GENERAL: Mr. President, Agent Scotchnaut is pinned down in Bucharest and can’t post the Open Thread this afternoon!
PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [pulls up pants] I’ll handle…wait. This seems familiar.
GENERAL: He’s getting 418’d! THERE’S NO TIME!
PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Fine, fine, sheesh. You know, when my Russian handlers coerced me I signed up for this job of my own free will I didn’t realize I was going to have to work weekends too.
Okay, so we’ve got the Seahawks. Oh, wait, no, Green Bay. Oh, wait, no, this is the AFC. Goddamn, why can’t I remember anything that happened to me last night? It’s like I didn’t get any sleep at all. My brain feels like a big bowl of clam chowdah. As far as this game is concerned, against my will (which seems fitting), I’m rooting for (and picking) the Steelers. The Patriots defense hasn’t been tested in any meaningful way, and I think the Steelers are going to be willing to sacrifice a good 45 yards worth of field position to take cheap shots at Tom Brady and ruin his cadence at the line after he loses his voice screeching at the officials. But you’re not here for hot takes (mmm…hotcakes) – you’re here to make jokes. Get to it. Make with the laugh laugh!
Jessie James is the neo nazi that cheated on Sandra Bullock right?
Was the guy who got punched this weekend.
Yes, and soon to be Trump’s nominee for the Supreme Court.
Good thing you saved all those timeouts, Mike. They’ll surely come in handy during the second half.
Fiance is currently giggling because “fg att” looks like “faggot”. Also, I’m engaged to a 12 year old.
http://s11.postimg.org/vq1inx6ar/chris_hansen.gif
Shit….you beat me to it.
🙁
How is Utah this time of year?
Miserable. Just like it is the other eleven months.
First player to make the first 15 field goals of his postseason career. First of all, what the fuck kind of stat is that? Second of all, really? That’s surprising. I guess that’s what the fuck kind of stat that was. Thirdly, I’ve been drinking.
People who aren’t singers, singing. Why the fuck is that so popular?
Personally, I blame Eddie Murphy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RL67bcTM9zo
Richard if I could like this 10 times I would
How the fuck do you not call a QB sneak when you are literally on the goddamn half yard mark? YOUR QB IS LIKE 6 FOOT FUCKING 5.
Hey, they may not have consented but they were older than 5
I hope someone forces you to chug molten lava, James Corden.
http://www.bromygod.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/south-park-gif-5.gif
“Hey they’re stacking the line and we are down to our second string RB? What do we do?”
“Run it up the gut”
http://www.bromygod.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/favorite-things-about-winter-bro-my-god-112712-10.gif
Hey, PRIMANTI FUCKS! FIELD GOALS WON”T WIN ALL OF THE GAMES! FUCK. SOME OF US MAY HAVE GAMBLED AGAINST THE EVIL EMPIRE.
Followed by a play that couldn’t have possibly worked even if it was executed correctly. BOSS TODD AINT CARE.
AWESOME PLAYCALLING ASSHOLES
Christ, that was dumber than fuck.
Oh for fuck’s sake.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nT5epaJ04cA/VWe9kvLgJkI/AAAAAAAAA64/fBFbv5emmi8/s1600/oh-for-fucks-sake-gif-1.gif
I don’t mind two runs right up the gut in this situation but someone should really tell the Steelers’ O-linemen to block.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5R4oSubhGgc/T2otIL-ZQiI/AAAAAAAAAyk/Plx4PwlOrUU/s1600/tumblr_lb1ha1XOLZ1qavmcho1_500.gif
They know they’re supposed to be trying to get closer to teh endzone….right?
He’s not quite Le’Veon, eh?
WHOA THERE with the crazy play calling. That run was almost towards the outside of the center’s ass!
http://www.poobou.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/leslie_knope_angry.gif
Made NE use TWO timeouts, at least.
Andy Reid does that every time he finds his shoe untied.
I really hate it when a football game gets in the way of the commercials.
The pylon cam is finally extremely useful.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Boss Todd is going to throw it on 1st and inches.
But only 4 times in a row. ALL CORNER FADES
But I can go from zero to sixty in 5.4 seconds bitches!!!!!!
Almost forgot:
OK, just relax…..
http://www.bromygod.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/favorite-things-about-winter-bro-my-god-112712-17.gif
GRITTY HARFDOWN
The Illegitimate Touchdown of Jesse James by the (probable) Rapist Ben Roethlisberger
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvus3aPf0t1qcay1ao1_500.gif
short would be better. Run some fucking clock.
Stillers nawt ded yet?
http://www.bromygod.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/south-parks-most-offensive-episodes-092513-08.gif
CRIPPLE FIGHT!!!
a/k/a an AFC South contest.
HATE GROWS! As if I overdosed on Hate Viagra (TM).
http://www.bromygod.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/south-parks-most-offensive-episodes-092513-03.gif
Well, I think we’re all finally over Hamilton.
Are we?
I’m actually rereading the book now. It’s very good.
Hamilton dies in the end.
/throws book across room
GODDAMN IT! FUCKING SPOILERS.
But did he return the ring to the volcano in time?
Phill Simms doesnt know which star QB he wants to give a Blowjob to.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_-H-t-Wz1VNU/THBRx3Hbi5I/AAAAAAAALZw/jc2nbuHWoyU/s1600/05Powell_CaveGirl-panel_100.jpg
I has this book!
Big fan of the start time for this game. I am drunk, but don’t have to wait long til the night game where our friend blackout shows up.
No, Jeeem likes green because it reminds him of fucking golf.
I’m sure he wears a green jacket while jerking it.
Simms: “What’s the one thing we always hear about Bill Belichek?”
That he’s a miserable prick who could suck the joy out of an orgasm?
grumblegrumbleIsuckedthejoyoutofyourgrandmotherlastnightgrumblegrumble
Well she’s 92 so that’s unlikely.
Kinda young for Bill.
Groin injury? SOMEONE FLUFF LAVEON
“Flicking fleas is pointless, they just come back.”
– Todd Marinovich, in squalor.
Jim Tomusla concurs.
Oh Bell’s hurt?
Changes channel to ‘The Golden Girls’ re-runs because fuck everything.
http://www.thedrawplay.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/2013-05-20-JayCutler2-393×1024.png
Catler?
Whoever the next Jets OC is just watched that flea flicker work and thought “Well that’s why teams will never expect runs up the middle on first down and play actions only after every fifteen runs only if they’re long, slow developing plays” because time is a flat circle and god is clearly dead.
Fuck off Brad Paisley.
Brad Paisley sounds like a better name for the guy that found George Michael’s body than a country “music” star.
Chris Hogan looks coked out.
Yeah. “looks”
How hard is it to cover the fucking short white guy?
He moves like a lacrosse player