Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week Eight

Week Eight, aka The Day of the Dead for reals. Le’Veon Bell, Matt Forte, Megatron, Fitzmagic, Ricardo Lockett (scary as fuck, but he’s ok), the entire San Diego front lines.

But let us all pause in a separate line/paragraph to honor that shoulder chip bearer/prolific baby puncher/all around interesting footballer Steve Smith Sr., whose career ended late in a 29-26 win over the Chargers. Thanks for the memories, now ice (and Vicuprofen) up, son!

Cincy/Yinzers was the marquee matchup of the 1:00 slate, but the game itself pretty much sucked. Andy and THE BEN took turns trying to give the game away, with THE BEN giving last (insert bathroom stall joke here). The Bungles may not have impressed anyone, but 7-0 with a road win over the Stillers pretty much wraps up the division and, barring a complete meltdown (their schedule is much lighter than NE and Denver’s), no worse than the #2 seed in the AFC.

Another week, another yuuuuuuuge (SNF prep) blown lead for Tampa Bay. 20-3 in the second half turns into 20-20 and we head to OT, thanks to a completely baffling “coverage” scheme against Julio Jones. But what’s this? The Bucs get a FG to open extra time, and somehow a stop after that, and get the win. Survivor pool executioners, these Bucs, winning at New Orleans and Atlanta. If anyone still has any belief in Atlanta’s somewhat gaudy record, you may want to get your head examined. Garbage team.

Holy shit, Giants/Saints. Elisha and Breesus go for about 1,200 yards apiece, and of course the game is decided by a questionable facemask call against the punter (and ensuing, game-winning Saints FG). Think I know where that suspended ACC crew from Saturday night’s Miami/Duke fiasco ended up.

Dunno if Zach ever got his selfie, but Mettenberger’s Titans lost 20-6 to a team that may not even exist. RedZone showed ONE highlight of this game, so I’m not really sure this game happened, to tell you the truth. DonT?

The Rams continue their Gurley and defense-based march toward wild card contention. The 49ers continue their march toward the 2016 Draft. They have no options but to play out the string. Just absolutely NOTHING there.

Arizona spotted Cleveland a sizeable lead, but the Factory authorized overtime shifts, and it vanished well before the 4th quarter. Like the Talking Heads song goes – “Same As It Ever Was.”

Never mind what I said last week. Derek Carr is at least an A-, and Oakland may just have a budding star on their hands. Legitimate playoff team, and could challenge Denver for the division. Welcome back, Geno!! We non-Jets fans have missed you, anyway. Side note – Todd Bowles’ annoyed grimace is fucking terrifying.

As noted in the RiveBrog, the Lions could justifiably leave Jim Caldwell in London, but it would be meaner to leave him in Detroit. I missed most of the first half watching Everton blow a 2-nil lead, then storm back to beat the Black Cats (topical!) of Sunderland 6-2!! WOO!!

Saw very little of CHI/MIN, but the Vikes were either totally inept offensively and/or the Bears’ D was surprisingly stout until very late…and it all fell apart. 10 late points, and Minny goes to 5-2 with a 23-20 road win.

Pete Carroll with the dumb fuck coaching move of the week, calling a run to the weak side of the field on 1st and goal, down 12-10, with 2:12 on the clock (and Dallas out of timeouts). Predictably, the run gains nothing AND goes out of bounds BEFORE the two-minute warning. Meaning the SeaTruthers kickoff up 13-12 with 1:06 left instead of :26. A whole lot of herp and derp ensued, which Seattle never should have had to bother with. They still hold on to win, but it doesn’t excuse yet another piece of horrid, braindead coaching. Dallas falls to 2-5.

And last, but certainly not least…my Broncos shock the everlovin’ shit out of me and run train all over Rodgers and the Packers. The beleagered OL was great. All three RBs were great. The pass rush was great. The coverage (LBs included) was fan-fucking-tastic. Most importantly…PeyPey was great. Not adequate, not good, GREAT. I couldn’t be happier, and really had no idea this was even a possibility. Just one game, but 7-0 feels much less like a mirage than 6-0 did, that’s for sure.