Answer: On fresh meat. It survived losing Tebow, and he was God’s Chosen Representative on this earth.
NFL News:
- It might be time to talk about JJ Watt not being around for much longer. He’s been placed on IR, which means at least out for 8-games.
- Nice to see Bill O’Brien facing his probable firing like a man.
- Watt put this out for the world to see, because he wants the world to know his pain. THIS IS WHAT TWITTER IS FOR, ZACH METTENBERGER!
Adversity sucks.
Your attitude towards it doesn't have to.
I will be back. pic.twitter.com/56lhtHYs7r— JJ Watt (@JJWatt) September 28, 2016
- Dez Bryant haz a hairline fracture in his knee. It’s described as “day to day”, although for the money he usually pays, JERRAL expects knees to hold up until he’s finished.
- Proving jet fuel can’t melt knee braces, Pete Carroll says Russell Wilson should be good to go for Sunday against the Jets.
- Putting the “NO FUN” in the NFL, the rumours are true that Antonio Brown was told to change his custom cleats by the refs before the start of the second half in Philly last Sunday. The shoes had his kids’ pictures on them, but he changed them so he’d be able to continue playing. He caught 12 for 140 yards, so he wasn’t a problem for anyone except the fashion police.
According to league rules, wearing “foreign substances on body/uniform” earns a $9,115 fine for a first offense and $18,231 for a second offense. Or the league could categorize the fines under “personal messages,” which results in a $6,076 fine for first-time offenses and $12,154 for a second.
- Jesus Tapdancing Christ!
https://twitter.com/Katie_Johnson_/status/781165247918960640
Finally, proving it’s never too early to have the important discussions, SB*Nation seems to be the first site willing to speculate on whether the Browns might go 0-16. They seemed afraid to double down on the use of sixteen quarterbacks as well. GO BIG OR GO HOME!
It’s a couple of days old, but Patton Oswalt talking about the passing of his wife is comedy gold only he could spin.
Man, I’d still be wrecked 4 months after my wife passed.
In addition, being married into an eastern European family proved to me there are some people who let no one feel joy, like the Polish lady he mentions. I know not everyone likes his stuff, but the bit about trying to shield his daughter is (to me) timeless.
Tonight’s sports:
- MLB Baseball:
- Indians at Tigers – 7:00 PM | ESPN/TSN
- Orioles at Blue Jays – 7:00 PM | Sportsnet
- Rockies at Giants – 10:00 PM | ESPN/TSN
- MLS Soccer: Toronto FC vs. Orlando City SC – 7:30 PM | FS1/TSN3
- WNBA Playoff: Game 1:
- Phoenix at Minnesota – 8:00 PM | ESPN2
- Chicago at Los Angeles – 10:00 PM | ESPN2
- NHL preseason: Oilers at Canucks – 10:00 | Sportsnet West/Pacific
Bad gambler & frequent victim of Kane, Pete Rose has appealed to the National Baseball Hall of Fame for eligibility reconsideration. NOT BEFORE SHOELESS JOE!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/d8c7a1ae5655cc13c2a74c48931958a8/tumblr_od3enqPbF51ug9yhzo1_500.png
For the record yesterday, it’s not teh opiates or teh percs that they gave me, it was oxycodone! Took one before bed yesterday, meh. Only take it then because I have an ibuprofen limit.
Percs are oxycodone. And also opiates.
Where do Eagles fans currently rank “Week 4 bye” in tjeir list of 2016 Catastrophes?
Didn’t know you were Norwegian.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/351107e71befe60faa4ceea7dea1aac2/tumblr_od3iuv3EJq1ug9yhzo1_1280.png
My face is still very ouchie from getting some teeth ripped out. I think I’m gonna down some pain pills, and a rum laced milkshake. Who wants one?
(to be clear, I’m talking ’bout a milkshake…you’s ain’t getting mah opiates)
You too? Wisdom teeth buddies woo!
A wise Eskimo once said……
Mine aren’t wisdoms. They’re ones that got damaged from an over the handlebars mishap on the bike a few years ago. As well as a few others that I neglected. You’d think damaged teeth/roots would come out easier, but no. They don’t.
http://p.fod4.com/upload/aff3567c9abaad4b798a350dc1e1b1a3/6oWABMs0RJ2xwIKvuPOx_Bike%20Flip%20Fail.gif
Oh. Well that sucks more.
