Your “I Guess You Could Call Jets/Niners a Game” Late Afternoon Slate of Tilts Open Thread

I could use another snow game. I like them quite a bit. Hopefully it’s coming down fiercely in the Bay of Green. TO THE GAMES!

NYJ/SF– 3-9 vs. 1-11. The only reason they’re playing this is because Hippo has a player from one of these teams on his bench. Kidding! With his luck he probably started the guy.

NO/TB– Not so very long ago Tampa was doing their very best “Andrea Yates’ children” impression because they were dead in the water. Four games and 13 points (average) given up later and it turns out they’re actually born-again. (the Bucs, not the kids) The old saw states that, “D wins championships” and I started yapping last year that the Bucs have a great deal of talent on that side of the ball. Their run game is completely abysmal so they’re not doing anything of note this year but sneaking into the playoffs would do them some good. The Saints at 5-7 “control their own fate” in the same way that a 90 yr. old man controls his bladder.

Atl/LA– The Rams are last in the league with 284 yards per game. You know what that gets you? That’s right-a contract extension. 29th in passing yards? Contract extension. 30th in yards rushed? Contract extension. Last in the league in points scored at 15 per game? (the Browns average 16.4 for Kessler’s sake!) You guessed it-contract extension. It looks as though wr Julio is a game-timer so you’re screwed if he sits this one out.

Sea/GB– All three losses for the ‘Hawks have been on the road which suits Aaron Rodgers’ semi-prediction that the Pack will ‘run the table’ just fine. This looks like a great match-up in and of itself. It also looks like a game that will not clarify the playoff picture one little bit no matter the outcome.

Done. GIVE ME YOUR BEST!

 

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Dear shithead announcer. It is a 4 score game. Keeping him out in the 4th does not mean he tore his ACL.

Senor Weaselo

RAM IT isn’t getting shut out tonight!

litre_cola

Of our phrases from our former home and our newer ones, this by far is my fave. Although Beef Moe was classic, bullee dat.

Curse of Marino

And with this blowout loss, the LA Rams would like to announce that Jeff Fisher contract will be extended by another two years.

King Hippo

Hippo requests two MOAR Lionel Hutz FGs for the Saints. TDs are too mainstream. And help me the square root of fuckall.

litre_cola

Can ihave a garbage td by baldwin?

King Hippo

FUCK and NEIN

Curse of Marino

It appears I made the right decision to start Matthew Ryan instead of Dakkery Prescott

Senor Weaselo

You could’ve hoped for 60 more yards or so, if you wanted to be picky.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Never bet against Matty Ice…unless it’s a playoff game then practice your Heimlich maneuver

Curse of Marino

The 49ers want that second overall pick

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Olivia Munn had a big date planned tonight so A.A.Ron had to fake an injury late when the game is over to get out of that disgusting hetero sex.

Curse of Marino

The streaker was the least offensive thing about this Rams game today.

King Hippo

NIGHT SNOW GAME WOO. Can we also get a tie? WHAT OFFERINGS MUST WE GIVE UNTO BLEERGH??

...

On offering to Shank’hor helps in ensuring a fruitful harvest of ties.

theeWeeBabySeamus

DON’T YOU TOY WITH MY EMOTIONS!!!!
/frantically fingers remote for NBC

Curse of Marino

Are you saying Ryan Tannehill’s ACL wasnt enough?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

In other minor news, the Packers punter has been on point this game.

JustStopDude

This NO-TB game is utterly meaningless to me. Its like white noise of nothing.

I cannot wrap my head around how fucking bad the NO defense is. Two separate holding penalties on the play and they still allow the Bucs to convert.

Senor Weaselo

I didn’t know they had a defense.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Anyone else love how the cold weather makes the players’ breath visible?

litre_cola

RAM IT!

King Hippo

DEFO going BALLS DEEP

Shogun Marcus

I’m still waiting for it to all go horribly wrong. It is the way of our people.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Niners gonna niner.

Senor Weaselo

Touchdown… Jets?

ThePirateSloth

I can’t even be bothered to hate on the Seahawks after this performance.

Curse of Marino

The Jets are absolute dogshit

King Hippo

NEXT SATURDAY! Be there to see Matt Moore take on the Jest. MUST SEE DFO TEEVEE

Curse of Marino

Good thing I’ll be nice and drunk

JustStopDude

Jeff Fisher and the Ryan brothers really piss me off.

Those three knuckle heads have done fuck all in years…yet they are able to land coaching jobs over and over and over again.

Their continued rehiring is especially galling considering that the NFL continues to not hire minority coaches in any real numbers.

...

At least you can explain the Ryans with football’s nepotism fetish. Fisher defies all explanation.

King Hippo

WAY TO GO, Lionel Hutz, attorney/kicker at law. You outkicked Seabass after all. The coin was RIGHT!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You know what? If you’re head hunting, and your out of control hit fucks you up instead of its intended recipient….
DON’T EXPECT ME TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.

