Your [sacrifices goat within chalk outline of a pentagram] “THIS WILL BE A CLOSE GAME!” NFC Playoff Game Open Thread

/Fox pre-game intro

Joe: “The good folks at DFW Ice Creamery were kind enough to provide us with samples of their very delicious products. I chose vanilla. [licks cone lovingly] Mmm, that’s so good! Troy, what flavour did you choose?

Troy: “You know me, Joe. I’ll always choose chocolate when I’m in Dallas. It always tastes so good! [his tongue dances on the tip of the ice cream cone]

Joe: “Gosh darn it-I can not get enough of this delicious ice cream!” [makes slurping noises]

Troy: “Can’t help but notice I got a larger cone than you did.” [slurps happily away]

Joe: “You know what they say-it’s not how much you can swallow, it’s more important that you’re satisfied at the end. [makes small moaning sound]

Troy: “You got that right mister. I’ve no doubt that we’ll both end up with a bellyful.” [eyes roll back into head]

Producer: [begins to realize what is happening] “CUT TO COMMERCIAL! CUT TO COMMERCIAL!”

GB/Dal– Them Cowpokes get a boner, bonus with the return of cb Claiborne after an absence of nine weeks. He’s back just in time to blanket wr Cobb because ace Jordy Nelson isn’t the gritty guy that everyone thought he was. Unlike Joe and Troy he was not able to suck it up. Another Pack wr is going to have to step up and my not-money is on Geronimooooo! (Allison) to jump into the fray and make a difference. I also think that Green Bay needs a half-decent day from te Cook. If he can grab 6-8 for 70-80 yards that will take some of the pressure off the outside guys and create a wee bit of hesitation on the part of the Dallas D.

The Cowboys just need to keep doing what they’re doing and they’ll be okay. There’s no reason to think that Eezy-Zeke will be thwarted in his efforts and that will limit the number of possessions that the white/lava/scorching/witheringly [runs out of breath] hot Rodgers will have to put points on the board. In addition, qb Prescott doesn’t seem to be the ‘rattleable’ type and the Pack’s D-Line isn’t a scary bunch with a lot of “Oomph!”. (says the old white guy from his couch) All in all, more things have to go right for Green Bay than Dallas-I think it should be close for most of the game but them Cowboys might pull away in the fourth. This is not my desired result, by the way.

Done. LET’S GO GET IT, POTLICKERS!!!

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Romonobyl

But nobody remembers missed calls against Dallas.
/one and only Cowboy homer rant.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Turns out these officials aren’t biased – they just suck!

Horatio Cornblower

Yes, that is in fact pass interference.

I think we can safely rule out this officiating crew moving on.

Smithchez

THIS COLE BEASELY I CALL HIM THE BURGERS I LEFT OUT ON THE GRILL I FORGOT TO TURN ON BECAUSE I’M DRUNK AND HE’S FLIPPED AND RED.

Romonobyl

Cole Beasley is grittier than Indonesian tap water!

King Hippo

good hit…but you let him get 20 goddamned yards first. Dial back the WOO, fucko.

Spur

I’ve never seen a man die then come back to life until now.

makeitsnowondem

Out Cold Beasley

Horatio Cornblower

What a hit by Bryce, who celebrates like a fucking idiot after the Cowboys pick up 18 yards and a first down.

I fucking hate football players.

Horatio Cornblower

The Cowboys should draft Vin Diesel. He’s unstoppable.

Brick Meathook

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Smithchez

What’s…what’s happening here?

Spur

Wow. How much did that cost Double J?

Senor Weaselo

Extra.

LemonJello

Mike Pence had a helluva weekend…

King Hippo

Getting this first down is what changes the game. Keeps Rodgers from having a 2-minute drill to end the half. PLUS having the ball back to start the 2nd.

ballsofsteelandfury

Laxadaisical, Troy?

Folks, this yokel may have gone to UCLA, but i really don’t think he graduated.

DON’T DIMINISH MY DEGREE ASSHOLE!

King Hippo

surely, he’s no MEXICAN PHENOM!!

ballsofsteelandfury

So, do you think people would call me The Mexican Phenom?

Has a nice ring to it.

WCS

If that isn’t what you’ve always called your dick, you’re doing it wrong.

Senor Weaselo

Can we call you that now?

litre_cola

You could change your name like Mew Dragary did all thos eyears ago.

Spur

Princeton Red is slapping butts, moral high.
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Redshirt

A referee is going to be punched in today’s game.

Horatio Cornblower

Long overdue IMO

Romonobyl

I think I felt my dick move.

