Kudos to those of you that viewed *all* the football yesterday. That is an amazing commitment on your part. Between the booze and the better half staring at me with her hands on her hips I was not able to get it done. I don’t use the word ‘hero’ very often but you folks are the true heroes of this site. You’re the glue that keeps the macaroni on the construction paper of the open threads. TO THE GAME!
NYG/MINNY-[looks at Giants injury report] WHY GOD, WHY? Hey, remember last year when the Giants secondary was struck by a rash-ton of injuries? Well, looky here-tonight cb Rogers-Cromartie is limited, Apple is done and safeties Thompson and Berhe are out. That means that qb Bradford, he of the 67.8 completion % and passer rating of 107.8 might just have himself a walk in the park. He’s very accurate on short/medium routes so look for wr Diggs and te Rudolph to shine. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! The Vikes have 15 sacks in three games and are going up against an average O-Line. This is the very situation where the Giants need Eli to pull the old 420 yards passing gem out of his ass. It’s not out of the realm of rational thinking given his wr trio of OBJ, Cruz and Shepherd.
Now…START YOUR KEYBOARDS, GENTLEMAN!
Dear Capital One,
Your miles card is not a miles card because it does not earn miles. It’s a restricted statement credit card. Stop shitting on cards that offer a meaningfully different credit.
Thanks,
ICRM
P.S. More Jennifer Garner, plz. Kthnx
http://67.media.tumblr.com/89eaadde969feb878d19c18312ad2b26/tumblr_obsi0jkjxV1ttrxmxo1_500.jpg
Oh that’s gonna end well. Patient Zero, here we go!
I stole two boxes of tissue from the work supplies closet. I deserve them.
That’s good workplace theft hustle!
/Slaps Spur on the ass, HARD
http://66.media.tumblr.com/adda1de9e1c7a424dba9cdf7e7d78141/tumblr_obo1hevpO61tlb56zo1_400.gif
The kicker can kick! WOW!
http://68.media.tumblr.com/a5686bf392c7edbf5e9fe78c1f3f0fbc/tumblr_obty7pINij1va9eqqo1_1280.jpg
Now THAT is how to do a cliffhanger.
“Cliffhanger? That’s way too much effort. A tree will do just fine.”
– David Duke
Hello interweb friends. Just getting home from a 5 day bender for my wedding. This ring offers nothing in the way of curing hangovers!
Congratulations! Not about the hangover, but the rest of it!
Congrats, man!
Was happy that the Iggles bye week corresponded with the wedding so I didn’t have to pay attention to the teevees while I was meeting distant aunts and uncles while basically funneling Akvavit (she is Danish)
Congrats! I’ve got mine in 12 days.
Eli always looks like he doesn’t understand the rules of football–or physics–after one of his INTs.
He got it from Coughlin.
That face when you’ve been hit in the head with an apple like that Redd’s Apple Ale commercial about 50 times.
(this post has been sponsored by Redd’s Apple Ale)
http://66.media.tumblr.com/465844cda84fdf0e2da4dd0df12af521/tumblr_ocosdrkUnv1sjcqg0o1_1280.jpg
NO COONS IN THE POOL!!!!
-George Wallace.
Not pictured: Eli pissing down his leg.
Fuck it. Break them, Minny.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/15563fa208c35fd5805b59b028957d32/tumblr_od5wk8m5SF1u1ljrzo4_500.gif
No post-game Oreos for Eli.
MANNINGCEPTION!
http://67.media.tumblr.com/3a93356e8a0eea1e7bed334d7ad597ad/tumblr_o9w3z35WFb1qzn4ypo1_r1_1280.png
Using the whole fist there, Doc?
Ever do time, doc?
Moooon River…
“Right as rain!”
http://67.media.tumblr.com/ffcdcf5a70318ccdd52268909056996e/tumblr_oappr4ZJb21rvdv9ao1_500.gif
HAPPY FRIDAY!!
