As a reminder, here are The Dead Milkmen…

On the pitch, we get things started by ruining my weekend straight away, and right early too, with Watford hosting Everton at 7:30 EST (NBCSN). The 11th position Hornets would actually vault over the 8th position Toffees with their inevitable win, as only 2 points separate the sides in the table. Everton will be without their most consistently effective (and certainly most energetic) attacking player, Yannick Bolasie. Mourinho’s shithouses never got a red card last weekend, but they did fuck Yala’s knee to bits, and he’s out at least a full year. At his age, he may never be the same again. Fucking cunts.

Arsenal/Stoke seems the best option in the 10:00 window, and indeed it gets the NBCSN treatment. Swans and Sunderland are on CNBC, in case you really enjoy human misery. And fucking admit it, you know you do. yeah right’s heroic Cherries look to avoid their Shite-slaying hangover against Burnley on Extra Time, in their first match ever in the top flight of English competition. WEIRD!

In another, happier time, defending champion Leicester hosting blue blood Man City (12:30, NBC) seemed like a really cool fixture to feature. Now, it’s just another mid-table side looking to take down a Champions League qualifier. There’s a story to tell, but no greatness any longer. Sigh.

You want greatness? Wake up early on Sunday (vs. West Brom, 7:00, NBCSN) to see the runaway title contenders, as in the wake of their win at the Etihad last weekend…even I am not doubting Antonio Conte’s Chelsea side any longer. They fucking good, y’all. Them poor little Albion ain’t even at home. Tweet?

Sunday’s good match is the Lucky Pierre of NBCSN’s troika, 6th position Man United vs. 5th position Spurs. I believe the gulf in quality is a great deal wider than one place in the standings would indicate, and that Tottenham will show as much, even at Old Trafford. Karma’s a bitch, Mourinho.

Soton and Middlesbrough play on Extra Time (9:15), and the Shite close things up on NBCSN against the Hammers (11:30). I gots nothing to say about either match. So sue me. Fuck you, 2016.

And no, I am not previewing the military industrial complex’s salute to jingoism. It is not worthy of the bravery of America’s servicemen and servicewomen, much like the American electorate. Try funding lifelong healthcare – including actually truly addressing mental health issues, instead of empty platitudes like your meaningless “thank yous.” And maybe fewer senseless wars, fought with no actual planning? Just a few thoughts.