Not to brag, but I think the high school team my program’s attached to just eliminated the Jets from playoff contention.
NFL News:
- Hurricane Irma is playing havoc (HAVOC!) with the NFL’s attempts to determine whether the Dolphins – Bucs game will be played.
- The League has four options – moving to a neutral location; moving the game up to beat the storm; waiting until Tuesday to play the game; or postponing it until later in the season.
- Postponing seems the smoother option, since both teams have a Week-11 bye
- Thanks to DFO’s resident meterologists Dr. Rikki & Professor Don_T, we have – from last night’s open thread – some weather models that project the likelihood of Irma making landfall in the southern Florida area:
- The League has four options – moving to a neutral location; moving the game up to beat the storm; waiting until Tuesday to play the game; or postponing it until later in the season.
- 4:30PM ET Update: the game has been cancelled, with no rescheduled date at present.
- Somehow, the Raiders have ended up in a contract / pissing contest with Sebastian Janikowski.
- His bad back & $4 million salary means the Raiders want a reworked deal in case he doesn’t last the season.
- FYI – Janikowski and Tom Brady are tied for the NFL’s longest tenure with their current teams, having both entered the league in 2000.
- Seemingly rationalizing Vegas’ 1000-1 Super Bowl odds, Christian Hackenberg has been listed as #3 on the Jets depth chart going into Week-1.
- Vinny Testaverde sits at home, biding his time…
Finally, it appears the Ezekiel Elliott decision will come down Tuesday.
- As a precaution, the Cowboys are continuing to practice Elliott with the #1 players to keep him up to game speed should the entire suspension be voided.
So, it’s the first day back at school. Luckily, I told all the kids to come tomorrow, so my colleague & I could get set up in relative peace. There have just been a few enquiries so far today.
So, what did I do for my summer vacation?
Well, for starters I went to Europe for a couple of weeks.
Then I spent the majority of the summer looking after the dogs, making sure the puppy didn’t destroy the house. That involved lots of adventures and walks,
and doing what I could to get an Open Thread together before heading off to the stadium to sell beer. Until preseason started, it looked a lot like this:
But then once FOOTBAW!!! returned, even if just the preseason form, it was more like this:
Anyhoo, welcome back to school, and welcome back football.
Tonight’s sports:
- U.S. Open Tennis:
- Quarterfinals – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
- CONCACAF World Cup 2018 Qualifier:
- Costa Rica vs. México – 9:30PM | TELMUN
- WWE:
- SmackDown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- MLB:
- Blue Jays at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Diamondbacks at Dodgers – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
Two more days until Opening Kickoff. Not that I want to tell the Chiefs what to do, but Bernard Pollard is still available…
JUST SAYIN’!
Finished season 1 of The Defenders. It was mostly good. It was about an episode or two too long and the end was kind of dumb, but overall, I was entertained.
Hey 1 episodes too long is a hell of a lot better than most of the series being 5 episodes too long… Progress.
So the Sting Concert was great a mix of Police and his stuff. Sadly he did not play De Do Do Do De Da Da Da nor Don’t Stand So Close to Me. It was a nice escapism from all the bullshit DACA posts on Facebook from folks who have no idea what they are talking about… So everyone im friends with.
I just unfollowed the feeds of all but like four FB friends, and they rarely post. It’s been so nice.
The US educational system has failed this country because it sucks at teaching civics. Every issue is not a black or white there are multiple layers like onions or ogres to every issue.
Why don’t they teach them like parfait? Everybody loves parfait!
/Note: I have never had parfait.
You’d love it.
It don’t take common sense to understand that you need to compromise with your neighbors and not make every little issue a shut-down-the-government offense.
But it’s not like we teach common sense either…just that there are 74 different genders.
http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-pittsburgh-steelers-1799179375?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_twitter&utm_source=deadspin_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow
…have you looked at a Pennsylvania voting map? Steeler country won the state for Drumpf.
Yep. Every word here is absolutely true.
Thinking your circumstancial success is your own doing? Sounds like Steelers fans
Pennsylvania is Pittsburg and Philidelphia with Alabama in between.
