Your “Drinking Turkey Like It’s Water” Saturday Evening Open Thread


So, NHL training camps opened this week. The important thing is that the return of hockey will bring me many national games to enjoy on the days between football games. There’s about three weeks of garbage hockey to get through before the Canucks can start letting me down for real. Luckily, a couple of them take place enough time zones away I won’t care.

The Kings & Canucks are going to China for a couple of games. The NHL is mandating that they take actual regular-season players, and not just kids they’re going to send down to Utica or Ontario (Cal.) once camps close. The Canucks are smart, though, and only taking one Sedin, because if they lose them both no one will be able to prata svenska to the rest of the power play once the season starts.

One thing I am looking forward to is anniversary beers. The Tampa Bay Lightning turn 25 this year, and to commemorate it they are having a special beer brewed for their home games (& hopefully for sale in local stores).

I’m sure Dave Andreychuk there has had more than a couple on the house, considering the ring he HELPED THE LIGHTNING STEAL from the Flames back in 2004.


Tonight’s sports:

  • CFL:
    • Eskimos at Argonauts – 7:00PM | TSN
    • Lions at Stampeders – 10:00PM | TSN
  •  NCAA:
    • LSU at Mississippi State – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • Colorado State at Alabama – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Clemson at Louisville – 8:00PM | ABC
    • Texas at Southern Cal – 8:30PM | FOX
    • San Jose State at Utah – 10:00PM | ESPN2
    • Ole Miss at Cal – 10:30PM | ESPN
  • UFC Fight Night:
    • Rockhold vs. Branch
      • Prelims – 8:00PM | FS1
      • Mains – 10:00PM | FS1 / TSN2
  • Baseball:
    • Blue Jays at Twins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet

I’m in Seattle tomorrow for the Seahawks home opener. Will there be stories? I HOPE SO!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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WCS

How the crap has Texas not had a functional, college-level quarterback since Colt McCoy?

Spanky Datass

“I hear you brother.” — Vince Young

JustStopDude

Is there a secret to getting this site to work on a phone?

I swear it’s like slow as hell for me and glitches like crazy….but only this site.

ballsofsteelandfury

Another fucking BlackBerry?!!?

litre_cola

JSD just supporting his favoUrite place south of Toronto.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I don’t mess with this site on mobile, then again most mobile things are vastly inferior to their desktop counterparts in my humble opinion.

Unsurprised

Like quarterbacks. Damn over-athletic gloreeeeee boyyyyys.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know what TV show I’m accidentally watching, but I WANT TO DIE IN A LAWN CHAIR

Unsurprised

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Senor Weaselo

All right, music version of FMK, Darude-Sandstorm, Zombie Nation-Kernkraft 400, Seven Nation Army. WHO YA GOT?

WCS

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Senor Weaselo

Do I ever know, WCS? (But the obligatory and copious marching bands playing the last two every other goddamn play made me ask it.)

litre_cola

Love this WCS, thought the same thing.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo
Senor Weaselo

I’d probably switch the F and M on my end.

Mr. Ayo

Cool, we can be Eskimo brothers!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Honestly, my main motivation is to see another version of this on Christmas Eve.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph-wkS-4HfY

Senor Weaselo

Except the snowballs would be at the home team.

Spanky Datass

Nice ’90s hair on the studio guys though.
2.001 / 10 would still not bang

Doktor Zymm

We should have a post on who the fuck will go see a Chargers game this year

WCS

I nominate Low Commander, so we can read and watch the news about how a drunken, shirtless ex-Chargers fan attempted to break into the owner’s box with an axe and .40 caliber handgun.

litre_cola

STOMPSTOMPCLAP

Shogun Marcus

I’d do it stone sober for the glory of the kommentariat. And LCSS.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I can knock off the Chargers and the Jets albeit in New York!

King Hippo

the Charlie Brown Xmas Tree of games!

ballsofsteelandfury

if I hear of ANYONE that I know that went to one, I’ll write a post.

JustStopDude

Cal game starts and the stadium is like one fifth filled.

A state that cannot regularly fill college stadiums has multiple NFL teams wanting to be ignored by the same assholes. Fascinating…

ballsofsteelandfury

Correction: we don’t fill stadiums of SHITTY teams.

Unsurprised

No bandwagon fans are more fickle than Californians.

Doktor Zymm

False advertising! These are shells, not macaroni! It’s still super tasty though.

WCS

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Senor Weaselo

Kill them for their insolence!
/Due to legal reasons I do not condone killing them for their insolence.

King Hippo

WINK WINK NOD NOD

JustStopDude

Memphis over UCLA…is that really that big of an upset?

ESPN is acting like is Alabama dropping to Towson State…

Doktor Zymm

I’ve always wondered why they get to be Towson State when Towson is just a suburb of Baltimore.

JustStopDude

It was originally a state home for wayward boys and imbeciles.

