Your “Post-London, All-American Centric” Batch of Early Afternoon NFL Games Open Thread

That’s one game under our respective onion belts. Let’s have more of this shall we? TO THE GAMES!

DEN/BUF: If the Broncs can shut down the Zeke-ster they shouldn’t have a problem with the Real McCoy should they? Fans of Denver worry about this being a ‘trap game’ but I don’t see it. Sure it was ugly but the Bills held the Panthers to only 9 points last week. Look for the league’s 2nd leading tackler, lb Ramon Humber (who?) to stick his nose in C.J. Anderson’s face.

N.O./CAR: As our own King Hippo has pointed out, qb Cam’s shoulder is nowhere near healed and this week he’s listed as questionable. If he can throw it more than ten yards he should get the win because the Saints secondary has been hot garbage ever since that Super Bowl win oh so many years ago.

PIT/CHI: Forecast: A steady rain of “WE WANT TRUTH BISCUIT!” will fall from the stands as the Bears get slowly eviscerated by the Steelers.

ATL/DET: Here’s my pick for the highest-scoring game of the one o’clock spot. Lions qb Tubby McFatterson does just enough to lose (late 4th quater pick perhaps?) a close one at home is the prediction here.

CLE/IND: WARNING: Watching this tilt puts you at an elevated risk of contracting eye-AIDS. The loser of this game is relegated to the CFL.

TB/MIN: The Bucs are still waiting on Doug Martin to return but seem to be doing okay with the trio of Sims, Barber and Rodgers splitting the work. Vikes star cb Rhodes gets a healthy helping of the near unstoppable Mike Evans this week.

HOU/NE: How about another home loss for the Pats? A guy can dream, can’t he? Stupid New England will get the usual mismatches in the passing game that they always do and will keep the Texans D off-balance. Ho hum.

MIA/NYJ: The Jets latest “longest year ever” continues. All is not extraordinarily bleak however. Wr Kearse, the afterthought that was thrown into the ‘get rid of Richardson’ deal, has caught 11 of his 15 targets and has 2 TD’s so far. Along with next year’s high draft pick the Jetskis also have a ton of cap space with which to trick/lure free agents into coming on board.

NYG/PHI: Goddamn it, I wish the Giants had a qb along the lines of Carson Wentz! HC McAdoo will continue to call all the offensive plays that the dreadful O-line won’t be able to execute. The End.

Get at it, lovelies.

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Gratliff

Get that man a clipboard

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jordan Howard keeps getting banged up. Bears: LET’S RUN HIM INTO THE GROUND

LemonJello

[John Fox cums]

IronAvenger6491

He’s given me enough points today, i would very much like for them to stop trying to get him killed.

IronAvenger6491

Ayyy, i just have to wonder how the Giants lose this one. Last second field goal, or just suck shit for the last ten minutes losing 35-14

IronAvenger6491

You know all too well like i do. It’s going to happen.

Gratliff

Gods willing
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King Hippo

Hallelujah, JC!!! We are saaaayuved!!!!

Brocky

Hmmm, it appears my strategy of yelling kill every time the rapist drops back finally paid off for once.

Call me the Cuyahoga cuz I am on fire!

King Hippo

John Fox winks again, even MOAR suggestively this time

Romonobyl

Nice catch Odell…
NOW SIT THE FUCK DOWN!!!!!

fleshwound_NPG

adam vinateri boots one in

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Gratliff

Ah, Eagles-Giants can’t go a game without becoming fucking crazy

King Hippo

goddamned Donks OPI

King Hippo

Holy fuckballs that catch

King Hippo

Darkwa Duck!!

The Maestro

DARKWA!

Romonobyl

This game has more turnovers than a Midwestern bakery.

King Hippo

After that wonderful Thursday nighter, I am back to being as useless in fantasy as I am in real life.

Sharkbait

I also make terrible fantasy decisions!

Mother Puncher

Likewise. Gurley men, unite.

King Hippo

Eric Ebron catches as well as he reads. USELESS MOTHERFUCKER.

King Hippo

Thank fuck for that Donks D. Herculean the last few drives.

King Hippo

Steve Hauschka is a KICKING GOD, even in Buffalo. Where he play FOOTBAW??

The Maestro

One place I know Hauschka definitely didn’t play was the Scott Norwood Twinkle Toes Academy.