So basically Indiana without the successful sports franchises
The east is such a funny place…
The type of person who thinks Mike tomlins stepping on the field during a play is okay, and whose first response to a repeated sexual assault claims is to blame the victim, is the kind of person to make America great again
Was the victim dressed like a sexy mike tomlin?!
(As if any woman has ever had tomlin eyes when I’ve dropped my pants…)
I want to punch every person who types “Drumpf” in the face as hard as I can.
Why? That just means he has been eviscerated and Jon Stewart will return to the Daily show
Isn’t that just a result of your general hatred off all human beings just shining through?
Half that, half contempt at the ideology and behavior of people who talk like that.
fixed it for you… https not http or the images wont post.
I wouldn’t have any trouble with the heat if I weren’t so fat.
Hey, Ubaldo’s in the bullpen now. tWBS rejoices!
What’s better than a starter giving up three runs in the 1st? Doing it in the 8th!
Makeitsnow’s last pick in our FF draft tonight was Kaepernick and then he called us all racists for not picking him sooner.
It was glorious.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCAND-L2U-o
I do miss Foamy.
как трах ты делаешь мальчиков
Hello, fellow Bernie Bro! Have you also spent the night being yelled at by Clinton stans?
Maybe, is Clinton stans wearing a doctor seuss hat at the truck stop?
That’s awesome!!
I for one, am very disappointed that volume 4 of Bernard Pollard’s campaign to injure patriots players hasn’t been acknowledged. This happened back in the 2012 afc title game
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2043799/ridley.gif
I haven’t seen Ridley get iced that bad since the last Metroid game.
Nice
Damn it, try this
Yessssssss
This image is inconsistent with its year:
The welker image is from week 17 in 2009, which technically was in January 2010.
The grank image is from afc title game in 2011- Technically from January 2012
Get your shit together random image maker!
Future ex Mrs. balls?
Yup! I’ll disappoint her in ways she never thought possible.
Quickly too!
Funny, she doesn’t look Mexican.
/shaddup it’s from spaceballs.
I don’t think she has a Mexican bone in her body. Until she meets me, that is…
She does look like she is into Greek though
That makes sense.
I was raised to stay away from that stuff for various reasons only some of which make sense now, but man, it really seems now like the world would be much better off if everyone at least tried a little CBD or weed once or twice.
Everyone is watching Mexico-Costa Rica, right?!?
Meekly raises hand.
Si.
I would love to, but like about 2/3rds of Americans, I can’t get the fucking game because…reasons I guess.
No Telemundo?
Nope. Univision only.
Uni? I clearly vision dos!
en español no menos
Mexico would have won had they not relied on their history to get them througjlh the final 10 minutes. SMH
Bleh.
Rocky “Gonna Fly” Breakdowns:
Rocky: Climbed the Art Museum steps to show he’s ready to fight.
Rocky II: Climbed the Art Museum steps with the every kid in Philadelphia to show he’s ready to fight…again.
Rocky III: Shared Homoerotic, Undertoned Hug with Apollo in the water to show he’s ready to love…er, fight.
Rocky IV: Climbed a freaking mountain to show he’s ready to end Communism…er, fight.
Rocky V: (never happened, in spite of any evidence that may or may not exist)
Rocky Balboa: Climbed the Art Museum steps to shows he has one last fight in him.
Creed: Slowly walked up the Art Museum steps to pass the torch to his protégé.
Creed 2: Ashes spread from the top of the steps (God willing).
What good can come from having Drago in the sequel?
I agree with ESPN Page 2. They should’ve gone all out in Rocky VI and had Rocky and Clubber signing autographs at a Trade Show and had Rocky visit Drago on his deathbed from him dying due to using dirty needles while doping.
It certainly feels authentic. I’ll give Rocky this: it really made me sympathize for a guy trying to get a break in the sport when it’s just … It just doesn’t and won’t ever happen for almost everyone. And then Rocky II is built around “Oh, yeah. You can’t just live off that one big break that went your way one time in your life.” By 6, yeah, they should all be Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, more or less.
Alternate pitch for Creed 2: Struggles to shuffle up the Art Museum steps, drops dead of massive stroke halfway up. Passing kids rummage through his pockets, leave the body to be found the next morning.
