The Commentist Politburo got to talkin’ ailments this week, what with Culinary Legend Yeah Right’s knee getting all fucked. This is the true essence of life past 35 (the “injury/ailment” Maginot Line), you whippersnappers. Shit just blows on ya. Perhaps even whilst one sleeps. No activity is safe. For me, it’s the PeyPey neck, though other shit is also mild-to-moderately fucked. SO FAR.

So enjoy your couches, your booze, your drug(s) of choice. Father Time comes for us all. GET WELL SOON, ye bastard Small Bear fan.

And what does the EPL have to distract us with this weekend? SPOILER ALERT. Not much.

Arsenal remain 11 back of Foxy Footy, but with a game in hand…so THEORETICALLY 8. That theory faces a stiff test in 6th position West Ham in the early bird special (7:45, NBCSN). Arsenal must run the table to have any shot whatsoever. Falling back into their more familiar 4th is still much more likely.

The 10:00 window fucking sucks. NBCSN is showing Palace/Norwich, intriguing as…the 2 worst teams who WON’T get relegated?? USA has Soton taking on Newcastle, so one can laugh at the Barcodes, who surely ARE going the fuck down. Everton continue their tailspin into irrelevance at Watford, and Chelski face Swans on Extra Time. Meh.

Sunday brings a marginally interesting doubleheader. Leicester face relegation fodder (with a slight chance to escape yet again) Sunderland (8:30, NBCSN), followed by 2nd place Spurs and 5th place Manure (11:00, NBCSN). The margin between the top two is 7 points, and Foxy Footy have the far easier game – with only 5 contests remaining after Sunday. This could effectively end the race…but footy is a fickle mistress in such circumstances. Beware, Foxes. Beware.