Ben and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Latest posts by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (see all)

Stuck-up bitches. That’s what I want to talk about today.

Back on our trip down to Milledgeville you’ll remember I talked about how formal scientific method could be applied to the process of getting some skank to shine your knob through the study of chains of cause and effect and the application of experimental method to determine these chains. The purpose then was to show what was meant by classic social dynamics.

Now I want to show that that classic pattern of social dynamics can be tremendously improved, expanded and made far more effective through the formal recognition of Eliteness in its operation. Before doing this, however, I should go over some of the negative aspects of picking up bitches to show just where the problems are.

The first is stuck-up-ness, a mental resistance that accompanies the physical prudishness of whatever bitch it is you’re working your game on. The same thing Maurice was suffering from during our last trip to Tampa. A bitch balks, for example, when you tell her to lose her fat friends and duck into the men’s room with you for a few minutes. You check with the bartenders to see if there might be any special cause for this skank to cop such an attitude, but all they do is shrug in that wonderful terse style that tells you that you didn’t tip those cheap bastards enough, even though you and your boys are drinking beers and how fucking hard is it to pull the cap off a bottle of Bud Light anyway?

If you’re experienced you’d probably apply a inhibition reducing liquid along with a possession-oriented alpha call (“SHOTS FOR MY BITCHES!”), wait for it to take effect, inform your bodyguards that you’re looking to run an isolation route, and you’ll be rocking that impact driver in no time. But suppose you’re inexperienced and impatient and you just get frustrated and hit her with a rapid series of put-down audibles, I mean really just neg her into oblivion. It’s a procedure you’ve had success with in the past, when dealing with really insecure Delta types, but which this time backfires and you can’t see any way you’ll end up tearing up the slot of that shrew tonight.

Your mind was already thinking ahead to what you would do when the panties dropped, and so it takes a little time to realize that this irritating minor annoyance isn’t just irritating and minor. You’re stuck. Shut down. Terminated. It’s absolutely stopped you from sealing the deal, and worse, she’s now started poisoning the well for other targets, too.

This isn’t a rare occurrence in the seduction scene. These are the most basic bitches of all. Just plain stuck-up.

The Game is no good to you now. Neither is the Mystery Method. You don’t need any scientific experiments to find out what’s wrong. It’s obvious what’s wrong. What you need is an hypothesis for how you’re going to get that shrike out of there and scientific method doesn’t provide any of these hypotheses. It operates only after they’re around.

This is the zero moment of consciousness. Stuck. No answer. Honked. Kaput. It’s a miserable experience emotionally. It’s getting late. You’re feeling average. Frustrated. Like a chump. You don’t know what you’re doing. You should be ashamed of yourself. You should just call it a night.

It’s normal at this point for the fear-anger syndrome to take over and make you want to release your inner Greg Hardy, or tell security to make a big scene throwing her ass out of the VIP area. You think about it, and the more you think about it the more you’re inclined to drag her by her hair to a high bridge and drop her off. It’s just outrageous that this insufferable nag can defeat you so totally.

We have been looking at that shrew ‘objectively.’ According to the doctrine of ‘objectivity,’ which is integral with traditional scientific method, what we like or don’t like about that shrew has nothing to do with our correct thinking. We should not evaluate what we see. We should keep our mind a blank tablet which nature fills for us, and then reason disinterestedly from the facts we observe.

But when we stop and think about it disinterestedly, in terms of this stuck-up shrew, we begin to see that this whole idea of disinterested observation is silly. Where are those facts? What are we going to observe disinterestedly? The rhinestone tube top? The immovable cockblocking best friend at her side? The color of the hastily applied eyeshadow? The other sissies at this bar?

As Poincaré would have said, there are an infinite number of facts about hot bitches, and the right ones don’t just dance up and introduce themselves. The right bitches, the ones we really need, are not only passive, they are damned elusive, and we’re not going to just sit back and ‘observe’ them. We’re going to have to be in there looking for them or we’re going to be here a long time. Forever. As Poincaré pointed out, there must be a subliminal choice of what facts we observe. And this subliminal choice, this underlying process of identifying not only the finest, but the most easily isolated bitches, is the foundation of Eliteness.

 

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Please Login to comment
17 Comment threads
68 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
17 Comment authors
JerBear50King HippoMoose -The End Is Well NighSill BimmonsSpanky Datass Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
King Hippo

Poincaré ,, ppl forget that

/also, goddamn this was good

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
American Pie Story
American Pie Story
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

The best news of the day?

The Pfizer/Allergan merger is off.

If you think Americans pay too much for Rx meds now, that merger would have driven new Rx drug prices through the roof.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Checks must not have cleared.

JerBear50
JerBear50

You can’t interfere with business, bro. If they can make more off of their drugs then who are we to say they shouldn’t be as profitable as possible even at the risk of destroying the very system that props them up? If the invisible hand of the supermarket didn’t work, we’d still have to go to stupid little local stores instead of getting all our shit done in one trip to wally world. You “liberals” need to educate yourselves better.