Creed 2: Rocky gets killed on 2nd to last step by crazy Rambo whose finally snapped after coming home to find his father dead. Rambo hunts Adonis Creed in Philadelphia in action thriller.
Just hope that when the Director gets changed they won’t just call the movie Alter Bridge
Even Buddy looks at that scene and says “Jesus, butch it up a little fellas”
Creed was actually good. Having Son of Drago on the other hand means that Creed II will probably be really cheesy and suck.
Mike Leach is still a gem.
http://www.swxrightnow.com/story/36288227/press-pass-pullman-week-one
I feel like I should be able to really annoy the fuck out of my Wissou acquaintances mocking him, but it’s too much work.
I get a lot of Washington Sports, it is so great to have him nearby
He’s a remarkable, wonderful fucking lunatic. Eastern WA is perfect for him.
I’m trying to quit smoking again. Its been two weeks since my last smoke. About 48 hours since my last nicotine gum.
I have a blinding headache and I fucking hate every single one of you and would gladly murder you and your beloved family for a single cigarette.
I just want one so fucking bad…
Increase your alcohol intake to compensate for the nicotine loss?
/nawt a dawktor
as DFO’s friendly neighbourhood quack, I’ll allow it!
Replace your vice for another. My personal preference is ice cream and scratch off lotto tickets.
Quitting caffeine is that bad FOAR me. I will NEVAR try doing that again, no matter how much the health-conscious kid bitches about it.
Opiate WDs…almost as bad as FOOTBAW WDs
Zeke is coked up and ready to spread them Giant’s legs.
/i will use this comment on Sunday night
RE Rocky III plus IV:
I love the fact that Rocky comes out without his manager for the first fight against Clubber Lang and no one on TV says a damn thing. Also, apparently the Boxing Commission has a problem with fighting an unsanctioned match against a Soviet who should’ve been DQ’d for contacting an official and disregarding a command, even though said official should be suspended for not stopping the fight when it was obvious that Apollo was both outclassed and too injured to defend themselves,
but when a boxer’s manager has a massive heart attack, sorry, the show must go on.
I’m “watching” NFLN’s NFL Gameday (don’t you dare fukken judge me) and I have a question:
Just how many Cowboys balls does Michael Irvin keep in his mouth at any one time?
All of ’em?
LOL…kids are stupid.
Of course, look at their parents.
http://gifsb.in/accidents/truck-pool.gif
Et tu, Dirt Patriots?
https://www.cbssports.com/mlb/news/report-red-sox-caught-using-electronic-device-to-steal-signs-from-yankees/
Aw! I missed Mickey’s death in Rocky III. Not because I’m evil, I just enjoy hearing Sylvester Stallone’s grief scream acting slash speech seizure.
“Mick! Mick! Don’t go! We got more to do! Wesjdfgjoimreodo! Mitkch! Doyn’tklafdsklgo! Wejafjsdiofjdoido! AAARRRRRRRRRAH! AAAARRRRRAH! AAARRRRAH!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSPNQ82Sq4E
Always thought “Prediction Pain” would be a solid punk band name.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NYVnvYKfYg0/TpwU33S1lXI/AAAAAAAAAwE/rXnpDqtoeYQ/s1600/Tarzan_vine_swing.gif
I’m pretty sure that’s George of the Jungle.
No way this goes wrong, dude. I got a parachute n junk.
Let’s go to the judges!
This is a good Miss Bliss GIF
Oh thanks. Just rip the scab off why dontcha?
(I miss you Alexa…come home soon)
I think it’s immensely fucked up that while the West burns and the Southeast is inundated, the Midwest is pleasant, cool, and mostly dry.
We’re so getting fucked this winter.
Yup. It’s gonna hurt. I’m gonna need Hippos hookup just thinking about my back.
BREAKING NEWS
Zeke’s 6 game suspension upheld, but apparently won’t start until week 2 (???)
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULAR DICK JOKE BLOG
…How does that make sense?
The nfl Aristocrats!
The suspension was dealt out by Goodell; the appeal was heard by Goodell; the rules were made by Gooddell and agreed to by the players (association); the info about false accusations was not new for the appeal.
As for week two: maybe it’s a typo?
Roger Goodell is a gottdamned national disgrace?
