Your Sexy Monkey, Gif-Crazy, Preseason Football And Other Assorted Shenanigans Open Thread

What a week, huh? So many highs and lows. And the in-betweens! [nudges non-existent buddy with elbow] Don’t get me started! I’m thinking that all you folks out there are simply scanning these words as you hold your snifter of Amaretto and saying, “Geez, Get this crap over with, get to the games and then shut your hole”. Well I can take a hint. TO THE GAMES!

Pats/Panthers-This should be the best game of the soir. Carolina is trying to figure out which ragamuffins are going to play behind rb’s Stewart and Tolbert. Fozzy “Wokka, Wokka, Wokka” Whitaker, Cameron Artis-Payne and Brandon Wegher get to show their wares against the Pats top 10-ranked rush D. As far as the passing game is concerned the Panthers seem set at qb and wr Ted Ginn Jr. will prove to all those doubters that last year was indeed an “outlier” year for him.

Will Sir Tom of Brady play? Reports indicate that he’s traveling with the team but why wouldn’t he? No one outside Greater (HAH!) New England gives a rat’s ass. The Pats traded for the Browns lb/de Mingo, thus strengthening an already dominant unit. [sighs]

Bills/Redacteds-Rob Ryan’s prodigious belly travels to the nation’s capital to sample some food trucks. By this I mean he’ll be licking various windshields after the peyote kicks in. He’s such a character! I am curious to see how his D- (phrasing!) fensive backfield of Gilmore, (a rising star) Darby and others handles the likes of wr’s Jackson/Garcon and te Reed.

Browns/Bucs-Josh “Gosh, how long ’til he gets suspended again?” Gordon should be on the field tonight. Will the Cleveland O be sneaky good this year? The possibility exists. Some of that “Big If” is dependent on te Barnidge duplicating his very not Barnidge-like stats from last year. Like I said, “Big If”. Will wr Evans lead the league in drops again this year? I’ve got a ton of faith/money laid on Ted Ginn (and tonic, RIGHT BOOMER?) bobbling the title away from Mr. Evans.

Steelers/Saints-I’d forgotten that lb. Laurinaitis had been signed by New Orleans. They do need all the help they can get, don’t they? [looks at team stats, sees that they were  middle of the pack in a number of categories] Hmmm…actually they didn’t stink up the joint nearly as bad as when the Wolfman was at the helm. WEIRD!

Huh. It was the Steelers that had the 30th ranked pass D last year. It’s time to hitch up them britches Allen, Allen, Mitchell and Gay. This backfield should call themselves “The Lawyers of Milloy”.

Packers/49ers-This is your one and only chance to see the likes of qb Rodgers, de Peppers, lb Matthews, cb Shields and the like. Are all those guys over 30? Seems like it. That sound you heard was a window slowly closing. I came across someone yakking that San Fran players shouldn’t be overlooked fantasy-wise because Chirp Kelly O’s create huge volumes of plays no matter how lousy they are. Lots of plays mean tons of opportunities for the likes of Hyde, Ellington and Smith. Using this logic it seems that they will surpass their projected numbers. Me? I’m not sure.

Okay, I’m off to man the grill for my son’s birthday. I’ll be with you guys in spirit(s).

 

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
laserguru

I am bourbolized.

laserguru

Goodnight?

Goodnight!!!??

It’s not goodnight until we say it is!

Good night!

Unsurprised

It’s fun making gifs.

But it’s midnight and I’m turning into a pumpkin. Good night,

Brocky

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alright, now i’m done. nighty night

theeWeeBabySeamus

Me too Brocky, me too.
But here’s a repeat from earlier, because it’s important.
Thanks to all of you imaginary suicide hotline folks tonight.
(seriously….I’m fine….but you people do make me laugh when no else can or is even willing to try)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LndPQw0-lA

Unsurprised

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Brocky

the eyelids, they are getting heavy, brocky is on the outs,

one more gif

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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laserguru

My last recent town before this one was San Pedro CA.

