Somehow, at the bottom of a particularly strange rabbit hole this morning, I found this in my browser:
WIP-FM IS SEEKING A PART-TIME ANNOUNCER
Go on…
Candidates must have at least 3 years radio experience and success in a medium to large market, or equivalent experience in a related sports profession.
I’ve sold beer at sporting events for 23 years. I think that makes me overqualified. But – please continue.
Must exude personality and not be afraid to have strong opinions as well as possess the ability to entertain in person.
Exude…like an odour? Of cheesesteak? Of disappointment? Clearly, not of success. What else?
This unique individual should possess a strong radio background and have an interest in sports, and be prepared to handle the most passionate sports fans in the world.
“The most passionate sports fans in the world” But not The Best Fans In Baseball?
What type of peasant must I converse with? Surely they’re not hooligans?! Way to put that dress on the pig.
There’s so much that could be said about the masochist that would apply for such an opening. The burnout rate for these new hires must be about Week 2 of the Eagles season, due to all the ‘interaction’. No wonder they advertise at the start of baseball season – it’s so they can sucker people in with the relative passivity of Phillies fans and the absence of Sixers playoffs. Those batteries are only going to get larger and more plentiful through the summer. Best to get that Faustian contract signed now.
The NFL has decided to keep its May owners meeting in North Carolina. It makes sense, given their aggressive stance on concussions and cheerleader hygiene. If you don’t care about your own employees, then why bother worrying about random strangers? It doesn’t take much for Jerry Richardson to go from giving 3/5ths of a shit to none whatsoever. Someone better make sure Mark Davis knows where to go because my guess is that, without direction, he’ll piss in the plant pots.
Going from out of his mind to simply out of options:
“I commend Marvin’s achievements,” Bengals owner Mike Brown said last month. “He’s done remarkably well with our football team here, in recent years especially. I respect him. I like him personally. He’s going to be our coach this year. That’s in the bank. Where it goes, we’ll see how it plays out.” (si.com)
Just who in the hell does Mike Brown think he could get to come in and coach that mess? The guys who keep Pacman out of the strip club buffets have a better chance of controlling that team. Anyway, I guess we’ll find out in January 2017, when the 10:35 from San Francisco arrives.
Well, that’s enough of that – it looks like the midnight train has arrived. UNLOAD THE GAMES!
NHL: (13 games total)
- Red Wings @ Bruins – 7:00
- Islanders @ Rangers – 7:00
- Penguins @ Capitals – 7:00
- Blues @ Blackhawks – 8:30
- Ducks @ Kings – 10:30
NCAA Hockey: the Frozen Four! Semi-final action from Tampa Bay!
- Boston College vs Quinnipiac – 5:30
- Denver vs North Dakota – 8:30
NBA: (5 games total)
- Raptors @ Hawks – 8:00
- Spurs @ Warriors – 10:30
RIP Merle Haggard. Only Willie Nelson is left – THE ONE WHO SMOKED THE MOST WEED WON!
I thought the Whalers were back for a second
Holy jesus fuck, Detroit.
Bring us luck, Mid-90’s Salma Hayek!
Salma takes away my ability to make complete word groupings
TV version of Santanico Pandemonium (Eiza Gonzalez) is also nothing to sneeze at and worth your google time.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/962e38f7fe5ad8a1fb9611e2c060363b/tumblr_inline_nd5rv2ydka1qdwaq9.gif
Exhibit A (or maybe double D)
http://www.pueblaonline.com.mx/2015/portal//media/k2/galleries_p/33990/thumb_front/eg1.jpg
The only thing good about that film.
DAMN YOU CURSE
you the muthafucka who keep sayin’ it out loud
INORITE
YOU JUST HAD TO BRING IT UP EARLIER
I just finished a last minute production run for a long time customer. She’s a retiree/casual and she is the very textbook version of ditzy.
She sent me a thank you email that read “you R just 2 1derful” and since she doesn’t know how to use emojis (thank Christ) she finished the email with “”
I was able to get a couple of Tums down before puking everywhere.
The bullshit gold-plated .9999 Buffalo Proof “Tribute Strike” is almost as bad as the Morgan scam, but at least it’s only $10.
Still…what the fuck is wrong with people?
It’s SO SHINY THOUGH
BUT THE GOLD BUFFALO COIN IS TOTES LEGIT, SILL!!!!
Happy National Beer Day everyone!!!111one!!!
http://www.forbes.com/sites/kellyphillipserb/2016/04/07/on-national-beer-day-a-look-back-at-beer-tax-the-fight-against-whiskey-in-america/#4c933b715f0d
Connor Shreary smoked all of Tyrone Biggums’ crack before this game started.