Hey, I got pain pills. And this time next week I’ll have some temp new toofers and be able to smile again without embarrassment. It’s all good.
It’s still a miserable disappointment, but my youth fucking sucked and I don’t even have any good stories because I managed to be miserable and alone in part to desperately avoid being fucked for life if I got in trouble because of sex, drugs, drinking, crime and mischief, and basically sports unlike everyone else at the schools I went to. And because I didn’t even have the wherewithal to acknowledge it consciously I managed to do it all while half-assing my way through everything in life and pissing away the opportunities that did come my way. I really am a horrible person.
Alright, just stop that. That kinda talk is self-defeating. Trust me.
Even if all those things are true, just fucking forgive yourself and be the you that you want to be going forward. You seem like a pretty good dude to me. So don’t make me hurt you.
I have enough people in my life talking themselves down. I don’t need another one.
That’s pretty common. Don’t worry about it. Make up some stories, revel in the now, or don’t, it’s all good. We like you here, and imaginary internet people are the BEST PEOPLE.
I’ve found regret to be the most perfect engine for suffering. Thinking that time moves only forward, and that you can only act in the present, makes my mind clearer.
Dunno if that helps you, but I wish you a better day tomorrow.
They were way better at rhyming in the 20’s. Liable and Bible? GENIUS!
(Fun fact, most of the words without close rhymes are colors, everyone knows orange, but also try rhyming silver and purple!)
Milver and sturple, smartass.
Oh wait, you probably wanted real words huh? Dammit.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/4085d543363c58d291a3ebbf151c271d/tumblr_oe8e92D08R1ug9yhzo1_500.png
Claudia would never wear horizontal stripes…if I remember the series correctly
Shit, I take it back, other than the bottom text, that’s the original cover. The title was “Claudia and the Phantom Phone Calls”
Jill-Claudia also never had the freakish strength to hold that ogre thing with one arm
Moar medium pictures:
http://www.fashiongonerogue.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/diane-kruger-h-stern-2014-jewelry-ad-campaign02.jpg
I liked The Bridge…… apparently no one else did.
I liked it, but lost track quickly because of real world distractions at the time. I do want to get back to it at some point.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/3e7023a375eb40ef98f75c17d39744d7/tumblr_oe7z4knasB1ug9yhzo1_1280.png
Josh Norman is on my TV right now dressed like a 70s mafia hit man. Other than the whole being black thing, at least.
And he doesn’t look happy. I can’t hear what he’s saying, bcuz mute and music, as per usual while I watch sports. I think it’s recorded, but not sure. But even though he doesn’t look happy, he does look very dapper and possibly deadly.
Oh, J.J. Watt. I hope you share your determination with the world during rehab. And if you quit, I’ll get you a setvice crab.
http://a5.files.maxim.com/image/upload/c_fit,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,q_80,w_620/MTM2NTc1NzAwNzQ3NDI5NDcx.jpg
Keep it away from Jameis Winston
Q: The crab or the knife?
A: Yes.
He can only rape the cra…
I take that back.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/5673b934053e9afe5c70047fea5dc1ef/tumblr_oe6bziuo4y1ug9yhzo1_400.png
I should have been in a choir at some point. I don’t know nearly enough obscene drinking songs. I tried to learn some at one point, but I think they’ve mostly been lost to posterity. I blame tvs in bars on non-sports nights. It’s not as fun without company anyway, and how likely are you to find yourself in company that knows drinking songs? I pride myself on knowing the actual text to There once was a gal from Nantucket, as well as knowing one actual English drinking song with really simple, non-dirty lyrics. I think that’s pretty good for this day and age. Harrumph!
Man from Nantucket, rather. The rest doesn’t make much sense with a gal, unless it’s a particular sort of gal.
http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/634/005/8d0.gif
That reminds me of a lovely poem. How did that one go again?
http://68.media.tumblr.com/64e00668899b7ead9118639b05fd7ecc/tumblr_odt576SPkp1qj80s7o1_1280.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/cd1c87a579a07dedf625c3bd6eb14939/tumblr_odow71i3t11sumwtyo1_1280.jpg
To be honest, it’s not like anyone has done much good with a computer since the fucking things became commonplace.
