Your “I’ve Got Nothing Better To Do. You?” Sunday Afternoon/Evening Thread

[pulls pants up hastily] Hey, what’s going on guys/gals? Beardguyrob is otherwise engaged-don’t let the laundry get backed up, just throw a load in every morning, amirite?-so I thought I’d toss up a thread that addresses your most serious concerns. Yeah, that’s right I’m gonna say some crap about yesterday’s games and then preview the two on offer today. Here goes…

-Jaylon Smith (last year’s nerve-damaged second round pick for the Cowboys) finally made it back onto the field and tackled a guy or two.

-Derek Carr played for the first time since week 16 of last year and threw 2 TD’s on only nine passes. Raiders dreams of a deeper run in the playoffs begin anew.

-Marshawn lugged the ball twice after literally coming off the bench.

-Mitchell “Truth Biscuit” Trubinsky went a “fawking ahsome” 6-8 for 60 yards against 2nd, 3rd and 4th-team-ers. I don’t have to wander into the desperate mire of a Bears fan board to know that the call for him to be thrown into the fray now is jet engine-loud. It doesn’t help that the starting giraffeback is struggling.

-Paxton Lynch threw for an Alex Smith-like 3 yards per completion. Folks around the net have anointed Siemian the hands-down starter until 30 seconds after his next interception.

-Kirk Cousins turned 29 yesterday!

-Christian McCaffrey is one speedy little mother-lover.

-Another Christian, this one of the Hackenberg variety, commandeered the Jets new-look “Infinite Punts Offense”.

TO THE GAMES!

Chokers/Stillers: (4pm) Antonio Brown is nowhere to be found but Darrius Heyward-Bey is still in the league. We’ll get a look at T.J. “Two Sack” Watt who I have no doubt had the living shit kicked out of him on a daily basis by his older bro when he was growing up. Joshua “Route Tree” Dobbs hopes to start over again after last week’s struggles. Also making an appearance should be Hodgkins Lymphoma conquerer James Conner, son of Sarah and John. Skynet is giving 3-1 odds in this timeline that he wins the rb spot behind Bell. As for the Falcons, I like their backfield of Freeman, Coleman and Ward quite a bit.

Saints/Helmet Clippers: (8pm) Nassib, Grayson. Grayson, Nassib. Which pretend football slinger will have the job of patting Brees on the shoulder pads after the latter throws a TD? That’s like 35-40 times a year you’ll have to haul your carcass up from the bench. The things people have to do for a high six figure/low seven figure paycheck… Pour something out for the Saints third-dary that consists of the likes of Crawley, Bell, Banjo, Lattimore, Williams and Vaccarro. Injuries devastated them last year to the point where a street urchin was one of their starting cb’s. He was cut after requesting more gruel. Things aren’t much different this year what with top corner Breaux out for at least a third of the season. Hopefully we’ll get a quick peak at Chargers wr Allen who is returning after a knee ka-blooey. Their D gave up 4 rushing TD’s last week and faces AP, Ingram and rook Alvin Kamara. Best of luck fellas.

There you have it. Done. Now let’s get some drink in our bellies.

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herodotus450
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herodotus450

Maybe Kim Jon UNe hates crickets as much as I do right now and he’s just been looking for an excuse to launch his nukes and wipe them all out in the process. A trecimated population for no more annoying chirping: it would be worth it.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

There was a mini famine that was caused in China because Mao hated Sparrows. It caused major crop failures because the Chinese slaughtered so many sparrows which allowed the problematic insect species to just explode in population.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

This Mao guy, he have a newsletter or a little book I can subscribe to?

Gratliff
Member

Though with any luck, we’ll get the Wrestle Kingdom 8 entrance variation

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Gratliff
Member

Shinsuke going for the WWE Title tonight. Entrance is gonna be lit.

King Hippo
Member

The Yinzers/Sherman’s Ashes tilt switched to “A Football Life” reruns at halftime for some weird reason, so I am stuck watching Dirt Stillers/Birdos in the Marc Trestman Masturbatorium Classic.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Really? Why didn’t mine switch? I wish it had.

King Hippo
Member

just a cable snafu, and satellite ok?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Not sure I’d say it’s OK, but yeah, NFLN on DirecTV still has the game going live, in spite of announcer stoopid.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I really hate it when I know the rules more than the announcers.
I’ve been yelling “IT WAS TIPPED, IT WAS TIPPED…NAWT A SAFETY!!!”

Jeebus.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Holy fucking shit….they’re still saying it should have been a safety.
Stillers need to hire new announcers. Or give these guys a fucking rulebook.

Now I’m really going to go catch up on Snowfall.

