With 69 days until the NFL season starts, it’s time to get back to focusing on what’s important in football: #brands

Through extensive research, bribes and the occasional sexual favor (I said I was sorry, Horatio!) the team here at DFO have uncovered these products that were expected to be launched as part of their company’s new marketing strategy, but were mysteriously halted before being released. While they all seem perfectly cromulent, we will never know if they would have been as successful as Wes Welker’s Depends or Peyton Manning’s, well, everything, we hope that their sponsors come to their senses and release these fine products someday soon.

Featured: Peter King’s NFL EZ Water Carrier

Philip Rivers’ Pregnancy Test:

Najeh Davenport’s Laundry Detergent:

T. J. Houshmandzadeh’s Word Jumbles:

Herm Edwards’ Headphones:

Trent Green’s Memory Supplements:

[Thanks to all of the Commentists in the back office for their various suggestions. There may be more in the future.]