Your [sacrifices goat within chalk outline of a pentagram] “THIS WILL BE A CLOSE GAME!” NFC Playoff Game Open Thread

/Fox pre-game intro

Joe: “The good folks at DFW Ice Creamery were kind enough to provide us with samples of their very delicious products. I chose vanilla. [licks cone lovingly] Mmm, that’s so good! Troy, what flavour did you choose?

Troy: “You know me, Joe. I’ll always choose chocolate when I’m in Dallas. It always tastes so good! [his tongue dances on the tip of the ice cream cone]

Joe: “Gosh darn it-I can not get enough of this delicious ice cream!” [makes slurping noises]

Troy: “Can’t help but notice I got a larger cone than you did.” [slurps happily away]

Joe: “You know what they say-it’s not how much you can swallow, it’s more important that you’re satisfied at the end. [makes small moaning sound]

Troy: “You got that right mister. I’ve no doubt that we’ll both end up with a bellyful.” [eyes roll back into head]

Producer: [begins to realize what is happening] “CUT TO COMMERCIAL! CUT TO COMMERCIAL!”

GB/Dal– Them Cowpokes get a boner, bonus with the return of cb Claiborne after an absence of nine weeks. He’s back just in time to blanket wr Cobb because ace Jordy Nelson isn’t the gritty guy that everyone thought he was. Unlike Joe and Troy he was not able to suck it up. Another Pack wr is going to have to step up and my not-money is on Geronimooooo! (Allison) to jump into the fray and make a difference. I also think that Green Bay needs a half-decent day from te Cook. If he can grab 6-8 for 70-80 yards that will take some of the pressure off the outside guys and create a wee bit of hesitation on the part of the Dallas D.

The Cowboys just need to keep doing what they’re doing and they’ll be okay. There’s no reason to think that Eezy-Zeke will be thwarted in his efforts and that will limit the number of possessions that the white/lava/scorching/witheringly [runs out of breath] hot Rodgers will have to put points on the board. In addition, qb Prescott doesn’t seem to be the ‘rattleable’ type and the Pack’s D-Line isn’t a scary bunch with a lot of “Oomph!”. (says the old white guy from his couch) All in all, more things have to go right for Green Bay than Dallas-I think it should be close for most of the game but them Cowboys might pull away in the fourth. This is not my desired result, by the way.

Done. LET’S GO GET IT, POTLICKERS!!!

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the Alpha and the Amoeba

Typical Green Bay; your fullback gets you inside the 10 and then you give the touchdown to your halfback

Smithchez

Jesus this postseason has been awful so far. Say what you will about baseball, but at least the fucking games are occasionally close.

Senor Weaselo

I think we need another goat..,

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am glad we are finally getting a competitive game. To think everyone was saying the Cowboys were gonna run away with this one.

Brick Meathook

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Romonobyl

Any good hockey games on tonight? I feel like watching hockey for some reason.

King Hippo

my best leasing client is a big Packers fan (a WI transplant). He will be so happy tomorrow, I could just bill 23.5 hours to “Acknowledge Rodgers’ greatness; outline open issues.”

Spur

Tackling is a very important skill in football

WCS

That’s some fine, inept tackling, Dallas.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll guarantee you the Dallas PD would do a better job covering young black males running around the field than Dallas’s secondary is.

Old School Zero

Probably why the Packers sent their white fullback out for a long run.

King Hippo

NEXT LEVEL THINKING!!

King Hippo

cue scotchy….

Smithchez

Why is it that the subjects in these virtual reality commercials always seem like the kind of people who would freak out just as much if you jingled a set of keys in front of them for an hour?

Horatio Cornblower

Ah, finished my post-hangover workout at the gym and I feel much better.

Now, to sit back, take a big sip of this hot chocolate I got myself and see how my beloved Cowboys are doing.

https://media.tenor.co/images/667b75b1b91874e5e008e07adbcaaa77/raw

Spur

Nothing but first downs. Rodgers is eating this Dallas defense likes it’s a big veiny hairy dick.

King Hippo

you set a macro for this, didn’t ya!?

Romonobyl

Can I haz a three and out pleezzzzze????

King Hippo

I almost want you assdicks to keep this competitive, so I won’t be tempted to flip to the State/GT game at 6:30 and harsh my nice background v-profen buzz.

litre_cola

Do you touch yourself?

Then, no.

Senor Weaselo

I haven’t heard of cowboys in this much peril since Seamus told us about how he almost put a beatdown on that guy in Vegas.

ballsofsteelandfury

You could also have used “I haven’t seen Cowboys pissing all over themselves since…”

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

King Hippo

we got a new coach, SNOW!! A cool black fella!!!

makeitsnowondem

Holy shit! This the first I’ve even heard about it! Joseph seems like a very good get.

