To think what the Founding Fathers would say!

I supposed Ben Franklin would approve, although he would have preferred French courtesans and older women.

I’m not sure how the alt-left would have dealt with this. Urolagnia doesn’t lend itself to offence like “Beta-cuck” did for the alt-right.

Look for Drs Oz & Phil to have episodes on this soon!

NFL Notes:

• Coaching hires:
  • Vance Joseph, by the Broncos, to a four-year deal.
    • He’s the current Dolphins defensive coordinator.
  • Sean McDermott, by the Bills.
    • He’s the current Panthers defensive coordinator.
    • No word yet from Zubaz Nation about fan reaction.

• The Chargers decision deadline on moving to LA has been bumped to the 17th, to avoid conflicting with Sunday’s games and Monday’s MLK Day holiday.
  • Here’s another breakdown of where the sides are.
  • The Union Tribune starts their coverage by advocating the Chargers draft DeShaun Watson with their first pick. Discuss/rage!

• The Patriots & Cowboys are lined up behind Mark Davis to approve a move to Las Vegas, if it comes to a vote in March at the annual League meetings.
  • The Raiders are looking at other partners besides Sheldon Adelson, the guy trying to spearhead the Sands deal. This actually improves the chances, because it means Bowl Cut doesn’t have to rely on just one proposal.

• Panic! at the Dallas practice facility today, because Zeke was in a “fender bender” about a mile away.
  • Unlike Seahawks, who get hurt drag racing outside their practice park after closing, Zeke was on his way there at 7:00 AM to begin prepping for practice.
    • Not a Cowboys fan, but I like the commitment.
  • His response to media queries? “I’m good. I’ve been in bigger collisions. Lol”.

• I hope Ravens fans enjoyed that elite season, because ticket prices for 2017 are expected to be increased.
  • Here’s the rationalization:

Since we last raised prices, we’ve spent about $45 million improving the stadium and over the next two and a half years, we’re going to spend an additional $120 million, and that will include putting in some escalators and elevators to the top level, which will make a lot of our PSL holders up there happy.

Finally, speaking of tickets, ESPN reports that On Location Experiences, which is partly owned by the NFL owners’ venture fund, is allowing fans of all 8 remaining teams to place refundable deposits down on Super Bowl tickets.

• the deposit is $1000
• the full charge goes through once their team wins the conference

On Location Experiences has about 9,500 tickets allocated for their packages, with a little more than 3,000 tickets that had to be held back, per the NFL’s stipulation, for fans of teams in the game.

• The company has four packages available: _(Yahoo!)
  • Select Package: Upper level corner or end zone seats, VIP three-hour pre-game party in the NRG Arena, priority stadium access with early entry, priority option to book hotel rooms, transportation and additional exclusive experiences. Starts at $5,949.
  • Elite Package: Lower level corner/end zone or upper level sideline seats, three-hour traditional pre-game tailgate party in the NRG Center featuring Texas style food, musical entertainment with beer and wine package, priority stadium access with early entry, premium parking, priority option to book hotel, transportation and additional exclusive experiences
  • Premium Package: Corner club seats or sideline seats, VIP three-hour pre-game party in the NRG Center, priority stadium access with early entry, premium parking, priority option to book hotel, transportation and additional exclusive experiences
  • Diamond Package: Sideline club seats, VIP three-hour pre-game party in the NRG Stadium, post-game 90-minute VIP party with on-field access after the Lombardi Trophy presentation, priority stadium access with early entry, premium parking, priority option to book hotel, transportation and additional exclusive experiences, including food offerings from James Beard-award winning chef, Chris Shepherd of Houston’s Underbelly. Starts at $12,749.

• Hotels rooms booked separately.

Question: Do you hate yourself?

Have you ever wanted to just surrender your free will and jump on board the next big thing?

Are you tired of supporting causes & franchises that show no signs of upward progression?

Then the Dallas Cowboys have something for you!

Thanks for your inquiry about the Dallas Cowboys’ bandwagon. Spots are filling up fast, don't miss out!

Download: https://t.co/RljLeEaqHo pic.twitter.com/2euKnUZ30N

— Dallas Cowboys (@dallascowboys) January 10, 2017

This is an actual thing on their twitter today, presented with just the closing sentence from the nfl.com story as commentary:

Something tells us prerequisite experience in rooting for the New York Yankees, Los Angeles Lakers, Alabama football, Duke basketball, Dale Earnhardt Jr. and whatever team LeBron is on will give you the upper hand in contract negotiations.

Tonight’s sports:

• NHL Hockey:
  • Habs at Jets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • Penguins at Capitals – 8:00PM | NBCSN
  • Sharks at Flames – 9:30PM | Sportsnet
• NBA Basketball:
  • Grizzlies at Thunder – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • Cavaliers at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN
• NCAA Basketball:
  • all other channels

I’m guessing applications to join the Browns bandwagon are just cards from Cuyahoga County Suicide Prevention. NO ONE DENIES THIS!