Your “Another Game? Sure, I Guess I’ll Watch” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Kudos to those of you that viewed *all* the football yesterday. That is an amazing commitment on your part. Between the booze and the better half staring at me with her hands on her hips I was not able to get it done. I don’t use the word ‘hero’ very often but you folks are the true heroes of this site. You’re the glue that keeps the macaroni on the construction paper of the open threads. TO THE GAME!

NYG/MINNY-[looks at Giants injury report] WHY GOD, WHY? Hey, remember last year when the Giants secondary was struck by a rash-ton of injuries? Well, looky here-tonight cb Rogers-Cromartie is limited, Apple is done and safeties Thompson and Berhe are out. That means that qb Bradford, he of the 67.8 completion % and passer rating of 107.8 might just have himself a walk in the park. He’s very accurate on short/medium routes so look for wr Diggs and te Rudolph to shine. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! The Vikes have 15 sacks in three games and are going up against an average O-Line. This is the very situation where the Giants need Eli to pull the old 420 yards passing gem out of his ass. It’s not out of the realm of rational thinking given his wr trio of OBJ, Cruz and Shepherd.

Now…START YOUR KEYBOARDS, GENTLEMAN!

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Dear Capital One,

Your miles card is not a miles card because it does not earn miles. It’s a restricted statement credit card. Stop shitting on cards that offer a meaningfully different credit.

Thanks,

ICRM

P.S. More Jennifer Garner, plz. Kthnx

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

Oh that’s gonna end well. Patient Zero, here we go!

Spur

I stole two boxes of tissue from the work supplies closet. I deserve them.

Senor Weaselo

That’s good workplace theft hustle!
/Slaps Spur on the ass, HARD

Beastmode Ate My Baby

The kicker can kick! WOW!

WhyEaglesWhy

Now THAT is how to do a cliffhanger.

...

“Cliffhanger? That’s way too much effort. A tree will do just fine.”

– David Duke

litre_cola

Hello interweb friends. Just getting home from a 5 day bender for my wedding. This ring offers nothing in the way of curing hangovers!

Senor Weaselo

Congratulations! Not about the hangover, but the rest of it!

WhyEaglesWhy

Congrats, man!

litre_cola

Was happy that the Iggles bye week corresponded with the wedding so I didn’t have to pay attention to the teevees while I was meeting distant aunts and uncles while basically funneling Akvavit (she is Danish)

Sharkbait

Congrats! I’ve got mine in 12 days.

Lothar of the Hill People

Eli always looks like he doesn’t understand the rules of football–or physics–after one of his INTs.

WhyEaglesWhy

He got it from Coughlin.

Spur

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That face when you’ve been hit in the head with an apple like that Redd’s Apple Ale commercial about 50 times.

(this post has been sponsored by Redd’s Apple Ale)

Horatio Cornblower

NO COONS IN THE POOL!!!!

-George Wallace.

LemonJello

Not pictured: Eli pissing down his leg.

LemonJello

No post-game Oreos for Eli.

Sharkbait

MANNINGCEPTION!

LemonJello

Using the whole fist there, Doc?

Lothar of the Hill People

Ever do time, doc?

PopeofChiliTown

Moooon River…

Spanky Datass

“Right as rain!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Lothar of the Hill People

Mike Zimmer looks like he wants to grind up and snort that placekicker.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
LemonJello

Is that JPP’s new hand on the right?

Sharkbait

Working til midnight. Next to the game is Timeless on NBC. Everytime I look at it I’m reminded of the Louis CK bit where he said no matter where he would go if he could time travel, He’d be fine because he’s white.

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I’m afraid to watch that show as a sci-fi fan knowing how dumb-downed most sci-fi is for mainstream audiences.

Claymaker

In a digital system you either pass or run.

Brick Meathook

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Sharkbait
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Local news over Stephen A Smith? Yuuuup.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Either I’m tripping balls, or Erik Estrada is on my TV hawking a casino.

