Better safe than sorry – may have used this title before, and the old brain ain’t what it used to be in terms of creativity (and in all candor, never was very much to begin with). So many questions to be answered on this new, unfolding season, but as usual…all roads run through ROLL DAMN TIDE.
Maryland at Texas (Noon, FS1)
Please, dear Jeebus, don’t let this one get cancelled. Tis a lean fookin’ window. Fear teh Turtle is usually pretty awful, but no team lives to be all disappoint like Hook ’em. My cold, black heart would delight in a “healing” story well and truly shat upon.
Wyoming at Iowa (Noon, BTN)
Boy howdy, did I struggle to find a secondary option, and I am going with this over Snowflake Bowl in Chapel Hole. FUN FACT! Thanks to the US Air Force, I was born in Wyoming, the barren hellscape part, not the beautiful, playground of the rich and famous part.
South Cakalaky v. NC State @ Richardson Family Plantation (3:00, ESPN)
This is actually a passionate, excellent historical rivalry that has sadly fallen by the wayside. Hopefully, this will be a thrilling contest that results in the fanbases of the two schools demanding that the series resume with reasonable regularity, as opposed to the more predictable wolven shitting upon its collective dick when anything is expected of them. Hope in one hand, shit in the other, see which gets full first. Be glad you can flip to…
Michigan v. Florida @ JerralWorld Aquarium (3:30, ABC)
I have no fucking clue what to expect from either side, but they are both in the top 20 by default, and they always recruit well. The laws of JV NFL gravity and/or inertia suggest that at least one will end up being prettay…prettay…good.
Temple at Notre Dome (3:30, NBC)
Fuck Brian Kelly. With Robert E. Lee’s dick. Original and statuary, he can choose which goes in which hole (I’m not some kind of monster, FFS).
Louisville at Purdue (7:30, Fox)
I mean, I’ll watch FOAR half an hour just in case Gus Johnson is announcing. I’m assuming the ‘Ville administration scheduled this road trip because the coeds are too ugly for Petrino to get into any MOAR trouble?
Florida State v. Alabama @ Jesus Chicken Dome (8:00, ABC)
Holy Christ, this is why you buy extra beer for this Saturday night, and refuse all other plans. #1 v. #3 is some hot shit, even if it’s despicable assdicks like Jimbo and Saban. Once again, I shall be rooting for the “at least he’s up front about his puppy blood drinking” evil guy. Jimbo can die in a fucking fire, for all I care. ROLL DAMN TIDE!!
Jeebus, if not for Chubb and Samuels, we’d pretty much have nada.
KISS MY ENTIRE REBEL ASS, Dave Doeren.
That was very very disheartening, yes.
Thank fuck we caught YET ANOTHER break with the “momentum” call. The dumb fuck would have kicked a FG from the 7.
B+?? Go fuck yourself, Yahoo. I made maybe one reach pick.
And the text says I am projected to finish first at 13-1, with 1,886 total points! The fuck??
Oh shit, I missed the projection part.
This oughta be funny.
BRB
That 1 loss coming week 1 in the Brad duel to the death
B- draft grade.
Wow, yahoo is even dumber than me.
If Speight throws a 3rd Pick 6, Harb may kill him on the field
Would pay to see this.
14 plays for 14 yds in the 3rd.
We. Are. Not. Good.
I cannot wait for Thursday.
I have to fucking root for Tawmmy.
Fuck the world.
and for the first time in EVAR, I have Gronk!
Hahaha. Yeah thats why i never take cowboys
But it gives you solace either way!
I am taking NE in my Survivor pool and double dipping KC in Loser, then rooting my ass off FOAR my 2nd least favourite team in the NFL to make me look like a moe-ron.
Ranked South Florida is losing to Stony Brook at the half.
/did not know they even had a FOOTBAW program
USF made it to #3 in the country about a decade ago.
Isnt that where Lane Kiffin ended up?
Noooooooo.
Even they aren’t that stoopid.
FAU
the footy side who got buggered (sans lube) in their home opener by Navy
400+ yard rushing FFS. I was laughing my ass off.
I watched this video and remembered that obnoxious girl I met studying abroad who bitched that she was getting too many alerts on her phone when watching fucking Dateline.
https://weather.com/storms/hurricane/video/time-lapse-of-flooding-in-sw-houston
Oh Jeebus.
