Your “‘Raining Money’ = Good; ‘Golden Shower’ = Bad; ‘Getting Hosed’ = Depends” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

To think what the Founding Fathers would say!

I supposed Ben Franklin would approve, although he would have preferred French courtesans and older women.

I’m not sure how the alt-left would have dealt with this. Urolagnia doesn’t lend itself to offence like “Beta-cuck” did for the alt-right.

Look for Drs Oz & Phil to have episodes on this soon!

NFL Notes:

  • Coaching hires:
    • Vance Joseph, by the Broncos, to a four-year deal.
      • He’s the current Dolphins defensive coordinator.
    • Sean McDermott, by the Bills.
      • He’s the current Panthers defensive coordinator.
      • No word yet from Zubaz Nation about fan reaction.
Doesn't really matter to them.
Doesn’t really matter to them.
  • The Chargers decision deadline on moving to LA has been bumped to the 17th, to avoid conflicting with Sunday’s games and Monday’s MLK Day holiday.
    • Here’s another breakdown of where the sides are.
    • The Union Tribune starts their coverage by advocating the Chargers draft DeShaun Watson with their first pick. Discuss/rage!
  • The Patriots & Cowboys are lined up behind Mark Davis to approve a move to Las Vegas, if it comes to a vote in March at the annual League meetings.
    • The Raiders are looking at other partners besides Sheldon Adelson, the guy trying to spearhead the Sands deal. This actually improves the chances, because it means Bowl Cut doesn’t have to rely on just one proposal.
  • Panic! at the Dallas practice facility today, because Zeke was in a “fender bender” about a mile away.
    • Unlike Seahawks, who get hurt drag racing outside their practice park after closing, Zeke was on his way there at 7:00 AM to begin prepping for practice.
      • Not a Cowboys fan, but I like the commitment.
    • His response to media queries? “I’m good. I’ve been in bigger collisions. Lol”.
  • I hope Ravens fans enjoyed that elite season, because ticket prices for 2017 are expected to be increased.

Since we last raised prices, we’ve spent about $45 million improving the stadium and over the next two and a half years, we’re going to spend an additional $120 million, and that will include putting in some escalators and elevators to the top level, which will make a lot of our PSL holders up there happy.

Finally, speaking of tickets, ESPN reports that On Location Experiences, which is partly owned by the NFL owners’ venture fund, is allowing fans of all 8 remaining teams to place refundable deposits down on Super Bowl tickets.

  • the deposit is $1000
  • the full charge goes through once their team wins the conference

On Location Experiences has about 9,500 tickets allocated for their packages, with a little more than 3,000 tickets that had to be held back, per the NFL’s stipulation, for fans of teams in the game.

  • The company has four packages available: (Yahoo!)
    • Select Package: Upper level corner or end zone seats, VIP three-hour pre-game party in the NRG Arena, priority stadium access with early entry, priority option to book hotel rooms, transportation and additional exclusive experiences. Starts at $5,949.
    • Elite Package: Lower level corner/end zone or upper level sideline seats, three-hour traditional pre-game tailgate party in the NRG Center featuring Texas style food, musical entertainment with beer and wine package, priority stadium access with early entry, premium parking, priority option to book hotel, transportation and additional exclusive experiences
    • Premium Package: Corner club seats or sideline seats, VIP three-hour pre-game party in the NRG Center, priority stadium access with early entry, premium parking, priority option to book hotel, transportation and additional exclusive experiences
    • Diamond Package: Sideline club seats, VIP three-hour pre-game party in the NRG Stadium, post-game 90-minute VIP party with on-field access after the Lombardi Trophy presentation, priority stadium access with early entry, premium parking, priority option to book hotel, transportation and additional exclusive experiences, including food offerings from James Beard-award winning chef, Chris Shepherd of Houston’s Underbelly. Starts at $12,749.

  • Hotels rooms booked separately.

Question: Do you hate yourself?

Have you ever wanted to just surrender your free will and jump on board the next big thing?

Are you tired of supporting causes & franchises that show no signs of upward progression?

Then the Dallas Cowboys have something for you!

