/Inside DFO Headquarters Monday Morning
Me: Guys, I’m at a loss here. The Bears and Eagles played just last night and now they’re playing again tonight! How do I spin this? How comes no one is talking about this?
Hippo: [shakes his goddamn head] What are you talking about?
Me: The game. Tonight. It’s the exact same tilt as last night.
OSZ: You screwed up.
Me:[rolls eyes] Thanks for the input, Oldie-but I’ve been doing this for over a year now. I think I’ve got a handle on it. Seriously, any ideas? The NFL has sunk to a new low.
Horatio: Scotch, the Bears and Eagles didn’t play last night. Are you okay?
Me: What is with you guys? Just check last night’s preview post. It’s right there! They played!
Low Commander: Did you watch the game?
Me: Of course not! I’m wayyyyy too hammered by that time. Just like all you guys. Am I right? [raises hand looking for a high five] Nobody? What is wrong with you guys?
Everybody– YOU FUCKED UP!
Me: Ohhhh, I get it-this is some sort of, “Let’s pick on the Canadian guy” thing. They never give us a break, right Beer Guy?
BeerGuyRob: [looks the other way, whistles]
Me: Fine. Whatever. Not funny, guys. Not. Funny. I bet Magary never had to put up with this sort of lack of respect. I’m out of here. I’ll be back when I’m not taken for granted! [slams door of conference room/broom closet]
DTZM: Guh. Let’s take a vote-everyone that wants Scotchnaut barred, raise your hand.
Dok Zymm: Can I vote with both hands? It’s twice as many as one!
FIN
Enjoy the game [spits on ground] “Friends”.
Can someone show some stats about how often icing the kicker actually works?
http://cdn.cakecentral.com/c/c5/c59657d7_modulescopperminealbumsuserpics30881football_cake_001.jpeg
2016, first game: yes.
GOD DAMN YOU JORDAN MATTHEWS DO YOU WANT TO BEAT BALLS OF STEEL OR NOT
Someone needs to use this Batman game engine to make an Archer Mod
Brilliant time out
Weekly reminder that Wentz succeeding with this core would one-up McNabb’s first 4 years.
John Fox, icing himself
Hit him in a bad spot in the center of the hands
DEEERRRRRRPPPPPP
JORDAN MATTHEWS IN MIDSEASON FORM
That was a very stupid pass by Wentz. Threw it high into triple coverage. His receiver bailed him out.
Protekt teh Poyse?
Holy shit, Nelson Agholor.
I took “Boomer’s FInal Drive” the wrong way FOAR a second. Now I am disappoint.
Matt Murray Taken Behind Woodshed By Russkies, Unhappy About Sitting
Since the US is not going to advance, I’m all for team North America
Is that a Batman movie or an Archer episode? Same animation.
Whitehair, the center, false started?
It took Olin Kreutz like 6 years at the position before he figured out how to false start consistently.
This is not the exciting and fun game I expect to see from Philly and Chicago. They’re not derping in a properly entertaining way.
It’s boring as whaleshit.
Don’t worry…Dallas will play soon.
I want a gif of Jay Cutler wiggling his eyebrows suggestively
I think in class tomorrow, I’ll tell my students I have a PhD in nose boops.
Fuck Apple and their fucking “you will update your iPad now!” attitude. Finally done, I can play until Mrs Nobyl wants to Skype to make sure no one else is in my hotel room.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/246927/the-shining-bear-o.gif
I’ve always been bothered by the fact that the bear mask doesn’t have a mouth hole.
That means the bear dude is just sniffing the other dude’s crotch, which is WAY creepier.
Not fair. Their kicker can make a 25 yard field goal
Yeah, some teams have all the luck.
Willie Young is, dollar-for-dollar, one of the best defensive players in the league. His contract is ridiculously cheap.
A right proper NC State pass rusher! Never bet he would have a long pro career, and MAnny Lawson would wash out (though he was always a tweener).
It won’t be next year
Oh my goodness
http://imgur.com/K3CTkoU
Yeah, she’s alright I guess.
2/10 too old would not bang
6/10, outdated hair and eye makeup, would if mildly buzzed I guess
I’m sorry, Gruden. Getting hit in the helmet by a dude’s open palm is not evidence of toughness.
Getting hit in the helmet by a dude’s open palm is pretty easy. I’d rather get hit by an open palm than my coach’s whistle.
who thought that would have been a personal foul? an idiot?
Cam Newton thought that was gratuitous.
That was a questionable call
Bears, worst 3rd down defense 15 years running. The Lovie Smith way
Bears, worst 3rd down defense 15 years running. The Lovie Smith way
Cant football in the NFL
Trey Burton now 5 for 7 in his career.
