Everton starts this weekend’s festivities with a visit to Anfield to take on the hated Redshite (7:30, NBCSN), a ground at which they have not won since Jeebus walked the Earth.  To make matters worse, over the interminably boring international break that preceded this crucial match (not only for pride and bloodsport, but also European positioning), Toffee RB and indispensable man Seamus Coleman sickeningly broke his leg (on a cowardly, dirty as fuck tackle by a Welsh national who just happens to be a Redshite as well).  A few days later, Everton’s lone remaining first-team reserve CB and LB, Ramiro Funes Mori (who also starts when Everton go three at the back, a formation that would make sense to deploy at Anfield) tore his meniscus and will also be out for the season.

So…just fuck everything already.  Also, Romelu Lukaku won’t sign a new contract, and Everton will at most keep him for one last season.  Depressing as fuck.

I will no doubt be too miserable about another Derby hiding to watch the smattering of 10:00 window games, but you feel free to choose amongst Chelsea hosting Palace (NBCSN), West Brom trudging into Old Trafford for United to win their 50th in a row (CNBC), or maybe my sleeper pick, Leicester hosting Stoke (Extra Time).  Stoke will want to take Foxy Footy out of their recent comfort zone, and it will be an interesting test for them.

Soton/Bournemouth is the featured match (12:30, NBC), though it doesn’t really mean very much.  What else are you gonna do?

Sunday starts with a relegation battle – 19th position Middlesbrough against 17th position Swans (8:30, NBCSN).  Boro’s goal differential is only -13, whereas Swans’ is -27…but 5 points separate them in the table, and that’s quite a bit this late in the game.  Boro must get all three.  We close the weekend with freefalling (but still in 6th) Arsenal hosting 3rd position Man City (11:00, NBCSN), in what will surely be a toxic environment if Wenger’s charges don’t get on top quickly and stay there.  City still face a credible challenge to stay in 3rd (and possibly even Top 4), so they will have ample motivation to keep their boot to the Arsenal neck.