Your Wretched Excuse For A Primetime Game Thursday Night Open Thread

If nothing else this has fantasy implications and we get to see what is on each other’s mind. Hell, tomorraw be the end of the work week and we’re all grizzled veterans of faking it till 4. TO THE GAME!

Mia/Cincy-Der Bingles were 12-4 last year and are now 1-2. The Fins eked out an “I don’t want it, you can have it” race to the bottom OT win over the stinkin’ Brownies. Tannehill is STILL Miami’s leading rusher with count ’em, 54 yards. Despite all the talk (mine) about wr Green being an unstoppable beast-dog with superior dental hygiene, Miami’s Landry has 2 more receptions and 19 more yards on his CV. One wonders if Dalton is going to fling it (he will) because he’s been sacked silly the first three weeks. De Wake thinks that is just de-lovely. Seriously, this Fins D gives up 4.5 yards per carry-time for rb’s Hill and little-used Bernard to get off. Cincy shouldn’t get all excited about a potential blow-out win because their secondary has given up the 2nd-most TD passes (9) so far. If you’re starting te Cameron in fantasy you should get your shit together-he’s been “concussion protocol-ed”. If you’re in some wacky, jazz hands-a-flailing deep-as-hell league you may want to grab Dion Sims-he’s starting tonight.

Now, ALL DIGITS ON DECK!

 

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Romonobyl

I like the Dolphins unis, I’m just trying to remember what college they play for.

Lothar of the Hill People

I saw a highlight clip of them running out on the field, and I swear if not for the U on the helmets, I would’ve thought it was Miami playing tonight.

Lothar of the Hill People

I am reduced to this: scrambling for a way to watch a wretched TNF game between two dreamsicle teams I dislike.

Not on local CBS, despite being a secondary market for Cincy and getting their stupid fucking games every Sunday.

Not on Twitter, because fuck all.

Oh, it’s supposed to be on my Verizon NFL Mobile? Fine, I’ll watch it on my goddamn phone. *This video is currently unavailable. Please try again later*

Seriously, NFL? I’m reduced to wanting to watch a fucking DOLPHINS game and you won’t let me have it? What a fucking cocktease.

Unsurprised

Drink until you can just see the game in your head.

Played by pink elephants and blue crocodiles

hippofant

Oh no, the Bengals’ grittiest player is out!

Gratliff

And of course my opponent flexed in Kenny Stills at hte last moment.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

Maybe the Bengals want to watch Young Frankenstein, too.

Sill Bimmons

COME ON GIOPOINTS

ArmedandHammered

OK, I liked commercial with the dogs doing the Esther Williams routine.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

And like clockwork, the Bengals remembered it was a primetime game.

Gratliff

Sorry, Bengals fans, but you knew what you were getting into.

Col. Duke LaCross

Wow! Kenny Stills actually caught a pass!

Redshirt

How could you not see that receiver running down the field? He’s practically glowing!

Unsurprised

Romonobyl is spreading?

jjfozz

Dear Santa,
I have been a good boy this year. I have not killed my kids or blacked out and robbed a bank.

All I want is for a cement truck to fall on top of that fuckfaced, moronic, small dicked bag of shit Jose Bautista.

Thank you and please say hi to Jesus for me,
Love
JJ

Romonobyl

Question:
How can you black out AND rob a bank?

jjfozz

Lots of practice

Senor Weaselo

I second that. Or Roughned II: The Roughening

Sill Bimmons

wow bungles

Col. Duke LaCross

And then Von popped a bunch of molly with those kids…

Romonobyl

Whelp, here I am again. A Florida panhandle Twin Peaks drinking beer and watching a game that means nothing to me. Thank you guys for the company, I’m oddly sincere about that.

JustStopDude

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Redshirt

I would vote for Johnson if I felt he was good. I just feel he over his head.

I would vote for Hillary before I vote for Trump.

Sill Bimmons

BECAUSE IM RIGHT

Lothar of the Hill People

Because some people get the order confused when it comes to party & country.