Theirs only one obscene drinking song that mattrs and your not alowed to kneel during it smhn
Slave murder and giant explosions.
It really is the perfect anthem for the U.S.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/1de1a6c9729e1c89e0e16e7ec200a4e5/tumblr_oe7tbmtqMn1ususy7o1_500.jpg
Oh look! Someone photoshopped my youth! Also, I really hope that price tag is for 20 cents, cause no way in hell those books are a collectors item. So glad I moved on to Agatha Christie in 4th grade…knowing loads of ways to kill someone with arsenic is way more classy
http://67.media.tumblr.com/f06b5020207e4daf58aa7fa7934336cd/tumblr_mnu0lwfuic1qikbl7o1_1280.png
I thought you’d never ask, you magnificent bastard.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/edba21fec6e7087624a931da2de8ecf8/tumblr_na7t352AQC1qz6z2wo1_500.gif
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/20131222/4931345/fear-and-loathing-in-las-vegas-o.gif
Sup.
Fun fact! Some guy from Florida pulled his gun on a valet in Chicago this weekend, said “do we got a problem here?” Pulled away without paying, and wasn’t prosecuted because he had a valid concealed carry permit. Yeesh, that’s even worse than not tipping.
Da fuq, Illinois? CCW or no, that’s at least assault, if not terroristic threat.
As a left leaning firearms owner, that really pisses me the hell off.
YUP.
They just didn’t want to extradite him, he’d probably bring a whole platoon of meth-addicted, parole violating crocodiles with him; a net win for Chi-tilly.
That’s armed not tipping! It’s like armed robbery but the robbing was optional!
So, George Zimmerman visited Chicago last week?
He’s had some surgery, but yeah, basically.
Yikes.
http://www.thefactsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/lemur-facts.jpg
Yo
http://67.media.tumblr.com/bebff70d7491602fd2db57a810808938/tumblr_nie144aHaJ1r3qv9to1_400.gif
Huzzah, Sawx don’t celebrate on the field, only in the clubhouse!
THEY AHH FACKIN CLAHHSY
http://67.media.tumblr.com/0717d54c71933b2e0fe6797e586e57d1/tumblr_nzkl8rOWay1rlo1q2o1_500.gif
Hopefully they have “Sweet Caroline” on repeat on the clubhouse boombox. I’d hate for the smug to wear off before the ALDS.
😉
Truffle gouda is DELIGHTFUL.
Also, I assume that JJ Watt is really on IR because he bled from a small cut for a week, didn’t die, and is now afraid that he’s a woman.
I wouldn’t trust him!
/Prime Rib
//Waitress:Tip
///All Week
Good job DirecTV, signal comes back just in time to miss the 9th inning comeback win.
Oh well, I guess missing a win is better than watching a loss.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv4smqoGn71r6ct9ho1_250.gif
The chicken church is located in the middle of the Indonesian jungle. The abandoned building has 12 underground chambers.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/4ce68d207a04d0439d798132c4035f5b/tumblr_o1vexgO5iL1tlljfxo1_1280.jpg
I wrote a really excellent mock proposal to the IMF about Indonesia in high school one time, and ever since I’ve been invested in them as a country. Really need to get out there once I figure out how to beat this whole ’employment’ scam and can really spend some time.
Hey all excellent work on the quotables today. Just got to the comments over there and I LITERALLY LdOL.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/6951b5292a1d39b4ccc8695f02002a03/tumblr_oe7swaXCAk1qjqmkdo1_1280.jpg
should be animated
Poland you dun(kirk) goof’d
http://www.gotceleb.com/wp-content/uploads/celebrities/diane-kruger/gq-germany-magazine-march-2011-issue/diane-kruger-gq-germany-magazine-march-2011-issue-01-530×848.jpg
http://media.vanityfair.com/photos/53aafef592c5bcd839000532/master/h_590,c_limit/diane-kruger-better-angels-ss01.jpg
Peak pftc today:
we call him Trevor Sybian becuz this bucking bronco got rode hard& put away wet on Sunday folks
Fun fact, the Sybian is only the most recent incarnation of the word. The word sybarite (adj sybaritic) comes through Latin from the Greek city of Sybaris, which was noted for it’s luxury. The word sybarite means one who seeks pleasure, so whoever named that thing was classically educated.