In NCAA and HS, playing an ineligible player would mean vacated all wins. Time to see if the Ginger Hammer has some balls.
That makes zero sense
With the title of tonight’s Open Thread, how can I not post something from Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAbBoCXtr4s
It would have been foolish not to.
Now its time to play everyone’s favorite game: Find the Douchebag
Mother: “Grandma had a heart attack. She’s at the hospital, but she’s stabilized.”
Employed Grandchild#1: “Oh no! I’ll stop by after work.”
Employed Grandchild#2: “Oh no! I’ll stop by after work.”
Unemployed Grandchild#3 playing X-Box: “Okay. Let me know how it turns out.”
I’m not ready to make my choice; what are the occupations of Grandchild #1 and #2?
What game is #3 playing, and are they at a crucial part?
Considering how anti-Patriot he is, I’ll be surprised if Bernard Pollard isn’t included in a loophole of the DACA repeal.
/I give that one a solid C+
Bernard Pollard aka Crushboy. Also an inventor:
With a a beer cooler and a subwoofer NOW WE TALKIN
You wanna talk Hurricane concerns, this is the man to talk to right now.
How goes it Don T?
We’re prepared, and in the right place with the right people. It’s nervy but, you know… FOOTBALL FUCKOS
Buddy, Bernard Pollard did not invent electrocution.
I’m looking at Irma forecasts and most of them have the storm running parallel up the whole eastern coast.
While I’m at the beach.
Yes, I’m serious. And I’m damn sure still going too.
It’s Category 5. Biggest ever for the Atlantic. We get it tomorrow.
/sigh
Hit it.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=YJ7MH7oecK0
I still remember Andrew and what a huge deal that storm was. This looks as bad
Don’s mood
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zz73Li2-ps
Don to the Hurricane
http://bobandgeorge.com/archives/comics/0408/040831.png
Hold my beer and watch this!!!!
Why is it athletes repeatedly seem to think DM’ing porn stars will ever stay private? Umm, it’s not like these girls are known for being discreet. Quite open in fact. Their lips are not sealed, they sink ships. With other similies and metaphors.
I can’t imagine DMing a porn start or frankly any woman I found attractive on Twitter. I just don’t see how anything good will come of it.
In my four decades, no good has ever come from admitting anything to any woman about anything.
Sign up to yeahright’s eliminator pool
http://games.espn.com/nfl-eliminator-challenge/2017/en/group?groupID=56874
Then take TB/Mia 1st week. Easy street to the second week.
I took ATL to beat CHI on this gem…
I have the Truth Biscuit pushed into the starting role by Week 4. The Meatballs will demand it
So, on the DL by, what, week 9?
I’m not on the DL, I’m straight I swear.
-Rodgers
Sounds like a horse, John Elway will sign him in a few years.
Sure, stick his QB’s neck out there like that.
/it is a long neck
This will be fun to play for a week.
I am watching the AHC “Son of Sam” special. It’s pretty good!
#FeelinLikeNewman
So the Cubs’ currently-DL’d catcher has been passing his time off by sliding into Mia Khalifa’s DM’s.
This feels slightly related to the time Carlos Zambrano missed time because he was chatting online too much.
For the record, I’ve discovered a good number of the players on my beloved 2016 Cubs are trash people.
Just please, please don’t let Javy be one of them.
I got a lot of mileage out of “Last really elite rapist!” joke when Rapey Jameis was nominated at our auction. As was noted, The Ben was already off the board. As I then further noted, “sure there are probably others, but if you want to be sure you’ve got someone who will definitely get the job done…”
At the Sting concert in NoVA… His weiner kid is opening for him…. His kid is 40.
Does that 40 years include the time it took to conceive?
I want to believe that Pollard is behind every NFL scandal ever:
Pollard beat up Ray Rice’s girlfriend
Pollard deflated the balls
Pollard whipped Adrian Peterson’s kid
Pollard convinced Spanos to move the Rams to move to LA
So, you’re saying…
https://gfycat.com/gifs/detail/PolishedSecretLarva
More like
(Use the link in the box all the way at the bottom, the gif URL)
He’s part owner of Mayflower trucking
He erased that one angle of the Immaculate Reception showing it hit the ground
He told Broadway Joe one night, “She’s a cute one, ask if you can kiss her.”
