Your “WAKE UP, IT’S TIME FOR FOOTBALL!” AFC Championship Game Open Thread

 

GENERAL: Mr. President, Agent Scotchnaut is pinned down in Bucharest and can’t post the Open Thread this afternoon!

PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [pulls up pants] I’ll handle…wait.  This seems familiar.

GENERAL: He’s getting 418’d!  THERE’S NO TIME!

PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Fine, fine, sheesh.  You know, when my Russian handlers coerced me I signed up for this job of my own free will I didn’t realize I was going to have to work weekends too.

Okay, so we’ve got the Seahawks.  Oh, wait, no, Green Bay.  Oh, wait, no, this is the AFC.  Goddamn, why can’t I remember anything that happened to me last night?  It’s like I didn’t get any sleep at all.  My brain feels like a big bowl of clam chowdah.  As far as this game is concerned, against my will (which seems fitting), I’m rooting for (and picking) the Steelers.  The Patriots defense hasn’t been tested in any meaningful way, and I think the Steelers are going to be willing to sacrifice a good 45 yards worth of field position to take cheap shots at Tom Brady and ruin his cadence at the line after he loses his voice screeching at the officials.  But you’re not here for hot takes (mmm…hotcakes) – you’re here to make jokes.  Get to it.  Make with the laugh laugh!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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The Maestro

I HAVE A GIGANTIC THROBBING ERECTION

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
...

Eugh.

litre_cola

I have had enough of the Belichek Brady narrative. I am 40 and it has consumed my adult life

makeitsnowondem

same

Curse of Marino

If my best man brings Bud Light to my wedding I’ll fucking stab him with a cake knife

Dunstan

…. and I’m done. Time to start building altars to the football gods to smile upon the Falcons.

WCS

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the king in yellow

Eli Rogers apparently blue himself.

Sharkbait

Woooooo!

makeitsnowondem

Sure glad we had a good day of football, with close, exciting games, a week ago.

The Maestro

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Spur

Nantz was awfully excited about one guy being taken on by 7 guys.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I’m glad the games were close and entertaining today

Romonobyl

And I hope it’s a super-controversial win that will make Southie burst into flames.

Romonobyl

That was supposed to be a reply to the post below. My fingers are getting fatter methinks.

Wakezilla

I’m glad we got 10 minutes of commercials, followed by the ref to announce another TV time out

Spur

That’s game. Pats won.
Please make the Massholes cry Atlanta.

The Maestro

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sharkbait

I approve.

ThursdaySkyGoddess
Dunstan

Look, Steelers, if you can’t win this damn game, I’ll settle for you decapitating Brady.

WCS

They’d rather prefer to give up another third-down conversion of twelve yards.

The Maestro

Home now from the game. Everything is still going swimmingly, I see.

Curse of Marino

“Good coverage”

….

“Yeah there was a little pulling of the jersey there”

Simms, can you connect two coherent thoughts in a game just once?

Recovery Whiskey

People get down on Bradshaw, but his CTE is so much more entertaining than Simms’ is

Curse of Marino

“My name is Watson, and the time has come for me to kill all humans”

Recovery Whiskey

Watson is friendly enough for the thing that will take all our jobs away

WCS

Or become self-aware, rename itself Skynet, and start a nuclear holocaust.

Big Black Richard

I welcome the coming nuclear holocaust. I’m moving closer to an Army base, just to make sure that I don’t suffer when the nukes come.

hippofant

Why would the nukes be aimed AWAY from army bases?

Big Black Richard

Some are aimed at the downtowns of major cities. I guess I could just move closer to downtown, but I can’t afford it.

Curse of Marino

Oh fuck you ref

Curse of Marino

Phil Simms’ idea of what “inches” are is why his wife is always so upset

Spur

King looks good.

Wakezilla

The flow of this game due to commercials should be shown to The Ginghammer as to why NFL ratings are down

WCS

“My sources tell me NFL fans enjoy the commercials as much as the game itself.” — The Rog

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Col. Duke LaCross

Or at his war crimes tribunal.

litre_cola
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Curse of Marino

“Won’t use any time outs in the first, but I’ll waste them in the third”

Smithchez

Did the fucking Steelers just decide as a group not to cover Chris Hogan? What the fuck?

litre_cola

They don’t see colour, so he is invisible

Romonobyl
Curse of Marino

what the fuck kind of fever dream was the Humpty Dumpty commercial

blackroseMD1

I’m betting an ad exec with a cold and way too much available Robitussin came up with that.

WCS

Well done. Well fucking done.

Curse of Marino

I should have spent 3 hours watching Taboo again.

Gratliff

Let’s put some audio to the pics:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaMb-5w-V0Y

blaxabbath

Got home from the grocery store, turned on the tv, saw it was the start of the 2nd half, and now I’m just browsing HBO Go as I get ready to cook. I have a feeling I’m going to be pretty much our least-informed contributor by this time next year.

WCS

YOU CONVERT A THIRD DOWN AND YOU CONVERT A THIRD DOWN AND YOU CONVERT A THIRD DOWN

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Mother Puncher
ThursdaySkyGoddess
WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Curse of Marino

So Falcons and Pats it is.

Smithchez

Why. WHY?! Why is it so hard to design a 4 yard play on 3rd and 3rather than try to get 15?

WCS

BOSS TODD GIVES ZERO FUCKS ABOUT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE

Curse of Marino

“Because FUCK YOU thats why.” – Todd Haley

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

I only know TruTV exists when they air March Madness games.

Curse of Marino

Man I fucking hope none of the Dolphins probowlers decide to go to Seaworld for a cheesy photo op.

Plus there’s the chance that one of them may get murder-raped by an actual Dolphin.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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herodotus450
Curse of Marino

The answer was manchego

hippofant

That ice machine straight out of the 80s yo.

Big Black Richard

I took a long nap, and I woke up and the Falcons are in the Super Bowl.

I’m going back to sleep. Maybe Hillary will be President when I wake up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

No, but Bell Biv Devoe are releasing a new album so we have that going for ourselves.

Big Black Richard

I won’t rest until I get a new CD from Bif Naked.