Romonobyl

Welp…the rookie-ness is starting to show.

herodotus450

Softly: “Ro-mo. Ro-mo. Ro-mo/”

Spur

Terrance Williams fucked up that drive

ballsofsteelandfury

The Defense needs to step up and get a stop. Otherwise, DAK will be forcing things and this game is over.

King Hippo

MOAR the Doug Free-NESS, and maybe some frustration on the penalty and drops…

Lord Joe Don Looney

The Joe Buckism from today that I will be using for the rest of this week:
“That is some next level thinking.”

litre_cola

I will endeavour to use that at work this week.

Smithchez

“That’ll go down as a drop for Terrance Williams”

That’s why they pay Joe the big bucks, folks.

Redshirt

A kicker got a commercial? A kicker?!

ballsofsteelandfury

This guy had his own show in Pittsburgh:

http://cbssports.com/images/blogs/jeff-reed-headshot-k.jpg

Senor Weaselo

If Marquette King gets a commercial it’s time to pack it all in.

King Hippo

New England, so it had to be a white guy. And the “better ones” prolly wanted too much $$

Romonobyl
Brocky

GB gets another easy score like that, and I can officially cross off:

34. I am the literal reincarnation of Hitler

On the list of potential reasons why the universe is realigning itself to fuck me over.

Spur

HOW HOT WILL RODGERS STAY? – Joe Buck

King Hippo

Man alive, that were surgical by Aaron y Ty. Time for Princeton Red to get a little less chickenshit on 4th down if we can haz ballgame??

The Maestro

Man, with every drive in this game, Mike McCarthy somehow inexplicably adds another year onto his inevitable incoming contract extension.

Romonobyl

Hot culinary tip!
Don’t use flour or cornstarch to thicken chili. Instead, stir in a handful or two of crushed tortilla chips about an hour before it’s finished. And if you like beans (I do), then add beans at the same time. It’s your fucking chili after all.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is a great idea.

Romonobyl

It works great, but you have to adjust for the added salt.

Dunstan

If you use canned beans (which I think are just fine for chili, a little of the liquid from the can makes a decent thickener, too.

herodotus450
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Welp, I hope you enjoyed the competitive portion of tonight’s game! Tune in tonight for Steelers-Chiefs to see which team will break the 3-3 deadlock in the first quarter and go galloping off to a 31-13 victory!

Brick Meathook

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

TD so it doesn’t matter, but the refs missed another hold/pass interference on the last play. Cooks jersey was pulled back a full 2 feet.

Redshirt

Romo time?

Mother Puncher

Yes Troy, there are a lot of bodies there for Aaron to try to fit that thing in.

Smithchez

“Close game? FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU!”

Spur

Time to put back in the guys who replaced the Dallas injured starters

Romonobyl

I sure would like an appearance from the October version of Rodgahs right about now. He pretty much sucked back then.

King Hippo

perhaps that was a great long con??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If that official who completely ignored Davante Adams’ ripped clothing and insistence that he was violated ends up getting fired, he’ll always be able to find a job at Baylor.

Big Black Richard

Oh. My. God.

Spur

Get your shit together Dallas D.

JustStopDude

Dallas has to have the worst home field advantage of any decent to good NFL team.

I swear to god I suspect people in the Death Star don’t understand how fans are suppose to act.

If you just go by noise, you have no way of knowing if this game is in Dallas or Greenbay.

Dunstan

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Old School Zero

Hot 90’s PC CD-ROM game taek incoming:

The 7th Guest was a great game at the time and has mostly held up.

The 11th Hour was never a good game and time has made it worse.

Romonobyl

I still play Battlefield 1942, so…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I somehow have a copy of 11th Hour that I never played. I have no idea how I have it. I never bought it but it is in one of my DVD binders/cases

Old School Zero

I hope you like cryptic crossword clues! And puzzles without much in terms of logical rules! And really, really bad soap opera scenes!

litre_cola

We have a good game? I am very pleased. I just didn’t think that with the loss of Jordy that he would be this surgical with other wr’s

Redshirt

Shirt torn but no flag

King Hippo

tis ok, just pissed Rodgers off.

Romonobyl

Scandrick just got away with one.

King Hippo

uh….ref??

herodotus450

Come for the football game, stay for the tutorial video about puttign in contact lenses. Whoever is directing this game should be fired, re-hired, then fired again.

Romonobyl

I’m displeased with the turn of events thus far.