Your Late Sunday Afternoon NFL Games Open Thread

Atl/Den-I like this matchup-the #1 O in a ton of categories versus a fantastic D. I’ve no doubt that rb Freeman will find little to no running room so it’ll be up to qb Ryan to find Julio. I’m sure he’ll give him more than a few jump balls to get after. He seems to win 90% of those battles. Despite his extraordinary ability, the odds of him having back-to-back games with 300 yds receiving appears slim. The only other option would seem to be giving the rock to rb Coleman in space. I’ll come clean-I know little about qb Lynch as this is only the second time he’ll be seeing real-game action. For that reason I figure that rb Anderson will have to carry the load O-wise.

Cin/Dal-Rook rb Elliott has come good on his speculated talent so far-he’s got the 2nd most carries and yards and is tied for most runs over 20 yds. (4) This should be a nice test for him because the Bengals give up a mere 57 yds on the ground average-wise and have yet to surrender a rush TD. Kinda impressive. Something’s gotta give here ’cause Dallas has the most rushing TD’s so far. On the surface this seems like a game that might be played between the 20 yard lines.

Buf/LA-In a nutshell, the worst overall O meets the 28th ranked. You’d think that a team with a back like Gurley could at least run the ball effectively but you’d be Mistaken Von Wrongperson. They’re getting a measley 76 yards per game on the ground. Look for the NFL’s leading tackler, Bills lb Zach Brown to have himself a game. The only reason he’s starting is because highly-touted rook lb Ragland blew out his knee. This would seemingly put the game in the hands of not-even-average qb Keenum which sounds like a losing proposition but the Rammers are 3-1 so what the hell do I know?

SD/Oak-If the scoreboards were still manually operated I’m sure the scorekeeper in this game would blow a rotator cuff or two. The Chargers short history (they’ve blown 3 leads in the last 5 minutes this year) and long history (they’ve lost 9 straight division games) have conspired to convince yours truly that they’ll be buckling under to an up-and-coming Raiders squad. On the bright side, Bolts fans get their very first looky-loo at de Joey Bosa. Players we won’t see? There’s plenty of them including 3/4’s of San Diego’s starting secondary. Ouch. Look for qb Carr to light it up and wr Cooper to get his very first score of the season.

Are you up to speed? LET’S DO THIS!

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Senor Weaselo

There’s plaid, and then there’s Chargers.

blackroseMD1

Whoever put a curse on the Chargers…come on, man, haven’t we suffered enough?

Finding new and creative ways to fail in the second half, Bolts gonna Bolt.

Unsurprised

They’re based out of San Diego, so no, fuck them.

Doktor Zymm

Is Phillip Rivers’s wife not pregnant? That might be pissing off the football gods. The Chargers sure as hell did SOMETHING to piss off the universe.

King Hippo

Jeebus, somebody check on BOLTMAN!

LemonJello

Would he have to use an extension cord to hang himself?

**STOMP, STOMP, CLAP**

//Confetti cannons fire

Sharkbait

The derp is strong with the Chargers

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Oh, Chargers….

Croooow

Case Keenum: Not a good quarterback.

LemonJello

Not the QB the Rams need, but the QB the Rams deserve.

Unsurprised

So … Runny, putrid shit

LemonJello

Indeed.

Sharkbait

Say what you will about Narragansett, but a bucket of 4 for $12 does not suck.

Senor Weaselo

Will my Bills fan friend mock the Jets next time I see her? Yes. But she’s also supposed to get me commiseration drunk, so I guess it cancels out.

Unsurprised

To alcohol!

Brick Meathook

LADIES AND GENTS, YOUR LOS ANGELES RAMS!!!!

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Spanky Datass

OOK? OOK!

Unsurprised

Is it Moosemas already?

JustStopDude

Here is my LA story. My sister used to live out there with her ex-husband. We are at a bar. I am drinking the most expensive can beer in my life…because its LA.

I go outside to smoke a cig. As soon as I light up, four guys start hacking annoyingly and making comments about how I am polluting the air.

The four of them are smoking a joint the size of a horse cock, and two of the white dudes have dreads, three of them are barefoot.

A little while later, I realize that one of the bare footed, dread white guys works in the kitchen.

I fucking hate California.

Senor Weaselo

Fake punt late in the 4th quarter while you’re down? No shit it didn’t work.

blaxabbath

Ugh — what a not productive weekend. If I don’t see you dudes later, here’s hoping Trump really grabs this second debate by the pussy from the get-go and we can all just focus on Packers-Giants.

Spur

Nacho laughing it up with Coach.

Unsurprised

Both are familiar with having their heads up someone’s ass

Senor Weaselo

The category is “Phrases you’ve never expected to hear.”

What is “Victory handshake with Mark Sanchez, Alex?”

LemonJello

He does seem more of an “Up top, Bro!” while zipping his fly-type.

JustStopDude

You know what is frustrating about the Cowboys…if there was a franchise and a fan base that straight up deserved a 5 to 6 year Browns style hunt for a serviceable QB, its fucking the Cowboys.

I was really looking forward to Cowboys fans eating their words for all the time they blamed everything on Romo.

Spur

Can I get a LANDRY SHIFT please?

LemonJello

Birth of SkyNet on 60 Minutes tonight. Stock up on canned goods and shotgun shells.

fleshwound_NPG

[sees 60 Minutes promo on artificial intelligence]

somebody drop the bomb before it is too late

Croooow

That 60 Minutes ad where they’re interviewing a robot with is creepy as hell.