To turn it around, what was the BEST year of your schooling? I feel like I’m cheating saying senior year of college, but I put on a hell of a senior recital including a full orchestration of my piece, my technique actually felt decent, and it wasn’t until the very end of the year/beginning of the summer where I realized my depression. I could also say the second year of my Master’s with that landmark not-Valentine’s concert and my first date in six years, among others, but that seems like cheating.
Junior yr to HS and Jr yr of grad school would be a tie for me.
Oh, for fuck’s sake. I typed up a nice little comment and it got eaten by the monster.
I can’t replicate it. Fuck.
26 year old, freshmen in college, living the dorms. Going from a 130 person berthing with 5 toilets, 6 showers, and eight sinks to just 4 people with a bath was a huge upgrade.
Easy as shit to get the roommates in line. Discovered the second week there that the campus had a bar so $1 drafts and they weren’t shit beer (heavy seas).
Competing with teenagers who are still discovering masturbation for the ladies was easy as shit. The fact that I could form a written sentence that didn’t look like crackhead’s twitter feed meant that I excelled in the early courses.
Google considers this a medium sized picture
http://i2.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article5706994.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/Diane-Kruger-at-Maryland-photocall-68th-Cannes-Film-Festival.jpg
I CONSIDER THIS A MEDIUM SIZED BONER.
She’s 5’7″, I’d say that’s medium-sized
I love this tweet:
Two things Trump demanded credit for this week:
-Not attacking opponent over husband’s infidelity
-Letting minorities into his golf club
Well, somebody’s gotta cut the grass.
Fucking Time Capsule is worthless and I’m pretty sure I have no backups anymore, which is fucking swell.
/watching El Dorado (1967)
My biggest takeaway? John Wayne had a very small bum.
Since replacing my harddisk a few weeks ago, everything else on my desktop is now trying to die. Tonight I finally said fuck it and ordered a new desktop machine. Should be here in a week. I’m excited.
Also, DirecTV still can’t outsmart rain.
*sigh*
Can it outsmart bullet?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J93qm6XCT4Y
I can see your hard-on from way over here.
Did you get that thing I sent ya?
😉
No…thank gawd.
Found this via Deadspin and laughed out loud.
/following up on Sill’s lead
Your last year of high school-Did it suck? Did it rock? Did you somewhat figure things out? DID YOU HAVE A CLUE?
My senior year of high school was great. One of the best years of my life, despite the damage I did to my body playing football and pole vaulting.
It was okay, I guess. I was still an outsider per se but I had found my niche and my friends and unlike everyone else I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up and I didn’t have the same “college process” as everyone else as a result of that. Went stag to prom, but that’s a collection of hilarious stories for another time. No seriously, it’s a two-parter.
It sucked because I made it suck. It’s not worth getting into, but I’m a miserable and lonely asshole and that was probably my acme.
Your acne made you miserable a lonely? I hear ya.
I was trying to get clean enough to convince my parents to let me move back in, while trying to graduate, so I could get the diploma and flee to the military to start over.
http://wp.production.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/files/im/msSyM37.png
http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4104/5166465451_ded900eaf8_z.jpg
Yes, fashion designers have specific visions in mind and there have been consistent trends for the last forty years to focus the shape and draping of clothes to emphasis a human figure that is more akin to the shape of the typical grey aliens than to the modern or history shape of actual human beings.
That said, the general motif of fashion is and remains on making the wearers look as good as possible, and that includes emphasizing the wearer’s body shape and form because otherwise we’d all just wear baggy Adidas track suits like we’re all Russian mobsters. So that goes against the whole idea of modesty and that bullshit because the idea and the people who believe in it are fundamentally afraid of their bodies, other peoples’ bodies, and of being goddamn human beings.
So I take it you don’t buy into teaching available in your FREE Watchtower magazine? GTFO!
