Balls’ Quarterly Review

Before I begin,  I remind you,  gentlemen,  to check your testicles every three months to make sure there is nothing unusual.

Remember,  prevention and early detection is key!

Speaking of,  how is football in LA going,  you may ask?  Let’s dive in:

WEEK ONE

My team: The Steelers won.

Did I miss Sunday Ticket?  No,  because my Steelers played on Monday Night Football and Directv was doing a free preview.  Also,  I was dealing with family stuff,  so I barely watched any of RedZone.

Local Team?

The Rams lost on the road,  as expected.

WEEK TWO

My team: The Steelers won.

Did I miss Sunday Ticket?  No,  because my Steelers were the national game on CBS, so I saw them for free.

Local Team?

The Rams won a surprising and embarrassing game over the Seahawks. One buddy attended and the other sold his ticket for twice face.  It was 100 degrees out.

WEEK THREE

My team: The Steelers got embarrassed by the Eagles.

Did I miss Sunday Ticket?  No, because I spent all day Sunday in the high Desert at the live studio/tent taping of the first episode of The Grand Tour.  Yes,  it was fucking awesome!

Local team?

The Rams surprisingly won on the road!

WEEK FOUR

My team: The Steelers won.

Did I miss Sunday Ticket?  No because my Steelers played on Sunday Night Football.  I worked on things around the house and barely watched any of the games.

Local team?

The Rams surprisingly won on the road!

OVERALL IMPRESSION

My decision to cut Sunday Ticket has been validated. The Rams are surprisingly 3-1 but due for a fall and my Steelers are 3-1 and tied with the Ravens for first place but the toughest stretch of the season is coming up fast.

Let’s take a look at the standings,  shall we?

NFC East W L
PHI 3 0
DAL 3 1
NYG 2 2
WSH 2 2
NFC West W L
LA 3 1
SEA 3 1
SF 1 3
ARI 1 3
NFC North W L
MIN 4 0
GB 2 1
CHI 1 3
DET 1 3
NFC South W L
ATL 3 1
TB 1 3
CAR 1 3
NO 1 3
AFC East W L
NE 3 1
BUF 2 2
NYJ 1 3
MIA 1 3
AFC West W L
DEN 4 0
OAK 3 1
KC 2 2
SD 1 3
AFC North W L
PIT 3 1
BAL 3 1
CIN 2 2
CLE 0 4
AFC South W L
HOU 3 1
JAX 1 3
TEN 1 3
IND 1 3

Jésus,  some divisions are pure dog shit. Looking at you,  Souths!

Denver is trying to Trent Dilfer its way to back to back championships while New England has seemingly refinanced its deal with the Devil in order to go 3-1 without Brady. Some made-up team is leading the South.  Sounds about right.

The entire NFC outside of Philadelphia is shit. Normally,  I’d add East after NFC, but this year you don’t need to.  I refuse to believe the Falcons will christen their Asshole with a Superb Owl let alone a NFC championship. The North is … cray cray.  I have no idea what is going on in that division. The West is led by the Seahawks/Rams potpourri of suck.

Here are my playoff team predictions at the quarter pole:

AFC: Denver,  Oakland,  Pittsburgh,  New England,  Houston,  Baltimore.

NFC: Philadelphia,  Atlanta,  Minnesota,  Green Bay,  Seattle,  Dallas

Btw, in case you were wondering,  my balls are A-ok! How are yours?

I leave you with a piece of advice: Never trust a hipster douche in a hat.

See you at the halfway point.

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
ballsofsteelandfury

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SonOfSpam
Member

RAM IT MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

(rebooted fandom is still awkward)

(but my balls are fine thanks for asking)

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I actually appreciate this tweet. Perfect text and photo combination.

ProstateCancerCanada ‏@ProstateCancerC 4h4 hours ago
Ben Stiller shares inspiring story facing #prostatecancer and advocates for early detection including PSA testing
comment image

ThursdaySkyGoddess
Member
ThursdaySkyGoddess

“Did I miss Sunday Ticket? No, because I spent all day Sunday in the high Desert at the live studio/tent taping of the first episode of The Grand Tour. Yes, it was fucking awesome!”

I’m so fucking jealous.

comment image

Sill Bimmons
Member
Sill Bimmons

Good to see that your balls are back at full capacity.

http://www.bringthenoiseuk.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/The-Fury-Black.jpg

Senor Weaselo
Member

More importantly… how was The Grand Tour, and how much can you tell us about the goings-on? Second, do they have permission to say “cock”?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I remind you, gentlemen, to check your testicles every three months to make sure there is nothing unusual.

Sooooo….define unusual. Because….well, never mind.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Just a reminder; one probably shouldn’t check in a meeting even if your topic is not up.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Check your testicles every 3 months? More like every 3 hours, amirite?

**crickets chirping**

\Did I overshare? I overshared, didn’t I?

yeah right
Member

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and guess this was written before last night’s game.

There is this other team in the NFC besides Philly you know.

I still love you, Balls but still.

Don T
Member

Ha! Mess with the Vikes at your peril.
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Doktor Zymm
Member

And weirdly the NFC East is the only division without a team below .500
Isn’t that a sign of the apocalypse?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

It’s only week 4. Has 9/11 taught us nothing about how precisely timed controlled demolitions have to be?

WCS
Member

comment image

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

And of course the South sucks in both conferences. The South sucks at everything.

Don T
Member

COUNTERPOINT – “El sur” [The South”], by J.L. Borges: “The solitude was perfect and perhaps hostile, and Dahlmann suddenly suspected he was travelling into the past and not only toward the Sur.”

God I really miss school sometimes. A nice English translation here: http://www.24grammata.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/borges-el-sur-24grammata.com_.pdf

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

” The North is … cray cray.” Yep. You can tell from the eyes. Those Scandinavian devils are not to be trifled with.

http://thumbnails115.imagebam.com/50780/3d4981507791076.jpg

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I just wanted to show off a new find. This is the image I should’ve gone with.

http://i.vimeocdn.com/video/533495593_1280x720.jpg

wpDiscuz