GENERAL: Mr. President, Agent Scotchnaut is pinned down in Bucharest and can’t post the Open Thread this afternoon!
PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [pulls up pants] I’ll handle…wait. This seems familiar.
GENERAL: He’s getting 418’d! THERE’S NO TIME!
PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Fine, fine, sheesh. You know, when my Russian handlers coerced me I signed up for this job of my own free will I didn’t realize I was going to have to work weekends too.
Okay, so we’ve got the Seahawks. Oh, wait, no, Green Bay. Oh, wait, no, this is the AFC. Goddamn, why can’t I remember anything that happened to me last night? It’s like I didn’t get any sleep at all. My brain feels like a big bowl of clam chowdah. As far as this game is concerned, against my will (which seems fitting), I’m rooting for (and picking) the Steelers. The Patriots defense hasn’t been tested in any meaningful way, and I think the Steelers are going to be willing to sacrifice a good 45 yards worth of field position to take cheap shots at Tom Brady and ruin his cadence at the line after he loses his voice screeching at the officials. But you’re not here for hot takes (mmm…hotcakes) – you’re here to make jokes. Get to it. Make with the laugh laugh!
YET ANOTHER TEAM UNPREPARED FOR PATRIOTS HURRYUP OFFENSE?!!!!!
Looks like BAD HARF is playing tonight.
http://www.hecklerspray.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/malcolm-tucker-insult.gif
If there’s one thing I thought this world needed it was another King Arthur movie.
This ain’t your grandpa’s King Arthur! We got Guy Richie and unnecessary slomo
On the other hand, it’s also a Guy Ritchie movie.
Yes, continue to throw deep on 3rd down. Why try to get 6 yards and potentially into field goal range when you can go for the long shot play and end up punting it instead?
the fuck was The Ben thinking there??
Hah, it’s funny that you think The Ben could think.
The post-season is trying to trick me into thinking Jesse James is good.
Definitely not a good guy.
http://imgc.allpostersimages.com/images/P-473-488-90/63/6333/6CV7100Z/posters/jesse-james-wanted-advertisement-print-poster.jpg
Whew, at least the Steelers are mixing it up on the ground by running it up the middle, then up the middle, then up the middle.
“That’s a quality game plan!”
-BlueBunny
“Make sure you use your timeouts!”
Reid
Can’t go to the bar to watch the game till Bride of Fronkenshteen gets home from the gym. I love keeping up with the action with ONLY the DFO liveblog.
/Pours you a beer through the keyboard
OH SHI-zzzzt-
No TV or radio?
http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/live/stream/?ftag=SPM-03-10aac9f
Free!
Very few things make me happier than a Brady sack.
I, ummm….that’s just….ummmm, no.
Man, Brady sucks. I miss Peyton Manning, the true self-sack artist.
Of course Brady malfunctions in the one game I want him to win.
This just in, Make It Snow is on fire tonight (the same way that Edelman will be next year under Trump’s policies).
Thank you, and holy shit.
DREAMBOAT SACK
JAMES HARRISON FINED $50,000
Slurs hired Jim Tomsula. Gonna be fun.
They better get the Metro fixed or ol’ Jim is never gonna find a place to sleep.
Jim’s old pal Injun Joe is feeling very conflicted about that.
I can’t wait for the new season of “Eastbound and Down”
Mom? Dad?
“One yard to go? Good running game? Better try for a deep pass!”
–Every Jet OC ever + apparently the Steelers.
KNEEL BEFORE BOSS TODD
“That’s my cue!”
http://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/brownsvilleherald.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/a/54/a548caf0-76a1-11e2-aaac-001a4bcf6878/511cd7c4e4c05.image.jpg
http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/210/403/OhCrap.png
HIGHTOWER!
http://www.aveleyman.com/Gallery/ActorsS/16102-15042.gif
But enough about Josh Gordon’s tree fort…
I will bet a considerable amount of money that he voted for Trump and is now shocked to learn that his ACA healthcare is also Obamacare and now he has to pay for the hepatitis he got from those tattoos out of his own pocket.
What the fuck is this, connect the dots? Get next to your tattoos, ladies!
