Your Sexy Monkey, Gif-Crazy, Preseason Football And Other Assorted Shenanigans Open Thread

What a week, huh? So many highs and lows. And the in-betweens! [nudges non-existent buddy with elbow] Don’t get me started! I’m thinking that all you folks out there are simply scanning these words as you hold your snifter of Amaretto and saying, “Geez, Get this crap over with, get to the games and then shut your hole”. Well I can take a hint. TO THE GAMES!

Pats/Panthers-This should be the best game of the soir. Carolina is trying to figure out which ragamuffins are going to play behind rb’s Stewart and Tolbert. Fozzy “Wokka, Wokka, Wokka” Whitaker, Cameron Artis-Payne and Brandon Wegher get to show their wares against the Pats top 10-ranked rush D. As far as the passing game is concerned the Panthers seem set at qb and wr Ted Ginn Jr. will prove to all those doubters that last year was indeed an “outlier” year for him.

Will Sir Tom of Brady play? Reports indicate that he’s traveling with the team but why wouldn’t he? No one outside Greater (HAH!) New England gives a rat’s ass. The Pats traded for the Browns lb/de Mingo, thus strengthening an already dominant unit. [sighs]

Bills/Redacteds-Rob Ryan’s prodigious belly travels to the nation’s capital to sample some food trucks. By this I mean he’ll be licking various windshields after the peyote kicks in. He’s such a character! I am curious to see how his D- (phrasing!) fensive backfield of Gilmore, (a rising star) Darby and others handles the likes of wr’s Jackson/Garcon and te Reed.

Browns/Bucs-Josh “Gosh, how long ’til he gets suspended again?” Gordon should be on the field tonight. Will the Cleveland O be sneaky good this year? The possibility exists. Some of that “Big If” is dependent on te Barnidge duplicating his very not Barnidge-like stats from last year. Like I said, “Big If”. Will wr Evans lead the league in drops again this year? I’ve got a ton of faith/money laid on Ted Ginn (and tonic, RIGHT BOOMER?) bobbling the title away from Mr. Evans.

Steelers/Saints-I’d forgotten that lb. Laurinaitis had been signed by New Orleans. They do need all the help they can get, don’t they? [looks at team stats, sees that they were  middle of the pack in a number of categories] Hmmm…actually they didn’t stink up the joint nearly as bad as when the Wolfman was at the helm. WEIRD!

Huh. It was the Steelers that had the 30th ranked pass D last year. It’s time to hitch up them britches Allen, Allen, Mitchell and Gay. This backfield should call themselves “The Lawyers of Milloy”.

Packers/49ers-This is your one and only chance to see the likes of qb Rodgers, de Peppers, lb Matthews, cb Shields and the like. Are all those guys over 30? Seems like it. That sound you heard was a window slowly closing. I came across someone yakking that San Fran players shouldn’t be overlooked fantasy-wise because Chirp Kelly O’s create huge volumes of plays no matter how lousy they are. Lots of plays mean tons of opportunities for the likes of Hyde, Ellington and Smith. Using this logic it seems that they will surpass their projected numbers. Me? I’m not sure.

Okay, I’m off to man the grill for my son’s birthday. I’ll be with you guys in spirit(s).