Others get the order confused when it comes to country & humanity.

Republicans tend to get the order of all three confused.

Sill Bimmons
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
herodotus450

On the one hand I wish that show had continued, and on the other I wish it had crashed and burned so bad that it’s leads were forced to star in their own porn parody

JustStopDude

Jesus Tenn has the ugliest uniforms in the SEC…

ThursdaySkyGoddess

I tried to image search for a tiger with an orange head and white body to represent Cincy, but google has failed me.

Senor Weaselo
ArmedandHammered

Well, it does have orange, black and white.

Gratliff

Well, they’ve got the red splotches right

Sill Bimmons

Soon there will be bulgogi…

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Claymaker

THURSDAY NIGHT TRICKERATION

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

(sigh) Here we go.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Why are the Tennessee Vols on the field?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Lord Joe Don Looney

Sam Wyche is the tinman?

Sill Bimmons

CANADIA 0 — 1 YURP

http://travelfoodanddrink.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Slovakia-Zilina-Halusky-L.jpg

/seriously most Eastern European food is terrible

Gratliff

I fucking hate that Panthers fan so much for being alive.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have no problem with the Panthers at all; but I love the hate, this is good hate, let it stew and fester to grow as mold would to infect every cell in your body.

http://wanna-joke.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/funny-gif-cat-drinking-water-cone-shame.gif

Smuckers

How dangerous is left over sashimi? Thinking bout going wild.

Sill Bimmons
Smuckers

Too late. Shooting for an early Friday!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

Just want to say that the Bengals saved us for Dolphin Orange on Orange and Bengals Orange on Orange headache. Sometimes the Bengals do smart things! No often, but they still happen.

JustStopDude
herodotus450

Yeah but where does christianity come into– oh, right there at the bottom.

ArmedandHammered

Funny how after all of these years that none of those still threaten this country, but the ardent Christians have become a bigger threat to our democracy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

I had a Babybel cheese. I started to bite into it and immediately regretted it, so then I just took off snippets with the incisors. This is improvement.

Sill Bimmons

Is there any more to this wacky story?

Senor Weaselo

This has been your Senor wisdom teeth update. Also I’m almost out of penicillin.

ArmedandHammered

Still having a lot of pain from the procedure? Or are the meds treating you right?

Senor Weaselo

The meds are okay, but I’ve mostly been on all the ibuprofen, try to save anything harder for when I go to bed. It has mixed success. I just miss solid food at this point, and I am never going on a voluntary juice cleanse.

Col. Duke LaCross

What’d you have done?

Sill Bimmons

No sport hates its fans quite the way hockey does.

Gratliff

I don’t do the World Cup Hockey. As I understand it, there was an opening band so bad it could trigger the apocalypse?

Sill Bimmons

I never watch the pregame.

I’d rather bang my head against my forgetty spot.

Smuckers

They fucked me last week, cj, not surprised they’ll do it again.

Smuckers

Cool thing I found out last week. You can get cheap as shit nfl shop jersey’s for decent former players from bad teams on ebay. 20 bucks for a Clinton Portis jersey? Hell yeah!

Redshirt

Bengals, if you start wearing the all white jerseys as your away uniforms and and burn that orange shelf shoulder-collarbone jerseys, no questions will be asked.

JustStopDude

I wonder how Cleveland fans are handling Josh Gordon going into rehab?

https://youtu.be/qs3KUuA7dAw

Surprisingly self controlled…

Senor Weaselo

So how does he really feel?

JustStopDude
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

AND IF SHE DONT YOU JUDGES 19 THAT FUCKIN BITCH

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
indieguy

according to Travis Kelce Chargers have the chillest fan base. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EZfZ–5mAQ also he heats hot wings

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The hot sauce reactions are fucking hilarious.

