too much…

montythisseemsstrangetome

SOMEONE WAS CUTTING ONIONS DAMMIT

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I remember the night I lost my virginity too.

Horatio Cornblower

Yep, that was pretty much it.

Unsurprised

The press conference scene is great. No surprise John Glenn became a politician.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hawt taek incoming…
Miranda Kerr is sort of cute.
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Senor Weaselo

I have no idea what I did to Buffalo, but their teams like playing spoilers to my teams. Yes, that includes the Bisons, the Blue Jays’ AAA affiliate. 4-3 final.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

No, ass slaps are not deserved. Not great hustle.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That was more of a caress.
Just saying.

Gratliff

Toronto should be relegated to the OHL at this point. Useless again.

montythisseemsstrangetome

OU should be relegated to high school after tonight.

Unsurprised

LEGEND

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Saw him and Robin Williams (his idle when Williams was growing up on one of the last John Carson shows, one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen, apparently Carson thought so too, he couldn’t even talk.

Unsurprised

Those two were All-Americans at the comedy game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I remember as a kid watching him on something, no remembrance of what, but literally laughing so hard that I thought I was gonna pass out.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Always loved him.

Horatio Cornblower

I am so fcukewd up on good beer right now. Fortunatle mty friends and I solced all of out tonw’s finanical priblems so everything’s good in ot town now.

Goddamn when I don’t edit this stuff it almost seems like I’ve had too much to drink.

WCS

BOURBLE ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

Senor Weaselo

I think it’s beerble.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m gonna need her number…

Unsurprised

Pussy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

My money’s on the bear.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So much wrongness, yet so funny nonetheless.

theeWeeBabySeamus
WCS

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theeWeeBabySeamus

In other news, I just chased a squirrel out of the house. At least this one didn’t drown in my toilet. Country Life, BITCHES!!!!!

montythisseemsstrangetome

If you really lived country life you’da just shot it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s why he had to replace the toilet last time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, LOL…that’s why.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve got my niece this weekend. Blowing a squirrel to hell and back would not sit well with a 10 year old.
She did enjoy watching me chase it back and forth for ten minutes tho. Little shithead would NOT go out the damned door.

WCS

Progress?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You tell me….
(this is an imgur hosted image and will self destruct in two minutes)
http://i.imgur.com/MWSz5Fn.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

…dad?

ballsofsteelandfury

I have to be honest; I’m a little jealous.

Unsurprised
theeWeeBabySeamus

DAWWWWWWW!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

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WCS

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Been watching Season 6 on Netflix. My wife says “I just don’t get that show.”

WCS

Grounds for divorce.

montythisseemsstrangetome

She did recognize Archer’s voice and ask if it was the guy who used to be on Dr. Katz.

WCS

Christmas Ape goes to the 1930s?

montythisseemsstrangetome

while Drew and Maj discuss what to do with him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

His granpa in drag trying to get money from Oly.

Unsurprised

The Right Stuff is just a cavalcade of character actors.

Unsurprised

One of my comments is awaiting moderation. Who thinks this is bullshit?
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

More like random.

montythisseemsstrangetome

So your comments need to be more moderate?

Unsurprised

This is 100 proof rye and yet I haven’t even felt a buzz drinking it since the first night I got it. I filled a glass full with only 3 cubes and still nothing.

(this is why I hate being fat. As for my hatred of fat people – familiarity breeds contempt)

Gratliff

God damn it, Buffalo. Stop being terrible at what you do.

Senor Weaselo

Keep being terrible, but just for the next 11, possibly 16 minutes. Plus shootout. No news about whether my Ice Bills fan is now feeling less smug to me.