SUCK IT NISKY
Ice Stillers power play = TRY not to give up a sh goal
http://i1058.photobucket.com/albums/t413/shamad2/hot-girls-gif-stretch-022812_zps1f53973c.gif
I would attend that yoga class.
In my last semester of college, I need a phys ed credit, and yoga was all I could fit in my schedule. I was the only male in a college yoga class. That was a very special time for me.
Even beyond the delightful perv value, yoga is a great idea. I’m just too lazy and introverted to do it. Been meaning to at least do the Amazon Prime video series. SIGH.
Yeah…bcuz that’ll get you laid.
One period left in the season.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkoz9nlFEl1qidavao1_250.gif
This Morgan Silver Dollar scam drives me more insane than most other things.
“Guaranteed to be in Brilliant Uncirculated to Fine condition! Limit five per caller! Only $29.90!!!”
This is a Morgan dollar in Brilliant Uncirculated condition. It is worth several thousand dollars to any collector. This is not the coin you will receive.
http://thumbs2.ebaystatic.com/d/l225/m/mbUX9RGtH3psV6cQ8vL6b4g.jpg
This is a Morgan dollar in Fine condition. No one will pay you anything for this as a coin and the silver in it is worth maybe $5. This is the coin you will receive.
http://www.coinstudy.com/image-files/1889-morgan-silver-dollar-fine-2.jpg
These people are fucking savages.
https://youtu.be/YGUTX5VWVdk?t=42s
And they’re not even legal tender in the Republic of Liberia!
Not that anyone cares, but Ubaldo Jimenez actually looks like a pitcher tonight.
Sadly, the short bus Orioles hitters not giving him any run support.
Wooo baseball!!!!
Those cold black eyes will SWALLOW YOUR VERY SOUL
He actually smiled a couple times tonight.
Interestingly, it was more scary than the blank look of death.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH ROWSDOWER
Zap Rowsdower or Dave Ryder?
?w=460
http://rs102.pbsrc.com/albums/m105/poirierm1/spacemutiny15.jpg?w=480&h=480&fit=clip
?w=600&h=460
Painkiller should be worth a goal.
Nashville’s bile-yellow sweaters do nothing to distract you from their bile-yellow helmets.
Frozen Four game #2 about to start.
Okay, Alizee. It’s up to you now.
http://x3.cdn03.imgwykop.pl/c3201142/comment_yxJTjQGdVohGgAKqU0vbD3CL7SyJr7kf.gif
http://www.chinadistributionltd.com/images/products-in-china/spirits-in-china/cocktails/alize.png
Just looking at that makes my mouth scrunch up. Blech.
http://i2.wp.com/www.rowsdowr.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/rowsdower.png?w=600
One minute, thirty seconds of nothing but Rowsdower:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6OPyfQxwDM
3-0 Curse cursening in DC?
SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP
Does that mean an Ovechkin slap shot is going to hit Crosby in the head during garbage time and give him a season-ending concussion?
Enjoy it. And remember it when Caps take you out 3-1 in the playoffs.
/ducks
Ha missed me.
Dang…shoulda ducked again.
Goddamned typo.
When will I learn to proofread? (hint…probably never)
4-1
Why is Will Arnett?
Because he got to put inside Amy Poehler.
But that’s over now.
I hope his kid grows up to hate him for these stupid Bridgestone ads.
Oh, and blowing it with Amy Poehler.
You asked “why”, not “make me believe”.
I wholeheartedly agree with your last statement.
REMEMBER : YOUR FUTURE SELF IS ALWAYS WATCHING
http://4.images.southparkstudios.com/images/shows/south-park/clip-thumbnails/season-6/0616/south-park-s06e16c01-harmless-16×9.jpg
Well look who decided to fucking play in Boston
?w=650
THAT’S RIGHT! I SAID “?w=650 ” COME AT ME BRO!!
Surely not black people. Why do you think Len Bias snorted coke?
Huzzah Islanders.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/003b395d78b9c14e9c703a743808ab76/tumblr_mk20vyOJoh1qfrkf9o1_500.gif
Fuck you, incidental contact.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rmCZrErxkUI/UflqHrVSTpI/AAAAAAAAOCE/cJvMxE14lT4/s1600/hooch-scrubs.gif
Hooch is crazy.
So the ice Lions feel like not playing another 4 or 5 games. That is ok Datsyuk is still Elite…..
