GENERAL: Mr. President, Agent Scotchnaut is pinned down in Bucharest and can’t post the Open Thread this afternoon!
PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [pulls up pants] I’ll handle…wait. This seems familiar.
GENERAL: He’s getting 418’d! THERE’S NO TIME!
PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Fine, fine, sheesh. You know, when my Russian handlers coerced me I signed up for this job of my own free will I didn’t realize I was going to have to work weekends too.
Okay, so we’ve got the Seahawks. Oh, wait, no, Green Bay. Oh, wait, no, this is the AFC. Goddamn, why can’t I remember anything that happened to me last night? It’s like I didn’t get any sleep at all. My brain feels like a big bowl of clam chowdah. As far as this game is concerned, against my will (which seems fitting), I’m rooting for (and picking) the Steelers. The Patriots defense hasn’t been tested in any meaningful way, and I think the Steelers are going to be willing to sacrifice a good 45 yards worth of field position to take cheap shots at Tom Brady and ruin his cadence at the line after he loses his voice screeching at the officials. But you’re not here for hot takes (mmm…hotcakes) – you’re here to make jokes. Get to it. Make with the laugh laugh!
I HAVE A GIGANTIC THROBBING ERECTION
Not as big as you think it is.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OQo_HyQ7M5A/T9icNUJ7yoI/AAAAAAAAADk/6mH1UkUdKRM/s1600/Jimmy-Clausen1.jpg
Eugh.
I have had enough of the Belichek Brady narrative. I am 40 and it has consumed my adult life
same
If my best man brings Bud Light to my wedding I’ll fucking stab him with a cake knife
http://s3-ak.buzzfeed.com/static/2015-08/21/16/enhanced/webdr01/anigif_enhanced-20975-1440188420-3.gif
…. and I’m done. Time to start building altars to the football gods to smile upon the Falcons.
Eli Rogers apparently blue himself.
Woooooo!
Sure glad we had a good day of football, with close, exciting games, a week ago.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Nantz was awfully excited about one guy being taken on by 7 guys.
I’m glad the games were close and entertaining today
And I hope it’s a super-controversial win that will make Southie burst into flames.
That was supposed to be a reply to the post below. My fingers are getting fatter methinks.
I’m glad we got 10 minutes of commercials, followed by the ref to announce another TV time out
That’s game. Pats won.
Please make the Massholes cry Atlanta.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I approve.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma249sv9HM1ruyz4so1_500.gif
Look, Steelers, if you can’t win this damn game, I’ll settle for you decapitating Brady.
They’d rather prefer to give up another third-down conversion of twelve yards.
Home now from the game. Everything is still going swimmingly, I see.
“Good coverage”
….
“Yeah there was a little pulling of the jersey there”
Simms, can you connect two coherent thoughts in a game just once?
People get down on Bradshaw, but his CTE is so much more entertaining than Simms’ is
“My name is Watson, and the time has come for me to kill all humans”
http://sites.psu.edu/chloesnewpassionblogtv/wp-content/uploads/sites/40476/2016/03/mike.gif
Watson is friendly enough for the thing that will take all our jobs away
Or become self-aware, rename itself Skynet, and start a nuclear holocaust.
I welcome the coming nuclear holocaust. I’m moving closer to an Army base, just to make sure that I don’t suffer when the nukes come.
Why would the nukes be aimed AWAY from army bases?
Some are aimed at the downtowns of major cities. I guess I could just move closer to downtown, but I can’t afford it.
Oh fuck you ref
Phil Simms’ idea of what “inches” are is why his wife is always so upset
King looks good.
The flow of this game due to commercials should be shown to The Ginghammer as to why NFL ratings are down
“My sources tell me NFL fans enjoy the commercials as much as the game itself.” — The Rog
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/946/059/b5c.png
Or at his war crimes tribunal.
Drunk Rod Stewart is the best Rod Stewart.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4145738/Rod-Stewart-gives-enthusiastic-performance-cup-draw.html
http://www.bromygod.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/funny-gifs-018-10222014.gif
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nJ1WOmejITc/VSr5S6W-7oI/AAAAAAAAC7I/xVhQwlISM4c/s1600/1067.gif
“Won’t use any time outs in the first, but I’ll waste them in the third”
Did the fucking Steelers just decide as a group not to cover Chris Hogan? What the fuck?
They don’t see colour, so he is invisible
Colour???
IMMIGRANT!!!!!!!!!
http://www.rawstory.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/donald-trump-cpac-800×430.jpg
what the fuck kind of fever dream was the Humpty Dumpty commercial
I’m betting an ad exec with a cold and way too much available Robitussin came up with that.
Well done. Well fucking done.
I should have spent 3 hours watching Taboo again.
Let’s put some audio to the pics:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaMb-5w-V0Y
Got home from the grocery store, turned on the tv, saw it was the start of the 2nd half, and now I’m just browsing HBO Go as I get ready to cook. I have a feeling I’m going to be pretty much our least-informed contributor by this time next year.
YOU CONVERT A THIRD DOWN AND YOU CONVERT A THIRD DOWN AND YOU CONVERT A THIRD DOWN
http://www.bromygod.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/how-stuff-works-003-04022014.gif
http://i.imgur.com/pDJpYH8.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqsluc55fr1qmkzi0o1_500.gif
http://forgifs.com/gallery/d/154174-3/Star-Wars-Sharon-Stone-cave.gif
So Falcons and Pats it is.
Why. WHY?! Why is it so hard to design a 4 yard play on 3rd and 3rather than try to get 15?
BOSS TODD GIVES ZERO FUCKS ABOUT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE
“Because FUCK YOU thats why.” – Todd Haley
I only know TruTV exists when they air March Madness games.
Man I fucking hope none of the Dolphins probowlers decide to go to Seaworld for a cheesy photo op.
Plus there’s the chance that one of them may get murder-raped by an actual Dolphin.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ldx_BnMsopw/VBJhrAxqnkI/AAAAAAAAN80/SGrEvIKGzrg/s1600/you'retheworst.gif
http://www.daisyowl.com/comic_images/129.gif
The answer was manchego
http://38.media.tumblr.com/39c81acb91eecece93e3ecfed3abe8ff/tumblr_n0qw9akEjw1rfa2tao1_400.gif
Woo hoo! Hot toddy time!
“Woo hoo! Hot Todd E. time!”
– Aaron Rodgers
That ice machine straight out of the 80s yo.
I took a long nap, and I woke up and the Falcons are in the Super Bowl.
I’m going back to sleep. Maybe Hillary will be President when I wake up.
No, but Bell Biv Devoe are releasing a new album so we have that going for ourselves.
I won’t rest until I get a new CD from Bif Naked.