John Difool

Fucking Skynet with a pussy. I’d like to see Trump try and grab that when it becomes ‘self aware’

Doktor Zymm

Are the Cowboys gonna RG3 Dak? I would be both sad, cause you shouldn’t destroy talented young QBs who are fun to watch and don’t seem to be assholes, but also, LOLCOWBOYS.

Romonobyl

All Jerral’s idea until something goes wrong.

Romonobyl

Too bad Houston doesn’t have an NFL team.

What…..really???

Spur

Dak what were you thinking? Stay away from Burfict.

JustStopDude

Jesus FUCKING CHRIST COWBOYS WHY ARE YOU HAVING DAK RUN!?!?!?!

Its almost like they are reverting back to the usual because its weird territory to have a healthy QB this late in the season.

Doktor Zymm

That was a long-ass ref speech

Unsurprised

Prima donnas

Gratliff

What the motherfuck just happened in Oakland?

Unsurprised

Just do what conservatives do and blame the New Black Panthers

LemonJello

How’d Cam get that name change past Jerry Richardson’s rotting, putrid corpse?

Senor Weaselo

It wasn’t the Chargers blowing it in the last minute, so there’s that.

Romonobyl

Gettin’ soft a little early Dallas, no?

LemonJello

Viagra single packs can help.

fleshwound_NPG

Dalton’s career-best streak of completions happened in garbage time. Sounds about right.

JustStopDude

I still think my idea of Hard Knocks, only instead of following real players, we follow a loudmouth jackass who called into talk radio as some expert, would be a TV gold mine.

We would do other sports. Like when some jackass calls figure skaters faggots, have the dude try to train and keep up with Johnny Weir on the regime he had to follow to compete for the Olympics.

http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnnnext/dam/assets/130216162500-16-gay-athletes-0216-horizontal-large-gallery.jpg

I can’t be the only person that wants to see a fat loudmouth shatter his ankles on TV.

Bortleback

Anyone criticising linebacker play should be put in to a training camp drill at RB and required to pick up a blitzing linebacker. Preferably someone who will be a dick about it, like Brian Cushing.

JustStopDude

I got made fun of in the navy because I did six years of ballet.

That was until we got drunk and I carried a coworker overhead, while walking on the top of my toes.

Kungjitsu

I want to see Celebrity Low Rim. It’s D-list celebrities playing on 9 ft. goals. Watching Dan Patrick shatter every bone below his neck trying to dunk on Turtle from Entourage would make me so happy. Jay Glazer would try to fight everyone, and Joe Rogan would take a massive bong hit and choke Glazer out before he exhaled.

blaxabbath

How is Lynch putting up 13 at home against the Falcons yet the announcers are still grabbing their own man-pussies and praising what a bright future he is sure to have?

Unsurprised

He’s white

Senor Weaselo

McManus didn’t call bank, it doesn’t count!

Redshirt

Oh, fuck me. We play @ Patriots next week.

Kill me now.

Doktor Zymm

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Spur

Hope Green is okay.

Brick Meathook

RAMS FIELD GOAL!!!!

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Doktor Zymm

Suspense! The quantum waveform will not collapse! It is simultaneously a TD and not a TD!

Doktor Zymm

And it’s PI and an incomplete pass?!

Senor Weaselo

It’s all the things!

Doktor Zymm

It’s gonna be more things, it’s being challenged!

Doktor Zymm

The amount of time spent figuring out what actually happened in this play will exceed the time the play took by a multiple of at least 100.

Spur

Cincy wasting a valuable timeout, I would say that is game.

Spur

4th sack!

Doktor Zymm

“You punt the ball and it’s not a punt, that’s not a good thing”

Broadcasting…..smh

Redshirt

Why I had a breakdown when I couldn’t find my radio.

Romonobyl

Kevin can keep waiting.

Spur

Let’s go INT

Gratliff

As my opponent eclipses the 300 point mark, I find myself wishing there was a forfeit button in fantasy football

Romonobyl

All games should have a 10 run rule of some sort.

Brocky

Brocky’s rant time:

4, 3, 3, 2.

This has to be my last year in fantasy.

These are the numbers of passing tds the Atlanta defense has allowed through 3 weeks.

Yes paxton lynch is a rookie. So what. It’s been a good year for rookie qbs and gary Kubiak is a qb specialist for coaching. When the top defense faces the top offense, the defense usually comes out on top.

Fuck you fantasy gods. I don’t expect to go undefeated, I expect conventional logic to occasionally be accurate. I’m tired of favorable matchups backfiring. I’m tired of players not-prone to injuries instantly become injury prone the second I draft them. I’m tired of players who haven’t had multi td games in their careers having them against me.

/rant over

Unsurprised
fleshwound_NPG

heh heh, right in the butt

Croooow

These are the scores my opponents have put up against me: 176, 200, 164 and I’m currently losing by 81 now with my opponent over the 200 point barrier.

Bortleback

If you’d told me before the season that the Vikings, having lost Teddy Jazzhands and AP to IR, and trading the farm for Sam Bradford, would be the only undefeated team left after week 5……

fleshwound_NPG

a few seasons back the lone undefeated team in the NFL was coached by Any Reid and quarterbacked by Alex Smith

blaxabbath

Kevin Kolb started 4-0 before losing, I think, 7 straight.

Romonobyl

If Dak scores on this drive I won’t rest till I see me some beans and cheese!

Romonobyl

Guess I’m going hungry.

Spur

Just give it to Morris the rest of the game. Zeke has had a heavy workload this year.

Sill Bimmons

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Romonobyl

Too little too late, but still:
http://i.imgur.com/7drHiqr.gif

Redshirt

TD Not Green