This is an actual thing on their twitter today, presented with just the closing sentence from the nfl.com story as commentary:

Something tells us prerequisite experience in rooting for the New York Yankees, Los Angeles Lakers, Alabama football, Duke basketball, Dale Earnhardt Jr. and whatever team LeBron is on will give you the upper hand in contract negotiations.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL Hockey:
    • Habs at Jets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Penguins at Capitals – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • Sharks at Flames – 9:30PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA Basketball:
    • Grizzlies at Thunder – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Cavaliers at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NCAA Basketball:
    • all other channels

I’m guessing applications to join the Browns bandwagon are just cards from Cuyahoga County Suicide Prevention. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

“…Everything’s better when wet….”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c718YPSpQZs

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

“Whatever, why would I want to be there anyway if I can’t understand anything?”
“You said the same thing when you tried to drop out of 8th grade”

Other than the brief interlude for a couple shows tonight I have started a RW of Happy Endings

Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

Santa is pissed.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Megan Ganz is a producer on Sunny now? That is a get for them, it does suck she probably makes a lot less money there than on a network show.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T
Senor Weaselo

How does one fit a gun there?

Brick Meathook

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Don T
Don T
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T

GOING MAD WITH POWER ALERT
https://youtube.com/watch?v=APrpB-i4d_E

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

Would it hurt her to maybe shampoo that carpet once in a while? Dressed like that, of course.

Brick Meathook

And Sam Peckinpah!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T

The New Pornographers – “All the Old Showstoppers”
https://youtube.com/watch?v=CpDcUHC8bbc

Don T

Alright, let’s do this: New Pornographers, “It’s Only Divine Right”
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lYKPFiWo3cI

Shogun Marcus

Take the “m.” out before posting
https://youtube.com/watch?v=lYKPFiWo3cI

Don T

¡Cabrón!
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Don T

I meant this
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Cabroncito. Thanks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T

/disambiguation

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Put a bullet in my heart so that doctors can study the effect of unending rage on my brain towards a selfish, greedy, nepotistic family.

Stick your dick in an electrical socket, Dean.

Shogun Marcus

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Unsurprised

It’s not worth it.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m not fine… But I will be.

Old School Zero

Danny Woodhead: Hey, Phillip! So glad to be back in the locker room! What’s new?

Rivers: (staring off into space) The horror… the horror…

Danny Woodhead: Uh… okay… (opens up Rivers’ playbook, finds a page with “DROP THE BOMB! EXTERMINATE THEM ALL! AND BY ALL I MEAN THE COCKDICK SPANOS HEATHEN SHOULDA BEEN FELCHED SPAWN!)

Shogun Marcus

During the commercials, I convinced myself I have opioid addiction AND opioid constipation in addition to chronic dry eyes. Thanks a lot Jennifer Aniston. Danny Trejo is also making me buy Sling tv. I’ma scared of him.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You are scared of a guy just because half his body is covered in scars and the other half tattoos and he is a convicted felon with ties to drug cartels that only got his first break because of literally all those things I just mentioned. I thought you were better than that.

Shogun Marcus

No it’s cuz he said do it or he’ll come get me in the night and do unspeakables to my unmentionables. But then the walls stopped bleeding, so I feel better now.
/my dosages may be off
//I don’t have meds
///I think the bread went bad

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think your real fear is missing something on TV that you would have watch with Sling; JUST LIKE DANNY SAYS!

Shogun Marcus

Fomo oh no!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

Full thing in better resolution http://imgur.com/97huS3N

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Well, fuck it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Don T
Don T

Use It. Creepy video, what a song.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hpvqU2cmK8I

Shogun Marcus
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

I hope he died

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo
Croooow

Three certainties in life: Death, Taxes, Russell Westbrook triple-double.

Senor Weaselo

THIS RUSSELL WESTBROOK I CALL HIM ICE CUBE BECAUSE HE FUCKS AROUND AND GETS TRIPLE DOUBLES, WHICH FOR HIM MAKES IT A GOOD DAY.

litre_cola

Well done.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So my wife is marathoning an Australian show called “Dance Academy” (it’s about a dance academy) and the show features this little number. I have not put up much of a fight for the remote control.

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Shogun Marcus

But what are her thoughts on the Higgs Bosun?
/I totes dun care
//”Higg huh?” Nevar mind.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Really? Another post with the “Urolagnia” tag?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeasty!

blackroseMD1

Welp, Schefty is reporting that the Chargers are announcing the move to L.A. soon.

Smell ya later, Chargers.

