The Aints are not marching because that would require a ground game – Saints 2016 Preview

Pop Quiz Hot Shot
Name one player on the New Orleans Saints not named Drew Brees?

Yeah, I cannot do that either, and I am looking at the roster right now. On second thought this might have more to do with the fact that I cannot read.

What do you need to know about this organization:
Every head scratching move the Saints made the past couple of years is because they have the money management skills of Nicolaus Cage.  And that’s what you get when you put money in the hands of someone named Mickey Loomis a guy whose name sounds like a character who gets gunned down for running off with the mob money in every mafia movie ever. Just remember this is the same guy who was able to trade a basketball player and a 4th round draft pick to the Seahawks for a Center and a 1st round draft pick.

Stat that sounds far more important than it is:
Drew Brees’ contract takes up 37.5% of their total offense salary ($30M/$80M).

Last year’s Record:
7-9

Coach:

Sean Payton – Sean Payton is the next Mike Ditka. After all, he has played for the Bears, has been coasting on one Super Bowl victory, wouldn’t be surprised to find him drunk at a Trump rally, and may very well end his career in a dumpster fire due to coaching the New Orleans Saints.

Key Losses:
Every Saint player you could name after Drew Brees
Marques Colston – released – Who has been a personal favorite of mine mostly because his rookie year Yahoo thought he was TE/WR so I was able to play him in the TE spot all year long and it helped me win one of those dumb bobble heads.
Will Smith – died – in a gruesome way and confused your facebook page for a couple of days. And opened up all those “The Wrong Will Smith died” jokes.

Key Signings:
People you don’t know

• They drafted Vonn Bell, a Defensive end, and a WR

People You May Know

• Hakeem Nicks – NOPE RELESEAD
• Josh Scobee – NOPE RELEASED
• Coby Fleener – TE from the Colts

Defensive Outlook:
Let’s see the defense was the worst in the league. They averaged allowing 30 points, 298 yards passing and over 120 yards rushing per game. The defense was so bad that Jacksonville looked competent next to them. Guess what that’s not changing. They have the mutant ability to make mediocre QB’s look like all stars

Offensive Outlook:
Drew Brees will take a few drop steps and toss the ball up and hope someone with the Saints jersey catches it. He came into this league as the next Doug Flutie then became the Next Joe Montana and is on his way to finishing his career as the Next QB traded to the Bears for a 2nd round draft pick. The Saints run game is is suspect behind a shaky o-line who would make Albert Haynesworth, the Redacted, look like Albert Haynesworth, the Titan.

Fantasy Implication:
Title: Game Day
Author: Sakka
Pairing: Peyton Manning/Drew Brees
Summary: It’s the night before the big game in Miami… (Superbowl 2010)
Warnings: M/M slash, one-shot, RPS, angst.

Fantasy Football Implication:

• STEP ONE: DON’T DRAFT THEIR DEFENSE
• STEP TWO: Start every QB who plays against the Saints Defense.
• STEP THREE: ?????
• STEP FOUR: PROFIT!!!
• STEP FIVE: Draft Drew Brees but in later rounds
• STEP SIX: Draft Willie Sneed or Michael Thomas –  When Drew was slinging he spread the ball around, but that was when they legitimately had 6 competent targets, try to name a 3rd.

What’s that Pregame Chant?
1! 2! Win! For you!
3! 4! Win! Some more!
5! 6! Win! For kicks!
7! 8! Win! It’s great!
9! 10! Win! Again!
Win! Again! Win! Again! Win! Again! Win! Again!

2016 Projected Wins:
Saints don’t win on the road and that’s half the season; while winning at home with a suspect defense and aging offense makes it a crap shoot. Their best strategy is hoping the visiting team has half as much fun on Bourbon Street the night before the game than Sean Payton. My bet is that the Saints will be Winning for Kicks. 6-10