Your “What I Did On My Summer Vacation” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Not to brag, but I think the high school team my program’s attached to just eliminated the Jets from playoff contention.

NFL News:

  • Hurricane Irma is playing havoc (HAVOC!) with the NFL’s attempts to determine whether the Dolphins – Bucs game will be played.
    • The League has four options – moving to a neutral location; moving the game up to beat the storm; waiting until Tuesday to play the game; or postponing it until later in the season.
      • Postponing seems the smoother option, since both teams have a Week-11 bye
    • Thanks to DFO’s resident meterologists Dr. Rikki & Professor Don_T, we have – from last night’s open thread – some weather models that project the likelihood of Irma making landfall in the southern Florida area:

  

  • 4:30PM ET Update: the game has been cancelled, with no rescheduled date at present.
  • Somehow, the Raiders have ended up in a contract / pissing contest with Sebastian Janikowski.
    • His bad back & $4 million salary means the Raiders want a reworked deal in case he doesn’t last the season.
    • FYI – Janikowski and Tom Brady are tied for the NFL’s longest tenure with their current teams, having both entered the league in 2000.
  • Seemingly rationalizing Vegas’ 1000-1 Super Bowl odds, Christian Hackenberg has been listed as #3 on the Jets depth chart going into Week-1.
    • Vinny Testaverde sits at home, biding his time…

Finally, it appears the Ezekiel Elliott decision will come down Tuesday.

  • As a precaution, the Cowboys are continuing to practice Elliott with the #1 players to keep him up to game speed should the entire suspension be voided.

So, it’s the first day back at school. Luckily, I told all the kids to come tomorrow, so my colleague & I could get set up in relative peace. There have just been a few enquiries so far today.

So, what did I do for my summer vacation?

Well, for starters I went to Europe for a couple of weeks.

  

Then I spent the majority of the summer looking after the dogs, making sure the puppy didn’t destroy the house. That involved lots of adventures and walks,

  

and doing what I could to get an Open Thread together before heading off to the stadium to sell beer. Until preseason started, it looked a lot like this:

  

But then once FOOTBAW!!! returned, even if just the preseason form, it was more like this:

  

Anyhoo, welcome back to school, and welcome back football.


Tonight’s sports:

  • U.S. Open Tennis:
    • Quarterfinals – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • CONCACAF World Cup 2018 Qualifier:
    • Costa Rica vs. México – 9:30PM | TELMUN
  • WWE:
    • SmackDown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
  • MLB:
    • Blue Jays at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Diamondbacks at Dodgers – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1

Two more days until Opening Kickoff. Not that I want to tell the Chiefs what to do, but Bernard Pollard is still available…

JUST SAYIN’!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

So the Cubs’ currently-DL’d catcher has been passing his time off by sliding into Mia Khalifa’s DM’s.

This feels slightly related to the time Carlos Zambrano missed time because he was chatting online too much.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

For the record, I’ve discovered a good number of the players on my beloved 2016 Cubs are trash people.

Just please, please don’t let Javy be one of them.

King Hippo
Member

I got a lot of mileage out of “Last really elite rapist!” joke when Rapey Jameis was nominated at our auction. As was noted, The Ben was already off the board. As I then further noted, “sure there are probably others, but if you want to be sure you’ve got someone who will definitely get the job done…”

Duchess
Member

At the Sting concert in NoVA… His weiner kid is opening for him…. His kid is 40.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Does that 40 years include the time it took to conceive?

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

I want to believe that Pollard is behind every NFL scandal ever:

Pollard beat up Ray Rice’s girlfriend
Pollard deflated the balls
Pollard whipped Adrian Peterson’s kid
Pollard convinced Spanos to move the Rams to move to LA

Doktor Zymm
Member

Pollard threw the 1919 World Series!

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

“Bernard Pollard” translates to Gavrillo Princip in Bosnian

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Jonathan Pollard, the Navy analyst who spied for Israel? Bernard’s uncle ,,,, ppl forget that.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

He’s part owner of Mayflower trucking
He erased that one angle of the Immaculate Reception showing it hit the ground
He told Broadway Joe one night, “She’s a cute one, ask if you can kiss her.”

