Request Line: Holding Out

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY.

The PRODUCER is bustling outside the studio, getting everything ready for the show.  A mountainous man sits in the broadcast booth, with a vague smirk on his face.

PRODUCER: …and so you’re all set?

DONALD PENN: [punches talkback button] Absolutely.

PRODUCER: Fantastic.  The commercial break is wrapping up, so we’ll be live in five…four…[silently counts off the remainder and points with his index finger]

DONALD PENN: [crosses arms, leans back in chair]

PRODUCER: [gestures frantically]

DONALD PENN: [clamps mouth shut, shakes head]

PRODUCER: [punches a button with practiced ease, speaks into talkback microphone] Hi folks, welcome to Request Line.  We’re experiencing some technical difficulties, so please let Tom Petty keep you company while we get them sorted out.  We’ll be back in a minute with our NFL guest host.

PRODUCER: What the heck, Donald?  You got stage fright?

DONALD PENN: Stage fright? Hell no.  I’m holding out.

PRODUCER: Holding out?

DONALD PENN: That’s right, holding out.

PRODUCER: Holding out for what?

DONALD PENN: For more money, to start with.

PRODUCER: I…um…[thinking fast]…okay, how’s this? We’ll pay you 50% more than you were originally going to receive.

DONALD PENN: I want some incentives, too.

PRODUCER: Okay…how about if you get over seventy-five requests we’ll make it seventy-five percent.

DONALD PENN: One percent for each request over seventy-five.  So if I get 100 requests, I get 100%.

PRODUCER: So…double the amount of money we originally going to pay you to appear on this show?

DONALD PENN: That’s right.

PRODUCER: Wow, and I thought Russell Okung was a tough negotiator.  All right, all right, you’ve got all the leverage here.  It’s a deal.

DONALD PENN: And I want some coffee.

PRODUCER: [raises eyebrows] Can’t do it.

DONALD PENN: Song’s about to end, man.

PRODUCER: Shit, shit…all right.  One cup of coffee.

DONALD PENN: Two.

PRODUCER: Goddamnit, you’re KILLING me here.  All right, all right!  Two cups.

DONALD PENN: [smoothly breaks in as “The Waiting” is coming to a close] Hey there, folks.  I’m Donald Penn, left tackle of the Oakland Raiders, founding member of the Silver and Blackwatch, primary signatory of the Carr Insurance, here with another edition of Request Line.  Today’s theme is “Holding Out” – let’s have some request for songs about waiting, wanting something better, that kind of shit.  I’ll get us started with a song that came out just a year after I was born: “I’ll Wait” from Van Halen’s classic album 1984.  Give me a call – I promise I won’t make you sit on hold – and I’ll get your requests spinning.

PRODUCER: [slips into studio holding a cup of coffee and a document, which Penn promptly signs]

DONALD PENN: I never asked my agent – how was I originally getting for doing this?

PRODUCER: You know, I’m not sure what the exact number is.  After the show let’s give your agent a call and find out.

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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trollsoharduniversity

trollsoharduniversity

goddamn I forget how to embed

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fixed it for you. The mobile links that break up “youtube” don’t work for some reason.

SonOfSpam

One of my favorite songs about telling your sibling not to fuck just yet:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z92bmlcmyq0

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I guess I should have gone with Santana before Mana:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1etE6Sv718

SonOfSpam

Great song, but Exhibit A why you shouldn’t bring your wife to work with you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnlqV_KWYL0

SonOfSpam

Skinny Axl whistles and sways like a boss

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErvgV4P6Fzc

SonOfSpam

Good morning everyone! Wait, I may have overslept…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD4sxxoJGkA

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Love that song. How about a DOUBLE SHOT of Miles?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grt0TtBOhpc

ArmedandHammered

Thought it fit with wanting something better.

laserguru
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hopefully Don T doesn’t kill me for this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL4HjQwMx-o

LemonJello
scotchnaut

I’d completely forgotten about this tune. Great get!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not amazing quality but a DOUBLE SHOT with Stevie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gs2DOlmPdjg

King Hippo

Let’s have some live muthafuckin’ TWOD!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xam6M36KzA

laserguru
King Hippo

This is more pleasantly wistful. To me, anyway. I’m a morbid fuck, sorry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5Ae-LhMIG0

King Hippo

/thumbs madly through personal suicide library

//had almost forgotten this one, particularly this particular heartrending version

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y91Vbb_5fGI

Unsurprised

If there are five minutes left in a Chargers game, stop whatever you’re doing and get your ass to a TV, because you are about to witness professional incompetence at its finest:

Motherfuck these losers forever.

laserguru

This is outstanding!

Unsurprised

Another proud alumnus of Trump University, and clearly a dedicated student of President Deals.

laserguru

Flexing the rules a tiny bit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbZ1SEy_wxk

LemonJello
Wakezilla

“I think this fits”

Yeah, I have that problem too.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fine, double shot of the Man in Black waiting, for her to come home and for God to do his thing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHaVmFKnK7w

laserguru
King Hippo

From King Laserface’s hometown, no less! This is great stuff.

nomonkeyfun

No, I’m not crying it’s just a little Smokey in here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdDnqSFYXFs

laserguru

Jesus Christ let’s get some more heavy shit up in here to turn this playlist around. Richard Marx? Fuck!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yF4FSi8yo7U

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What of it?

laserguru

If that had been you that posted the Wilson Phillips too we may have had a cause for concern. I was worried you were gradually morphing into TWBS.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did you even watch that masterpiece of a colonic commercial?

laserguru

Not yet. Work doesn’t allow me the use of speakers.

laserguru

The original and vastly superior version.
Followed by a DOUBLE SHOT!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f42MLoLbnnQ

laserguru
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mainly posted Richard Marx as an excuse to post this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLhW9ifc1Gc

BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Don’t act like you don’t know why this song fits the theme:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZXc39hT8t4

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How about a DOUBLE SHOT of taking up all your sweet time?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZBlqcbpmxY

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I obviously think Penn is lying about not keeping people on hold

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

nomonkeyfun

As soon as I saw the title of the post, I got the song stuck in my head.