/thinks Adam Smith plays bass in his favorite pop/punk band

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Another good day at work; today was a lot of team building and cooperation.

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Greg Hardy’s brother is cool tho, went a completely different route in life, man.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdfy8wClv61qb2mnpo8_1280.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T

I commend Adam Schefter for his keen judgment of Greg Hardy’s true character.
-Neville Chamberlain

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JerBear50
JerBear50

Life is too short to have sorrow
You may be here today and gone tomorrow
You might as well get what you want
-Aaron Neville

nomonkeyfun

“We think Greg Hardy exercised admirable restraint.”

-OJ Simpson, Scott Peterson, and Rae Carruth

Wakezilla

“It’s cool, guys. Julien Blanc says I did nothing wrong.”

Greg Hardy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Guys, blognerds, internet shut-ins…lend me your eyes.

This…this is a game changer.

Your world will never be the same after you see this:

http://wondermark.com/c/2010-03-05-601chopsticks.gif

Now if only there were some way to prevent Mountain Dew keyboard spills…

Wakezilla

This comic is propaganda paid by the 1% fat cats who want more people to feel OK with them to eating pizza with a fork and knife.

#TeamOrangefingers

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*#orangedick

blaxabbath

I completely agree with you, Sill. Great post!

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

And if you stab your sandwich cookie in the “stuff” with a fork you can submerge it in milk without cramming your fingers down in the glass.
http://img.wonderhowto.com/img/94/79/63500497919593/0/dunk-oreo-cookie-milk-without-getting-your-fingers-messy.w654.jpg

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Don T

Damn. I wish I were that articulate.
-Justin Houston’s knee

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Don T

I’ve notice these .gifs are getting seamless. That’s awesome hustle Moose.
/hard ass slap

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry, man; wish I’d have wiped.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Holy shi….. I think I just grossed myself out.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait! Greg Hardy said on the teeVee that he dint do anything; has to be true.

Wakezilla

Anybawdy good enough to sack Tawmmy Brady, the greatest quarterback of all-tyme, twice in won game would never lie! Nobody dies this!

blaxabbath

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

The worst part is how Brady is able to get back up.

Sep

/raises hand

What if the ‘immovable cockblock’ is a male?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s EVEN WORSE!

monty this seems strange to me

What if the immovable cockblock is myself?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m afraid I fall into that category also.

“He’s riding with us.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I need to speak to your supervisor.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Wakezilla

You punch him in the dick and tell him his limp dick is never, ever getting out of the friendzone so he best step aside before you apply your MMA moves you’ve been learning from on the weekends at Fitness Planet, brah. And you know you can do it because you’re buzzing off the Jaegerbombs and those have triggered super energy from those fat burning Xyience pills you pound back so you look cut.

blaxabbath

Your limp dick is never…and I mean EVER…getting out of the friend zone. So you know what it’s best you do? It’s best you just step aside before I start burning these Xyience pills back up on your candy ass!

http://www.foxsports.com/content/dam/fsdigital/fscom/WWE/part2/21_Rock_AustinSlam_Large.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sep

I don’t believe in God, I believe in XYIENCCCCCEEEEEE!

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Covalent Blonde

I am afraid that I may b a cockblock. What words does THE BEN have to help me plumb that soul-searching cavern of introspection.

… I fear that the cockblocking abyss has been staring back.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

B. A. Cockblock, Attorney at Law.

Sep

That’s easy, don’t look at the abyss in it’s one eye.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sep

A.B. Normal, ESQ

jjfozz

I knew a dude in college who constantly talked about Zen the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance – and berated me for starting it and putting it down after one chapter.

He looked like that yuppie dick in Good Will Hunting who got taken to school by Matt Damon.

I should have puked on him one night when I was taking the A train to Blackout City, but I never did.

monty this seems strange to me

Never did what? Puke on him or take the A train to Blackout City?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Both are obtainable, and preferable in the order you mentioned.”

-John Bonham

jjfozz

Puke on him.

I took that train a great deal, once I saw a large man with a lardacinno enter the train’s quiet car . . .

monty this seems strange to me

Oh okay, because I thought…

you know what, never mind.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Zen and the Art of Mountain Bike Maintenance just has bike fixing stuff in it……

blaxabbath

Putting a book down after one chapter, also known as a Baltimore summer reading program.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s the smart kids anyway.

nomonkeyfun
nomonkeyfun
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Great post, really lost it at the Poincaré reference.

Maybe head offices are looking in the wrong places for an offensive line. Maybe just recruit a whole bunch of immovable cockblocks now that the chop block is illegal.

Covalent Blonde

Knowing that an ‘immovable cockblock’ can keep a bitch safe from A BEN is important information for the world to know.