Lived there for what? Twenty years?
Sure.

Bukowski was from Pedro.

This is Bluebird from Charles Bukowski.

Bluebird

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
you.
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the ****s and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he’s
in there.

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
so don’t be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it’s nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don’t
weep, do
you?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit dude…just yank the tears out of my eyes next time, will ya?

Unsurprised

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Brocky

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Unsurprised

Oh, but I forgot that Carla Gugino was blonde for 90% of the movie.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

She could be bald. Still would walk 10 miles in the snow, uphill, just to stand in her garbage.

Mr. Ayo
Brocky

I forgot that was even her for like a solid 9 years there

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

This song plays during the scene and goddamn if it isn’t perfect

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nS06R_GIRYg

theeWeeBabySeamus

As a closet redneck, I appreciate all things Tritt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMrY2IZThdA

laserguru

WCS

WCS

Brocky

oh amy…

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Good one to close out on. Really gone this time, probably.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEW8riKU_tE

laserguru

Brocky

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Kelly. Stop stalking me.
Ok fine, one last time.

Fronkenshteen

Born at the wrong time, that one.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Colourized version….yep, still funny.
I’M SUBPOENAING ALL Y’ALL’S ASSES….IN THE COURT!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkFaIxpbHvM

laserguru

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laserguru
Brocky

Way to pull a brocky!

WCS

Mr. Ayo

My condolences to anyone that bet Cal +20 or more

Brocky

It’s kinda hard to believe they got away with this much skin in this movie:

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theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s even harder to believe that I’m still not masturbating.

Kahli Mah, motherfuckers!!!!!!!

Unsurprised

Why? There’s so much CGI to cover up the goods that first gen Lara Croft looks more human.

Brocky
Unsurprised

EXACTLY!

Brick Meathook

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WCS

The Russian judge still gave him a 9.5.

Brocky

I know I posted this last night, but I can’t stop watching this.

the little smirk is killing me!

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Mr. Franklin’s lonely.
Sorry Daddy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJgrE0sZg3A

Mr. Ayo

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit, Summer disappeared below, do of course I have to repeat the search and put a new one up.
http://photos.summer-glau.com/albums/userpics/10003/d6/Summer_Glau_TV_Guide_party_6.jpg

Brocky

I imagine it’s about 5 or so in australia. sorry redballs, wrong continent.

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb.

Brocky

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Pretty much my last few weeks, breathing in smoke from the numerous fires lighting up EWA.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This one’s gonna hurt….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjDpKeiYxOU

Porky Prime

This may be the first rock song I remember hearing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I tear up everytime to this day.
Then again, I’m a pussy.

Porky Prime

I do a decent karaoke impression of Seger. Not at gay karaoke though, I dont want to get a bunch of underwear thrown at me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So when I’m trynna feel up ICRM amongst the Village People (not that there’s anything wrong with that)….what I’m hearing is that you don’t wanna be there?
Your loss.

Porky Prime

No, I just don’t wanna sing Seger.

laserguru

I pay 273 dollars a month for TV and I’m listening to the Cubs Vs. Dodgers game because Time Warner blacks out my very expensive MLB Extra Innings package because of a dick measuring contest with the satellite guys.

Fuck you bastards for blacking out the entire Dodger season for the last 3 fucking years. Vin Sculley’s last season you miserable cocks!

The Dodgers have slowly sank to almost ancient lore. I barely recognize them when I can actually see them on a national feed. Some idiot told me that there’s a new team in Houston after the Oilers left, you believe that?

Fuck you Time Warner.

Porky Prime

It amazes me that I have more access to Vin Scully Dodger telecasts out here in NM than most of my friends back in LA.

laserguru

It’s insane.

If I didn’t worry about personal safety I would go see a game this weekend.

It’s like 18 miles away.

They’re 15% less stabby this year!

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

One more Seger tearjerker.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcDCvQbOdig

theeWeeBabySeamus

Probably time for me to cut out before I say something I’ll regret terribly.
Nite gents.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3khH9ih2XJg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh