Man, I don’t even know anymore…

He’s dead; get over it.

Thanks to Seamus for covering last week while I was off doing research for the site. [That reminds me – I have to file an expense report with DFO’s accountant; I hope she accepts empty cups as receipts.]

This week’s The Walking Dead travelogue takes us back to Hilltop, a bucolic place we last saw last season & run by a petty little man named Gregory. We got here because the series had to finally get around to telling us what happened to Maggie, Sasha, and the two bodies they’ve been hauling all over hell’s half acre without attracting walkers to the scent and/or noise, never mind the fact that Maggie’s also pregnant.

At Hilltop, Bears = Walkers.

Gregory, who is a Ted Cruz kind-of weaselly dick with a little power, tries to tell them they can’t stay, but Jesus feels differently. Gregory reminds Jesus that Jesus tends to cut & run, whereas Gregory stays put and has to be the man. No resolution is arrived at; the ladies stay, and bury their men.

Rocks where their heads would be?

Anyway, then the Saviors show up, letting walkers into the camp to remind Hilltop that

1. Hilltop is vulnerable; and
2. The Saviors are dicks.

Maggie & Sasha help resolve the walker problem, but have to hide from the Saviors lest a connection to Alexandria be discovered and Hilltop has to pay for the hit on the Savior’s compound. Gregory is quite insistent, lest he lose his privileged position.

Gregory’s Stalinist-era obedience to the Saviors’ raiding party revealed who has the real power, since Simon – Negan’s lead representative here – does everything in the bully handbook to point out how powerless Hilltop & Gregory are:

• attack them with walkers for no reason — check
• make Gregory thank the Saviors for saving Hilltop from the walkers the Saviors attacked them with — check
• take half their stuff — check
• make Hilltop thank the Saviors for only taking half their stuff — check
• make Gregory think he can curry favour via betrayal — check
• take all the credit — check
• make them (kneel to) acknowledge their authority — check

The only thing missing was making them eat actual poo.

This ultimately forces Jesus to desire a new leader for the colony, since Gregory’s actions – including trying to give up Maggie & Sasha in order to curry favour – show Jesus that Gregory really can’t be trusted with anyone’s interests but Gregory’s. For good measure, Maggie smokes Gregory with a right cross, since she’s tired of his shit, his attempt at betrayal, and his constantly calling her by the wrong name.

[BTW, I really enjoyed how Gregory lost his scotch as a result of trying to give up Maggie & Sasha. Costing a man his liquor proves that a person knows how to hurt a guy who thinks he’s untouchable. Jesus showed you can checkers-king a dick move.]

There was also a plot development between Carl & Enid, which I don’t really care about. But, it involved rollerskating BUT NOT stomping a walker with said skates, set to BJ Thomas’ “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head”.

Carl can’t keep pulling his Butch Cassidy reference without it. Weak sauce.

Opinion time:

Honest-to-Cthulhu, I know where they are going, but the fact that it’s taking so long to set up the plot, and on top of the whole “who does Negan kill?” reveal, really is bloating this season.

In terms of locations, there’s

• Alexandria
• Hilltop
• The Saviors’ compound
• The Kingdom

Based on my math, we’ve had one episode at each location, plus the road kills in the premiere. If the series goes 8 & 8 like they did last year, there’s one more episode in each spot before the first-half conclusion (and likely cliffhanger!). I’ve almost got the horrible feeling that this Fall season will end without any advance towards the inevitable battle, and that the second-half will lead up to the battle, only to fade to black just before it starts so we have to come back next year to see it.

Never, Milhouse. Never.