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Your “The Bangles? The Bengals? Let’s Call The Whole Playoff Thing Off” Saturday Night Special NFL Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

/

,

Let’s face it, or me. Let’s say me. The drunkin-er I get the better the football is. Right now I’m not sure the football can get any better. TO THE GAME!

Cin/Hou-It was only a matter of time before a guy by the name of SAVAGE! unseated a dude by the name of Osweiler. Who would you want leading you into battle-a hard-ass dude that would eviscerate your sorry butt in a heartbeat or a guy that tends to stick his head in the sand at the slightest bit of pressure? I’m going with Doc. That said, uber-receiver A.J. Green is back on the field and the Dalton-aters might be hell-bent for pleather. Let’s see how things turn out, shall we?

You bastards are the best. GO GET ‘EM, COMMENTERS!

 

 

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

You know, there are A LOT of fat jokes in Love Actually.

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JerBear50

Never seen it. Just imdb’d it and it’s got a hell of a cast though.

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JerBear50

Pretty quiet here for a Saturday. I guess all the people with “kids” and “families” and “people to see on the holiday” and “reasons to live besides beer” are all just too goddamn busy to hang out.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’m done with the family portion. I’m just waiting until midnight mass (west coast) with my parents. I really should go. I’ve been a bastard all year.

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JerBear50

At work as usual, but I did just get a computer finally so I might actually get to get on here from home for a change. That way I can get drunk and alienate all of you too.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Awesome!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That will make it alllllll better.

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ballsofsteelandfury

My lady friend asked me the other day, “Are we going to hell?”

I replied, “YUP!”

Apparently, she wanted to hear a No, but at least we’re both realistic.

Speaking of hell, Love Actually is on TV.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hell right now:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aleppo

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ballsofsteelandfury

Does this song get made in this day and age? I’m not sure.

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JerBear50

Agnostic, but Christmas by default I guess.

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Sharkbait

Since its official, Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, happy whatever to you all.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sentiments shared with you.
Festivus here.
When TFSM tells us not to buy worthless shit for the mere impulse to buy worthless shit.
Also actual word for the day:
festivous
adjective | fes·ti·vous |\ˈfestəvəs\
Origin and Etymology of festivous
Latin festivus + English -ous
Definition of festivous: festive

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ballsofsteelandfury

Evening heathens!

I hope you all got some nice presents tonight!

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JerBear50

If by presents you mean three hours of laughable football, then yes. Yes we did.

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Unsurprised

Fuck fuck fuck

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JerBear50

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JustStopDude

If he cuts off his thumb with his new saw, that will be the most hilarious Houston thing ever…

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King Hippo

well, one MOAR day of meaningful regular season FOOTBAW awaits. Jeebus HISSELF commands you to watch and tis HIS birthday, as decreed by arbitrary whims of calendar-making, after all…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It is not Dak Prescott’s birthday.

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King Hippo

Fitting? Probably. Damned Fat Kicker.

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Sharkbait

My mom’s 80 pound lab/Shepard mix still thinks he’s a lap dog

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JerBear50

Had a shepherd/husky mix that felt the same way. It wasn’t bad until he’d get up and I’d either get an elbow dug into my thigh or a giant paw in the balls.

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JerBear50

Now that I think about it, somewhat similar to letting a fat girl ride you.

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JustStopDude

So the take away from this is that QB is a vastly overrated position?

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Dunstan

God may be a Cowboys fan, but Shan’klor prefers the Texans.

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Redshirt

DAMN YOU, SHAN’KOR!

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The Maestro

Please miss please miss please miss

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The Maestro

HAIL SHAN’KHOR!!!!!!

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JustStopDude

So the Xmas work on my parents place is done. All told…

First floor re-piped. Entire house rewired up to code, including new breaker box. Pretty much all the walls in the bedroom, kitchen, and hall way upstairs re-drywall, primed, and painted. Literally tons of shit removed from the house and backyard. New deck. New washer, dryer, stove/oven, and fridge.

My mother won’t stop cooking because for the first time ever, my older brother is bringing his wife and kids over Xmas day for diner and presents…because…well the house has space for them and it’s safe.

I even have this fucking cat sitting on my lap while I drink a beer and watch the game with my old man (I gave into my sister and let her use my work wireless to just get her to stop starting shit with everybody so she is holed up on the computer in a bedroom).

Xmas music playing in the background. No one is arguing. Nice and fucking quiet finally.

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Dunstan

You’ve done yeoman’s work there, both physically and emotionally. Cheers to you!

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JustStopDude

Eh…the labor and the cost to me is nothing compared to my parents, especially my dad, confronting his hoarding and letting go of all this stuff.

This is like a lifelong alcoholic just admitting the problem and going cold turkey.

I would love to share pics but I could never violate my old man’s trust like that.

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Unsurprised

This is the kind of thing that Buzzfeed makes a fortune turning into clickbait, but damn dude, you’re a fucking superhero. I cannot even begin to express my esteem for all that you’ve managed to do.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Shogun Marcus

Round One of Christmases ovar. Round Two tomorrow. Saw my noon game, missed most of the late tilts EXCEPT for the excellent end of hawks/cards. Family still lives. All in all not too bad.

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Redshirt

Remind me to thank the NFL for ruining my Christmas Eve for showing a Bengals game the night before Christmas.

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JerBear50

Maybe Santa will finally bring you a scouting department.

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Dunstan

I never understand the argument that you should go for it on 4th down, or try the 2-point convert instead of playing for overtime, or whatever, because “you’re 4-9 (or whatever).” Like, either it’s the right decision to try to win this game or it isn’t.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck you, it’s a good song….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pojL_35QlSI

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The Maestro

It is a good song. I’ve always had a soft spot for these gals… or a hard spot, I guess, depending on when you ask me.