LemonJello

Please tell me there’s a Chips pun involved.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I was hoping for a Larry Wilcox run-in, but no.

Lothar of the Hill People

I love this NFL newspeak ‘QB X is in the concussion protocol’.

How about we just say, ‘QB X was concussed. Brain injuries are serious business, and only a dolt would rush back to get his brain battered again.’

‘In the concussion protocol’ what a fucking load.

How about when a guy sprains his knee, we say, ‘RB X is in the medial collateral protocol’

Gratliff

Ashton Kutcher is doing everything he can to make me hate white people.

IronAvenger6491

Can you imagine if Tom Brady was like

“You guys seem to be doing fine without me and i actually like not playing, i get to ride my pet horse, and play with my kids, i’m retired”

and we never saw him again.

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This is good, but him getting injured in his return and trashing the Pats’ season while potentially tainting his legacy would be better.

herodotus450

Even better: he purposefully gets suspended for 4 games every year to lessen his chances of getting injured. The Shield and the pats ARE IN IT TOGETHER! BALLGHAZI WAS A FALSE FLAG INSIDE JORB!!!!

Sharkbait

If that Ford referee ad happened somewhere in Texas or Alabama that ref would’ve been stabbed and left to die on the side of the road.

Lothar of the Hill People

If it was Texas, they’d just run the ref over, back up over the corpse, and drive off with their truck nuts a-danglin’

Beastmode Ate My Baby

That family’s just taking him to their murder house. He’ll never be seen again.

Senor Weaselo

It’s Texas. There will be chainsaws involved.

Spur

First Take is still around?

Col. Duke LaCross

Molly Querim is really regretting her decision to leave the NFL Network right now.

IronAvenger6491

Did this dude just wish death on Tom Brady by throwing him off a cliff?

Senor Weaselo

I can’t say I’d be against that…

Dunstan

Brady would survive. He and Belichek would just cheat death.

PopeofChiliTown

So I’m half watching this game and had a couple of thoughts. Some are related to previous comments
1. Bradford will shatter a crucial joint, ligament, bone at some point. Probably right before the playoffs. I am going to go with his xiphoid process.
2. I miss Gruden Talk. Can someone please bring it back? This election could sure use it. Bandleader Herm Edwards was the best even if he as a big dummy

Sill Bimmons

Those fucking assholes at U***** had every major funny sports blogger under one roof and let them all go because of Bud Fucking Light’s hurt feefees.

Senor Weaselo

Also that Sugar guy, but fuck him.

Sill Bimmons

He’s still there.

/surprised not surprised

PopeofChiliTown

I remember the Bud Light issue, I just didn’t know if there was a reason someone couldn’t just rip it off. Call it Nightline with Jon Gruden (wearing a Ted Koppel wig of course)

PopeofChiliTown

Hmm, doesn’t look like Tampa. But I’m in Tallahassee so it doesn’t matter

herodotus450

I think it’s like when Conan went to TBS, he couldn’t take his most famous bits. They had to turn masturbating bear into Tribbing Pterodactyl or something. So the point is… I forgot.

Lothar of the Hill People

Giants 3-14? Sounds pretty close to their season, yep.

synapticmisfires

Ugh. ESPN talking up the new stadium is really getting old. Anything to prolong the football stadium industrial complex, huh?

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Never forget that the broadcast networks are nothing more than PR for the leagues they’re paying.

Spur

Watch out. Big Concrete is powerful.

WhyEaglesWhy

That new stadium doesn’t just “look” like a Viking ship. It’s an escape pod for the Rog and the owners when the world goes to shit. However, when the pod is ready to depart for space, Jerral will kick Rog off because he wants to put his feet up.

Sill Bimmons

Of all the people I’ll miss most when I die, cyclists won’t be any of them.

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Look, OSZ was just having a bad day…

Gratliff

Why do you have to miss them? There’s no reason you can’t take out as many as you can on the way into that wall.

LemonJello

Steer into the skid?

IronAvenger6491

Giants got the Vikings right where they want them!!

