Four simple words that make Dame Nobyl happier than a tornado in a trailer park.  It makes absolutely no difference what time of day it might be, that woman would rather eat breakfast than any other food format available.  We’re at an advantage logistically, because we live in a Tex-Mex mecca and there’s no better place than a family owned taco joint for a killer breakfast.  Specifically, that means the breakfast taco, although more traditional items are still available, including a really good pancake.  All I need though are a couple of potato, egg and chorizo (only the finest cuts of meat are orange!) tacos with proper homemade tortillas and I’m more than good.

There are other genres of course, some more…esoteric…than others.  My betrothed has her own favorite that is the result of her youth.  She spent many of her formative years in Hawaii and has been obsessed with that isolated volcano ever since, she considers herself a closet Polynesian.  I’ve been there a few times and got to experience one of the local egg-based traditions, but this was the star of the show:

Portuguese fucking sausage.  This is the last of 20 pounds worth I brought home several years ago in my carry-on.  Frozen solid and in an insulated bag, they survived the trip to Texas intact, but it was a challenge getting past Hawaiian TSA.  They tried their damnedest to find a way to confiscate my precious parcel, but it wasn’t happening.  Good thing, because any more than a few pounds of keistered frozen sausage becomes cumbersome.  Probably would have thawed out long before we crossed Cali anyway.

No, I doubt you’ll find this at your local supermarket, I’m pretty sure it’s only made in Hawaii.  Too bad, because it is stupid fucking good.  It’s basically a pork sausage with plenty of paprika.  The typical presentation is two eggs to order, along with four pieces of sausage sliced on the bias and browned, finished with a couple of small scoops of sticky rice.  Yeah, I had it every morning I was there.  No complaints.

That’s the stuff.

Well, that does us a shitload of good here now, doesn’t it?  I do have the recipe to make that sausage myself, but knowing my wife it would be a fool’s errand because she won’t approve of such an item not being from “over there”.  I suppose I’d better get domestic (yes, I KNOW Hawaii is a state, get off me man!) and do the classic mainland ‘murican breakfast.  Even if it is dinnertime.

This is actually Part III of my previous efforts concerning grinding our own meat.  Last time it was bovine and burgers, today it will be porcine and patties.  Breakfast sausage patties to be exact, so Wilbur’s number is up again.

I won’t revisit the grinding process, it’s the same except for the meat.  Sausage needs fat, plenty of it so just get used to the idea.  This means no chops or other lean (and pricey) cuts of pork.  Steer away from the Styrofoam trays and look towards the vacuum packed piggies.  There you might find such things as grilling strips or pork for carnitas, which are chunks of shoulder, or anything with plenty of fat for a decent price.  That is what you want to send through the grinder, and don’t trim anything, just look away and send it through.

Should look something like this:

Like the previous beef, I usually grind this in bulk then vacuum pack and freeze.  For sausage we’ll start with two pounds either thawed or freshly grinded, then breakfast this shit up.

This is beyond simple:

3 Tbsp REAL FUCKING BEERGUYROB-APPROVED MAPLE FUCKING SYRUP!!!!

Couple tsp salt, pepper too.

1 1/2 tsp dried sage.

1 tsp dried marjoram.

Mix this all into the two pounds of pork.  Remember, this ain’t ‘yo dick so no squeezing!

You could fry this up right away, but you’ll be disappointed.  I don’t always fall for the “let the flavors meld” crap, but it actually makes a difference here.  This really needs to spend the night in the fridge, or do what I do.  Mix this mess up right after grinding, then vacuum bag and freeze away.  For fuck’s sake don’t forget to label it though, you WILL forget that shit right quick and end up making a really weird spaghetti sauce.  Give it a day to thaw in the fridge and you’ll be set.  Do NOT thaw in the microwave, that shit cooks part of the meat and leaves the rest frozen.  Be patient.

Make patties just like last week’s burgers, only smaller:

There is one difference though, this stuff is sticky as shit!

Wait a minute.  Have you ever known shit to be…sticky?  I mean, I suppose it could be, I just never found the need to…

I digress yet again.  I use food service gloves with a shot of cooking spray.  A little on the waxed paper squares will also help stem the adhesive qualities come cooking time.  Speaking of cooking:

Keep it simple, just fry on both sides until done.  No point in medium rare, these need to be completely cooked through.  I actually made these too big, but life goes on.

I don’t make just patties though.  Being a breakfast taco freak, I like to break a few up and cook it Junior High Sloppy Joe style:

Once that’s just done, blot up any excess grease, toss in about six eggs or so and scramble away until the eggs are to your liking. Scoop on to a couple of tortillas along with whatever else you like (DonT’s refried beans maybe?) and consume accordingly.

I like a little kick with some good picante, always welcome.  Speaking of heat, if you like your sausage a bit zippier, double up on the pepper or add a pinch of cayenne. This is strong on sage, but you can always add more if you like it.  Need it a little sweeter?  Try more syrup you freak, just remember to get the REAL stuff, not crappy pancake syrup or Beerguyrob will come to your house and molest your family pet(s).

Canadians are like that, now you know why their cops ride horses.  Desperate times…

Next week I plan on infringing on Yeah Right’s territory a bit with a rather ambitious project, and maybe one day I’ll prove that I actually have an oven!