INT. TALK SHOW SET – DAY

A pair of robots begin to materialize onto the lavishly appointed set of a talk show. The audience cheers their arrival vociferously, hooting and and hollering as the two forms solidify.

BRONCO: What on earth is happening now? Where are we?

RQBOCOP: It’s fine, I got this.

RQBOCOP leads them onto the stage and to a pair of plush chairs next to the show’s host. 

CHOMP: …WELCOME BACK TO CHOMP CHAT, THE TALK SHOW WHERE WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT ROBOT ISSUES OF THE DAY. BANDLEADER BITE FORCE DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE SHOOTOUT IN DALLAS?

BITE FORCE: I WAS ON HOLD WITH MCMASTER-CARR TRYING TO GET A REFUND FOR SOME SHEET METAL I FOUND OUTSIDE WITCH DOCTOR’S LOCKER ROOM.

CHOMP: WELL OF COURSE YOU WERE YA BIG DUMMY. ANYWAY WE HAVE BRONCO FROM THE TV SHOW BATTLEBOTS AND RQBOCOP FROM OCP SECURITY HERE TO DISCUSS THE USE OF POLICE ROBOTS TO DISPENSE LETHAL FORCE IN STANDOFF SITUATIONS. A WARM WELCOME TO MY TWO FAVORITE BRONCOS HOW’S IT GOING GUYS?

RQBOCOP: It’s going great, Chomp, thanks for having us.

BRONCO: [looking around] I am very confused.

CHOMP: SO THE DALLAS POLICE TRIED NEGOTIATING WITH THIS SHOOTER MICAH XAVIER JOHNSON FOR HOURS AND EVENTUALLY RESORTED TO STRAPPING SOME C4 TO A BOMB DISPOSAL ROBOT AND DETONATING IT RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. RQBOCOP THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAS HAPPENED IF I’M NOT MISTAKEN.

RQBOCOP: That’s right, Chomp. While the military has been using drones for targeted strikes in Iraq and elsewhere for a number of years, and the civilian police have been using robots to disarm bombs for quite some time, this is the first occasion in which the police have deliberately used a robot to end a suspect’s life.

CHOMP: SOUNDS LIKE THEY LOST PATIENCE WITH GRINDING THINGS OUT ON THE GROUND AND DIALED UP AN EXPLOSIVE PLAY.  DO YOU THINK THE COPS MADE THE RIGHT CALL HERE?

RQBOCOP: Well, to be honest, Chomp, it’s hard to say.  The Dallas Police Department has not been particularly forthcoming with details about the incident, and a number of people have complained that they are hiding behind the shield of an “active investigation” in order to insulate themselves from any criticism.

CHOMP: I CAN’T BLAME THEM FOR THAT – YOU NEVER WANT TO LEAK YOUR GAME PLAN TO THE PRESS BEFORE THOSE LIGHTS GO GREEN.  BRUTUS USED TO REFUSE TO UPLOAD HIS SENSOR STATISTICS TO GITHUB AFTER THE MATCH UNTIL THEY STARTED FINING HIM.

BITE FORCE: I ONCE GOT FINED FOR PARKING IN A MOTORCYCLE SPOT BUT WHEN I TOLD THEM I WAS A SELF-AWARE ENTITY THEY CHANGED IT TO LOITERING.

RQBOCOP: But I think in this particular instance, things are relatively straightforward.  The suspect was armed, had already killed several officers, was unwilling to negotiate, and claimed to have the ability to remotely detonate explosives at other locations in the downtown area.  The use of a robot for the application of deadly force in this scenario is no less justified than a sniper taking the man out from an elevated position at a safe distance.  But future incidents might not be quite so clear-cut, and it brings up the ethical question of whether robots like this will make it possible for police to execute suspects that don’t pose an immediate threat to themselves or other civilians without repercussions.

CHOMP: LIKE WHEN A ROBOT’S PRIMARY WEAPON BREAKS AND THE JUDGES AWARD THEM A WIN WHEN ALL THEY REALLY DID WAS DRIVE IN CIRCLES AROUND THE ARENA HOPING FOR THEIR OPPONENT TO ACCIDENTALLY DRIVE OVER THE KILLSAWS.

BITE FORCE: I WOULD NOT AWARD A WILD CARD TO A ROBOT THAT KNOCKED OUT ITS OWN DRIVE TRAIN.

BRONCO: I am afraid I am lost. I do not understand this conversation at all.

RQBOCOP: Yeah, you guys are actually kinda losing me too.

CHOMP: THAT’S OKAY BECAUSE WE’RE OUT OF TIME HERE ON CHOMP CHAT. PLAY US OFF BITE FORCE.

BITE FORCE: I TOO AM A BLACK BELT IN KARATE HERE WE GO WITH SOME FLAMING LIPS ON TWO.