Spur

Coughlin is rolling over in his grave. What a shitty half for New York.

Senor Weaselo
Gratliff

I’m being punished for choosing RAW by Ashton Kutcher on commentary. I deserve this pain.

Lothar of the Hill People

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd time for FG attempt #3

Spur

Delay of game on a FG?!?!

Senor Weaselo

HAIL BLEERGH!

WhyEaglesWhy

I think ODB is 1/4 Shih Tzu.

Brocky

as a shih tzu owner…….

sorry, i had something, but then I realized there’s no defense for owning a shih tzu so…

http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/03/03b91e2b1ecb351d7822bf4982599a1fcad24ead456db8d28c03c0fbe462d8d1.jpg

Senor Weaselo

Hey, who said they’d kick a field goal from the 20 on 1st down? You were so close!

Claymaker

I definitely did not think they’d have time outs left though.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Eli checks his Mickey Mouse wtach…

Sharkbait

BLEERGH Applauds your devotion Giants.

Claymaker

This is Reid-ian clock management.

synapticmisfires

You called the field goal. But going to the locker room with a timeout is especially amazing.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I-N-C!
I-N-C!
That’s how Eli throws
To you and me!

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It’s so funny to me how that derpy-faced turnover machine gets so much less shit than Cutler.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Nepotism. Cutler has no one, but he Doooooon’t Carrrrrre!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Super Bowl rings are like a 10+ inch cock. They each get you a lot even if you didn’t earn it.

IronAvenger6491

Goddammit, The Giants are on Sunday night next week.

What have i done to deserve having to listen to Gruden one week and then Collinsworth the next?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Vile, naughty things, I’m guessing.

herodotus450
BrettFavresColonoscopy

What I call Kim Kardashian and Ray Jay’s sex tape

Gratliff

Y’know, fuck the giants, but I really want a high draft pick out of Minny, preferably with a sidelined Bradford for extra ‘freude.

WhyEaglesWhy

I have nightmares about Bradford winning the Super Bowl with Minnesota, because that would be the most Eagles thing ever.

Gratliff

Nope. Most Eagles thing ever is Bradford beating the Eagles in the NFC Championship en route to said win.

Lothar of the Hill People

Wouldn’t the most Eagles thing ever be Brandford getting pelted by d-cells while beating the Eagles?

WhyEaglesWhy

I stand corrected by both of you.

LemonJello

Somebody needs that juice box AND some orange slices at halftime.

\looking at you, Eli

Senor Weaselo

Clementines. No seeds.

IronAvenger6491

Eli is testing if the balls bounce, that’s all.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That go daddy commercial would have sold me if it had Danica Patrick and a “hot” web only ending

–No one

WhyEaglesWhy

THESE GIANTS, I CALL THEM THE GOP BECAUSE THEIR BEST PLAYER IS A HOTHEAD WITH TERRIBLE HAIR WHO HATES [*Redacted] S AND IS ALWAYS MIXING IT UP OUT OF BOUNDS

Lothar of the Hill People

THIS GIANTS OFFENSE, I CALL THEM TRUMP’S IRS, BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT TAXING THE VIKINGS DEFENSE AT ALL.

Spur

Eli INT coming up.

IronAvenger6491

I know he’s an active player, but can we get Von Miller to replace Gruden, fuck i’ll take Madden’s corpse over him.

Lothar of the Hill People
Senor Weaselo

Antonio Brown beat him to it!

LemonJello

And got a flag for the flag gods for his efforts.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Too many thrusts, apparently

Brocky

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s always nice to give Jason Pierre Paul credit for helping since he’s the one that needs someone to lend a hand.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

JPP would give you the finger for that comment. If he could.

Lothar of the Hill People

JPP is going to start doing Allstate commercials

LemonJello

Are they changing their slogan to “The Good Hand People”?

Claymaker

Let’s all remember that series in a few minutes when the Giants kick a field goal on 1st down from their own 20 as time expires.

Claymaker

And by own 20 I mean that I am a moron.