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JerBear50

I saw a picture of them at an awards show the other night. It looked like she had morphed into David Bowie.

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JerBear50

You think Jeremy Hill is finally starting to get the message that football’s just not his game?

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Redshirt

All praise to BLAN-KOR, SHANKOR’s younger brother!

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Spanky Datass

HAIL BLOC’KHOR!

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh and please watch this ASAP.

https://twitter.com/RyanDLeaf/status/812761077981155328

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JustStopDude

Fucking awesome to see him doing well.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Good night people, celebrate whatever you celebrate.

OJ Simpson is celebrating in style, but he insists on wearing gloves when he carves the ham.

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JustStopDude

One of the strangest Xmas meals I ever had was in custody. Old Chicano on the block made toilet enchiladas. Fucking things tasted like goddamned enchiladas. Even the hacks had some.

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JustStopDude

Houston is the Gil of the NFL…

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King Hippo

BLEERGH was just laughing at the Texans!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I think I’m done guys.
I hope you all enjoy the rest of you Xmas eve…and Xmas itself of course.
Love ya’s.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvGk506ucEk

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JerBear50

Have a good one man.

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Doktor Zymm

FLAG : ATTEMPTED OFFENSE

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Can I bum a fag?”

UK query for a cigarette but also me planning my Sunday itinerary.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I liked primetime football when it was worth watching.

My Uncle Ted “liked gays before they got so decadent”.

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JustStopDude

I didn’t really follow the Bengals this year….why the fuck did they suck so bad this year? I expected them to be first in the afc north, with Pitt fighting them all the way, the Ravens just meandering to a 7-9 season, and the Browns going 4-12.

Like they have to be up there as one of the more under performing teams this year right? Am I missing something?

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Ghost of Marvin Lewis past.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ravens just meandering to a 7-9 season

HEY…WE’RE STILL MEANDERING, BUDDY BOY. WAIT, WHERE’D HE GO?

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JerBear50

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Here, I’ll help bring you up to speed.

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Redshirt

Lost too many players.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Michael Tunison, our Christ-like simian.

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JerBear50

GINGERCEPTION! Now it’s getting excisnorrrrreeeeeee.

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King Hippo

I forgot that HI and MTSU is also on. Still don’t really care, but now I at least don’t have to pass out quite yet when this mercifully ends.

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The Maestro

Pepsi and Tostitos? Is that like the new Mountain Dew and Doritos snack combo, but made for people who’ve actually had sex before?

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Sports jerseys in Church make me want to end humanity. I’d rather be caught wearing a Madonna cone bra and a Devo hat.

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Doktor Zymm

This game would be a great way to teach very stupid children how to multiply the numbers 1 and 2 by the number 3

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JerBear50

THIS GAME I CALL IT THE KSK PODCAST BECAUSE IT FEATURES PUNT ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY AND NO ONE REALLY GIVES A SHIT THAT IT’S ON.

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Dunstan

Wait, aren’t the Texans going to run out of field soon? What happens if they move the ball into where there aren’t any more numbers on the field? I’m confused….

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Doktor Zymm

I think that’s a penalty

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King Hippo

trespassing

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...

In Texas, they itch to shoot you over that.

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Sharkbait

Did I just yell out”I am the God of hellfire!” While lighting a fire in the fireplace? Damn right I did.

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King Hippo

pouty Brock Lobster on the sidelines.

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JustStopDude

Evening. Took my parents to church. For perspective, my old man was a Jesuit Priest when he met my mom…so yeah, the family is uber conservative. Learned that if you are younger than 65 years old, fucking Ravens jerseys and camo pants are suitable church cloths in Baltimore City now. As we were leaving, my father apologized and said we should have gone to the Latino mass because “at least they know how to dress”.

I learned that the major argument between my folks and my sister earlier today was the fact my mother asked my sister if she was going…rather than just say no, she spent three hours berating my parents on their religious beliefs, Christianity in general, that she is a vegetarian….basically everything she is pissed about in the world…Christmas time at my folks is when the world has to take it. She then tried to start shit with me because I didn’t bother starting a fight with two retired people set in their way because its TWO FUCKING HOURS WHO GIVES A SHIT?!?! Let the old people have one fucking day, let them show you off with pride, and sit there and make mental jokes at the weirdos.

I love my sister. I would hide a body for her. But dear fucking god she is 36 going on 14.

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...

Two hour mass? Was it always that long?

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Christmas Eve, son.

My parents brought me to it when as a real youngin’, then they got wise to the fact that Christmas Day Mass is just an hour and less packed.

Then I got wise to the fact that I am a lazy asshole and haven’t gone in 8 years.

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JustStopDude

My old man is an usher. So he sets up before the mass and stays after to clean up. So if you include getting dressed, travel, setting up 30 minutes a head of time, staying after like 15 minutes, getting home, changing, walking outside to fish a beer out of the cooler, and type up a snarky bitch fest about my sister’s attitude and actions here…

Its about two hours start to finish…

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...

Okay, that makes sense.

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The Maestro

If you’re a Catholic, two hours means you’re getting off relatively guilt-free that week.

Of course, the priest is typically guilt-free if he can get off in under ten seconds, but that’s another situation entirely…

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JerBear50

I went to midnight mass with a high school g/f once. I don’t know how long it actually was but it sure as shit felt like two hours.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“I don’t know how long it actually was but it sure as shit felt like two hours.”

She felt the same way when you fucked, probably.

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JerBear50

Nahh, I made sure to end that as quickly as possible.

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A half hour per pump!

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