Fronkenshteen

So Miami (team colors: teal? with orange trim) will be orange from head to toe tonight, while Cincy (team colors: orange with black trim) will be wearing all white.
http://c8.alamy.com/comp/EF8F2T/danny-devito-michael-douglas-the-war-of-the-roses-1989-EF8F2T.jpg
This seems reasonable to you both?

Col. Duke LaCross

Baby shit orange!

Claymaker

Anybody else want some Tostitos?

herodotus450

I don’t know, ever since they stopped sponsoring the Fiesta Bowl I just can’t get into them

Redshirt

On the bright side, Young Frankenstein is on TCM at 9:15. If this is a blowout loss, I’ll have something to distract me from the Bengals Manic Depression.

Smuckers

Never seen it. Dug blazing saddles tho.

Redshirt

Its not as good as Blazing Saddles, but its still pretty good.

Smuckers

I may give it shot, will probably actually fall asleep at halftime.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

IMO I rate it right there for pure enjoyment. For humorous societal commentary, not close. If you enjoy old horror movies, clever puns, and bad puns I think you’ll like it quite a bit.

Sill Bimmons

It’s time to let go of the Gary Johnson thing, sparklepony lovers:

‘Gary Johnson, who is allegedly running for president, was asked by Chris Matthews to name a foreign leader he admired this evening. All he could do was puff his cheeks out and sigh. Johnson could not think of anyone. The best he could muster after 30 seconds of consistent pressure from Matthews was “the former president of Mexico,” whom he also could not name.’

How did this fucking idiot get elected to the township sewer board, let alone Governor of New Mexi…oh. Right.

One positive to the Johnson candidacy trainwreck might be the final death of the Libertarian Party.

You gotta have at least one idea apart from legalizing it, bros.

herodotus450

But what if we like, legalized it, man?

Gratliff

He cratered so fucking hard that I’m worried he’ll stop splitting the idiot conservative vote.

Redshirt

Yeah, I know. I never knocked myself out by facepalming when I read the story.

I guess I’m writing in “None of the Above”.

Senor Weaselo

Kodos 2016?

Redshirt

Actually I’m voting in Repeal Lee Resolution. Completely retcon the whole thing from the beginning.

Smuckers

I liked it! I’m 90% sure my dad couldn’t name a foreign leader and he listens to npr (my fault)! That said, New Mexico? He coulda named Fox by name, right?

JustStopDude

Listen you statist whore…true freedom loving Americans recognize that 1) America is the greatest give given to us by Baby Jesus.

2) The highest elected audience should be the local sheriff.

3) America has no need nor desire to be involved overseas.

Why you statists insist on being the world’s police is beyond me. Johnson has shown he is the perfect libertarian candidate.

http://www.infowars.com

Senor Weaselo

How strong is that taek anyway?

JustStopDude

Stronger than Jet Fuel…because it can actually melt steel beams!

Redshirt

So today at work a coworker talked bad about the area I work to make herself look good, even though he knows I am working 12 hours shifts and doing the job of at least two people.

Red: [narrating] I wish I could tell you that Redshirt beat the ever loving crap out of him, and he never again put down his coworkers to make himself look good. I wish I could tell you that – but work is no fairy-tale world.

Senor Weaselo

You think dis ain’t gon suck? Oh, dis gon SUCK. Chuh chuh.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

This is all the proof you need that Bill Burr NEEDS to be on MNF NOW.
https://youtu.be/EprVMyLEjUo

Gratliff

My phone got spammed with alerts today about Eagles players getting such and such of the week and month awards. This leads me to believe half the team is going to die in a plane crash during their bye this week. Holy fuck, week 4 bye. Would it really be so terrible to just have week 9 be an all-encompassing bye week?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Happy Thursday. One more and then we have a slight break in the mind numbing drudgery, the soul killing monotony of our existence as money conduits from the wealthy to the wealthy.

http://wanna-joke.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/funny-gifs-cool-alcohol-drink-1.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

There’s a non-zero chance that this will be a classic barn burner between teams that seem pretty evenly matched in mediocrity!

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