…we now resume our regularly scheduled programming in progress…

TSA AGENT 1: [standing firm] You’re not getting on the plane with this thing.

GUS BRADLEY: [glares at agent] I’m not getting on the plane without it.

TSA AGENT 2: [diplomatically] It’s all right, Coach Bradley.  We’ll figure something out.  Let me just call our supervisor.

TSA AGENT 2 picks up a handset and punches in a three digit code.

GUS BRADLEY: You’re really gonna call your supervisor over this?

TSA AGENT 1: Yup.

A thunderous rumbling causes the entire airport terminal to begin shaking.

GUS BRADLEY: My god!  What is that, a 787?

TSA AGENT 1: Nope.

— [security checkpoint flies open] —

REX RYAN: HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’…[realizes he is surrounded by civilian passengers]…gentlemen?

TSA AGENT 2: Just fine, coa…sir.

REX RYAN: [ogling at a HOT BLONDE at the front of the baggage scanner who is struggling to remove a pair of high-heeled shoes] So I got a code 333 that some little piggies need inspection?

TSA AGENT 1: [under his breath to TSA Agent 2] Why did you use that code?

TSA AGENT 2: [also under his breath] It’s the only way he’ll show up!

TSA AGENT 1: Actually, sir…

REX RYAN: [squinting] Gus?  Gus Bradley?  Well, shit,  HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, GUS?

GUS BRADLEY: Rex?  You work here now?

REX RYAN: Sure do!  I had a feeling after things went tits-up in Buffalo I figured I’d be laying low for a while.  But then the phone rings, and someone tells me they need me to come down to Jacksonville and coordinate their defense against aerial attacks.  Kind of a bait and switch, if you ask me, but when Jeh Johnson tells you to get in the game, YOU GET YOUR ASS IN THE GAME!  What’s the problem here, anyhow?

TSA AGENT 2: Mr. Bradley was trying to bring a Galaxy Note onto the airplane.

REX RYAN: [chiding] Now Gus, you know you can’t bring those things on planes anymore.  Shit, we’re one dropped interception away from not letting you take laptops on flights anymore.

GUS BRADLEY: Come on, Rex, following the rules like this, this isn’t you…

REX RYAN: Don’t make me call the K-9 unit on you, Gus.

GUS BRADLEY: Oh, Rob works here too?

REX RYAN: Well…no, not anymore.  He started out here, and then they transferred him to Customs and, uh, they said his methods became…unsound.  So they sent him down to El Paso to work for I.C.E…

— [universe flies open] —

MATT LEINART: OOOOOHHH SHIT BRO!  TAKE A KNEE!  [proffers an item to GUS BRADLEY]

REX RYAN: GODDAMNIT LEINART GIVE IT A REST I GOT ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT FROM NACHO BACK IN FLORHAM PARK.

TSA AGENT 1: …also you’re not allowed to bring liquids through security.

MATT LEINART: [fades back into obscurity]

REX RYAN: Now Gus, is the reason you won’t hand over that phone maybe because there’s something on it you don’t want these deviants to be peeking at?  Maybe Michaela sent you some of those self-destructing pictures on Chapsnatch to keep you warm on the long flight…

GUS BRADLEY: Well, I…

REX RYAN: OH OH OH!  OLD GUS AND HIS SPECIAL LADY FRIEND ROSIE PALM ARE GONNA JOIN THE MILE HIGH FIVE CLUB.  I tell you what, Gus.  Maybe we can do ourselves a little trade, just like in the old days.  [digs into his pocket]  Right here I got myself a nice iPhone, used to belong to none other than Jenn Sterger.  You remember her?  Nice Florida State girl.  Likes to take pretty pictures and then delete them.  Doesn’t know how iCloud backup works.

GUS BRADLEY: You confiscated that?

REX RYAN: No, no, well…it’s complicated.  We got it from this nervous little delinquent who tried to lug a duffel bag full of Adderall through here.  He offered me a bribe and then tried to claim he was a little short on cash, so he gave me this.  If he was smarter he coulda just claimed he worked for the Seahawks, I’da let him through no problem.

GUS BRADLEY: I don’t know…

A phone begins ringing.  REX RYAN looks at the iPhone he is holding.  GUS BRADLEY gingerly holds the Galaxy Note and arm’s length and looks at it.  REX RYAN frowns and reaches into his own pocket, then his eyes light up as he pulls out his own phone and the ring tone becomes clear.

REX RYAN: [answers phone] HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, SKIP?

REX RYAN listens intently to the voice on the other side.

REX RYAN: Uh huh…uh huh…no shit…all right then.

REX RYAN hangs up the phone and begins walking away.

TSA AGENT 1: …uh, Coach?

REX RYAN: [glances back]

TSA AGENT 2: Where are you going?

REX RYAN: I’m going to Bristol, boys.  I’m going to Bristol.