Your “Punch (and Beer and Scotch and Martini) Drunk” Late Afternoon Football Open Thread

Don’t you just love flurstbulb? Gspecially when they plat in Londern and you can trink all blay long. WHOO! P! 2 TA BLAMES!!@X!!!!!!!!!!

Den/TB-Believe it or not, rb Doug “I’m super healthy this year, honest!” Martin is out for this one. The Broncos counter with de Ware being de-sidelined. This one’s a wash. For you fantasy dudes, take a close look at rb Sims for Tampa-not the best of matchups but he’ll get a ton of touches. Yes, it’s only 3 weeks in but wr Evans is trending towards 1600 yards and 16 TD’s. I’d go with 1300 and 11 if he’s solved his dropsy problem. Trevor “I’ll try hard not to lose the game” Siemian has acquitted himself better than most folks expected. Of course that D gives him quite a bit of leeway.

LA/Zona-The Rams have won 2 in a row? [looks at standings] Yup. HC Fisher is that co-worker that does just enough to not get fired when upper management is eyeballing him. I hate those guys! Plus, he probably doesn’t cut his nose hairs. Last week the Cards could have crushed Rex Ryan’s chances of coaching the rest of the year but instead chose to fold like a Walmart-purchased deck chair. The chances of each of these squads returning to form this week are very good.

NO/SD-“Don’t You Forget About Me.”-Both Team’s D

Simple minds like yours truly want to the see the world and both of these D’s burn. Let’s have a 53-48 “this is what you really want, Goodell” final score.

Dal/SF-The Dez has a hairline fracture and didn’t show up to his MRI apparently. What the hell do you want Jerry? THE GUY MAJORED IN DRAMA!* (*may not be even remotely true) If you’re in a PPR league you’re in love with a little Beasley. Qb Gabbert is getting it done in the “Start Kaep” department-his 5.5 yards per attempt is last among starting QB’s. As a Giant flan, (and who doesn’t love an over-sized flan?) I’m hoping that the Niners steal this one but there may not be enough smoke and mirrors in California to pull it off and that’s saying something. What am I trying to say? Nothing.

Now, my sweet, sweet monkeys, GET GOING!