LemonJello

Was that held at Ray Finkle Hall?

The Maestro

Don’t you mean Einhorn Hall?

Senor Weaselo

Isn’t that the gymnasium at the Imperial Stormtrooper Marksman Academy?

ArmedandHammered

Read that as tinkle toes.

LemonJello

“You have my interest, now.”
-DJT, NYC and DC

The Maestro

“Mine too.” – Rex Ryan

Gratliff

Is OBJ hacking replay footage between plays? I swear that looked nothing like the realtime play

IronAvenger6491

He is a Sombra main.

Sharkbait

Did OBJ just pretend to be a dog and pee?

King Hippo

Italian Spiderman??

IronAvenger6491

3rd and 31, how the fuck did that happen?

Gratliff

Waiting for the Annual Other Brandon derp play

hippofant

Brandon Marshall’s alive!!!

But maybe not throw the ball to him three times in a row, Eli.

Romonobyl

When was the last time Elisha had his color vision tested?

Bortleback

Like Cutler being red/green colourblind?

King Hippo

ruh roh fake punt sad trombone

Gratliff

Holy shit, what a breakup by Claiborne.

Romonobyl

For once Kevin Hart wasn’t involved.

IronAvenger6491

Jordan Howard went down?……..FUCK

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And like the aforementioned Lexi Belle he came back up for more

Brocky

Damn right he/she did!

LemonJello

He’s back in.

The Maestro

Been too busy trying to get over this weird dizzy spell and also trying to mark math tests to have had the TV on. I see I’ve missed quite a bit, and yet, nothing, at the same time. Schrödinger would approve of this afternoon of football, I think.

LemonJello

Did you get into Hippo’s “Aspirin” bottle by accident?

King Hippo

interestingly enough, I have also had unexplained dizzy spells my docs were like “fuck if we know”

The Maestro

This is why they make ALL TEH DOLLARZ, of course.

Shogun Marcus

Why would mother label baby aspirin as oxy?!

Romonobyl

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Brocky

Just… don’t watch any bears highlights…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well Bears Reddit will get what they want re: more carries for Tarik Cohen

LemonJello

Jordan Howard slow to get up.

/Bears fans reach for the cyanide

Brocky

Did a Kid get injured during a flag football scrimmage?

The Bears injury curse knows no bounds

Romonobyl

NY/PHI thus far:

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Romonobyl

Like your drink, refresh it.
Really isn’t worth the effort though.

IronAvenger6491

Man, the Giants really love to make it hard to root for them. Firing McAdoo out of a cannon would be a great though,

Romonobyl

I still think Ben McAdoo is more of a name for a 1930’s vaudeville radio show host.

fleshwound_NPG

She’s not a very good businesswoman, I mean in that attire, and how she’s wearing it, no productivity can be achieved.

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Romonobyl

Oh I can produce something, just give me a minute.

LemonJello

A minute? OOOHHHH Lookit the marathon man over here!

Braggart.

Romonobyl

I don’t need much foreplay, but I do have to make my own sandwich when I’m finished.

Senor Weaselo

Remember to wash your hands first.

Romonobyl

Good call, lord knows where these hands have been.

Brocky

“What’s big guy Joe staley doing?”

Proving that offensive lineman shouldn’t be in commercials

IronAvenger6491

Maybe the Giants D will score some points for them.

Brocky

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Gratliff

Goodnight, Gints

IronAvenger6491

Alright, a Bell TD, does no good, but it doesn’t do any harm for me either.

Senor Weaselo

Sorry Hippo (I took the Donks)

King Hippo

This result makes sense to me

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can Bears haz goal line stand?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

NOAP

hippofant

They’re going to get, like, seven tries at it though.

IronAvenger6491

Come on Antonio Brown TD

...

I just checked the NFL scoreboard and I think maybe one of those scores makes sense.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The suicide pool is going to need more arsenic

Redshirt

Yeah. My pick is currently has the cyanide pill in their hand, but the Texans are doing their damndest to keep it from its mouth.

...

Actually yes.

King Hippo

HOU has 27 points, FIVE targets for DeAndre Hopkins. FUCK EVERYTHING

fleshwound_NPG

that is a lot of leather in this pic…something the Browns cannot catch or possess for long

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