[6:43pm, dusk, Exterior of balls’ kick ass beach house, Deck/Patio area]

At the bottom of the stairs leading from balls’ house down to the beach, tWBS sits alone sipping wine.  He’s lost in the sounds of the surf as it crashes on the beach repeatedly.

balls approaches from inside the house and begins to descend the stairs to join him, but when he gets close to where tWBS sits he can hear him muttering to himself.  balls stops for a moment….and listens.

tWBS (to himself under his breath):  Enough is enough.  I’m just gonna have to tell him.  It’s time for us to….

balls:  For us to what?

tWBS:  Not cool man.  Tell somebody when you’re entering a room.

balls:  This isn’t a room.

tWBS:  Well, for all intense porpoises, it is.

balls (laughing):  Intense porpoises, huh?

tWBS:  Well sure.  They can be intense.  And the water is right there so this is like…their room.

balls:  Holy shit…you actually made it work.

tWBS:  I’m a deep thinker

balls:  Just to be certain, you do realize the actual saying is “for all intents and…”

….you know what?  Never mind.  What’s bothering you?

tWBS:  I just feel like all I’ve done for the past few days is drive.  And eat.  And drink.

balls:  Is that a problem?

tWBS:  Not exactly.  But look at this place.  Can’t we just stay put for a little while and just….have some fun?

balls:  Well to be fair….you did have some fun with…..

tWBS:  I swear to God if the word “Mónica” comes out of your mouth….

balls says nothing.  After a beat, tWBS adds….

tWBS:  Which reminds me…you might wanna have a plumber come out and check out the shitter in the downstairs bedroom.  Sorry.  I suppose underestimated her myself, it would appear…even after the fact.  Truth be told, I don’t even understand the physics of how she managed to get that thing up in there and…..  Sorry…never mind.

The two sit silently for a moment, then balls speaks.

balls (gesturing to the almost empty wine bottle):  I thought you didn’t like wine.

tWBS:  I don’t.  But it was already sitting here and I didn’t feel like searching for anything else.

balls:  Well hey, then I’ve got something that will cheer you up I bet.  Follow me.

The pair stands and climbs the stairs back to the deck/patio.  As they top the stairs, tWBS can smell the smoke of a freshly lit grill.  In the sitting area adjacent to the grill there is wine, beer, liquor, and snacks in a fully stocked wet bar.

tWBS:  Wow, this is amazing.  Does this mean…?

balls:  Yes, we’re staying for a little while.  But that’s not all.

balls points in the direction of the infinity pool overlooking the beach.  tWBS looks in the direction he’s pointing…his mouth hangs agape for a moment, then he speaks.

tWBS:  In the name of everything holy…am I dead?  Is this heaven?

balls:  Well, you’re not dead.  At least not yet.  But yeah, it just might be heaven.  Why don’t you go say hello?  I’ll be along in just a few minutes.  I gotta get my meat ready.

tWBS:  You know what?  I’m in such a good mood now that I’m not even gonna say “phrasing”.  What are their names?

balls: Go ask them.  I’ll get the grilling started and I’ll be right behind you.

tWBS:  Sorry, first one’s free….

balls (laughing):  Just….go.

Half an hour later, balls has his meat prepared and on the grill.  Alongside it cooks potatoes and marinated vegetables.  The smell is just reaching the jacuzzi adjacent to the pool, causing tWBS’ mouth to water.  Excited, he opens his eyes only to see balls standing at the edge of the water, glaring at him.

balls:  Dude?????

tWBS makes his way out from under a pile of hot girls and sheepishly looks up towards where balls is looking at him all judgmentally n junk.

tWBS:  Hi…..?

balls:  WTF?  Where’d the extra girls come from?

tWBS:  Well, they were passing by and heard the music.  And smelled your meat….

balls: Phrasing

tWBS:  Wow, that really IS kinda annoying when you’re on the other side of it.

balls:  I know.

tWBS:  Yeah.  Anyway, they were wandering by and I….kinda invited them to join us.  Is that a problem?  I mean there’s twice as many now.  That’s good, right?

balls:  Hell Yeah It Is!!!!  I’ll hit the store and get more meat!!!

tWBS:  Yeah, baby!!  (turns to the ladies)  More meat ladies!!!  That’s good, right?

The ladies say nothing and rather than say, or even think, Phrasing, tWBS sinks back below the surface of the pile of hotties.  Then he remembers something and pops his head back up.

tWBS:  Hey balls?!?!  What are we doing tomorrow?

balls stops and turns back.  At first he says nothing but only grins.

tWBS (quietly, to the ladies):  There’s that look again, did you see that?