Lisa’s the tramp stamp, the daughters are near their respective, uh, “images”, I guess is the word I’m looking for.
Lisa being the wife who is looking over his shoulder, is what I completely failed to point out.
All I’m asking is he puts the younger daughter on the mom’s shoulders. I don’t think this is too much.
2nd family? SO JELLY
Look for Brady to get as much use as he can out of Julian Edelman tonight, before Trump takes Edelman away.
Alright, 2017. You’ve started us off with President Orangina. The absolute least you could do is give us an early Patriots Schadenfreude day.
So Romo might go to the Texans. That’s one hell of a rabbit hole.
Cowboys get JJ Watt?
I can’t stand JJ Watt but that’s the most JJ thing ever so yeah, probably.
Well, it could be Clay Matthews, so…
This comment presented to you in Joey-Porter-Vision.
I put the sound on SAP, but even hearing Dreamboat’s name by the Spanish announcers makes me homicidal, so mute button it is.
The sign behind the Patriots ends zone says “celebrate volunteerism”, because when I think celebrated “isms” in the Boston area I definitely think “volunteerism.”
Shoulda done the QB sneak on 4th and 1, but then again, I’ve only won Madden championships.
That might be the quickest “settle for a field goal” drive I’ve ever seen.
Phil Simms is not surprised by this at all because it’s impossible to be surprised when you don’t know where you are, let alone what might happen next.
he truly is 5 IQ points over “needs assistance feeding himself”
Apparently this weekend just flew by while I was in a chemically induced coma trying to overcome this fucking chest cold.
I made fish head and sausage soup. Its pretty tasty. Fish heads are underrated.
Yes, constantly give them room underneath. That’s the smart thing to do, Pittsburgh. It’s not as if the fucking Patriots thrive on quick passes in short distance.
Welp…
Did the Steelers remember to pick-up Bernard Pollard on the way up?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c–etqIJcow
IIs 3 Doors Down going to play at Halftime?
Jesus, I laughed hard at this:
That looks like a Venn diagram gone to seed.
ahahahahahaha
/spits dip
FACK YOU WE AHHH GOING TO THAH FACKIN’ SUPAH BOWL AGAIN
/Sorry, it’s out of my system now. Go Pats.
My recommendation for the military flyby:
But it’s not from orbit…they could survive.
Brady didn’t have hand over heart. Brady hates America
And is married to a FURRINER! Like his mentor.
Fuck the Patriots.
Go Stillers.
That is all.
The George Halas Trophy uses the absolute minimum amount of silver that you could possibly make a football shape out of. They ought to call it the Mike Brown Trophy.
still pisses me off they changed it.
I sorta want the Pats to win only so they can lose another Superb Owl.
No. Foxboro is not an exciting place.
If that Bon Jovi Pats fans jerkfest had gone on any longer, I’d have committed seppuku.
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/c6/c6ff94bba364118f737a3d89f74f5ab75b4e11a7b2d29bf1c714fedabbb632eb.jpg
I’ll take Brady over Montana any day of the week, and in the interests of full disclosure I would gleefully shoot both of them in the kneecaps were such action even remotely illegal.
i’d be fine with brady if he didn’t play for the pats.
he wouldn’t be a insincerely over idolized pretty boy then.
Liking JUST for the shooting part.
Also, Montana played with an entire all-star team around him before the era of competitive balance started.
Rodgers, then Elway. DON’T MAKE ME CUT YEWWWWW
Massholes can’t even spell their own town name right.
Would someone please explain to me why I am watching Jon Bon Jovi give Foxboro/Foxborough a big wet sloppy blow job?
I thought he was a Jersey Boy?
Let’s Go Asteroid Strike!
I’m watching VPI/Clemson until the actual footy starts. It reminds me of how much February is gonna suck all the ass.
4-14 is our ceiling.
That’s depressing.
even if State weren’t warmed over monkeyshit I’d be depressed
One else see the Papa John’s pizza boxes next to the NFC championship trophy?
*Any
WTF is Jim Rome doing in the CBS pre-game show? Does this usually happen?
Also, I think i may need to watch this game with the volume off.
Sadly yes. Ever since he jumped radio networks. Ugh.
New thread is up!!!!
Wait…..shit.