Horatio Cornblower

I have Leveon Bell on my FF team, as I may have mentioned, AND Jordy Nelson. I have a bye this week, which means I am just beating myself, which means I’m back in high school again.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Uh huh, “In high school”. Cause you totally stopped jerking it once you turned 18.

King Hippo

Just a reminder that I am sweating my wild card matchup despite my foe starting a shitty roster…because I traded Le’Veon in a bold yet stupid midseason move.

Curse of Marino

https://twitter.com/ByTimGraham/status/807997549835669504

Lynn is just gonna keep falling up the corporate ladder.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

In this weeks installment of of “Is that a catch?”

The answer is No. Obviously.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Lovie Smith challenges the challenge for being somehow worse than his

Shogun Marcus

Charmception 4: Defense on Patrol

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I’m a Packers fan, but I’m honestly starting to feel bad for Russell Wilson. Time to drink until that feeling disappears!

litre_cola

Packers fan? Who left the door open?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am up in WI and I put a beer can in the door so I can sneak out for smokes

ThePirateSloth

Welp.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It might just be me, but IMHO the DFO Promise now appearing on the bottom of my screen needs a bit of a tweak.
No pun intended.

Senor Weaselo

Needs moar ass herpes?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
litre_cola

I have not had this bad a football weekend ever, and that is saying something because I am awful as are my Iggles.

Shogun Marcus

Charmception 3: The Search for Receiving

Shogun Marcus

The Giants have accused the Steelers of having puny balls. Ballghazi 2: Electric Fuck You. Seriously. Not again.

Senor Weaselo

Shit, Torrey Smith.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have no reason for this 2 day binge drinking, but I have hit kill a Kennedy level of alcohol consumption and it isn’t even the night game yet. Also for some reason I can still function normally with walking, talking and understanding and explaining complex computer issues. I am assuming by like 7 it will finally kick in and I will pass out face first on my floor…

/ Will be the last one up tonight
// There will be bad music posted

Unsurprised

I would envy you except the whole part about having a family and living in Wisconsin

Senor Weaselo

Bryce Petty might become Greg McElroy after this, that’s six sacks.

ThePirateSloth

Welp

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Day two with a long lesson for my dad on how to do computer shit while drunk off my god damn ass while faking sobriety. Today I assume he knows I am drunk because Sunday.

Col. Duke LaCross

And here comes Kuhn to vulture another Ingramdown.

Unsurprised

Goddamn Kuhn, always stealing other people’s property

Senor Weaselo

And whatever little bit of the Jets secondary is gone.

Unsurprised

Given the proximity to Edwards AFB, the locals are used to Jets crashing and burning

Unsurprised

“Jets. Safety. Those words do not go together.”
— Gen. Chuck Yeager (Ret.)

Spur

“looks like green bay found a running back”

Said player crumples to the turf.

ThePirateSloth

“We’ve secretly replaced the Seattle Seahawks with the San Francisco 49ers, let’s see if anyone notices…”

litre_cola

I FUCKING NOTICE. They have replaced Doug Baldwin with Todd Pinkston as well.

Spur

Rodgers knows Russell Wilson’s round tight ass when he sees it. You ain’t fooling him

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Spur

Does Rodgers have his tent for this game?

Shogun Marcus

I don’t know who this group of footed ball players are, but I hope the ones they kidnapped are at least being treated humanely.

WCS

Look, daddy! Every time this iPhone commercials airs, God kills a puppy!

Spur

Is Cobb ever not injured?

Shogun Marcus

Who even knows if he actually is? He has some of the healthiest looking injuries I’ve ever seen.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

When he was younger, he was solid, but it does seem like the last 2 seasons he’s had a fair number of injuries.

Senor Weaselo

Bryce Petty: Mindset of the Sex Cannon, but not the penis of the Sex Cannon.

ThePirateSloth

Those “open heart”s still look like balls.

Petronel

“Here honey, now you can wear my truck nuts in diamonds around your neck.”

litre_cola

Fuck Goff my half blind pug could throw the ball to Kendricks for crying out loud! you? No. You are more useless than a blind pug. Live with that.

WCS

Still getting morons on Twitter how I’m wrong, that Drumpf isn’t instituting a kleptocracy.

comment image

WHO WANTS MORE BOOZE

Unsurprised

I hope your response to every single one is “Go fuck yourself” followed by a muting, because they can go fuck themselves

Senor Weaselo

Have you gotten a “You’re right but still go fuck yourself” yet?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

To be fair, if you’re getting into political arguments on twitter, you’ve already lost. The only winning move is not to play

...

Whether they believe it or not doesn’t matter. Unless they’re fairly wealthy, they’ll feel the impact of Trump’s presidency soon enough. Many will never accept they’ve been conned, but enough will to make changes in 2018.

Unsurprised

I hope not. I want them to get the full four-year ass raping they deserve