I don’t even know how long this has been going on now but I do know I am finally getting near the end game. Last week I had my MRI scheduled and everything was going along as good as can be expected until the day of the MRI. I had just gotten to work, parked the car and on the 25 or so steps to get inside my left knee basically collapsed. Holy shit that’s the pain I hadn’t experienced much of to this point. It felt like what had been a partial tear of the meniscus just fully went ahead and shredded the shit out of itself. I was carrying my lunch and I had noticed there were a couple of women on the sidewalk in front of our building but when the knee shredded, I bent over at the waist and shouted “FUCK!!!!”, the fitness walkers picked up their pace immediately. I limped inside to start my shift.
I probably could have gone home but what good would that do? Besides my MRI was scheduled for 7:00 PM and the imaging center is right around the corner from work. I stayed for my whole shift. For a little perspective, this was last Thursday, the first day of the NFL draft. It’s been a fun few days since and now due to compensation and protection, my right knee has begun hurting too. Remember this is the knee that was repaired just last year and that I’m still recovering from. Hot damn what a fun year it’s been.
So on draft day as I was waiting for my appointment, I started following the draft online. It was a good distraction for a couple of hours. My team, the Vikings were picking 23rd and it was starting to look like I wouldn’t be able to see us pick due to the timing of the appointment. I was right, we were just “on the clock” when the MRI technician called me in. It was actually kind of amusing because I was getting texts from a bunch of people asking me about the Vikings and who did I want them to take. The way the MRI works is you have to remove all of you clothing except for underwear and socks and they give you the lovely hospital gown to change into and you lock your belongs in a locker, therefore I had no idea what was happening in the outside world. I told the MRI tech that things had been a little hectic with me finishing the tear on the knee that same day and with the draft going on. He told me that he had been following the draft on the radio and that his team was on the clock. That’s right. He was a Vikings fan from Minnesota. I can’t begin to tell you how rare it is to encounter a Vikings fan in L.A. so this felt like a little bit of kismet, maybe this wouldn’t be that bad after all.
The MRI machine and I are no strangers to each other. I’ve probably gone in about 6 times so I know what to expect. You lay on your back while the technician locks your knee down in a slightly elevated position and you are given a blanket because as with anything hospital related it is cold as fuck in there. The technician asked me if I wanted to know the Vikings pick when the procedure was over, I told him “Sure.” The tube is a tight fit and you are always asked if you are claustrophobic. Fortunately I don’t have this issue and was only gifted with the shitty knees when I came into the world. The questionnaire also asks if you have any pins, plates, screws or possible metal items in your body. Lucky on that count too. So far. You tuck your arms at your sides, the table you are lying on is elevated and slid into the tube. You are only put in about mid-chest deep so your head doesn’t enter the tube. I can see how that might lead to the claustrophobia question. The lights are lowered, you are given ear plugs to put in and the procedure starts. The last MRI center I visited gave you a headset with your choice of music. I always choose techno because of the rhythms of the machine itself. It just works really well. The technician stopped the process after about 3-4 minutes and readjusted the position of the knee and the “coil” that was placed underneath my knee. He said the machine was picking up “relics.” I have no idea what a relic is but this was the first time I encountered it during an MRI and thought it warranted mentioning. Back into the tube I went and the process started again. It’s about 18 minutes in total and it consists of 4-5 cycles of some pretty damn loud banging. I mentioned the techno music because I am always reminded of industrial music during an MRI. The 18 minutes feel like 45.
The procedure is finished and I am wheeled out of the tube. The technician told me who the Vikings selected and we discussed that for a few minutes. I told him I was hoping they would draft Myles Jack to reunite with his old UCLA teammates on our linebacking corps. He shook my hand, told me the images looked nice and clear and wished me luck. The MRI technicians are not doctors so they will not give you a diagnosis despite how much you ask for one. That’s what the orthopedic surgeon gets paid to do. The tech said he would get the images to my surgeon within 24 hours. I finally got home and now I have to wait until Monday morning for my diagnosis.
It was a long, slow painful weekend. But did you make Sunday Gravy you ask? Bet your ass I did. It was delightful too. Can’t wait to share.
The diagnosis.
The orthopedic surgeon met with me on Monday morning. I thought it was a little odd that he was wearing surgeon scrubs and the little protective hat thingie but it wasn’t my place to ask. I figured maybe he has a unique fashion sense. At least now I know why this shit has been such a challenge. I tore BOTH the medial meniscus and the lateral meniscus in the left knee.
Well fuck.
This should be really goddamn fun. I’ve never had them both tear at the same time so I may be looking at some substantial rehab and recovery on this motherfucker. Turns out the reason the doc was wearing his scrubs is that he actually performs the procedures on site! He had already performed 5 Monday morning before 9:00 A.M. That is fucking amazing. The best part about that, besides being really close to home is there will be no charges for the surgical facility. Last time I had to drop $3,600 bucks before they even wheeled me in to the O.R. Not this time baby! I have a pre-op appointment with my primary care physician on Wednesday for some quick lab work and I am scheduled for surgery next Monday 5-9-16 at 7:00. I’m probably going to go ahead and take all of next week off from work. The doctor said I get there at 7:00 A.M. the procedure is at 8:00 and I should be out of there by 10:00.
Boom!
The start to recovery is less than a week away.