Then it was a TB hospital…than a state mental hospital….then a two year school…and now a really shitty four year school…though their telemarketing degree is pretty good compared to for profit schools.

Doktor Zymm

Huh, the more you know. I appreciate the history. I once dated a guy who lived in Towson, until he got arrested for Vagrancy. However, that didn’t actually increase my knowledge of the school there.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Was he wayward boy and/or imbecile?

herodotus450

Being a wayward son would sure explain the carrying on, i.e. vagrancy.

Doktor Zymm

It’s possible. When I started dating him he had both a job and a place to live, and lost both within 2 weeks. He was over 18, so probably not wayward boy, but maybe imbecile.

JustStopDude

I’m making all that shit up.

I know UMBC, the school I went to, has a history like I described, but I know nothing of Towson’s history.

Doktor Zymm

I like it, so I’m going to assume it’s true until I hear otherwise.

WCS

The Retrievers! WVU played them in hoops a few times last decade. Them and Maryland-Eastern Shore.

Doktor Zymm


Don’t care if this embeds or not, cause I got lobster mac

litre_cola

Evening internetters. Ive missed you all this week.

JustStopDude

YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!!

King Hippo

You don’t write, you don’t call…

litre_cola

Oh Hippo, i will give you this gem from my weed brain. Aresene Wenger = Marvin Lewis.

King Hippo

THAT would be an excellent Under One Roof!

litre_cola

I have an idea. I will email you later.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh my Lord, Jets tickets are going for nothing.

You can always count on when a team in the NYC/Philly area sucks, their ticket prices will fall through the floor.

King Hippo

That’s still way too much. CONSIDER THE HUMAN COST, Buddy.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

They’re playing the Chargers on Christmas Eve this year. I want to go just to see the stadium look like something out of Blade Runner.

King Hippo

I already told the kids “Quiet Family Christmas at home” no matter what my idiot sister cooks up, given the NFL schedule. They want to drive up to the mountains the day after, we’ll talk,

/I will probably still stay at home with the cat

Unsurprised

/I will probably still stay at home with the cat

That sounds preferable to almost anything ever.

King Hippo

you are ready to recluse proper!

King Hippo

Is there a less intimidating/cool motto than Vandy’s “Anchor Down?”

herodotus450

One of the Arizonas’ is “Bear Down”

King Hippo

but at least that cross-references to that Community episode now

Unsurprised

Buddy, no!

WCS

I’ve never understood Purdue’s, “Boiler up!” Or, for that matter, the Donks, “IN. COME. PLETE.”

King Hippo

I never knew that one. Purdue Pete seems even creepier now.

WCS

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PREPARE YOUR ANUS

herodotus450

Wrong song and wrong band, but someone said “On The Road Again”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMqNFAU0tOw

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Yay kitties! They have anuses that look like an asterisk!

herodotus450
King Hippo

Texas. YOU DONE FUCKED UP

WCS

USC just pulled a Florida. Hole. E. Crap.

King Hippo

they just wanted Gus to be happy

Doktor Zymm

I also looked at 49rs tickets. The Niners suck, so tickets are cheaper than Raiders tickets, but they still haven’t quite hit Bears ticket levels

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Just go on SeatGeek a day before the game when people start to get desperate.

JustStopDude

Yeah, I once made $50 by agreeing to watch a Browns game in person.

Hard way to earn cash though…

Doktor Zymm

Oof

herodotus450

Is this really a USC v TEX game? Let’s find out:
Overhyped pro-style California-bred USC QB? Check.
“Athletic” “QB” for Texas who can’t really pass and will probably score a ☺ on the Wonderlic? Check.
Samoan USC linebacker with hair so long I can’t read his name? Check.
Seems good to me.

King Hippo

just like the gypsy woman foretold!

WCS

DARNOLDCEPTIONDOWN

King Hippo

I figured they’d take a knee. And now they just scored AGAIN.

Doktor Zymm

I should go to a Raiders game once I move. I was looking at seating plans and that is one round stadium!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

That’s why it smells like a day-old butthole all the time.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I heard Antifa is blocking Heyward Stadium because of the “Rebels” nickname. No seems too bothered by not being allowed entry though.

King Hippo

Cal fans are still chained up to pine trees outside the parking lot ,, ppl forget that.

/still beat U*NC

//SUCK IT HOLES!!!!

Brick Meathook

I’m in a German restaurant that I stopped in on a whim while doing errands. All I really wanted was a pretzel or something. Instead, I had chicken Jaeger Schnitzel with Spätzle and an Apple Struedel with ice cream, all accompanied with Oktoberfest music with a martial air. I am ready to take on the Polish menace head on. Sieg Heil!

Doktor Zymm

Spätzle is one of my favorite dough based things to stuff in my face!
Also, unless they were playing “On the Road Again” they were doing Oompa music wrong

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

A clay mold of Danny DeVito’s penis is my favorite!

