/Fox pre-game intro
Joe: “The good folks at DFW Ice Creamery were kind enough to provide us with samples of their very delicious products. I chose vanilla. [licks cone lovingly] Mmm, that’s so good! Troy, what flavour did you choose?
Troy: “You know me, Joe. I’ll always choose chocolate when I’m in Dallas. It always tastes so good! [his tongue dances on the tip of the ice cream cone]
Joe: “Gosh darn it-I can not get enough of this delicious ice cream!” [makes slurping noises]
Troy: “Can’t help but notice I got a larger cone than you did.” [slurps happily away]
Joe: “You know what they say-it’s not how much you can swallow, it’s more important that you’re satisfied at the end. [makes small moaning sound]
Troy: “You got that right mister. I’ve no doubt that we’ll both end up with a bellyful.” [eyes roll back into head]
Producer: [begins to realize what is happening] “CUT TO COMMERCIAL! CUT TO COMMERCIAL!”
GB/Dal– Them Cowpokes get a boner, bonus with the return of cb Claiborne after an absence of nine weeks. He’s back just in time to blanket wr Cobb because ace Jordy Nelson isn’t the gritty guy that everyone thought he was. Unlike Joe and Troy he was not able to suck it up. Another Pack wr is going to have to step up and my not-money is on Geronimooooo! (Allison) to jump into the fray and make a difference. I also think that Green Bay needs a half-decent day from te Cook. If he can grab 6-8 for 70-80 yards that will take some of the pressure off the outside guys and create a wee bit of hesitation on the part of the Dallas D.
The Cowboys just need to keep doing what they’re doing and they’ll be okay. There’s no reason to think that Eezy-Zeke will be thwarted in his efforts and that will limit the number of possessions that the white/lava/scorching/witheringly [runs out of breath] hot Rodgers will have to put points on the board. In addition, qb Prescott doesn’t seem to be the ‘rattleable’ type and the Pack’s D-Line isn’t a scary bunch with a lot of “Oomph!”. (says the old white guy from his couch) All in all, more things have to go right for Green Bay than Dallas-I think it should be close for most of the game but them Cowboys might pull away in the fourth. This is not my desired result, by the way.
Done. LET’S GO GET IT, POTLICKERS!!!
But nobody remembers missed calls against Dallas.
/one and only Cowboy homer rant.
Turns out these officials aren’t biased – they just suck!
Yes, that is in fact pass interference.
I think we can safely rule out this officiating crew moving on.
THIS COLE BEASELY I CALL HIM THE BURGERS I LEFT OUT ON THE GRILL I FORGOT TO TURN ON BECAUSE I’M DRUNK AND HE’S FLIPPED AND RED.
Cole Beasley is grittier than Indonesian tap water!
good hit…but you let him get 20 goddamned yards first. Dial back the WOO, fucko.
I’ve never seen a man die then come back to life until now.
Out Cold Beasley
What a hit by Bryce, who celebrates like a fucking idiot after the Cowboys pick up 18 yards and a first down.
I fucking hate football players.
The Cowboys should draft Vin Diesel. He’s unstoppable.
What’s…what’s happening here?
Wow. How much did that cost Double J?
Extra.
Mike Pence had a helluva weekend…
Getting this first down is what changes the game. Keeps Rodgers from having a 2-minute drill to end the half. PLUS having the ball back to start the 2nd.
Laxadaisical, Troy?
Folks, this yokel may have gone to UCLA, but i really don’t think he graduated.
DON’T DIMINISH MY DEGREE ASSHOLE!
surely, he’s no MEXICAN PHENOM!!
So, do you think people would call me The Mexican Phenom?
Has a nice ring to it.
If that isn’t what you’ve always called your dick, you’re doing it wrong.
Can we call you that now?
You could change your name like Mew Dragary did all thos eyears ago.
Princeton Red is slapping butts, moral high.
A referee is going to be punched in today’s game.
Long overdue IMO
I think I felt my dick move.
truly, DAK! has been good all game. He’s made maybe 2 bad throws.
Momentum won’t flip until the Cowboys score another touchdown.
Please stop dick-stepping the narrative sir.
I give it 4 plays max
The Dallas secondary is getting treated like the Seattle secondary tonight on pass interference/holding calls
If the Darkest Timeline Superb Owl is achieved, what will the refs do? Seriously.
Coin flip every play to call a penalty.
The only thing I can think is that Rodgers threw it 20 yards over his head and it was uncatchable.
Because otherwise, yeesh.
That doesn’t matter for defensive holding.
Blatantly holding Davante Adams could be the strategy that turns this game around for the Cowboys!
It’s things like the number one seed in the conference getting caught with 12 men on the field TWICE in the first half that helps me remember that even teams with shitty coaches make the playoffs.
You can always count on Rodgers ti make sure a guy gets off
Nobody reacts quicker to a man getting off than Aaron Rodgers.
Momentum shift….ACTIVATE!!!!
Did they change the touchback rule back to the 20?
No Buck/Aikman whichever one said it is an idiot
It’s the 20 for punts, 25 for kickoffs. Gotta make it confusing, of course
“Hi Mr. Jones, sorry we’re late. Where do you want your delivery of weapons-grade derp?”
Just leave it around back with next to the whorehouse.
That’s nice and all but it means shit if the defence can’t get a stop.
well that was quite stupid
Hopefully this gives the Dallas defense some spark to stop the Packers
Nothing says “timely” like using Seven Nation Army as a song for your commercial. On the other hand, everyone in Baltimore just got simultaneous erections and they’re not sure why.
Typical Coboy Fan: Put in Romo! Put in Romo! Put in Romo! Put in
/Dak covers 74 yards in 90 second
TCF: WAY TO GO DAK!!! I NEVER STOPPED BELIEVING IN YOU!!!
Guilty as charged.
http://i.imgur.com/YG3KNmj.jpg
I fully support this “Throw Dez the Fucking Football” strategy.
DAK! got absolutely wrecked on that pass.
He’s been getting killed back there today. Doug Free.
Romo would have crumbled like cheap wallboard on that hit.
yeah, with the hits DAK! is taking, the notion that Romo should go into the game is homicidal.
yeah TOTES DAK!’s fault, dickass Aikman
Let’s go Dez!
I know you’re new at this kid but how ’bout we save that goddamn “keep feeding me” thing until we’re not down 21-3? Do you think you could do that? Could ya?
We’ll feed you when you get the fucking ring.
I think I am officially done with the NFL for the rest of the season.
Every one of these games have been craptastic.
BLEERGH is BLEERGHing
procedural penalties are so hot right now
Troy is a white-thinkin’ Tex-ahoman after all!!!
Any defensive coordinator surprised by a hurry-up offense should be fired during the fucking game. Especially against the Patriots, who only use it all the goddamn time.
Zeke is tired of this bullshit
Romo mention, DRINK
Joe Buck almost revealed the NFL’s secret plan to go to a Touchdown-Commercial-PAT-Commercial-Kickoff-Commercial model!
Good thing Troy had the electric prod handy!
That Dr Pepprer commercial needs to die in a religion-based mass suicide.
Not to worry… the Stillers-Chefs game will be an entertaining slugfest, sure to maximize Balls’ and I’s blood pressure to “embolism” level.
I’m surprised on the field didn’t mean mean TD, commercial, XP, commercial, kickoff, commercial.
Great minds
Promise Joe??? Promise!!!!!!
We could be so lucky.
perhaps Troy was assembling a noose?
If at any point Nacho takes the field I’m converting to soccer.
I’ll convert to Judaism if it’ll help.
Can we come to your briss?
Some of you yes, but I’ll have to cut off the list somewhere.