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Pollard installed the Denver fax lines.
Pollard was on the St . Louis retention team.
Pollard convinced the NFL referees to strike.
Pollard hung up on Goldman Sachs at the eleventh hour.
Pollard advised Dean Spanos on his San Diego marketing plan.
Pollard told Mark Davis the Vegas stadium would be ready for the 2019 season.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

This might be taking it to far, but maybe:

Pollard was in charge of hiring the Scab Refs

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

“No, it’s totally cool that this ref wasn’t good enough for the lingerie football league.”

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Ah, but what if he did that to show how much the NFL needed the regular refs?

Maybe he’s the hero we both need and deserve?

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

So, you’re saying…
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the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba
Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

(Use the link in the box all the way at the bottom, the gif URL)

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Please God, let it happen. Please, God. Let Pollard come back for one game, one play, and just kill that motherfucker.

Meanwhile, the easternmost part of the trimet area is under preliminary evacuation – that is, GECHOSHITOGETHA. Apparently, the demarcation line is across the street from a major hospital and college and such. All because some dipshits decided to toss firecrackers into the gorge while Oregon was so dry a fart could ignite the forests. And so they went up in both Washington and Oregon. We’ve already lost some decent public area and sights, and it’s raining ash. So what I’m saying is “Everything’s fine, and football is all I care about.”

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

What we need to do is build a giant vacuum cleaner-type device to suck up hurricane Irma and deliver all that water to the fires in the northwest.

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

This is more likely to happen than for the U.S. to actually address global climate change honestly, competently, or justly.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Luckily I don’t care about climate change, since I don’t care about the future of humanity

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I’m just hoping to die up against the wall and not strung up from a lamppost.

King Hippo
Member

#ReasonableGoalz

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

When the ICBMs fly, just turn toward the bright flash and forget “duck and cover”…it’ll be over before you know it.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

WOOOOOOOOO!

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

I could watch this all night.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

The lamppost thing is more for fascists.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

And for lawyers in the The Turner Diaries.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

A weird part of me wants to read that book, but I know I’d just toss it in a fire after a few pages.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

You work in the Dept of Education?
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litre_cola
Member

Haven’t seen the sun all summer. I feel you, I feel like I am in Beijing. Falling ash is fucking strange. Stay safe.

litre_cola
Member

So. Miami v TB this weekend. Thoughts?

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

I think that having TB removed from the NFC North (née NFC Central) was one of the best things to happen in the division in the past 25 years

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

All they needed was some sun and clean, fresh air to get TB out of their system.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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litre_cola
Member

I meant about the game being cancelled thus far, but I will take it.

King Hippo
Member

My auction league don’t allow roster moves before the 1st game, so hoping my foe has only 1 TE/K/D and same is involved in this fixture!

/I am rolling only with 1 kicker, but it’s McManus, naturally

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

It doesn’t matter because both are so awful that calling either organization a “football team” is an insult to the game.

litre_cola
Member

Ohhhhh football. I thought we were talking aboout jai alai. My bad.

Doktor Zymm
Member

We should talk about jai alai. It’s totally baller.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Honest mistake. No one’s played American football in south Florida since The U collapsed a decade ago.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Didn’t the Patriots make Trump into an “honorary Patriot”? And didn’t Putin become one when he stole Kraft’s ring? I’d be fine with Pollard targeting either one of those guys.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Bernard Pollard is my favorite player.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Ndamukong Suh, don’t read this.
.
.
.
.
.

Bernard Pollard, hello.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Robert Pollard is my favorite musician.

/not really, but he’s pretty good. See?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

“GET THESE FUCKING THINGS AWAY FROM ME!”

– Johnny Manziel, having a bad trip

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I was expecting swans. Swans have gotten a bad rap lately, you know.

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JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Back to School Rock with Jailbait!
https://youtu.be/DB2ELkIzWQ0

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

“WE WERE JUST TALKING!”
— Mark Chmura

/NACHO VAN HAULS ASS DOWN MICHIGAN AVENUE

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