Brick Meathook

It wasn’t oom-pah music or polka or Beethoven. It was celebratory martial airs. While I listened to it all I could think was WE DON’T NEED GASOLINE WE CAN WIN

Spanky Datass

HA! Trojan QB (#14) could pass for Magary’s goofy little brother!

WCS

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Spanky Datass

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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WCS

ATTENTION ATTENTION THERE HAS BEEN OFFENCE IN USC AND TEXAS THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Doktor Zymm

Is it a drug offence?

WCS

NO BUT IT SHOULD BE

King Hippo

MOAR LIEK offence against humanity

Doktor Zymm

Lobster mac and cheese in the toaster oven smells fucking fantastic. Super happy I have another portion for the games tomorrow.

Shogun Marcus

Another portion…for…tomorrow.
/knows all of those words
//has no idea what they mean in that order

herodotus450

(Finishes finishing entire pizza)
Bwha?

Wakezilla

If you’re like me, chances are, there won’t be any for tomorrow. Mad respect for your restraint cause Lobster mac and cheese is amazing

Doktor Zymm

The other portion is still in the fridge. No way I have the patience to reheat that after finishing the first

The Maestro

I spent my day marking, so I rewarded myself with Popeyes and am now stuffed on the couch watching the CFL Liouns shit the bed while I’m taping new hockey sticks. I don’t know if this what I’d call living my best life, but all things considered, it’s certainly not a bad one.

Wakezilla

Fucking Stampeders.

Whatcha taping sticks up for? Got a game?

The Maestro

Beer league starts next week. Hit up my local pro shop, since the manager plays Thursday nights with us… two new Warriors that retail for $120 each… got both for $80 total. Guy’s a fuckin’ beauty.

Wakezilla

Now that’s a deal. Makes me want to pay to go to the front of the line and get my needed surgery.

Make sure you buy him a beer one of these games

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

In my beer league there’s an ongoing spreadsheet as to who brings beer with factors like how new you are to them, etc.

My first time I ever had to bring beer, I got really good shit, including Oskar Blues stuff. One teammate opened an Old Chub (the beer, not what Buddy does at Oldies Night in the Village), took two sips, and then threw it in the trash, saying, “It’s not what I thought it would be.”

I wanted to murder him.

The Maestro

That’s fucking justifiable homicide.

Unsurprised

Praiseworthy homicide, even.

King Hippo

fuck, now I want Popeye’s but tis all the way by the nudie bar

The Maestro

…You say that like it’s a problem…

King Hippo

I am pretty pilled out to drive to the nudie bar. That’s also lots of therapy to call your kids for a ride home at 3am.

Doktor Zymm

therapy for you or the kids?

King Hippo

YES. I have enough guilt to be Catholic AND Jewish

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

LOOOOOVE THEM TITTIES BY POPEYE’S

Doktor Zymm

POPE YES

Doktor Zymm

ALSO PIZZA HUT MEANS PIZZA HAT IN GERMAN

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

And is a variety of adult film even Germans frown upon.

Senor Weaselo

I tried a BK Lucky Charms shake during my break teaching. Out of all the things I have drank, it is one of them. Not one of the better ones, not the worst one (that will be day-old Arizona French Vanilla Soda Shaq soda, which was a real thing, in perpetuity), but one of them.

Doktor Zymm

Impressive!

The Maestro

What exactly is IN a Lucky Charms shake? Is it literally what I’m imagining in my brain?

Senor Weaselo

Maybe-vanilla shake? And then some cereal. And marshmallows. Which thanks to the shake is all soggy. Yeah, it’s probably what you imagine, your Popeyes definitely wins. I need to see if I can survive it again one of these days. After Chipotle, Five Guys, Shake Shack, etc.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been watching tons of tivoed Bob’s Burgers. It’s a really good show.

King Hippo

Yes. Yes it is.

Wakezilla

If it happens to be on when I have the TV on, I watch it. It’s enjoyable

Shogun Marcus

I am frequently surprised by the number of great lines that they get away with. Especially since it’s in the old king of the hill spot.

WCS

GUMBO finally moving the ball in garbage time, and their RB breaks his ankle. That kinda night.

herodotus450

Guice got sliced?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

His ankle went straight Andouille

Doktor Zymm

Was that the thing I looked up at where there were shittons of trainers surrounding a prone college player? Boo 🙁 College injuries suck even more than NFL injuries.

King Hippo

Guice was still in? They seven kinds of fucked then. He’s all they got.

Doktor Zymm

Harry Belafonte is still stuck in my head from last night’s live blog. It’s cool. I got mac and cheese heating up right now. Ran into ICRM at the bar, it was good times.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Time for me to leave this wedding reception.
“Cody”, who already looked very punchable to begin with, just drunkenly tracked me down to tell me that smoking is bad for me.