Tebow comparison! Everyone finish your drink, refill and down it!
Targeting foul was overturned?
Okay, legit sign of the apocalypse. Everyone okay with Jesus?
I’m in with Odin and Shiva, is that ok?
I think you good. When Jesus leads God’s army against the forces of the Antichrist, just sneak into the rear near the end and act like you’ve been there the whole time.
I hear tell he’s pretty cool about letting bygones be bygones and shit.
PRAISE BE TO HELIX!
/No I won’t let it die already
#15 is still active for Florida. I would’ve thought that number would be canonized by now.
Trent Richardson-esque vision on that cutback, right into the defense.
The problem with most modern O’Korn in this country is the vast (vahst) amount of processing that it requires post-harvest to even be a viable QB.
Is it a good thing when I assume from the start that your phone commercial is a parody of other phone commercials and all the worst aspects of all current phones? No, wait, it’s a bad thing.
The Verizon Unlimited commercial I’ve seen about five times today?
Motorola I think. But then I thought they went out of business a while ago.
‘nother pick-six by Speight. Harbs is gonna eat his liver at halftime.
Liver is hte organ that makes milk right?
AAAAaaaand pikerception for Florida Mans!
Unsprotsman flag for spinning the ball after the first down reception. Nicely done, Fuckstick Von Clownshoes!
Seeing the Michigan uniforms has either eliminated my need for glasses or blinded me, I’m not sure which.
We’ve secretly replaced both teams cleats with heelys, let’s see if anyone notices.
UMichigan commercial has them talking credit for the polio vaccine and space flight. Seems legit.
Well according to OSU, we cure cancer, so…
Hey if Mich wants to associate themselves with nazis like Werner Von Braun, then I say go ahead and let them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjDEsGZLbio
Touchdown, Meeeeeeesheegan.
“Hail to the Fornicators,
Hail to the Masturbators
HAIL HAIL Michigan
The assholes of the world.”
Mother goddamn son of a fuck.
Hippo, if we don’t find a secondary (or LB corp) it’s gonna be a long ass year my pill eating friend.
The answer is blowin’ in teh pills…
Come on Pack, hold ’em to 3 here and I won’t hate you.
OK, I’ll hate you, but less.
State’s #1 is “Samuels” Chicken #1 is “Samuel”
/hurts my pill-addled brain
Draft prep – extra v-profen and a coffee in Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals mug. Teh Hippo Way
/accidentally drafts Molina
GODDAMN IT
with said stop, we proceed to go -10
LT false starts is always fun, eh?
Don’t forget Hippo, we got us a FF draft in 30 minutes.
/begins laughing at his level of preparation for same
draft order is up
It ain’t gonna matter.
/laughs even harder
But sure, I’m fucking last. Of course I fucking am.
/laughs even harder
//passes out
Think of it as disproving “nice guys finish last!” 😀
I’m tempted to tank the whole thing and try to finish last.
Just to see if I can.
So, the Jets approach?
/laughs harder at his first week loss
//drinks more
Let’s see. Not fond of Florida. Michigan, enough said. NCAA got rid of ties. Meteor isn’t due until the 2800s.
I guess I root for a never ending OT game that goes on and on and on and on and on…
As many second hafl targeting penalties as possible
As many offsetting targeting penalties as possible. As in, somehow they will call targeting on the offense too.
On the QB!
Youngstown State has tied up Pitt. ACC COASTAL, ladies and gents.
Just saw a guy on Michigan with the last name Gentry; if he doesn’t have a kid and name it “Landed” that’s a world I don’t think I want to live in.
I swear to God. 90% of my Internet time is spent getting angry at stupid shit simply because it’s the only way I can feel anything and it distracts me from building my own life by simply making me want to destroy everything else in the world because it all sucks.
Wow, we dodged a fucking bullet there.
Bad call.
please please don’t be reviewable
/also we could get a riot out of this, Chicken fans don’t play
NC State actually got a fookin’ stop, ppl!
I’m reading the scoring play summary of MD-UT and lol.
These teams are total ASS
I was a Palpably Unfair Act away from filling out my Touchdown Play Bingo card.
– A. Rodgers
I kinda like the Michigan uniforms.
