Request Line: Don’t Know Much About Algebra…

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

A radio producer sits in front a sound board, frowning.  

PRODUCER: Listen, could you just…let me handle the technical stuff?

RUSSELL OKUNG: Nah, man I got it.  We gots to increase the bass here.

OKUNG starts fiddling with the microphone.  He loosens one of the thumbscrews and the microphone stand sags downward until the microphone head falls against the desk, causing a loud feedback whine.

PRODUCER: [yanking off headphones] Gaaah!

OKUNG leans forward to talk into the microphone, which is still resting on the desk.

OKUNG: Yeah, gotta get that sound comin’ in from [drops voice to lower register] down low.  How you doin’, folks?  I’m Russell Okung of the Denver Broncos.  As you know it’s tax season, and I’m here to spin some records and share some practical tips as you prepare your 1040’s…

PRODUCER: Russell, you’re not a financial advisor.  Just stick to the music.

OKUNG: I’ll have you know I just negotiated a $53 million contract on my own.  Saved myself a cool three percent.  So I think I know a thing or two about money management.  Now a lot of you folks out there are probably thinking about firing up TurboTax, or heading over to H&R Block, or even hiring a CPA.  I’ll have you know you don’t need to do ANY of that.  You can do your taxes yourself!  I did!  Now a lot of folks are worried that doing their taxes themselves will be too complicated and confusing – it’s a lot of numbers and it’s a lot of math.  But I gotta remind you of something – YOU’RE THE BOSS.  Those numbers aren’t in charge – you are!  You don’t need no fancy calculator to tell you how them numbers work, YOU tell them how they work.  So give me a holler with some of your favorite songs about math and numbers and that arith-ma-tic shit, and I’ll give ’em a whirl.

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