Now, I’m not saying Cody is wrong. But I’d left the reception area, and gone down onto the beach. Cody followed me. I’m thinking I’ve got a new friend, and it’s not the wedding planner.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that?

Doktor Zymm

Feign ignorance. Have Cody explain to you about how smoking impacts your health. Be amazed. Drop the punchline “next thing you’re gonna tell me is that sex causes pregnancy or some shit like that!”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Goodness what a recipe for a beachside epiphany.

Doktor Zymm

There’s no good way to deal with patronizing SOBs. I take refuge in heartless sarcasm.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’d say, “I need to meet a woman like you” but I already have my mother.

Doktor Zymm

Bam!

Wakezilla

I’ve never smoked a cigarette in my life (just no desire to). I’d punch Cody in the dick if I ever heard that preachy bullshit. You should explain to him this and to make itbup, he needs to wingman you

theeWeeBabySeamus

Funny thing is, I don’t smoke. I’m on vacation, drinking, etc. So yeah, smoking some. So it’s somewhat amusing for this little dude to presume to tell me these things. He’s drunk as fuck, no doubt.

But under no circumstances do I need him as a wingman. That wouldn’t end well. Bad plan.

Wakezilla

Could be worth the laugh?

herodotus450

Was he a vape salesman?

King Hippo

If you can’t be with the one you love, yada yada?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Worst part of getting hooked up with free food and drinking a ton of beer: The train ride home when you have to stand.

Who’s playing in the late game of Academic lesser footy?

herodotus450

Who cares! We’re gonn watche it anyway!

Wakezilla

Touché

King Hippo

SIGH. It’s not like I write an entire preview article or sommet. Anyhoo, here is relevant snippet:

Stanford at San Diego State (10:30, CBSSN)

Fun game, everyone gets to find a new channel whilst crunk! The Aztecs, fresh off they Coed Bowl win, host the downtrodden Trees. Momentum in JV NFL tends to mean jack shit, though. Bettors beware…

Ole Miss at Cal (10:30, ESPN)

Interesting tweaker alternate game, in that it should at least be a shootout. Not sure Johnny Reb will travel that well, but also think Cal isn’t very good.

Wakezilla

Sorry Broseph Stalin. My phone is on its last legs and if I dont quickly scroll down to the comments section, it’ll never load. My keyboard is also fucked.

King Hippo

ALL GOOD, Comrade Zillovich!

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Has anyone here tried the Wild Turkey Honey Whiskey. That shit was my jam for a while back in college.

Then I had a night where I was drinking to forget, and that was what I had in my pantry. Since then, I just don’t enjoy it as much.

LemonJello

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Senor Weaselo

Ook?

King Hippo

think I’mma watch other matches now, Petrinos. You are disappoint

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oooops, Louisville.

WCS

That’s not how you defence, Papa John.

King Hippo

somebody gets no diarrhea pizza 2nite

LemonJello

All the more reason to play hard and win.

King Hippo

isn’t this the same Horns side that Fucking MARYLAND put up like 60 against week 1?

WCS

Sportsball is weird, man.

WCS

That;s not how you punt return, Dabo.

King Hippo

booze, a muscle relaxer, and a v-profen? Don’t mind if’n ah do?

/apologies, gets mo’ Southern when crunk

King Hippo

man they’s a train gettin’ run through them Gumbo buns 2nite!

LemonJello

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LemonJello

You could use the Beastie Boys’ Sabotage in a paint commercial and it’d make me seriously consider buying some.

King Hippo

The one cautionary tale I got right seems to be the Chickens, down 14-6 at home to Kentucky at the half.

WCS

CLANGA lookin’ good. GUMBO lookin’ ungood.

LemonJello

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WCS

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Spur

USC QB just got stomped. His helmet came off.

King Hippo

uh oh, he’s “special” enough already!

JustStopDude

how many players can LSU get ejected from a single game?

WCS

YOU GET CAN EJECTION! AND YOU GET AN EJECTION!

LemonJello

How many did they bring to the game?

WCS

GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO doing everything they can to lose tonight.

Brick Meathook

I live in L.A. and I don’t even know who the USC coach is this year, or the AD as well. Oh wait I forgot: I don’t care. I never did.

herodotus450

…Because you’re too busy going to rams and chargers games.

LemonJello

Shots: Fired.

herodotus450

(insert DFOHOF Pic of Crips Cafe or whatever it was)
Well I did go here for lunch.

Spanky Datass

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Brick Meathook

As a long time die-hard fan of the Los Angeles Chargers for almost a week now I hate all these new bandwagon fans. This town is so shallow.

King Hippo

Can you design the Shitty Clippers logo? Thinking a REALLY nice LA-caliber boat, with a poo streaking down the sail.

WCS

KARMA DABO