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/18455802/chargers-expected-announce-move-san-diego-los-angeles

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

I remember junior high.

litre_cola
Brick Meathook

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Curse of Marino

Anyway here’s Aly Raisman in a swimsuit

http://cdn-s3.si.com/images/aly-raisman-swimsuit-1.jpg

Senor Weaselo

She seems nice.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

She’s dating a former Raider!

ballsofsteelandfury

Does the Elite package include milk and cookies with Joe Flacco?

blaxabbath

“Unflavored for me!”

-Flacco, referring to both items

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, but you get your own security escort, courtesy of Elite Security!
http://thecount.com/wp-content/uploads/san-diego-chargers-qualcomm-security-guard.jpg

Curse of Marino

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Seriously what the fuck is it with Republicans and the “My President right or wrong” attitude they seem to adopt when they have their guy in the white house?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What makes you think that it’s limited to times when they’re in charge? Certain people simply gravitate towards authoritarianism. The current Republican Party is the drink of choice for those folks these days.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Uh, because they never had that attitude with Carter, Clinton, or Obama

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I believe there is a split. Group 1 are opportunist greedheads who recognize that Republican control of the executive branch and its agencies is there best chance they have of limiting “interference” with legally and ethically questionable methods of making even more money. Group 2 are gullible dupes who take the view that admitting you supported someone who is not perfect in every way somehow invalidates the positions you thought you were supporting. That’s why ad hominem attacks are the GOP’s favorite, because it means not having to actually respond to the substance of the issue. See: Bill Clinton’s Lewinsky scandal.

Unsurprised

My brother took advantage of that Amazon Prints sale to purchase 2,500 prints that just arrived. His snapchat video is rather impressive.

blaxabbath

Thanks, btw, to whoever mentioned that. Wedding prints is the one thing that we didn’t get completely fucking raped on.

So, naturally, the new wife (for now) went ahead and put this purchase on HER credit card.

Unsurprised

Naturally

Unsurprised

I’m so fucking angry I might just explode.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did you folks watch Trump’s press conference? He looked really pissed on I mean off.

Unsurprised

DOOOOONNNNTTTTT CAAAARRRREEEEE

blaxabbath

Secretary of Defense Jay Cutler.

“Mr Trump, does it seem advisable to put someone on the opposing offense in charge of our nation’s military?”

“Of course not.”

Shogun Marcus

Mr. Secretary, Mr. Secretary!!! LOOK! The DOT IS BACK!!!

...

In all seriousness, I can’t watch the man speak. I’ve dealt with enough people in my life that talked with authority despite clearly having no idea what they were doing that it’s all I hear when Trump speaks. It’s not so much scary as it is unpleasant and enraging because I know how many people don’t see the incompetence.

blaxabbath

You’ll want to ignore the MVP piece I have shceduled for tomorrow.

Please thumbs up in though. It’ll get us more #budlightlime dollars

...

If you can make a Trump press conference something more than enraging and depressing, I’ll buy you a whole Bud Light Lime.

blaxabbath

It was actually penned before this week.

I never finished off-season Serial because Manziel kept fucking up EVERY SINGLE WEEK that, the last few, I had to edit big-time more than once. AND THAT WAS FICTION (and, honestly, probably not our/my most popular bit)!!!! I have no idea how these reporters are supposed to handle covering that dude (Trump — though, I’d like to see more Money Manziel coverage).

montythisseemsstrangetome

Oh man, I forgot about your Serial posts. I loved those!

Shogun Marcus

Lookatchu Mistah High-Roller!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I think I mentioned this the other day. I am gonna spend what little money I have on a new computer instead of getting a gaming system. I keep fighting with myself between buying a box that will run everything that comes out in the next 5-10 years or spending half of that amount on something that will be outdated much sooner. The one thing I know for sure is I am going with a solid state drive for my OS drive

blaxabbath

Don’t we have a #DFCOMPUTER posts for this stuff?

Senor Weaselo

We’re out of hard drive space due to all the porn and Moose’s tentacle gifs. It’s about a 50-50 split.

blaxabbath

Looking for a Mourvedre suggestion. We got a bottle from a winery when we passed through NM last year and I see they don’t produce it anymore/aren’t producing it right now.

I liked it because it was flavorful, seemed low in tannins (that’s the things that give me heartburn, right?), and got me drunk. Reasonably priced is also appreciated.