The Ladies:  Sí, lo vimos.

balls:  You should be more worried about tonight.  The tournament starts soon.

tWBS:  Tournament??

balls only grins.  Then he turns and walks away.

tWBS (again to the ladies):  I hate when he does that.  What tournament is he talking about?

A Lady:  No sé. ¿Cómo es, mi estimado?

tWBS:  Ooooh that’s nice, but just a little lower…?

A Lady:  Si.

–

An hour later, when balls returns from the store with a huge sack of meat, he checks the pool area…

balls:  Oh hi ladies, have you seen tWBS?  Wait, you’re not the same girls as before.

balls immediately looks to the jacuzzi….

balls:  Oh Jeebus.  WhoTF are you girls?

The girls only wave.

balls:  OK fine.  Does anyone know where he is?

The girls look at one another and giggle.  Then one points to the upper level of balls’ kick ass house.

balls:  I’ll kill him.

balls sets off toward the house.  He storms in thru the sliding glass door and is headed upstairs, when the situation in his kitchen catches his attention…

balls:  Ummmmm….hi?

A Lady:   ¡¡Hola!!  ¿Eres el Señor balls?

balls:  Si.

Another Lady:   Tenemos hambre. Dijo que tenías buena carne.

balls:  Yeah, I do.  But first…where is he?

The ladies all laugh, then one points up the stairs.

balls:  I knew it.  I’ll be right back ladies.

balls turns to head upstairs then he stops and turns back…

balls:  Don’t any of you go anywhere.  M’kay?

The Ladies: ¡De ninguna manera! ¡Tenemos hambre de su carne!

balls:  Wow, what a great answer.  But I forgot.  I am mad.

balls storms upstairs.  As he reaches the top floor he hears splashing, giggling and even an occasional gasp.  He rounds the bend in the upstairs hallway and follows the sounds into the master bath.

balls:  OK, so I leave for an hour and you turn my house into Caligula?

tWBS:  Haha.  Well, aside from the murder, incest and forced sodomy thing…yeah kinda.  You complaining?

balls:  Well, nothing seems destroyed.  And there are a lot of hot girls in my house soooo….

tWBS:  I’ll take that as a “no”.  Oh, and I left you a care package in the kitchen.

balls:  Yeah, I saw.  Thanks.

tWBS:  Awwww….see that’s all I wanted.  You’re welcome.  OUCH!!!  OK ladies, I think we need a new razor.  That one’s starting to dig a little.

balls turns to leave but tWBS calls back to him.

tWBS:  So this tournament you were talking about?

balls:  Is going to be a lot more complicated and take a lot longer now.

tWBS:  Sorry…?

balls:  I’m not.  Have fun.  See ya in a bit.  I kinda gotta go back to the kitchen now.

tWBS:  Nice.

balls:  Inorite?

……

[4:20am, Interior of balls’ kick ass beach house, bedroom lower level]

tWBS is awake and rummaging thru his luggage.  Because it’s 4:20.

tWBS:  Damn, don’t tell me it’s not here.  How could I not pack…..

As he swipes deeper into his bag, he finally feels the ziplock bag he’s had hidden for the past 6 days.

tWBS:  Oh thank Christ.

TWBS grinds a small bud and packs the small travel pipe.  As he reaches for the lighter, the phone rings.  Startled, tWBS drops the pipe, the ziplock bag and the lighter.

tWBS:  Son of a mother……

tWBS lifts the receiver and answers the call.

tWBS:  Hello?  And this better be good.  It’s 4:20 and it’s bad etiquette, man.  Do you have any idea what you just made me do?

Man on Phone:  Su transporte estará listo a mediodía.

tWBS:  Huh?

Man on Phone:  El bote, señor.  Estará…

tWBS:  Whoa, whoa, whoa hombre.  Did you say boat??

Man on Phone:  ¿Señor balls?

tWBS:  No, he’s…unavailable right now.  Let me take a message for him.  What’s this about a boat?

Man on Phone:  My apologies gringo, but I really do need to speak directly to Señor balls.

tWBS:  Why?

Man on phone (laughing):  Don’t worry about it.

tWBS:  OH YOU LITTLE MOTHERFU……

There’s a loud insistent knock at the bedroom door.

tWBS:  Come in already, Jesus it’s your house.  Allegedly.

[Door Flies Open]

balls:  What’s all the yelling about?  And why is there weed all over my floor?

tWBS:  DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!

…