Well, fuck.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/03155285edb18b051e36c4dac8ba0eca/tumblr_nhtzt7KEvg1tr6ni8o1_500.gif
Mike Zimmer looks like he wants to grind up and snort that placekicker.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/7eaea636318a96d2e51211b048c1d977/tumblr_o225ddmnVv1ql8t12o1_1280.gif
Well, today anyway.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/9427d8988aa65d8cbb9f376fea2c908e/tumblr_o983jtcUuH1qz78azo1_1280.jpg
Is that JPP’s new hand on the right?
Working til midnight. Next to the game is Timeless on NBC. Everytime I look at it I’m reminded of the Louis CK bit where he said no matter where he would go if he could time travel, He’d be fine because he’s white.
I’m afraid to watch that show as a sci-fi fan knowing how dumb-downed most sci-fi is for mainstream audiences.
In a digital system you either pass or run.
http://pp.e3.pe/ima/0/0/0/0/4/4508.gif
Local news over Stephen A Smith? Yuuuup.
Either I’m tripping balls, or Erik Estrada is on my TV hawking a casino.
Please tell me there’s a Chips pun involved.
I was hoping for a Larry Wilcox run-in, but no.
I love this NFL newspeak ‘QB X is in the concussion protocol’.
How about we just say, ‘QB X was concussed. Brain injuries are serious business, and only a dolt would rush back to get his brain battered again.’
‘In the concussion protocol’ what a fucking load.
How about when a guy sprains his knee, we say, ‘RB X is in the medial collateral protocol’
Ashton Kutcher is doing everything he can to make me hate white people.
Can you imagine if Tom Brady was like
“You guys seem to be doing fine without me and i actually like not playing, i get to ride my pet horse, and play with my kids, i’m retired”
and we never saw him again.
This is good, but him getting injured in his return and trashing the Pats’ season while potentially tainting his legacy would be better.
Even better: he purposefully gets suspended for 4 games every year to lessen his chances of getting injured. The Shield and the pats ARE IN IT TOGETHER! BALLGHAZI WAS A FALSE FLAG INSIDE JORB!!!!
If that Ford referee ad happened somewhere in Texas or Alabama that ref would’ve been stabbed and left to die on the side of the road.
If it was Texas, they’d just run the ref over, back up over the corpse, and drive off with their truck nuts a-danglin’
That family’s just taking him to their murder house. He’ll never be seen again.
It’s Texas. There will be chainsaws involved.
First Take is still around?
Molly Querim is really regretting her decision to leave the NFL Network right now.
Did this dude just wish death on Tom Brady by throwing him off a cliff?
I can’t say I’d be against that…
Brady would survive. He and Belichek would just cheat death.
So I’m half watching this game and had a couple of thoughts. Some are related to previous comments
1. Bradford will shatter a crucial joint, ligament, bone at some point. Probably right before the playoffs. I am going to go with his xiphoid process.
2. I miss Gruden Talk. Can someone please bring it back? This election could sure use it. Bandleader Herm Edwards was the best even if he as a big dummy
http://67.media.tumblr.com/f05d4e2898dfc45a2f52be0e494e4364/tumblr_muogx5q1O91syvjuco4_400.jpg
Those fucking assholes at U***** had every major funny sports blogger under one roof and let them all go because of Bud Fucking Light’s hurt feefees.
Also that Sugar guy, but fuck him.
He’s still there.
/surprised not surprised
I remember the Bud Light issue, I just didn’t know if there was a reason someone couldn’t just rip it off. Call it Nightline with Jon Gruden (wearing a Ted Koppel wig of course)
Hmm, doesn’t look like Tampa. But I’m in Tallahassee so it doesn’t matter
I think it’s like when Conan went to TBS, he couldn’t take his most famous bits. They had to turn masturbating bear into Tribbing Pterodactyl or something. So the point is… I forgot.
Giants 3-14? Sounds pretty close to their season, yep.
Ugh. ESPN talking up the new stadium is really getting old. Anything to prolong the football stadium industrial complex, huh?
Never forget that the broadcast networks are nothing more than PR for the leagues they’re paying.