Apropos of no previous posts below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmpwGOCzk84
\” quotation /” marks
” to start or end a comment? “
-I’m going to just use the same styling as Irvine Welsh did when writing the book trainspotting, said JSD. It takes a little bit to get used to it because instead of quotation makes, only a hyphen is used at the state of a block of dialogue, mutter JSD while sipping windex. He had hoped he would be seen as smart and learned, but in reality, it was a failed endeavor. And tonight my fellow commentariate, he boasted, I look forward to masturbating vigorously to home shopping network ladies!
Tried to make a joke about regular expressions and it ate my post. Seems fair.
Advice and validation are NOT the same thing.
And I am sick of being seen as an asshole for having to point this out to fucking stupid people.
“Heyyyyyy…I’m a stupid fucking people.”
-Trump Supporters
It’s easy to sell being an Amazon when she keeps getting cast against tiny actors.
http://115.imagebam.com/download/6Hv9fALBSET9_E1TCsZAkw/50688/506875759/Gal02.gif
Another gif that started fanfic in me noggin.
I assume the phrase (climbs her like a tree) appears
WELL NOW IT DOES!
Was middle school the worst years of your life?
No; early experimentation with cigs, pot, booze, chew, and constant masturbation, the adolescent stress was less than work stress now because I was big.
What grade are you suppose to be in at 14?
That’s when I started doing illegal opiates so…not the best time for me at least.
4th and 5th grade were pretty bad. Went to the gifted elementary school and got bullied because I was new and I was young.
I was half-way proficient as a hockey goalie and a basketball player. (weird!) Being not-bad at sports made middle school okay.
First 3 years of high school. I’ve got legit PTSD issues relating to that time of my life that actually don’t involve school. Fun times.
Not me. Early high school. New to the district, and because I was smart and gifted in talking/listening to girls, I was of course branded faggot by the redneck elite.
Fuck you, WordPress. Here:
http://116.imagebam.com/download/48kU25uKhjHTjMlS8htjLg/50690/506896778/Screen%20Shot%202016-09-28%20at%205.12.04%20PM.png
I’m really fucking tired of losing posts.
This has gotten out of hand.
Trump is going to fix it. Build a wall…a YUUUUUUUUUGE wall around WordPress. And MEXICO IS GOING TO PAY FOR IT!
All that money he’s been spending on Mexican coke should come in handy.
http://i1.wp.com/www.justinjwright.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/mexican-coke.jpg
Like he’d splurge for coke. He’s on cheap prescription uppers.
Juuuust lost one. It had the sin of quotation marks.
Revelation 13
May be in Leviticus too.
http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1347769193l/2061936.jpg
Not sure tho.
A black player, doing the same shtick as JJ Watts, would be hated by America.
My line (ineffective, mind you):
Them; I HATE Cam Newton; he’s such a narcissist (or some other such term)!
Me; Oh, so you must REALLY hat J.J. Watt!
[shouting starts]
*HATE
Damn it!
But they can hat him too if they want.
If hate were free then Hat would be free
Great news! I just got signed by the Pats and I’m starting QB this week! They’re even bailing me out of jail for this! Classy organization I gotta say.
Heading to NFL.com right now to get an officially licensed MEATHOOK jersey…
/checks to see if NFL allows use of zero for player numbers
You’ve ALWAYS been on my fantasy team, big boy.
Things I will eat when I get the all-clear from the doctor:
Steak
Chicken wings
Raw pasta (it’s my weird snack)
The blocks of ridiculously sharp cheddar in my fridge
And who knows what else!
How big a block of cheese are you gonna eat?
There are two 8-oz blocks of 9-month extra sharp NY cheddar.
Or as I call it, pre-breakfast.
Did PIX 11 just say “red-hot rookie Sam Bradford?” Who checked off on that promo?
Who doesn’t like Patton Oswalt?
Christians:
GodIsImaginary.com
Evening folks. This wet beaver would like to say “howdy”.
Nice beaver!
http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/21/40/15141fbe3464cc5385189c033cf0d552.jpg
/watching the doc “The Devil’s Horn”
Wow.
[wonders where “the heck” The Instructional League was when he was in the NFL]
-Tim Tebow
You can post quotation marks? You fucker!
I’ve tried to post wooooo in quotation marks 3 times and got the old WSOD.
Canada
“Fucking” Canada…smgdh