Gruden keeps looking down at Wentz’ junk on the screen while verbally felating him…. which is quite fitting because it wouldn’t surprise me if he’ll do the real thing in the locker room after the game.
He is just thinking back to his predraft QB school or whatever it is called where ESPN just showed a clip of him actually felating him
Yep, Tina Fey’s flying coach.
Yep, Tina Fey’s flying commercial.
Gonna be one of these games, then.
Wentz is demanding. This is good.
Cutler demands his line not get him killed. This is childish.
Do they call it a “Jet sweep” cause it usually doesn’t work?
4th and 2. Too risky to go for it. So you punt for 28 yards.
So you’re saying that 28 yards is worth not taking what amounts to a 50/50 shot at the 1st down.
THANK YOU!!!!!
(punting is foar losers)
Is there an American football team in Mexico City? Or are the Raiders just going to practice on Monday Night?
I’m disappointed. I thought Jim McMahon was better than this.
Shoulda done the handoff to William Perry on 3rd and short.
/might be having a stroke
McMahon is already out with a ruptured kidney from a late hit. Your QB is Mike Takhomasak
I never really realized how many of the ’85 Bears were from Ohio State until I moved to Columbus and every time I wear Bears jersey, people tell me about Todd Bell, Tomczak, Shaun Gayle, etc.
Wentz gets sacked
Gruden: “Look at that poise!”
Cutler gets sacked
Gruden: “Gotta get rid of the ball!”
A Raiders game in Azteca? Jesus christ they’ll be throwing feces covered human cadavers on the field for that one.
Leave Al Davis out of this
feces covered BURNING human cadavers
feces burns great ,, ppl forget that
God didn’t–Ezekiel 4:12
One drawback to new job – bunch of guys are into football, not the fun American type, but the one with those skinny, pussified foreigners who fall down alot and have them weird haircuts.
oooohhh, you need to join us FOAR Saturday morning EPL talk!!!
/it’s not gay if there’s no eye contact
And one of the partners is from Israel, and he’s way into soccer. (He also has a schnoz bigger than mine, no offense.)
That reminds me of my favorite Jim Valvano anecote, about his mixed marriage. He said he saw that his wife-to-be (then Pam Levine) had a last name that ended in a vowel, so she must be Italian. And she took one look at his nose, and figured he had to be Jewish.
That seems like a plus.
Just saying.
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/spicoli.gif
Lol, you’re going to be sporting a ronaldo jersey this time next year!
Nah, Fozz is a Stoke or West Ham man all teh way, he just don’t know it yet.
Are those teams kind of nasty and dickish?
Millwall or GTFO
oh, you can’t try and give him a side that I’m not sure is even in the Championship! That’s just mean.
He wants nasty and dickish, I’m giving him nasty and dickish.
oh fuck yes. Stoke itself is known as kind of a nasty industrial city, whereas the Hammers are just from the shitty part of London. But they both rough you up, and get called “glorified pub side, bunch of shithouses, right bunch of cunts,” etc. by everyone else.
Stoke was actually a pretty nice place.
East London makes Baltimore look like Shangri-La.
Wonder how many bags of piss they’ll throw at sideline plays and green lasers they’ll use during FG attempts
they use “poise” for Siemian a lot too. Translated: Wow! That kid doesn’t seem the least bit fazed by how unprepared he is to start at the NFL level.
STILL LOOKING FOR THAT FUCKING HOLD
Wow. Bears defense is coming out of hibernation.
1. Police unions seem to Ben mandated to elect the dumbest motherfuckers alive as their presidents.
2. This stupid country is spending well over a trillion dollars a year on a security state that couldn’t stop the second dumbest group of motherfuckers until the mastermind all but turned himself in.
I know a lot of cops. The suburban/rural ones tend toward conservative politics, sure, but the city cops are a mixed bag. So it amazes me that union leadership, especially in big city departments, is so batshit right-wing reactionary.
Where do you think those big city cops actually live and reside? It’s not in urban centers, or even the cities themselves in most cases. NYPD has 40,000 officers and almost all of them live in the hick boroughs of New York City.
3. I work in a kitchen, which makes my job magnitudes more dangerous than a police officer’s – a job where one is as likely to die in an auto accident as by a suspect – and so I think I deserve the power over life and death of everyone around me and to be able to summarily execute people who don’t immediately comply to my every whim or who just scare me because I’m a cowardly pussy like all bullies are even though I wear more tactical gear in my radio car than soldiers in war zones.
as a compromise, I’d be ok giving that to bartenders, cool?
62 is a one man fuck-up zone
He needs a 12 step program after that series.
Oh, that’s rough. Get drilled and complete a long pass, but it all comes back. I almost feel sympathy, but it’s fucking Philadelphia.