Yeah. For those with moderate eye problems or recently consumed questionable food and needs to throw up, its really sufficient.
I didn’t think the Color Rush infection had made it to the college level.
Fight you glorious (looks up name)…really the Big 10 accepted a team named after turtles? Oh, well.
Fight you glorious Terrapins! Fight!
I like you so I’m not going to respond to that.
(but fuck them)
I only hate the Texas Longhorns because they started a network based on them. I don’t respond well to arrogance (other than my teams).
Hang in there, tWBS. We all go through these days.
I don’t care for Tejas myself, truth be told.
But I loathe UMd.
Also I was only joking.
Is U*NC’s new QB really named “Chazz Surratt?” How fucking perfect is that? I hope someone murders him.
MOAR LIEK justified homicide when u stop and think about it
I really hope the regular season ends with Bradley Chubb just leveling the fuck out of him or whomever.
I want Ram Blood!!!!!!!!
As soon as I switched to baseball, Mizzou decided to stop letting their FCS opponent score so damned much. They got to 72 points, which ain’t too shabby.
How the fuck did JaySam hold onto that?
he good!
I hope a few Gators get arrested today mid-game.
“See right here? He thinks the police are going to use pepper spray but the cop audibles to his taser. Then his partner follows up with the night stick in a textbook example of the ‘break, don’t bend” offense that Tallahassee’s finest are known for employing.”
Christ and Sonny Jeebus it would be nice to have JUST ONE motherfucker in the secondary without his thumb stuck up his ass.
Yeah, they ain’t lookin’ so good.
These State/Chickens games have a history of being awesome, or at least memorable. Don’t let me and tWBS be the only fuckers watching and yakking.
Just let me watch Cal put the last nails in U*NC’s coffin for this week and I’ll be joining ya’ll.
Tell them hippies NO FIELD GOAL. DAGGER SIX ONLY
They heard you.
Danny Peebles…google it people.
I was in that very end zone. Giving the finger to stunned Chicken fans.
I was upper deck on that end. Might have also been drunk.
Almost time for BSU. Go Broncos! In related news, looks like company is expanding again. Albuquerque or Boise?
ABQ. Awesome fookin’ town
Which one has a Weird Al song about it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE37e1eK2mY
“Living at home in a box under the stairs…”
Hmm, sounds like JK Rowling has some ‘splaining to do
And obviously U of Minnesota wins
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tcw326PJuDw
in this competition that I only sort of skimmed over the rules of.
Can’t believe i watched the whole thing.
Boise. I only visited for an evening when I moved, but it was when I uprooted and moved from Albuquerque.
I’m getting a Chubb already.
Hehehe
If teh Giraffe can just hold off the stupid Biscuit Truthers for at least 2 weeks (whilst Jacoby learns the playbook), my shitty wolven sort will have a full 4/32 NFL starters CONCURRENTLY.
This being a side that has lost no fewer than 3 league games (in the shitty ACC, no less) since the 1980s, when Dick Sheridan was coaching (his first QB being Erik Kramer).
Are you just trying to make me put my brains on the ceiling today or what?
There was also that side with 5 first round pick and/or all-pro defensive players on it (the year after PR graduated). That team went 7-6 (4-4), won bowl game 14-0.
THAT DOESN’T HELP TO REMEMBER HOW WASTED THAT D-LINE WAS YOU’RE NOT HELPING I’M LOOKING FOR THE AMMUNITION YOU’RE NOT HELPING CHUCK AMATO YOU’RE NOT HELPING.
Don’t forget Stephen Tulloch, too. Who went pro early because he hated Dorothy so much.
Turned out to be maybe the best pro, despite all odds.
Against South Florida, FFS. The bowl game, that is.
Cripes.
also…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gO7uemm6Yo
FUN FACT! Dick Sheridan actually turned down BOTH Arizona (when they were a pretty big fucking deal) and, believe it or no, UGA, to stay at State. Then he retired “for health reasons” because he was sick of Todd Turner, the AD brought in to burn down Jim Valvano and his legacy.
I wish I could tell my 2016 self that I’d be aware of something called a “Biscuit Truther” in 2017.
Nice drive.
Maybe we don’t suck.
(we still probably suck)
Yeah….pound those Cocks upfront.