King Hippo

truly, DAK! has been good all game. He’s made maybe 2 bad throws.

ballsofsteelandfury

Momentum won’t flip until the Cowboys score another touchdown.

Horatio Cornblower

Please stop dick-stepping the narrative sir.

King Hippo

I give it 4 plays max

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The Dallas secondary is getting treated like the Seattle secondary tonight on pass interference/holding calls

Shogun Marcus

If the Darkest Timeline Superb Owl is achieved, what will the refs do? Seriously.

Senor Weaselo

Coin flip every play to call a penalty.

Horatio Cornblower

The only thing I can think is that Rodgers threw it 20 yards over his head and it was uncatchable.

Because otherwise, yeesh.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That doesn’t matter for defensive holding.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Blatantly holding Davante Adams could be the strategy that turns this game around for the Cowboys!

Smithchez

It’s things like the number one seed in the conference getting caught with 12 men on the field TWICE in the first half that helps me remember that even teams with shitty coaches make the playoffs.

ballsofsteelandfury

You can always count on Rodgers ti make sure a guy gets off

Horatio Cornblower

Nobody reacts quicker to a man getting off than Aaron Rodgers.

Romonobyl

Momentum shift….ACTIVATE!!!!

herodotus450

Did they change the touchback rule back to the 20?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

No Buck/Aikman whichever one said it is an idiot

Bortleback

It’s the 20 for punts, 25 for kickoffs. Gotta make it confusing, of course

Smithchez

“Hi Mr. Jones, sorry we’re late. Where do you want your delivery of weapons-grade derp?”

Spur

Just leave it around back with next to the whorehouse.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s nice and all but it means shit if the defence can’t get a stop.

Spur

well that was quite stupid

Spur

Hopefully this gives the Dallas defense some spark to stop the Packers

Smithchez

Nothing says “timely” like using Seven Nation Army as a song for your commercial. On the other hand, everyone in Baltimore just got simultaneous erections and they’re not sure why.

Horatio Cornblower

Typical Coboy Fan: Put in Romo! Put in Romo! Put in Romo! Put in
/Dak covers 74 yards in 90 second
TCF: WAY TO GO DAK!!! I NEVER STOPPED BELIEVING IN YOU!!!

Romonobyl

Guilty as charged.

Smithchez
Redshirt

I fully support this “Throw Dez the Fucking Football” strategy.

WCS

DAK! got absolutely wrecked on that pass.

King Hippo

He’s been getting killed back there today. Doug Free.

Horatio Cornblower

Romo would have crumbled like cheap wallboard on that hit.

King Hippo

yeah, with the hits DAK! is taking, the notion that Romo should go into the game is homicidal.

King Hippo

yeah TOTES DAK!’s fault, dickass Aikman

Spur

Let’s go Dez!

Horatio Cornblower

I know you’re new at this kid but how ’bout we save that goddamn “keep feeding me” thing until we’re not down 21-3? Do you think you could do that? Could ya?

Romonobyl

We’ll feed you when you get the fucking ring.

JustStopDude

I think I am officially done with the NFL for the rest of the season.

Every one of these games have been craptastic.

Redshirt

BLEERGH is BLEERGHing

Old School Zero

procedural penalties are so hot right now

King Hippo

Troy is a white-thinkin’ Tex-ahoman after all!!!

Smithchez

Any defensive coordinator surprised by a hurry-up offense should be fired during the fucking game. Especially against the Patriots, who only use it all the goddamn time.

Spur

Zeke is tired of this bullshit

Senor Weaselo

Romo mention, DRINK

ballsofsteelandfury

Joe Buck almost revealed the NFL’s secret plan to go to a Touchdown-Commercial-PAT-Commercial-Kickoff-Commercial model!

Good thing Troy had the electric prod handy!

Romonobyl

That Dr Pepprer commercial needs to die in a religion-based mass suicide.

WCS

Not to worry… the Stillers-Chefs game will be an entertaining slugfest, sure to maximize Balls’ and I’s blood pressure to “embolism” level.

Senor Weaselo

I’m surprised on the field didn’t mean mean TD, commercial, XP, commercial, kickoff, commercial.

ballsofsteelandfury

Great minds

Romonobyl

Promise Joe??? Promise!!!!!!

Spur

We could be so lucky.

King Hippo

perhaps Troy was assembling a noose?

Romonobyl

If at any point Nacho takes the field I’m converting to soccer.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll convert to Judaism if it’ll help.

Old School Zero

Can we come to your briss?

Horatio Cornblower

Some of you yes, but I’ll have to cut off the list somewhere.