Man, I had a great time on this very site yesterday while pretending to be a shut-in. All that was missing was a van to pick me up to get the weekly groceries. I’ll just assume that the higher-ups are working on that. TO THE GAMES!
Chi/TB: Will qb Winston be able to cut back on his-hold your breath, Bucs fans-28(!) turnovers committed last year? He has no choice. Perhaps the Bears should give the ball back to basher Jordan Howard. That’ll just make everyone’s favourite fantasy pickup, Tarik Cohen’s job that much easier. Howard is expected to play but he was listed as questionable.
Buf/Car: Both Tyrod and Cam are coming off so-so performances that ultimately resulted in W’s so what do you want? Bills HC McDermott cut his teeth in the NFL as a DC at Carolina so he’ll have a bit of insight as to how to attack the D. McCaffrey’s nickname this week is Run-CMC.
Cle/Bal: Despite grabbing the L last week vs. Pittsburgh the Browns played quite well. Qb Kizer threw at a 66% clip and came out even with respect to TD’s and interceptions. Maybe, kinda, sorta, perhaps they’re headed in the right direction? Easy now, it was one game.
Ari/Ind: Both teams suffered through some abysmal qb play last week. Indy decided to get on the horn/kick Tolzien to the curb and go in another direction. The Cards response was a resigned shoulder shrug and a, “hey, it can’t get any worse next week, right?” Let’s see how these disparate approaches play out.
Phi/KC: Here are two teams that impressed (supposedly) neutral observers with how easily they took care of business last week. The Chiefs should get the home win and the number one AFC seed (it’s never too early!) but it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Philly surprises.
NE/NO: At long last Brandin Cooks comes home. I gotta think that Grumblelord gets the Pats on track again via a hellacious beatdown of the Saints.
Ten/Jax: You know why the Jags are now so committed to the run/play tough D way of doing things? It may have something to do with qb Bortles being 1-11 in games that he’s thrown for over 300 yards. Welcome to your new ‘game manager’ status, Blake-Alex Smith will be by later on with your lapel pin.
Min/Pit: This is my pick for best game of the early slate. Rb Bell will have his hands full with the Vikes front four and wr Brown gets a matchup with top 5 cb Xavier Rhodes. I can see the Stillers winning but they won’t do it in a walk.
It’s another gorgeous day out there where I am. Just perfect for sitting in the basement and watching ball. Let’s get to it, shall we?
Philly really stacking the box to stop KHunt
Sure worked
Manti T’eo should have been more invisible on that too many men of the field call
His girlfriend would never have gotten that penalty.
Moncrief needs to be fired into the goddamned sun already.
Cobra Kai sweeps the leg a little too much.
Manti T’eo should have been more invisible on that too many men on the field penalty.
The Bears just punted after what was probably their best offensive drive of the game so far
Not-Demarco-Down.
FUCK
SAME. Today can just go fuck itself
I vote Stillers-Vikings for blandest game of the week
That’s a tough category to pick a winner for
“You should say something, Joe. No…no…just let it be.”
– Joe Flacco’s internal monologue
VIKINGS??
“VIKINGS??”
– The Anglo-Saxons
Derrick Henry is a goddamn tank.
Jesus, let Cam run more so he takes fewer hits.
Sproles is like a greased micro pig
Micro pigs used to be a thing until they started selling a pig-on-a-stick at Arby’s and Andy Reid drove them extinct.
What is a TD Catch?
Is this a trick question?
Not Dez Bryant. So…THAT
Crazy Opposite Day! The Bears recover a Buccs fumble!
I have three fantasy teams. Combined they have scored 2 points in the last fifteen minutes.
I went ahead and closed the tab on my money league scoring update, and set the sad lineup for next week.
Eagles are doing a thing. Derp incoming
Someone take Shula’s headset away from him and just lock him up there in that booth please.
These really should be the Buccs throwback unis, since they’re recreating the historic 1980s clock radio
These terrible games are diving me to nap so I think I’ll nap.
When you said “diving” I thought you were talking about Patriots receivers fishing for defensive interference calls.
Nah. Watching the Bears has impaired my brain.
Much like most people on planet earth, Alex Smith has regressed to the mean.
Jesus these games are a fucking trainwreck
as many as there are, one would think one would not suck by default
Even the one with the two HOF QB’s with high powered offenses is somehow just as boring as the others.
toggles between 2 and 3-score margin, with outcome pre-determined
Three straight screens never change Andy Reid
When Jacquizz Rodgers has kids he’ll be Pop Jacquizz
Jacuzzi Rodgers is the best Tampa has at RB?
one guy suspended, they cut the dude they drafted
I saw on Twitter that general parking at the Chargers game is $100. Way to reach out to San Diegans, Dean.
Or to Los Angelenos. Fight for LA indeed
you have to make it EXCLUSIVE so ppl will noe there is value 2 be had ,, smh
Does it still count as a missed tackle if you miss by more than a yard?
at that point, isn’t more like an attempted block?
Do I think there’s anything else the Bears can do to help their offense? How about not sucking? They haven’t tried that yet!
Fuck bitches. Make money. Punch children.
http://www.hindustantimes.com/rf/image_size_960x540/HT/p2/2017/05/18/Pictures/_222473ac-3b98-11e7-8e2c-04c6be70fea0.jpg
Is Adrian Peterson in?
I miss heel New Day
I think right now it’s easier for me to admit in public that I am a Longhorns fan than it is to say I am a Bears Fan.
At halftime, I got a local ad telling me Los Angeles Rams season tickets are still available.
??????????????
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!!
THESE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS. I CALL THEM PIERRE CAUCHON, BECAUSE THEY ARE TORCHING THE SAINTS.
Much like their coach, the Chiefs are solid this year.
Well, hello, Torrey Smith
Who in their right mind lets MIke Shula coach anything? Cam is screwed until Shula is gone.
Did anyone get a load of Mike Glennon’s new haircut? I think his new nickname should be “Spud”.
or Morty
ah jeez
At least they got a punt in there
Progress?
According to Coca-Cola, Chicago already won.
Hogan throws pick and nearly gets murdered in the process…
This fucking team…
The police and no leads and the near murder is unsolved… to this day.
/ok that expends THAT wikipedia page.
fucking Gronk
Does Robert Kraft get his style advice from Donald Trump or is it the other way around?
The Bears are just doing what the Cubs did lose for a while… but forgot about the whole drafting good players aspect of Theo’s 5 yr plan.
I think it’s really patronizing how much the ravens are giving this game away….
Patron-izing is how Blake Bortles describes his process of unwinding from a game.
*sighs*
If the Bears had just one more point, then the Buccs would have exactly 26x the points of the Bears
Right now it’s just coming up Error
Jacoby Brissett looks pretty good, too bad his wideouts have mannequin hands.
Brissett really can play at this level. His supporting cast is just a steaming bowl of shit.
Fucking Moncrief
Welp, that half just happened
Why the fuck cannot people execute simple fundamental football plays, like kicking a short field goal or not fumbling on a punt return on your own ten with less than two minutes left in the half, when playing against the Chiefs?
I’m gonna go ahead and blame the ghost of Frank Rizzo for most of the Eagles’ current misery.
You know what’s more infuriating than not having redzone? Having redzone and it being, for whatever fucking reason, the only channel you have that has shitty reception (ON CABLE).
The hallowed Carson Palmer two-minute drill.
OK now, two minute drill Black HODOR! GO!!!!