<3 blax

litre_cola

Buy a GSM, Mouvedre usually is a blending grape in France and normally is too acidic to make its own 100% wine. Grenache-Syrah-Mouvedre is a great combo, usually from Oz, Fox Creek is nice, but you will be able to find many different bottles for your budget. GSM’s are Soft so you wont get the heartburn. Tannins are what make the wine dry and give you dry gums, not sure about the heartburn cause, perhaps sulfites, which also gives some people headaches. Grenache as the lead grape in there is what you are looking for. Especially in your neck of the woods Total Wines is my Xanadu, for prices, and selection.

blaxabbath

This is sincerely appreciated.

litre_cola

No problem. I used to be the sommelier at The Westin Turnberry in Scotland 10 years ago, you will never fucking guess who owns that hotel and golf courses now……yep your soon to be president.

blaxabbath

Mike Pence Gold Resort?

blaxabbath

Back then, if it was before the Program, would you tell people, “Ahhh uh, yeah. Gimmie a litre_merlot?”

...

So I was over at the sites formerly known as Gawker because apparently that site is my heroin and I can’t get enough of TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP.

Anyway, after the usual exchanges in which commenters immediately assume you’re a piece of shit if your disagree with them, a guy goes on an epic anti-liberal rant. The part that got me is when he talked about the “boot of regulation on his throat” preventing him from starting a business.

So, someone actually asked him about. Turns out, he wants to quit his job but won’t because of the ACA healthcare mandate. He says he can’t afford the insurance or the penalty if he goes the self-employment route and that the deductible on his insurance prevents him from going to the doctor. He says he’d be fine taking the risk of having no health insurance. (Ignoring you can’t wish away the risk he’ll put on the public if he is sick.)

And he’s the payoff. He says he’s fine paying something like $300 at an urgent care clinic if he does get sick. He also mentions the cost of his insurance: $1200 a year with a $50 deductible.

So basically he’s saying he can’t afford $50, but can afford $300. Am I missing something here?

Unsurprised

I can’t get enough of TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP.

Media feeding that habit is why he won

...

God. I feel so fucking dirty. I’d almost rather be shooting heroin from a shared needle in a dirty alley.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You will, soon enough, after they repeal the ACA.

Unsurprised

Ignore this. I don’t care.

WCS

That’s fake news.

Unsurprised

A stupid conservative? I don’t believe it.

...

He was certainly misinformed and kinda dumb, but not malicious like I’ve seen a lot of them. I had sort of a soft spot for him–at least until I read his post on brushing away all of Trump’s obvious character flaws and acting like he may not be like he was years ago. Sure, buddy. Keep telling yourself you really didn’t vote for Trump for moral reasons.

Unsurprised

Do you really think it makes them in any way better that their willful ignorance is not malicious?

...

Eh… I go back and forth on this. It’s the guy who kills someone driving drunk versus the guy who kills someone driving with wanton disregard and disdain for others. I guess the lack of malice means there’s a still way to reach and change the person’s mind even if the odds are still low.

...

She seems nice.

Spanky Datass

If he can get even reasonable health care with insurance that cheap I need his coverage. Hell if my premiums and co-pay (deductible) were that affordable I’d do something stupid like get married … again. Or buy a boat! OR BUY SUPERB OWL TICKETS!!!!1!
/pours Bourble

Unsurprised

I would murder most of the people I know for a rate that low

blaxabbath

Also — the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice.

WCS

I think the kiddie Tylenol finally kicked in. This situation calls for Flintstones Chewable Morphine… and not for baby.

Unsurprised

This post is missing the Roger Goodell Is A National Disgrace tag

Unsurprised

DRANK!
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Unsurprised

I got no excuses. Well, because it’s only fucking Wednesday.

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Unsurprised

I’m dizzy from all of today’s excitement.

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Oh, wait, no. It’s just more vestibular nerve cells dying.

Unsurprised

Fuck the Cowboys. Fuck the owners. Just Fuck.

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WCS

Can I interest anyone in a teething, miserable infant for the low, low price of I’ll buy you a bottle of your favorite booze just to give me a few hours of peace and quiet?

Unsurprised

How many pieces do you need it back in?

litre_cola

So this is what I have to look forward to. Great.

Unsurprised

Every day’s better than the next

sunrisesunrise

Apparently I forgot about these moments as I’m going to have to endure them a second time.