Watch out. Big Concrete is powerful.
That new stadium doesn’t just “look” like a Viking ship. It’s an escape pod for the Rog and the owners when the world goes to shit. However, when the pod is ready to depart for space, Jerral will kick Rog off because he wants to put his feet up.
Of all the people I’ll miss most when I die, cyclists won’t be any of them.
Look, OSZ was just having a bad day…
Why do you have to miss them? There’s no reason you can’t take out as many as you can on the way into that wall.
Steer into the skid?
Giants got the Vikings right where they want them!!
Coughlin is rolling over in his grave. What a shitty half for New York.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGFXGwHsD_A
I’m being punished for choosing RAW by Ashton Kutcher on commentary. I deserve this pain.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd time for FG attempt #3
Delay of game on a FG?!?!
HAIL BLEERGH!
I think ODB is 1/4 Shih Tzu.
as a shih tzu owner…….
sorry, i had something, but then I realized there’s no defense for owning a shih tzu so…
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/03/03b91e2b1ecb351d7822bf4982599a1fcad24ead456db8d28c03c0fbe462d8d1.jpg
Hey, who said they’d kick a field goal from the 20 on 1st down? You were so close!
I definitely did not think they’d have time outs left though.
Eli checks his Mickey Mouse wtach…
BLEERGH Applauds your devotion Giants.
This is Reid-ian clock management.
You called the field goal. But going to the locker room with a timeout is especially amazing.
I-N-C!
I-N-C!
That’s how Eli throws
To you and me!
It’s so funny to me how that derpy-faced turnover machine gets so much less shit than Cutler.
Nepotism. Cutler has no one, but he Doooooon’t Carrrrrre!
Super Bowl rings are like a 10+ inch cock. They each get you a lot even if you didn’t earn it.
Goddammit, The Giants are on Sunday night next week.
What have i done to deserve having to listen to Gruden one week and then Collinsworth the next?
Vile, naughty things, I’m guessing.
Unrelated and gratuitous:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-vuVjiF8Jk
What I call Kim Kardashian and Ray Jay’s sex tape
Y’know, fuck the giants, but I really want a high draft pick out of Minny, preferably with a sidelined Bradford for extra ‘freude.
I have nightmares about Bradford winning the Super Bowl with Minnesota, because that would be the most Eagles thing ever.
Nope. Most Eagles thing ever is Bradford beating the Eagles in the NFC Championship en route to said win.
Wouldn’t the most Eagles thing ever be Brandford getting pelted by d-cells while beating the Eagles?
I stand corrected by both of you.
Somebody needs that juice box AND some orange slices at halftime.
\looking at you, Eli
Clementines. No seeds.
Eli is testing if the balls bounce, that’s all.
That go daddy commercial would have sold me if it had Danica Patrick and a “hot” web only ending
–No one
THESE GIANTS, I CALL THEM THE GOP BECAUSE THEIR BEST PLAYER IS A HOTHEAD WITH TERRIBLE HAIR WHO HATES [*Redacted] S AND IS ALWAYS MIXING IT UP OUT OF BOUNDS
THIS GIANTS OFFENSE, I CALL THEM TRUMP’S IRS, BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT TAXING THE VIKINGS DEFENSE AT ALL.
Eli INT coming up.
I know he’s an active player, but can we get Von Miller to replace Gruden, fuck i’ll take Madden’s corpse over him.
Victor Cruz should change to this for his touchdown dance.
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/lfl-butt-jiggle-celebration-dance.gif
Antonio Brown beat him to it!
And got a flag for the flag gods for his efforts.
Too many thrusts, apparently
It’s always nice to give Jason Pierre Paul credit for helping since he’s the one that needs someone to lend a hand.
JPP would give you the finger for that comment. If he could.
JPP is going to start doing Allstate commercials
Are they changing their slogan to “The Good Hand People”?
Let’s all remember that series in a few minutes when the Giants kick a field goal on 1st down from their own 20 as time expires.
And by own 20 I mean that I am a moron.