Gratliff
Member

My facebook memory thing is showing me the NFL preseason from 2012. Football comedy needs another Replacement Refs season.
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the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Ah yes, the game that directly led to the Seahawks landing in my top five Most Hated Teams list. Never forgive, never forget.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

With the death of Jerry Lewis, this may the closest we may ever get to them releasing the infamous “The Day the Clown Cried”.

I am betting its not nearly has bad as people make it out to be. I wouldn’t be surprised if its on par with “Life is Beautiful”.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I’m bored. I think Imma go get caught up on Snowfall.
See ya’s a little later.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I think Heinz should give away free sauces nationwide if the Stillers ever manage to score 57 points.
[great promotion]
[minimal financial risk]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Maybe a combined score w/Steelers win?

Gratliff
Member

Made carne asada and Mexican rice pudding both for the first time. Everything is so good. The rice pudding came out less “pudding” and more “thick soup” consistency, but holy shit is it delicious. Gonna have to figure out what I did to fuck up the thickness for the next time. I think I made the mistake of cooking the rice like I’d normally cook rice and left it covered while cooking it.

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

Matt “WE’VE GOT” Bush just mashed the side of his head into Joey Gallo’s face! Gallo : Out.
Bush : ?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

No. CALLO. CALLO.

Spanky Datass
Member
Spanky Datass

Update: Bush out too. (PHRASING!)

blackroseMD1
Member
blackroseMD1

Half watching the game, half daydreaming about setting the house of my neighbors (who are throwing a party with a full DJ setup for the 748th weekend in a row) on fire.

Might just go find a bar or something to watch meaningless football in.

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blackroseMD1
Member
blackroseMD1

Damn worthless non-looping Twittygif!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

It runs once on each refresh. Weird.
But I got the joke.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

blackroseMD1
Member
blackroseMD1

Kill it with fire!

blaxabbath
Member

On a Sunday? Who the fuck are these people?

blackroseMD1
Member
blackroseMD1

The kind of people that hire a full on mariachi band to play in their front yard.

blaxabbath
Member

Ah.

Maxercans….

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Dangit, I was hoping they’d forget to play the 2nd half.
Looks like all the empty Ketchup seats feel the same way.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Granted, I’m not paying close attention.
But did they just say Atlanta was a Superb Owl Champion?

blaxabbath
Member

I’m all for vacating NE’s 2016 season. That team and their fans are nothing but a bunch of nazis.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I really wanna make a joke about….
Well, never mind. I already know I’m not funny even when I think I am.

King Hippo
Member

The “pervy cameraman” has a particularly challenging job when working a Stillers home fixture.

King Hippo
Member

come with me if you want to drop an easy 3rd down conversion

blaxabbath
Member

ARI baseball down 12-4 in the third. Still hate the Dodgers.

King Hippo
Member

Nice thing about Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals missing the playoffs – get to miss being buttfucked in 4 games by Los Dodgeros.

blaxabbath
Member

Frida Kahlo exhibit is in town. It’s been here months but, apparently, we are the only North American stop on the tour so it’s been blowing up (actually extended to 9/5).

I’m heading down Wednesday morning. I figure all the normal art fans will still be passed out from the Trump rally the night before so I should be good.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Why do Orioles’ announcers feel the need to tell me how nice Bud Norris’ (Angels’ closer) parents are?
Are they really that starved for material?

King Hippo
Member

I was wondering about the 10am window yesterday, so I Googled and found this disgusting answer:

https://royalbluemersey.sbnation.com/2017/6/27/15881034/nbc-extra-time-live-stream-premier-league-pass-united-states-everton-chelsea-arsenal-manchester-2017

Go Fuck Yourself, NBC

blaxabbath
Member

Watched the ARI/CHI highlights today. Blaine Gabbert threw a nice ball to score a td on the 4Q drive, to go down just one point. As ARI lined up for two, I thought, “shit – Gabbert might have some skills. I know it’s preseason against 2s/3s but that was “an NFL play.”

Gabbert then proceeds to limp-wrist the two point conversion, tossing an uncatchable incomplete about 13′ from the WR.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

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ballsofsteelandfury
Member

This open thread was so full of awesome phrases. I’m going to incorporate third-dary into my vocabulary.

Gratliff
Member

Don’t forget SummerSlam where there’s at least a 35% chance roid rage will kick in and Lesnar will forget he’s not in a UFC match and attempt to murder a fellow human being.

Redshirt
Member

He did that with John Cena a few years ago. WWE just went with it.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Is it wrong that his obvious steroid abuse makes him seem like an entirely awful person who I’d rather see die in the ring because of said drugs?

Gratliff
Member

I mean, he’s always been an awful person. Just happens to be an awful person who occasionally shoot punches wrestlers in the mouth so it’s a must watch.

http://beneaththemat.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/CenaBrockbrawl.jpg

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I am fighting to stay awake.

WCS
Member

I’m punching Dan Quinn in the face.

GO STILLER REPLACEMENT JOBBERS

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