Lisa Salters: And, as Sean and Jon mentioned before the break, MVP balloting is closed but we will hear about who the Associated Press selected as this year’s most valuable player on February 3rd at 8pm Eastern, on Fox. And we have a very special halftime guest tonight who is here to discuss who he would name as the MVP of 2016. Please welcome to the Monday Night Football halftime on-field broadcast, President-Elect Donald Trump.

Donald Trump: Thank you, Lisa. Thank you. It’s wonderful to see you. You are lovely and, if not for you, I’ll just say that ESPN is lucky I even agreed to come on at all. After the nasty things Cue Ball Sean McDonough said about me — very rude, very mean things – but I’m still here to support you, Lisa Salters. I support you, Lisa. Thank you. You’re lovely. Beautiful. I support you.

Salters: Well. Yes — so here you are.

Trump: You’re a woman.

Salters: I am. I am a woman. And, before you start, I am a woman who is a professional journalist with experience covering both OJ Simpson trials, the Oklahoma City Bombing trials, and the TWA Flight 800 crash. Furthermore, my credentials with ABC World News  —

Trump: You’re a black woman.

Salters: Okay. Well — we’ve only got a few minutes so lets get into your MVP pick.

Trump: Black —

Salters: Now, you did not get a ballot but, if you had, would you agree with voting at the end of the regular season or do you think playoffs should be included in that larger body of work before voters make their decisions?

Trump: I got a ballot.

Salters: You — I’m sorry. The AP did let you vote for MVP?

Trump: Yes. The Associated Press. Vile and despicable organization. They were so lucky I was willing to come on board and offer them my insight on selecting a suitable champion.

Salters: MVP.

Trump: Hmm? What’s that?

Salters: [Looks at ground, mumbling] Why bother? No one else does. 

Trump: Buh. [Pinches Air]Lack.

Salters: [Returns to Trump] So what has been your impression of the game so far tonight?

Trump: Well I’m really more excited about next week. It will be a great game between a couple great franchises in front of a wonderful crowd of visiting Pennsylvanians. Now, I’m not much for the east coast elitism of Massachusetts but the wonderful people of Pennsylvania who voted overwhelmingly to make America great again, I think the Steelers will show them about that greatness next week.

Salters: Since you brought it up, it’s been publicized on legitimate news sites that —

Trump: I prefer fake news sites.

Salters: That there may be voter fraud in Pennsylvania.

Trump: I was speaking with Chris Berman upstairs and he’s a great guy. Great guy. Very good guy.

Salters: Oh yeah, Chris is a legend. You two have a good conversation?

Trump: We did. He congratulated me on the election. He is a fan. He’s a very big fan. And we’re so lucky to have him, you know? So lucky to have him on television.

Salters: Did you two discuss your MVP ballots then?

Trump: Oh we did but, of course, it’s difficult to select the right guy — or woman, even black woman — for this honor. Truly an honor. Such a great honor. If it were up to me, every player would be the MVP. We’d send all the players to the Honors broadcast. They’re all so wonderful. They’re astonishing. They’re astonishing and wonderful. But, you know, the MVP selection is rigged by the NFL so I don’t even bother voting.

Salters: Okay well, we’re running out of time. So, Mr Trump, what about the other honors the league will be celebrating? If you were to vote, let’s say for Rookie of the Year. You’re a former TV star, do you like LA Rams rookie Jared Goff?

Trump: No. Small hands. Very small hands. Won’t be able to secure the ball in that Florida humidity. 

Salters: Plays on the opposite side of the country but you wouldn’t care anyways so — how about the duo of Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliot? They’re rookies and leading the top team in the NFC.

Trump: No. They should be stopped and frisked. Also one of them is named after canned ham and the other after some bread brand Jill Stein eats. Put them together, I call them the Sandwich Boys.

Salters: So no Rookie of the Year vote. How about MVP? Tom Brady? He’s aged but seems to be playing better than ever.

Trump: Tom is my friend. I love Tom. Very sad the way his emails were hacked by the courts and released to the public. He’s incredible though. Incredible. Has my vote for sure.

Salters: I — what about Julio Jones or A.J. Green? Top two leading receivers this year. You would take Brady over either of them?

Trump: All credit to Matt Ryan and Andy Dalton who created the opportunities for those two to make such plays. Fantastic quarterbacks, Ryan and Andy. Amazing athletes. Top tier professionals. But I like the underdog, Lisa. Why aren’t we discussing linemen here? The real blue collar guys who bring their lunch pail everyday. Why doesn’t the NFL want to celebrate them?

Salters: Well I — well, that’s a good question. Who would you think is a good candidate from the trenches?

Trump: Richie Incognito.

Salters: And with that, we’ll send it back to the studio for highlights and more as we prepare for the second half of Texans at Patriots here on Monday Night Football on Saturday on ESPN on ABC on CBS.