I’ll be back to explain how the surgery went and the process of that entire day. Despite the fact that my knee hurts like Hell I am actually doing better mentally. I’m not discouraged at all, just fully resolved to get this damn knee fixed. Although I still do feel…
To be continued.
Good luck, man! It’s very encouraging that you’re doing better mentally…that’s huge.
Possibly even YUUUUUUUGE
Thanks WEW. I’ve been looking at anybody but my Fremantle Dockers for inspiration.
Hope you’re doing well down under.
You’ve missed some great gatherings.
It really gets to the point where you have to say “Fuck this. I’m not letting it dictate my life.”
And I’m there now.
Again.
You’re still talking about the Dockers, aren’t you?
Thumbs up for Pantera alone.
As a veteran of three meniscus operations, I understand what a bitch it is. At least they’ll dope ya up real good!
Here’s to a speedy recovery and your job folks giving you full leave for sick days, not that “personal / vacation” leave gyp.
Boss actually said “Are you sure you only need one week?”
Yeah work takes care of me alright.
I assume you’re looking at arthroscopy.
My mother’s three or four knee surgeries were all full zipper scar. Two weeks before she could put any weight on it and got to leave the hospital. That was as a fast healing very light 17 year old.
Yep it’s arthroscopic. The challenge is the two surgical sites. There should probably only be 3 small incisions.
And I am pretty damn far from fast healing at my creaky ass age.
Also he will be looking into a happy ending as part of the procedure.
Damn right.
Oof. I think I have some spare bubble gum and duct tape to help hold your knee together until the surgery 🙁
Best of recoveries! Remember, you can run tubing into those hollow aluminum crutches and use them as a flask!
I think that knee collapse thing last week was the lateral meniscus going. Until that point the pain and swelling and shit was all too familiar but it was right after that event when I thought I might have some ligament damage since the pain was also hitting from the outside of the knee.
That was really a joyous day.
THIS YEAH RIGHT’S KNEE, I CALL IT A 1974 PINTO, BECAUSE IT KEEPS BLOWING UP AT THE WORST TIMES
AND KILLS THE CHILDREN IN THE BACK SEAT!
“1974 Pinto,” also known as a “Baltimore Cadillac.”
Are those the ones that have custom venting?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wigSjaqgq5k/Tm2Mvpnf-tI/AAAAAAAABwM/jvSu6xzplwo/s1600/1985%2BLincoln%2BTown%2BCar%2Bbullet%2Bholes.jpg
Those are speed holes. They make the car go faster.
Put it in H!
I kind of like the MRI machine but I’m also a weirdo. Hope everything goes well and you are feeling better soon!
I fell asleep in it the one time. Problem with that is waking up with the ol’ partial boner…. at least it was mine.
Yes, waking up inside an MRI machine with someone else’s partial boner would indeed be a problem.
While not in an MRI Cosby and Sharper victims have this experience.
Ah, the MRI machine. Allow me to relate a tale. A couple of years ago, my back completely gave out. Couldn’t move, couldn’t walk, constant pain. Operation imminent. So they request an MRI and as I get into the machine, I freak the fuck out. Nope, can’t do it. Pain plus anxiety win the day.
My father took care of me this entire time because a) he’s my father and a stand up guy; b) he’s a physician; c) His Italian guilt kicked in because this back pain is hereditary.
So we get in the car and I’m just fucking done. So he turns and says, “Here, take this pain killer. You’ll relax.” So I take the pill. Then he says, “Let’s go get a big glass of bourbon.”
“But I’m on pain meds,” I croak out.
And to Yeah Right: keep the faith, and get well. I’ll sacrifice a few empty bourbon bottles to the great god Bourble to speed your healing.
“But I’m a doctor, so you’ll be okay.”
And yes, an hour later I was A-OK.
“Operation Imminent”
The title of the ESPN 30 for 30 about purple camouflage.
Perhaps “Operation Purple Portliness”
“What if I told you that an unattractive fan base, that consistently makes poor life choices, could actually make themselves even more unappealing?”
Wow, as mentioned above I fell asleep during one of my MRI visits. Total opposite of your experience.
I hate ‘liking’ this post because I somehow feel like I am voting for your awful and treacherous meniscus.
Stay gold, Ponyboy. You have my sympathies, babe!
Thanks Kitty Cat. I’m gonna make it just fine.
Fuck that knee, I refuse to slow down. Well apart from the next couple of weeks.
I will fuck your knee if you want, but it won’t help.
Very interesting read. Glad you’re on the road to recovery! I’ve never had great knees but haven’t torn anything yet fortunately. Hope it stays that way.
As for the Vikings, I thought they had a stellar draft. I think “Teddy to Tready” is gonna be reminiscent of the Cutler-Marshall connection the Bears had several years ago. Vikes are a playoff team again for sure.
I too thought the draft was solid. I love the fact that we can draft “best available” finally because of solid past draft classes and good work in free agency. I really liked the Treadwell, Alexander and Brothers picks. All solid. And I really hope Boehringer works out because that’s just a great story.
Should be a fun year.
These MRI techs and orthopedic surgeons sound like a bunch of G.D. alchemists.
All he needs is some bleeding and a few leeches applied; fix him right up.
Good luck man. As someone with my own knee problems you have my empathy. And I hope everything goes well with the surgery and rehab. It sounds like you have a great doctor/surgeon and I know how much of a difference that can make.