Pollard installed the Denver fax lines.
Pollard was on the St . Louis retention team.
Pollard convinced the NFL referees to strike.
Pollard hung up on Goldman Sachs at the eleventh hour.
Pollard advised Dean Spanos on his San Diego marketing plan.
Pollard told Mark Davis the Vegas stadium would be ready for the 2019 season.
This might be taking it to far, but maybe:
Pollard was in charge of hiring the Scab Refs
“No, it’s totally cool that this ref wasn’t good enough for the lingerie football league.”
Ah, but what if he did that to show how much the NFL needed the regular refs?
Maybe he’s the hero we both need and deserve?
Pollard convinced Haslam to draft Manziel.
Pollard is keeping Jerry Kramer out of the Hall of Fame.
Pollard killed Ron & Nicole.
Pollard threw the 1919 World Series!
“Bernard Pollard” translates to Gavrillo Princip in Bosnian
Jonathan Pollard, the Navy analyst who spied for Israel? Bernard’s uncle ,,,, ppl forget that.
Please God, let it happen. Please, God. Let Pollard come back for one game, one play, and just kill that motherfucker.
Meanwhile, the easternmost part of the trimet area is under preliminary evacuation – that is, GECHOSHITOGETHA. Apparently, the demarcation line is across the street from a major hospital and college and such. All because some dipshits decided to toss firecrackers into the gorge while Oregon was so dry a fart could ignite the forests. And so they went up in both Washington and Oregon. We’ve already lost some decent public area and sights, and it’s raining ash. So what I’m saying is “Everything’s fine, and football is all I care about.”
Haven’t seen the sun all summer. I feel you, I feel like I am in Beijing. Falling ash is fucking strange. Stay safe.
What we need to do is build a giant vacuum cleaner-type device to suck up hurricane Irma and deliver all that water to the fires in the northwest.
This is more likely to happen than for the U.S. to actually address global climate change honestly, competently, or justly.
Luckily I don’t care about climate change, since I don’t care about the future of humanity
I’m just hoping to die up against the wall and not strung up from a lamppost.
The lamppost thing is more for fascists.
And for lawyers in the The Turner Diaries.
A weird part of me wants to read that book, but I know I’d just toss it in a fire after a few pages.
You work in the Dept of Education?
When the ICBMs fly, just turn toward the bright flash and forget “duck and cover”…it’ll be over before you know it.
WOOOOOOOOO!
I could watch this all night.
#ReasonableGoalz
So. Miami v TB this weekend. Thoughts?
I meant about the game being cancelled thus far, but I will take it.
It doesn’t matter because both are so awful that calling either organization a “football team” is an insult to the game.
Ohhhhh football. I thought we were talking aboout jai alai. My bad.
Honest mistake. No one’s played American football in south Florida since The U collapsed a decade ago.
We should talk about jai alai. It’s totally baller.
My auction league don’t allow roster moves before the 1st game, so hoping my foe has only 1 TE/K/D and same is involved in this fixture!
/I am rolling only with 1 kicker, but it’s McManus, naturally
I think that having TB removed from the NFC North (née NFC Central) was one of the best things to happen in the division in the past 25 years
All they needed was some sun and clean, fresh air to get TB out of their system.
Didn’t the Patriots make Trump into an “honorary Patriot”? And didn’t Putin become one when he stole Kraft’s ring? I’d be fine with Pollard targeting either one of those guys.
Bernard Pollard is my favorite player.
Robert Pollard is my favorite musician.
/not really, but he’s pretty good. See?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90yLBvsPLh4
“GET THESE FUCKING THINGS AWAY FROM ME!”
– Johnny Manziel, having a bad trip
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0dXyY-VFsA
I was expecting swans. Swans have gotten a bad rap lately, you know.
Ndamukong Suh, don’t read this.
.
.
.
.
.
Bernard Pollard, hello.
Back to School Rock with Jailbait!
https://youtu.be/DB2ELkIzWQ0
“WE WERE JUST TALKING!”
— Mark Chmura
/NACHO VAN HAULS ASS DOWN MICHIGAN AVENUE