“THE FACT THAT THERE ARE NO CANADIAN TEAMS IN THE PLAYOFFS MEANS THAT THESE PLAYOFFS ARE THE WORST PLAYOFFS THAT HAVE EVER BEEN PLAY-OFFED!”
-Don Maraschino
http://recipeofhealth.com/images/recipes/normal/93145/drunken-cherries-aka-cherry-bomb.jpg
http://www.bite.ca/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/rampage.gif
“These transgendered people, they were a man and now their a woman? That means I have to pay them twice? Ban them!!!!”
-Mike Brown
-Must have strong opinions based on pure conjecture and represent opinion as fact. -Must be able to quickly cherry-pick unsubstantiated items from Wikipedia and represent them as being the be-all, end-all of the conversation.
-Must be able to exhibit complete indignation and moral outrage in a self-righteous manner over small human frailties and various banalities.
-Must be able to stick to the above in the face of overwhelming evidence and facts through incoherent rationalization and diversion of the original central point.
-Must have deeply held prejudices and be competent in thinly disguising them into your talking points.
-Must be able to completely reverse your positions on the whim of the developing media narrative.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/2ba7d1df58e87addcd6de4d8d98354ce/tumblr_mxon7wshlI1s2riaro1_1280.gif
“Okay, you get to cover Riley Cooper.”
“I’m a lock for this job. I’ll make sports broadcasting great again. I’ll be the classiest host WIP. My first topic, building a wall to keep those Canadians from stealing jobs from American hockey players. I make Wayne Gretzky pay for it.”
-Trump
NOT OVER YET
http://i.imgur.com/HL9xIce.gif
http://img.pandawhale.com/post-34928-Lauren-Elise-YES-gif-WOOT-mesh-LANq.gif
woops
“Hi! I’m a female fan of a division rival! I would like to apply for the WIP job please!”
IT’S ABOUT ETHICS IN SPORTS RADIO
Zymm, you would have to be blackout wasted to bring yourself down to their level. I tune in just for the hilarity.
But it’s amazing what you can get idiots to say if you pretend to agree with them!
I agree totally with this statement.
“WHORE!/SHOW YOUR TITS!” – Every WIP caller
“I am showing my tits, can’t you hear them on your radio? Maybe you should turn it up to max volume and put your ear right up against the speaker….”
(preps airhorn)
They’d figure that trick out after the first 50 or 60 times.
Five minute power play? Let’s fuck around for the first three.
The lack of urgency on most 5-minute PPs is disturbing.
MATT CULLEN WOO
Can’t we just do the NFL Draft tomorrow? I’m really fucking bored and my el beisbol team sucks this year (and that’s boring regardless).
I agree, I am bored 4 games into the Giants season, there is no teams from Canadia for me to hate as my Ice Bombers last year was brief, the missus is irritating me, my job is brutal, just give me my god damn Sunday!
and Thursday
and Monday
and Saturday after the JV season finishes again
MATT CULLEN > OVIE
A crusty herpertic lesion > Ovie
I love that the Flyers are going to follow up their “Fuck the World” tour where they beat the shit out of the best teams in the league by going 1-3 and getting leapfrogged by the limping Wings and Bruins. It’s so perfectly Philadelphia.
That first Frozen Four game was nuts for the last three minutes. Quinnipiac on to the Final.
Are Flyers fans reacting reasonably yet? Leafs, eh?
Flyera going full Flyera. You never go full Flyera.
Well, at least it will be interesting to see how many Scott Tenorman gifs the Pensblog can photoshop Flyers logos into.
Jobber.
Kettle cooked potato chips-the ones with only three ingredients-are the only potato chips worth your attention.
/READ “THE DORITO EFFECT”, PEOPLE!
Counterpoint: Kettle cook chips are like stale garbage.
I’d like to fight you on the internet on this.
/I disagree-relative to super mass-produced potato chips, they are super-duper special good.
I fervently believe in the principle of simple goodness. Fewer ingredients the better.
I miss the days of Philly sports teams waiting for the playoffs to collapse.
[Donovan McNabb pukes in approval]
“So very young…”
-Bobby Clark, Bernie Parent, Tug Mcgraw, Mike Schmidt
Good thing for DraftKings that they’re still paying for ad space on the MSG boards in New York where you can no longer play DraftKings.
Boston scores again. Really? Fuck you, Detroit.
Ah, NHLN.
I can always count on you to only update me on games already available in my area.
Back from my more-or-less self-imposed golf exile for some hawkey.
WCS is a lock for the job.
He’s quite famous in the Lehigh Valley.