INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY.
The PRODUCER is bustling outside the studio, getting everything ready for the show. A mountainous man sits in the broadcast booth, with a vague smirk on his face.
PRODUCER: …and so you’re all set?
DONALD PENN: [punches talkback button] Absolutely.
PRODUCER: Fantastic. The commercial break is wrapping up, so we’ll be live in five…four…[silently counts off the remainder and points with his index finger]
DONALD PENN: [crosses arms, leans back in chair]
PRODUCER: [gestures frantically]
DONALD PENN: [clamps mouth shut, shakes head]
PRODUCER: [punches a button with practiced ease, speaks into talkback microphone] Hi folks, welcome to Request Line. We’re experiencing some technical difficulties, so please let Tom Petty keep you company while we get them sorted out. We’ll be back in a minute with our NFL guest host.
PRODUCER: What the heck, Donald? You got stage fright?
DONALD PENN: Stage fright? Hell no. I’m holding out.
PRODUCER: Holding out?
DONALD PENN: That’s right, holding out.
PRODUCER: Holding out for what?
DONALD PENN: For more money, to start with.
PRODUCER: I…um…[thinking fast]…okay, how’s this? We’ll pay you 50% more than you were originally going to receive.
DONALD PENN: I want some incentives, too.
PRODUCER: Okay…how about if you get over seventy-five requests we’ll make it seventy-five percent.
DONALD PENN: One percent for each request over seventy-five. So if I get 100 requests, I get 100%.
PRODUCER: So…double the amount of money we originally going to pay you to appear on this show?
DONALD PENN: That’s right.
PRODUCER: Wow, and I thought Russell Okung was a tough negotiator. All right, all right, you’ve got all the leverage here. It’s a deal.
DONALD PENN: And I want some coffee.
PRODUCER: [raises eyebrows] Can’t do it.
DONALD PENN: Song’s about to end, man.
PRODUCER: Shit, shit…all right. One cup of coffee.
DONALD PENN: Two.
PRODUCER: Goddamnit, you’re KILLING me here. All right, all right! Two cups.
DONALD PENN: [smoothly breaks in as “The Waiting” is coming to a close] Hey there, folks. I’m Donald Penn, left tackle of the Oakland Raiders, founding member of the Silver and Blackwatch, primary signatory of the Carr Insurance, here with another edition of Request Line. Today’s theme is “Holding Out” – let’s have some request for songs about waiting, wanting something better, that kind of shit. I’ll get us started with a song that came out just a year after I was born: “I’ll Wait” from Van Halen’s classic album 1984. Give me a call – I promise I won’t make you sit on hold – and I’ll get your requests spinning.
PRODUCER: [slips into studio holding a cup of coffee and a document, which Penn promptly signs]
DONALD PENN: I never asked my agent – how was I originally getting for doing this?
PRODUCER: You know, I’m not sure what the exact number is. After the show let’s give your agent a call and find out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToxmbOr00co
goddamn I forget how to embed
Fixed it for you. The mobile links that break up “youtube” don’t work for some reason.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4dJN6MX-6I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL2ZwXj1tXM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFc-2aNZ6VY
One of my favorite songs about telling your sibling not to fuck just yet:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z92bmlcmyq0
I guess I should have gone with Santana before Mana:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1etE6Sv718
Great song, but Exhibit A why you shouldn’t bring your wife to work with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnlqV_KWYL0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_L4Rixya64
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYcyacLRPNs
Skinny Axl whistles and sways like a boss
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErvgV4P6Fzc
Good morning everyone! Wait, I may have overslept…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD4sxxoJGkA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBq87dbKyHQ
Love that song. How about a DOUBLE SHOT of Miles?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grt0TtBOhpc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4_bl8uTonQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aX0s_p0XycU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W05cPXpUHGI
Thought it fit with wanting something better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ntf1S5uRoXM
Hopefully Don T doesn’t kill me for this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL4HjQwMx-o
A little Clapton:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=av9JFpk_A3s
I’d completely forgotten about this tune. Great get!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTG7ZxO3-sE
Not amazing quality but a DOUBLE SHOT with Stevie:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gs2DOlmPdjg
Let’s have some live muthafuckin’ TWOD!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xam6M36KzA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1WnrjciO8c
This is more pleasantly wistful. To me, anyway. I’m a morbid fuck, sorry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5Ae-LhMIG0
/thumbs madly through personal suicide library
//had almost forgotten this one, particularly this particular heartrending version
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y91Vbb_5fGI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWcASV2sey0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKKYsxTlAIA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLMG4ehxmtU
Motherfuck these losers forever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LEXJfcIQfI
This is outstanding!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29GJxkW-hKI
Another proud alumnus of Trump University, and clearly a dedicated student of President Deals.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKLVmBOOqVU
Can’t believe you missed the obvious DOUBLE SHOT on this one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLFo68-L9vI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_zvGIBreoI
I was blown away when I heard this song for the first time. Saw these guys at the Avalon in ’05.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBrOp-LHbrs
Flexing the rules a tiny bit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbZ1SEy_wxk
I don’t think that flexes the rules much at all. Nice choice. Saw these guys (and girl) at the Troubadour in ’07. All their equipment broke down so they pulled a girl out of the crowd to tell jokes until they got it sorted out.
I think this fits:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSZca1Q9IWA
“I think this fits”
Yeah, I have that problem too.
Fine, double shot of the Man in Black waiting, for her to come home and for God to do his thing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHaVmFKnK7w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJlN9jdQFSc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le-3MIBxQTw
From King Laserface’s hometown, no less! This is great stuff.
No, I’m not crying it’s just a little Smokey in here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdDnqSFYXFs
Jesus Christ let’s get some more heavy shit up in here to turn this playlist around. Richard Marx? Fuck!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yF4FSi8yo7U
What of it?
If that had been you that posted the Wilson Phillips too we may have had a cause for concern. I was worried you were gradually morphing into TWBS.
Did you even watch that masterpiece of a colonic commercial?
Not yet. Work doesn’t allow me the use of speakers.
The original and vastly superior version.
Followed by a DOUBLE SHOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f42MLoLbnnQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8t2dJZRRW0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_E2EHVxNAE
Mainly posted Richard Marx as an excuse to post this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLhW9ifc1Gc
I performed this song as a solo in 8th grade. I don’t think it was something I selected personally; the choir teacher asked if I wanted to do it and I said “fuck yeah I want to be the center of attention for five minutes.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sA2CiM52AIE
Ok, more our speed:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9giY58f-BYg
Don’t act like you don’t know why this song fits the theme:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZXc39hT8t4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ND4P-gy1PM
How about a DOUBLE SHOT of taking up all your sweet time?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZBlqcbpmxY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sF2ZqlPNuqU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLVzrG0JpNY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htgr3pvBr-I
I obviously think Penn is lying about not keeping people on hold
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1EDKvXRKd0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIbXvaE39wM
Aw, come on, I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, but the very first song?
As soon as I saw the title of the post, I got the song stuck in my head.